The phone didn't stop ringing for days. It was a number I didn't know and after a while I thought it might've been Victoria. It rang once again as I sat at my computer and deleted (once again) what little I'd come up with for my admission essay. I couldn't keep wondering or worrying. I answered. I wasn't truly surprised when I heard his voice.
"Bella," Edward spoke, surprised and relieved. "Thank you. I was beginning to think you'd never answer."
"Still debating it," I said flatly.
He chuckled. I seethed.
"Well, while you're deciding, I have a proposition for you."
Don't ask. Don't rise to it. He's trying to bait you. You don't care. Don't ask. "And what makes you think I'd be interested?" You idiot.
"You came to the house looking for information," he breezed. "I have information."
"And?"
"I'm willing to share it with you," he spoke slowly like he was explaining something obvious to a dullard.
I scowled even though he couldn't see it.
"What's the catch?"
"I'd like to take you to dinner."
"No," I spoke coolly and hung up before he had a chance to respond. Adrenaline coursed through me and I almost couldn't stay seated. My heart pounded as I stared at the phone. That was so rude! I was kind of thrilled. But also a little disgusted. That was so rude, I wanted to call him back and apologize.
No. My numb fingers put the phone to one side. I wouldn't do that.
Jacob came running into my mind at wolf-speed at that moment. My twinge of guilt turned into full-blown remorse. I hadn't told him about my visit to the Cullen house. It's not like I'd had much chance! When he wasn't busy "patrolling" (hunting, more like) for Victoria and he wasn't busy taking care of Billy and he wasn't busy with school, he was apparently busy blowing me off. And now, if you counted our brief encounters in class, I'd spoken to Edward as many times this week as I had Jacob. Talking to him without Jake knowing felt like a betrayal. Of course, so did everything these days.
I grabbed the phone and dialed.
"I'm sorry, I'm far too busy being a model student to talk right now," Jessica was supposed to be in the library all day - and I think she was - but that didn't stop her from answering her cell.
"Edward Cullen just called me."
I could actually hear her drop her pen.
"Tell. Me. Everything." You know that quality in a person's voice when they speak through a smile? She had that.
I laughed. "Well, there's not much to tell. He asked me to dinner."
There was a noise then that sounded almost like a cackle.
"After what he put you through, he should buy you the restaurant."
I grinned and laughed uneasily, shifting uncomfortably in my chair.
"I know I should tell Jacob, I'm just not sure how he'd react."
"Your ex-boyfriend just asked you out on a date. How do you think he's gonna react?"
"It's not a date," I started to argue but had to trail off. I couldn't exactly tell her, "he just wants to talk to me about the brewing vampire war."
"If there's a full meal and he's paying, it's a date," Jess was always happy to educate me on sexual politics. "So are you gonna go?"
"No." I said it too quickly. "No."
"Alright..." She raised her eyebrow at me, I could hear it!
I obviously wasn't going to convince her and my skin was getting tight talking about myself. With Angela, I might have shifted focus toward colleges and then careers until she forgot why I called. With Jessica, I changed the subject with a simple, "so what's new?"
"Well," and you knew from the way she said "well" that this would be - as she called it - juicy. I leaned back. "Tyler asked me out again this weekend and I'm like, you are not going to get into something right before we leave. He's obviously just trying to capitalize on the existential dread inherent in these big, transitional life events to get laid before we conveniently never see each other again. I mean, come on. I got a 1510 on the SATs, you think I'm gonna fall for..."
I breathed easy as I listened to her diatribe. With Jess, everything was drama. But it was normal, human drama.
The whole drive into town, I felt clammy. My hands were slippery on the wheel and one after the other, I rubbed them on my thighs to dry them off. It was gross and I kept stealing downward glances to check for stains. I couldn't see anything but he could... I kept sniffing, paranoid, and pulled a handful of hair to my nose. Strawberry. That was somewhat comforting. There was nothing amiss as far as I could detect. But my senses were horribly inferior and - honk! - I hit the steering wheel with my gross, sweaty palm, sick of feeling inferior, and accidentally honked the old woman waiting to cross the street. Her scowl could melt a swan ice sculpture.
"Sorry!" I called out. She wasn't appeased.
I pulled up outside the restaurant and checked my watch. I was late by accident. But maybe I should let him think it was on purpose. I stayed in the truck a few more minutes, trying to calm my overactive nerves and subsequent human functions. In the end, putting it off was only making it worse and I got out.
I walked into a room filled with families, coworkers and couples. It wasn't challenging to find the blaze of bronze among the dull array of mere mortals. He was already looking at me. He would've known the moment I walked in. He would've smelled me. I shuddered.
"Bella," he smiled as I approached and stood the way men used to do for women.
"Sorry I'm late," I cringed inwardly.
You never apologize first, if at all, I remembered one of Jessica's lectures. As soon as you admit fault, you've lost your power.
