Just Another Lorelai Gilmore
Disclaimer: I do not own Gilmore Girls or any of the affiliated characters/references.
Chapter 5.
I was waking up, I could feel my back aching and went to stretch out, but noticed how very little room I had. Startled, I slowly opened my eyes, confused at where I was. It was dark, except for the glow of the TV, which was outlining Jess' sleeping form next to me. No, not even just next to me. He was right up against me. My eyes scanned the living room, I had fallen asleep while he was reading my book last night. One of my legs was wrapped over his, and feeling like I should take in this moment, I decided to lay my head back down on his chest.
I couldn't go back to sleep after that. I just laid there, watching an early morning informercial on flat abs. Maybe an hour or so had passed, and the urge to pee was becoming very overwhelming all of a sudden. I slowly moved my leg away from his, trying to relieve some pressure by not resting my stomach into his side. I felt him try to shift in the little space we had. Why was I so scared of him waking up? Maybe because then he will get up and have to go. And that thought was very unwelcome.
The windows were lighting up with a light blue-yellow hue, it was getting close to sunrise. He probably has to open the diner, and here I am hogging him. But as if on cue, I felt his head look around above mine, as I was tucked under his chin. With my arm that was wrapped around his stomach, I moved to prop myself up and looked up at him. "Umm… good morning." My voice was raspy from sleep.
His eyes were only half open as he looked around the room and back at me. "Mornin'. Any idea what time it is?" God, how did he sound ever sexier when he has just woken up. His deep voice rattled in his chest against mine. I tried to sit up and reach for my phone for the time, when I had noticed his arm had been wrapped around the back of me, holding me. "Oh uh, sorry, here let me get up."
I almost visibly pouted as he untangled himself from me and sat up. Every inch of my body feeling cold without him there. I grabbed my phone, and glared at the harsh brightness. "It's 5:15… are you supposed to be the one opening the diner?" I asked, watching as he stood up and stretched.
"Lane is opening since I closed last night, but I didn't finish wiping down the counters and all the extra stuff, I'd feel bad if she had to go open with a mess… so I should probably go help." He almost looked hesitant, maybe waiting for me to ask him not to go? I couldn't be too sure, he was hard to read sometimes.
"Thank you for reading my chapters so far, if you have any notes I'd love to hear them." I stood up as he put on his jacket. "And… thank you for letting me clear the tension between us. I'm not ready for us to not be speaking again."
I walked him out and held onto the door as he turned around to me. "I'm glad you're not with him." He admitted again to me, though I felt it was him trying to say more. Maybe I was just being hopeful.
I leaned forward, and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks for being my body pillow last night. I'll see you later, I might stop by for lunch or something." Turning around, I went back inside, desperate to relive my poor bladder.
After a nice hot shower, I sat on the edge of my bed, waiting for my mom to call. She had to wait until she found a place with decent reception, and I was taking this time to think of whether or not I should dish about Jess. Knowing Luke was around her, I wasn't sure how much she would tell him, or how much he would hear. Maybe it was best that I waited until she got home at the end of the week to talk in person our maybe I'll cave now.
On the first ring, I picked up. "Hey mom!"
"Loin fruit! I miss ya kid, how are things going?"
I settled back onto my bed, glad to hear her voice. "I miss you too, its so lonely without you here. Things are going good. Hey you never mentioned to me Jess was going to be helping with the diner this week."
"I thought we were all ok enough with Jess not to forewarn his appearances? It's ok right?"
I realized I had never had the chance to tell her about the Logan conversation, "Yeah its fine, things are … fine." I blushed thinking of waking up curled around him on the couch this morning.
"Ok because you're now sounding like there's more to that 'fine' right now. What's up mini me?"
I sighed. "So we had a tiny mishap after the wedding, just something small, I mean we cleared it up yesterday. Anyways, he came over and read what I had written for my book so far, and I kind of ended up falling asleep… all snuggled up next to him, and that's how we woke up this morning on the couch." I winced, not knowing at all what her reaction would be.
"Hmm, ok. Um well, does this mean anything, what are you thinking about this?" She was genuinely curious, no judgement in her tone at all.
"I don't think I'm over him mom. And the tingles and thoughts I get, I don't think I ever got over him." I groaned in frustration and laid my hand on my stomach. "When will life start making sense and being fair mom?"
"I don't know about the being fair part, but life doesn't make sense when feelings are involved, hun. I was a single mom, and I still experienced most of what life had to offer anyone. Aside from spring vacation and wet T-shirt contests. But the important stuff kiddo, you're still going to have it."
"Thanks mom, hey does uh, does Luke know about the baby?"
"Yeah he does, I'm sorry because I should've cleared it with you before telling him, I was just going on about things and it slipped out."
It didn't matter to me if Luke knew actually, he had every right as my make-shift father to know. "It's ok, can you just let it be known to him that I'm not really telling anyone right now?"
