I pulled up outside Emily's house and realized I couldn't remember the drive at all. I had zoned out. (My mind on other things…) That's how ingrained the journey here now was, I could do it on autopilot. Just like traveling home.

Jacob emerged from the front door at the sound of my truck. He met me halfway and engulfed me in his huge arms. It was an iron grip that could choke you without meaning to, but I felt like I'd been let up for air. I felt like the sun was shining on me. I held on tight and let his warmth flow into me.

He was shirtless more often than not these days and my face pressing against his bare chest should've felt too familiar. But we'd always had this comfortable way of being around each other. It was never hard work.

I had missed him. It had only been three days but I'd truly missed him. Maybe it was just amplified by the fact that he might, almost probably, die.

"What happened?" I asked. "Did you find her?"

Jacob twisted a hand into my hair and buried his face in it. I thought maybe he kissed me.

"No," he said. "We think she must've taken off since the Cullens moved back into town."

I looked up at him wide-eyed. "You know about that?"

"Of course we do."

The rest of the pack were inside, with the addition of Quil. Emily was serving up pecan pie and cinnamon rolls. The wolves descended. At this table, nothing ever lasted for long. It made me think a birthday cake… gigantic and elegant. And with almost a dozen people in the room, almost no one could eat it and no one ever would. I wondered briefly, whatever happened to that cake?

"Hey, Bella!" someone greeted me. It was Embry. He was smiling at me. Quil was sitting next to him and I realized I hadn't seen him in months.

"Hey," I approached. "New recruit?"

I had meant it as a light-hearted joke. But the eyes around the table all glared at me like I'd stepped on someone's grave. All except Quil. He beamed.

"You got that right," his smile was an oasis in a sea of gloom. "Bona fide Pacman."

"Stop calling yourself Pacman," Paul huffed. "We're a pack and you're a wolf, not a man."

"We're both, Paul," Sam chided him gently. "We're still men."

I glanced, as so I rarely allowed myself to glance, at Emily's face. I knew it was the most important to Sam, this need to hold onto their humanity.

"Boy, then," Paul conceded with a bitter smile for Quil. "You're Pacboy."

"When did this happen?" I asked in a poor attempt to move the conversation along.

"'Bout the same time your besties came back," said Jared.

"Shut it, Jared," Jacob snarled.

A week ago, the pack had been a unit. Perfect and streamlined and coordinated better than any army could hope to be. I hadn't sensed this much tension between them since Jake first phased. All this was caused by them, too. It was tragic to think they couldn't so much as exist in a place without destroying something good.

"They came back about three days ago," Sam informed me.

Three days. None of them had contacted me, not even Alice. They didn't think to warn me before they showed up at school. Even Charlie, if he knew Forks General's resident miracle-worker was back, had said nothing. For three days people had been laughing at me. That's how it felt.

"So the redhead leech is their problem now, right?"

"No, she's our problem so long as she presents a threat to the area."

"Um... I kind of have to agree. I mean, why are we risking our lives for a mess they started?"

"Yeah, let them deal with it."

"It's not a risk. That bitch can't hurt us."

"Paul. Enough. This is serious and it's our responsibility. If she or any other vampire comes back, we'll handle it. Together. We're safer that way."

"Any vampire except a Cullen..."

The debate drew me in like quicksand. And the deeper I was pulled, the less I could breathe. My chest tightened. I didn't want to hear that name. I felt Jacob tug lightly on my arm. He asked, do you want to head outside? without words and answered, yes, silently. We made for the back door.

Jacob led me out into the open. I didn't know if it was his animal instincts that made him so in tune with my discomfort but I didn't think it was. He was simply a good friend, something I realized I hadn't known until I found him and as I followed him I heard Charlie's voice in my head, you gotta learn to love what's good for you.

We sat on a fallen tree together and didn't notice or care when it started to rain. We talked about everything under the sun that wasn't vampires or wolves or certain, agonizing death. We laughed easily. I looked at a man with cut off hair in cut-off jeans and a tattoo over rippling muscles and what I saw was the sweet-natured boy who rebuilt bikes for me - an exorbitant use of his time and resources on my part - because he knew it would make me smile. And I had been right, for once, even with a head injury. He was beautiful.

I leaned in. I leaned in because I was running out of reasons not to. And he must have known I was going to kiss him because he pulled back, tilted his head down to keep his lips from my reach. I met his gaze with a confused stare. Isn't this what he wanted?

"You're still in love with him," he stated.

But he doesn't love me.

"But I'm here with you," I replied.

It took another moment of silence, and then he kissed me.