"No, not at all. I hope you don't mind, I ordered for you. Mushroom ravioli," he smiled, remembering.
That sounded freaking delicious.
"I would've preferred something else," I said stubbornly and sat down.
"Oh? I can call her back..."
"No, it's not their fault." I played with my napkin because I didn't have a menu to stare at. I supposed having our order already placed would help speed this dinner along but I still refused to thank him. For power's sake.
"Thank you for agreeing to this," he said with a smile.
"What is it you wanted to talk about?"
Edward's eyes flickered downward, growing shadowy once again. The set of his jaw changed minutely. Perhaps because he was a vampire or perhaps that's just who he was, But I wondered if the changes were perceivable to any other human in the room. He looked back up.
"My family and I have already accepted responsibility for the situation and we're going to handle it," he was all business now. "If the wolves insist on getting involved, we're willing to work with them."
"You could've said that over the phone."
"Yes, but you wouldn't have agreed to dinner," one lopsided grin and the "all business Edward" was gone.
I rolled my eyes and fought off a smile. I looked down at my napkin. Our silence consumed the whole restaurant. I couldn't hear anything or anyone around me. All I could feel was his eyes on me, making me fidget and blush. I couldn't cope with silences. When no one was talking, it was harder to keep from blurting out the truth.
"What did you think I would do? If you'd let me keep thinking you" - brace for impact - "loved me? If you had just explained you were leaving and left? It's not like I could follow you if you didn't want."
My eyes burned when I looked up at him. They could've been tears of any kind but I chose to believe they were of hate and I held them back regardless. I couldn't let him see him for the weakling I was. I had to look angry. He'd gone from being someone honest who didn't love me to someone who loved me but lied. I wasn't sure which was worse.
"I wanted to give you a fresh start," his voice was steady. "I thought if you knew my true feelings for you, a part of you would always be waiting for me to come back."
I scowled but couldn't argue with him. It's not like he was wrong.
"I wanted to give you a chance at moving on with your life. To meet someone else and go to college, have children, a home. A real home." His eyes dropped and then his voice was barely above a whisper. "Bella, this is it for me. I know I'm supposed to be older than you and wiser, and in some ways I am. But I'm also genuinely seventeen; I can be a prize idiot. And I'm trapped like this. I can't move forward."
He looked up at me then and his eyes were darker than I'd ever known. Behind them was the weight of almost one hundred years of regrets.
"It's not a life I'd want for you, Bella. You could have so much more."
"One Ceasar salad. And one mushroom ravioli," the waitress announced proudly as she placed the dish down in front of me. "Hey, you alright, sweetie?"
She put a gentle hand on my shoulder and looked down at me with concern. I quickly snapped out of it.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I brushed my cheeks. They were wet. "This looks great, thanks."
My smile was convincing enough to send her away. And when it was just the two of us again, the atmosphere had changed.
"The vampires in Seattle aren't like James or Victoria," Edward went back to all business while I started shoveling pasta. It was too hot and seared the roof of my mouth and I wanted to spit it out but I couldn't lose face so I just sat there with my lips in a tight line as he continued. "They're newborn. That's why they're killing so conspicuously."
"Wait, you're saying..." I almost choked on the food. I took some deep breaths and a sip of water and coughed. "They're new vampires?"
"Just a few months old," he confirmed.
"How does that affect things?"
"It means they're a great deal stronger and in far less control of themselves. They're unpredictable. And the way they've been created is illegal."
"Illegal?"
"In our world," he clarified. "We have royalty of sorts who enforce the laws that keep us hidden, ensure our safety."
I was catching on fast. "If they find out..."
"They'll come here," Edward finished with a nod. "We need to avoid that if possible. Which means cleaning up this mess sooner rather than later."
"What will they do to the wolves?" I asked with a sudden chill running down my spine. "This royal family, if they come here?"
Edward sighed, which must've been an entirely unnatural action for him. He was used to blending in with humans and sighing like that was something you did when you had bad news.
"They'll kill them."
My stomach dropped. The cold sweat that had plagued me all the way here came back with a vengeance. I thought of Jacob. Not the Jacob he was now, but the one before. The skinny one with long hair I used to sit with in an old garage and fix bikes. The one who was sort of beautiful and whose smile I hadn't seen in too long. I wished he wasn't a werewolf and I wished I wasn't "vampire girl." I wished we could go back to that time when he was safe from all this.
"They'll probably kill you, too."
Edward's voice brought me back to reality. I stared at him and then realized out loud, "because I know." I hadn't even thought what would happen to me.
"So how do we deal with the newborns?" I asked, all business.
Edward was way ahead of me. "We need a new alliance with the wolves. Beyond the outlines of the treaty. We're not sure what numbers we're up against but we don't expect the odds will favor us. If the pack were to agree to help, it could tip the scales. But it means fighting together. Outside of our territories."