"I'll try to keep chatty Kathy's mouth closed, I mean you know how he likes his gossip." We both laughed at the thought. "Ok Ror, I gotta go, but I'll check in again with you soon. Love ya." Hanging up the phone I decided, with the help of my growling stomach, that I was ready for food.
I walked into the diner, surprised to find only Lane standing at the counter. She looked up as I walked in and grinned. "He went out for a bit, if you're wondering."
I sat on on of the stools at the counter and shrugged my shoulders. "I just wanted something to eat, I'm starving. Can I get a burger please?" Lane gave the order to the part time cook in the back and came back out.
"So Jess came in early this morning to help me out." She said, staring me down. "Like, he came in from out there," she pointed at the door, "and not from the apartment. Which is weird considering, ya know, he's staying in the apartment while he helps."
I could feel her stare intensifying. "Hmm, interesting." I tried not to crack a smile, but she smacked me playfully on the arm.
"Rory Gilmore, as your best friend of 19 years I demand info!" I laughed and finally looked up at her, a huge smile on my face. I leaned in and whispered as best I could, the details of last night. When I was finished her eyes were wide with excitement. "What does this mean?! I mean, he stayed and slept next to you all night, that HAS to mean something right??"
She placed the burger in front of me and I dug in, grateful for food at the moment, to think about my response. "Well, I'm hoping it does, but at the same time, what exactly could I do about it? This has been the dilemma in my head."
Lane gave me a disapproving look. "You need to tell him. Especially if you have anymore of these little moments, you really need to."
"I'm going to, just not now. I just cant bring myself to. I'm barely dealing with it on my own right now, let alone explaining it to him and hoping for him to understand." I finished the last bite of my burger, "Thanks for the food, and the talk. I think I'm gonna go get some stuff from the store." I paid and tipped, and left the diner.
I was headed to Doose's, or so I thought, before I found myself curious about a certain somebody. If Jess was 'out', there was pretty much one place he would be. Turning on my heel, I headed towards the bridge.
Déjà vu doesn't even cover the feeling of when I walked upon the sight of him dangling his feet above the water. He had a book open in his lap, his leather jacket in place, the only difference now was his more defined muscles and unruly hair. I was aware I was just standing there, staring at him. So I walked forward, "Do you know how fairly predictable you are?" I questioned, sitting myself down beside him.
He looked up, a little startled, and smiled. "Well there's not a lot of places here I actually like to be. Besides the diner was absolutely dead today."
I tried to peek over at the book. "What are you reading?"
He closed the book and sighed. "What are we doing Rory?"
"Um having a conversation? Or trying to at least?" I replied in question.
"This morning was awkward for me, but it was right. It felt right. And for me to say that, you know I'm serious. I'm not big on the whole talk about feelings crap, but you felt it too, right?" His eyes were searching mine, as if waiting for them to speak instead of my mouth.
I looked down into the water. "Of course I felt it. I felt it when we danced at the wedding, I felt it this morning. I'm not sure I ever stopped feeling. I may have just pushed those thoughts aside all these years…"
"Ok then again I ask, what are we doing?" He was being persistent, and I felt overwhelmed.
"What are we supposed to do? We thought life was against us being together at seventeen? Well life is a lot more complicated these days, more than I can explain right now." I'm sure my tone sounded irritated, but it wasn't because of him. I was so mad at myself for everything right now.
"Life wont stop being complicated. There will always be obstacles. Talk to me Rory. How is it that I'm the one opening up right now, and you're being the vague one? We've grown up, we've matured. We aren't supposed to be those two teenagers anymore, the ones who shut up when there's something to be said."
Looking up at him, I had tears springing to my eyes. "I don't want to be vague. I don't want to keep things to myself, but trust me when I say I'm just not ready. And when I am ready, I will tell you. I'll tell you everything. And as for what we're doing, I don't know the answer. Waking up next to you felt so right, but we've just barely begun to be friends again. I've always jumped when it came to guys and relationships, and I cant do that anymore. We've known each other for years, but right now, we hardly know each other."
"Then let's get to know each other. You obviously have this thing you aren't ready to spill. Ok so I'll wait. I'm here for a week straight, and as long as you don't get sick of me, I want to be around you." He scooted closer to me and put an arm around my shoulder. "Whatever this thing is that you're keeping to yourself seems to really be bringing you down. I wish I could help."
"It only brings me down because I don't know how to talk about it. It's not something you can help with… but thank you." But I let myself imagine if he could help, in a way that didn't leave me a single mom. "I was thinking of maybe watching a few movies tonight if you wanted to come over when you're closed up at the diner."
"I will definitely be there." He hugged me close, and then let go. "I have to go back and help Lane out. I'll see you tonight." We stood up, and walked back together, parting ways in the town square. I headed into Doose's to get some movie marathon snacks, genuinely excited to have his company again tonight. A huge smile plastered on my face, these feelings were coming hard and fast.
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