A/N - This chapter gave me fits…ugh. It's one of my shortest ones so far. Looks I'm not out of my writer's slump after all. Well, enjoy anyways. Hopefully, next chapter will be better. Also, I drew a picture of Susan and Luna. It's on Wattpad if you're interested, just search up this story and go to chapter 22.
"blah blah"- Speaking Greek
"blah blah"- Speaking Amestrian
'blah blah'- Thinking
(~o~O~o~) - Begin/end flashback
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Fullmetal Alchemist, or Percy Jackson. Good thing too, or they wouldn't be nearly as good as they are now. They belong to J.K. Rowling, Hiromu Arakawa, and Rick Riordan. Just to be safe, I also don't own the song 'This is War' by Thirty Seconds to Mars.
Edward
"That armour really doesn't make you tired?" Harry furrowed his brow. "I'd think that you'd be exhausted after walking around in it all day."
Ed groaned inwardly as he tried to restrain his desire to strangle the inquisitive teenager. This must have been the fifth variation of the same question, but it still didn't stop. Ed had thought that he and Al would be able to lose this particular group after leaving Hagrid's hut, but they had only diminished in number. Now, as they took refuge near the Whomping Willow, there were three teens asking questions instead of six. Not that that was much better.
"No, it's fine, I'm used to it by now." Al, always the patient one, had said the same thing each time. And every time, Ed inwardly winced upon hearing those words. I'm used to it. Another thing that was his fault…
"Really?" The red-haired wizard asked curiously, leaning forward. "That must have taken a while. How long have you been wearing it?"
"About four years."
"That's pretty impressive," Thalia remarked with an approving nod. "But it must be hard to move quietly."
Al turned to his left to look at the black-haired girl. "Yeah," he admitted. "I've learned to manage, though."
"Why do your eyes glow?" Ron asked, leaning forward even more so that he was only a foot away from Al's helmet.
"Uh–what?" Al leaned backward slightly, attempting to put more distance between him and the red-head. Ed straightened, startled. They didn't usually have people asking about Al's eyes–it was usually just the armour that threw people off.
"Your eyes," Ron repeated, still staring intently. "Why do they glow red? I mean, your eyes aren't actually red and glowing, are they?"
"No, of course not," Al replied. "My eye's don't actually glow, it just seems like they do because…I…have a light in my helmet–it's really dark in here, so I put a light in my helmet to brighten it up some."
'Well that was a pretty ridiculous excuse,' Ed thought, smiling with amusement. 'Though I guess we've come up with weirder explanations for his armour…'
"Why red though?" Harry asked. "It's kind of…creepy."
"I like red," Al replied.
"I guess that's one thing you two have in common," Ron muttered, leaning back from Al.
Ed's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"N-nothing," Ron answered hurriedly, scooting backward on the ground.
"Brother," Al warned, shifting to face Ed.
"Hey Al, are you as good of an Alchemist as Professor Elric?" Harry asked, steering the conversation away from anything related to Ed's height.
"Would you stop calling me that?" Ed groaned, rolling his eyes. "Seriously, just call me Ed. I'm two years older than you for crying out loud!"
"Yeah but…" Harry protested.
Ed glared at the boy, daring him to protest.
"I don't have a problem with it," Thalia declared.
"See?" Ed threw his hands in the air. "She's sensible."
"Anyway," Ron continued impatiently, "Which one of you is the better alchemist?"
"Brother is definitely the better alchemist," Al answered.
"Yeah, but you're the better fighter," Ed added.
Thalia snickered. "Yeah, that was obvious."
Ed glared at her. "It wasn't that obvious," he retorted grumpily.
Thalia smirked. "Suuuure it wasn't."
"Don't you have homework or something?" Ed asked crossly.
"We're on break!" Ron waved his arm dismissively. "We don't need to do it right now."
"But you do need to do it eventually," Thalia warned. "Or you're going to have to cram on the last day of break."
"Ugh," Ron grumbled. "You sound like Hermione."
"Is that a bad thing?" Thalia countered. When Ron couldn't seem to find an answer, Thalia nodded. "Thought so." She turned back to the Elric brothers. "Speaking of holidays, what do you do in Amestris for Christmas?"