I knew enough about the history of these two families to know the weight of Edward's words. And how serious the situation must be for them to suggest this. I imagined taking the proposal back to the wolves. Indignation would be their best response. Bursting out of their skin, across the forest, and into Cullen land for "target practice" would be maybe second from worst. I frowned. There was something about all this, besides the imminent, life-threatening danger to all my friends, that was bugging me.
"This is for Sam and Carlisle to figure out..."
That crooked grin made another appearance and he shrugged in feigned innocence. Of course, this had all been a ploy to get me here. My emotional energy was too depleted to be angry. Instead, I returned to my meal with a tongue that could no longer taste anything. I ate because it was food and I was hungry. And because I was already here and what difference would it make?
We talked casually for awhile. We got onto the subject of colleges and where I would go once I could leave Forks. When I mentioned my struggle with choosing an essay topic, he offered his help. He had written quite a few himself, after all.
"Which fields of study attract you?"
I paused before anger could flare and considered his choice of words. It was a different, more delicate way of asking, "have you picked a major yet?" It released me from the burden of knowing what to do with the next forty years and drew into focus the need for learning to appeal to the student. It wouldn't be my job to explain to my professors why "this subject is worth dedicating my life to." It would be their job to convince me.
I bit my lip, suddenly nervous. Almost embarrassed. "Um... English Lit," I blushed. "I know I can't do anything with it, it's just an option..."
"You can do anything you set your mind to," he said immediately and sincerely.
I looked up at him shyly. Topaz eyes burned into me with an unwavering gaze.
"I'm done underestimating you, Bella."
When the waitress came to check on us, my plate was empty and Edward asked to have his untouched salad wrapped up. He'd give it to someone who actually needed to eat. I turned down a dessert and he asked for the check. I remembered Jessica's warning. If there's a full meal and he's paying, it's a date.
"Let get my purse," I said and started rummaging in my coat pocket.
"Nonsense. I invited you, I'll pay."
"No, I want to pay my half."
"Bella, it's no trouble -"
"No."
It was icy and sharp and drew the attention of the next table.
Edward hesitated and then turned to the poor waitress. "We'll split the bill, thank you."
There was an awkward, unending minute of getting the bill sorted and then we were alone.
"Did I do something wrong?" Edward asked. His posture was entirely different now. He was smaller, the way Charlie was getting smaller, and seemed genuinely hurt.
I racked my brain for an excuse. "I'm just trying to get used to paying my own way. You know, with college coming up. I want to start acting like a real grown up."
He didn't look remotely convinced but agreed, nodding. "No, that's good," he didn't even look at me as he spoke. "Good for you."
We exchanged a few more rounds of chit-chat until it became appropriate to leave. I caught the glances of other patrons as we walked out. We'd probably be recognized by at least some, given who our fathers were, and I'd just gone and made a darn scene. I hurried out a little faster and of course, Edward effortlessly kept pace. Outside, I turned to him for the awkward goodbye.
"Would you allow me to follow you home?" he asked. "To make sure you get there safe."
I said, "I can just call you when I get there," when I should've said, "No, it's none of your concern."
"I really think it would be best, all things considered," he insisted, reminding me of reality. "Please?"
"Um... Sure."
And so he walked me to my truck. And in the time it took to back out of the space, he was in his Volvo, pulling up alongside, ready to escort me home.
The drive was more than a little weird. I kept checking the mirror to see his headlights behind me. Something about his presence put me at ease. But making the drive "together" and not being able to talk was so bizarre. I wished we could've both traveled in his car. I shook my head quickly. No, I told myself. You wish he wasn't following you at all.
When I pulled up at the house, I thought he'd drive on by but he parked at the bottom of the lawn and got out.
"Well, here we are," I said as he walked over to me. I wasn't in any way sure what to do with myself.
He said nothing. His eyes bored into me. When he reached me, he took my hand and brought it to his lips. His kiss was like the first touch of cold in the winter and sent electricity all through my skin. Tiny hairs stood on edge. My stomach was doing flips. My mouth was suddenly dry and my tongue was still fuzzy from when I burned it and I almost told him about it but that would be weird.
"Thank you for a wonderful evening."
He gave me back my hand with a smile and walked back to his car. I stood dumbstruck like some silly little girl and watched him drive off.
That night, I put on fresh pyjamas and climbed into bed with my favorite book. I used the bedside lamp rather than the ceiling light because it had a warmer tone that was better for reading and looked good on my skin. Heathcliff raised himself from abused servant to wealthy landowner in the time I kept myself awake. By 2 am, it was really getting chilly and I had to close the window. I couldn't admit to myself that I'd been waiting. Instead, I acted like "a real grown up" and climbed into bed, pulled the covers all the way up over my head, and drifted into a restless, guilt-ridden sleep.