"Oh, actually, we don't celebrate Christmas in Amestris," Al informed her.
Silence. The three students stared at the brothers, dumbfounded. After a minute of this, Ron burst out; "What kind of country do you two live in?!"
"How could you not have Christmas?" Thalia asked, shocked.
"And I thought you three were weird," Harry said to Thalia, shaking his head.
Ed frowned, annoyed. "Come on, it's not that big of a deal, is it? It's just a holiday. I'm sure we have holidays that you don't celebrate."
"Yeah," Ron said, "But this is Christmas! Everybody celebrates Christmas!"
"We don't," Ed reminded him. "I hadn't even heard of Christmas until I got here."
"Seriously?" Thalia asked in disbelief. "Just how closed-off is Amestris?"
Ed shrugged. "We've survived without Christmas for this long, you don't need to act like it's such a big deal."
"But it is a big deal!" Ron wailed, throwing his arms out. "It's Christmas! It's a time of celebration, and family, and gifts, and good food, and…"
"Charity?" Thalia offered, arching an eyebrow. "Good-will towards men?"
Ron dropped his arms and turned to her. "Yeah, that too."
Ed rolled his eyes. "What are you even celebrating, anyway?"
"Well…" Thalia began, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Technically, Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus, who some people believe to be the savior of the world."
"…Uh…what?" Now Ed was even more confused.
"It's complicated," Thalia said with a sigh. "Let's leave it at that."
"If you say so," Ed said dubiously. 'Weird countries with their weird traditions…'
"C'mon Al, let's go to the library." Ed stood up and stretched his arms over his head, then began walking back to the castle; taking care to avoid the Tree of Wrath, as he had named it. "I have plenty of research notes I want to show you."
"Alright." Al stood up and followed his brother, waving to the still-sitting students. "See you later!" The three of them waved back as the two brothers walked towards the castle.
~o~O~o~
"Brother, are you alright?"
"Hm?" Ed looked up from his book. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
Al shifted, his armour rattling slightly in the quiet library. "Because I know you. You're blaming yourself for what happened, aren't you?"
Ed averted his eyes. "No, of course not," he replied, wincing inwardly.
"Brother," Al sighed. "I know you better than that."
"Then you should know that I'm not an idiot Al!" Ed whipped his head around to look at his brother, but could only look into his eyes for a moment before he turned away quickly. "I know when something is my fault or not."
Al didn't speak for a moment, watching his brother worriedly. "I don't know if you really do though, Brother," he eventually said.
"It doesn't matter, Al," Ed said. "I'm fine, really."
"Do you really think I'm going to believe that? Ed, I'm your brother. You and I both know that you feel guilty about this, so just admit already!"
Ed dropped his gaze to the papers scattered on the table in front of him. For a minute there was silence, and then Ed spoke. "It was my fault, Al. If I had only been a little bit quicker–"
"Brother!" Al interjected. "There was no way for you to know what was happening. No one thinks that is was your fault!"
"That doesn't change anything," Ed whispered. "Her family…they lost her because I wasn't paying enough attention."
"Brother." Al's voice was softer now. "I'm sure if you asked them, they wouldn't blame you either."
"I know, Al." Ed tightened his hold his book, wrinkling the page. "I know that they don't blame me. But that doesn't mean they shouldn't."
Al's couldn't show facial expressions with his armour, but he had gotten good at conveying his emotions all the same. Ed could practically feel the disapproval radiating from his brother.
"Ed, when are you going to stop trying to take the blame for everything?" Al scolded.
"I only take the blame for things that are my fault!" Ed retorted.
"That's my point, Brother!" Al said in exasperation. "You think that everything is your fault if you had anything to do with it!" He lowered his voice, remembering that they were in a library. "You spoke with her family, didn't you?"
"Yeah…"
"And they didn't blame you, did they? So there's no reason for you to blame yourself!"
Ed clenched his flesh hand. "That's not the point, Al."
"Then what is the point?"
"The point is that I could have saved her, and I didn't!" Ed slammed his fist onto the library table. "I-I could have saved her, Al." His voice shook, displaying his despair. "I could have saved her, and–I didn't." Ed's shoulders slumped, and he bowed his head, allowing his hair to cover his face.
Al was silent for a moment before answering. "I know, Brother," he finally responded. "But you know that you can't let this get you distracted." Al placed one heavy hand on Ed's shoulder. "Part of the reason you're here is to catch Sirius Black. So catch the one who is to blame, instead of feeling guilty all the time."
Ed felt a small smile settle upon his face, and at that moment, he realized how much he had missed his younger brother; and how much he needed him there in order to keep going. Ed hated this stupid assignment, and he hated that he still had months of it left, because it was keeping him away from his brother, and he hated it.
"I've missed you, Al," he whispered. Ed didn't usually get emotional, but with the weight of everything that had happened, and finally being with his brother again, he felt all of his suppressed emotions come crashing down on him.
"I've missed you too, Brother," Al said, his voice wavering.
Ed growled in frustration. "If only there was some way for you to–" he stopped abruptly, an idea occurring to him.
"What?" Al asked. "What is it?"
Ed grinned at his brother. "Al, I think I might have found a way for you to stay."
"What?!" Al exclaimed. "How?"
"The school needs extra security, right?" Ed pointed out, kicking back in his chair.
"Yeah, I suppose so," Al said uncertainly.
"Well my dear brother, how would you feel about providing that assistance?" As he spoke, Ed was sure that if Al possessed a human body, then he would be grinning from ear to ear.
~o~O~o~
As Ed lay in bed that night, trying to fall asleep, but not wanting to see the same guilt-induced dreams; he remembered Al's words: "They didn't blame you, so there's no reason for you to blame yourself!" As much as he tried to believe them, it was hard to shake the guilt. Especially after seeing Susan's family, after talking to them…
(~o~O~o~)
"You're Susan White's family, right?" It took every ounce of Ed's willpower to keep his voice from shaking as he stood before the grieving family.
The father, trying to hold it together for his family.
"I-I'm the one who–found Susan."
The mother, openly weeping her child's death.
"She–was one of my students, and I–I spent a lot of time with her…"
The brother; despair and helplessness evident in every inch of his body.
"I wanted to say–I'm sorry." Ed choked over the last word, his guilt threatening to crush him.
And the baby, blissfully unaware of why her mother's arms were shaking too much to hold her.
"If I–if I had gotten to her faster, then maybe–I might have been able to save her."
And their eyes…their eyes were the worst.
"I'm sorry…" His voice was shaking so badly that he could barely get the words out. "I'm so sorry…"
Their eyes, that he couldn't bear to look into. Eyes that he knew must be full of blame. Blame that he knew he deserved. Anger, blame, conviction–and he deserved all of it. But even knowing that he deserved it, he couldn't stand to look.
"Stop." The voice lacked any conviction. It was weak, tired, and breaking from unshed tears. "If you want someone to blame, then blame Sirius Black."
Ed forced himself to look up and see that it was the father who had spoken. And their eyes…the eyes that should have been full of accusations and blame…instead, they only looked full of sorrow.
"If you were her friend, then you should know that she wouldn't want you to feel guilty." The brother, his voice surprisingly steady, spoke as well. "My sister–" his voice broke, a sob threatening to escape. "She wouldn't want a friend to carry that guilt."
Why weren't they blaming him? Their daughter was dead because of him! How could they not see that? Why…why were they the ones comforting him?
The mother was offering a shaky nod, seemingly not able to speak, yet still agreeing with her son and husband.
But why? Why were the denying that he had anything to do with Susan's death? And how? How could they shake their heads and say that he was free from blame when he so obviously wasn't? He should have felt relief that they had decided not to place that blame on him. But instead, he only felt more guilt, dragging him down into a sea of despair, and whispering that he didn't deserve to come back up.
(~o~O~o~)
But now…now he thought that maybe, maybe, Al was right. Maybe his brother was right when he said that Ed shouldn't be carrying all of the blame. Deep down, Ed knew that there would always be a part of him that regretted not moving quicker, not running faster, and arriving too late. But maybe, just maybe, he could let that burden of guilt be lightened; at least a little bit.
