Chapter Two
Casino de Monte-Carlo, Monaco
"William, really! I cannot believe that you found a way to cheat..." Julia gasped as they slid out of the elegant Trente-et-Quarante Gaming Room under the watchful eye of the casino's ever-so-discreet management. She accepted her wrap from the stern-faced man, and folded the embroidered silk over her claret-colored velvet dress. Two weeks in Nice had been convivial and relaxing. The weather had cooperated by staying mild, allowing them to enjoy the fresh air and walk everywhere. The opera, the art, the library, exploring the natural history museum for three whole days, not two, then hiking the hills...all of it had been marvelous.
Even better, each of them had a full outline of the papers they intended to write, plus Julia agreed to William's concept for for a comprehensive forensic reference manual for police work for them to write together. He'd planted the germ of the undertaking after uncovering bodies on their property, and when he proposed it again over dinner of Coquille St. Jacques five nights ago, the whole idea fell into place. She had not been certain about returning to the morgue in the future, something she had not really discussed with him. Whether or not she returned to her role as a pathologist, collaborating professionally with William was not something she wanted to give up, so having a project for her and William to collaborate on settled something into place for her.
Julia had been feeling lighter and more carefree with each passing day.
At the same time, William had become a little restless with no puzzle for his mind to solve. He'd tried to hide it, of course, but when he was been tempted to solve the disappearance of a Russian Countess's missing Borzoi hound, she had recommended a brief trip to the principality of Monaco before returning to Paris and heading home. He'd been more than willing for a change of venue, especially since His Serene Highness, Prince Albert of Monaco, was an accomplished scientist and adventurer who just established an Oceanographic Institute. Ever since William had cobbled up the echo-location Graphizer to find a sunken ship in Lake Ontario, he'd had his fascination with undersea exploration revived, leading to him hint at wishing to meet the Prince to discuss scientific matters, so a trip to Monaco was not hard for her to sell him on.
She laughed to herself as they walked away from the Casino, allowing a giggle to escape. Julia had anticipated William was going to be satisfied with scientific engagements during the day and she'd be the one to experience the excitement of wagering at night, with William patiently indulging her. Instead he'd made his handsome self the center of attention at one of the tables by steadily accumulating winnings, and the notice of several ladies.
"…And I can't believe they asked us to leave," William complained, "and I certainly did not cheat, as evidenced by the fact that I was allowed to keep the profits; profits that I won. Legally."
"I never knew William Murdoch was the gambling kind…" she could not resist teasing as it helped moderate a little of her jealousy.
"I do not think of it as gambling at all," he slid his gaze towards her in mock-affront as he made a dismissive gesture. "I prefer to think of it as shrewd study before wagering. You did not expect me to play without knowing the game, did you? I merely applied simple probability mathematics, involving basic addition and subtraction to the 312 cards. One must only have a good memory, the ability to maintain concentration, and be facile at performing calculations." William defended as they walked briskly back to their hotel. "Besides, what I did was perfectly legal," he added.
She couldn't really tell if he was grumpy about being asked to take his money and leave or secretly smug. "Your prodigious memory has its benefits. But don't you know that the house always wins, William? And when they don't, they don't take too kindly to it," she informed him with a laugh. "On the other hand, your winnings have rather handsomely covered our expenses. I was supposed to be indulging you, this trip. It now stands to reason that you're spoiling me," she laughed.
Stopping to look at her with a glint in his eye, he walked her to a tree hidden in shadows. "Speaking of winning," he murmured, pressing her body against the tree, he took her lips in his, nervous that Julia would rebuff him, yet feeling supremely confident after the evening he had just had. He simply couldn't help himself.
Julia kissed back…the excitement of the evening sweeping her up in the moment. His lips were warm and she nearly melted from the heat; to renew their physical relationship would be a wonderful end to a night such as this, and as William nibbled along her neck, she contemplated throwing caution to the wind.
Fear immediately put an end to that, with her racing heart shifting from arousal to trepidation...laced with a tinge of guilt.
"William, we must get back to the hotel and sleep if we're to get up early for my next surprise for you," she murmured into his ear while gently turning out of his grasp.
Exhaling sharply, he pulled back like a gentleman. "Another surprise?" he asked, quickly masking disappointment. "I thought we were going back to Nice then on to Paris tomorrow."
"I took notice of how you lit up when you read about the Leonardo da Vinci exhibit in Florence. William, think of it!" she enthused. "The Uffizi, the Academy, Brunelleschi's Dome, and of course, then on to Rome...we can't go to Italy without going to Rome," she told him, eager to further distract him from amorous thoughts.
William's imagination went immediately to how amazing it would be to be in the presence of Leonardo da Vinci's original drawings, or see ll duomo - a feat of remarkable engineering; the opportunity to visit Rome just bowled him over. "Julia, this is wonderful, but how…?"
He stopped himself from finishing the thought: How can we stay away from Toronto any longer..?
William felt they were fundamentally getting along so very well, that her ambivalence towards him made no sense to him. She'd been bright and vivacious, full of her odd sense of humour, almost back to her old self again, except she still felt the need for... what? His approval? Was Julia avoiding deeper issues? Was she bribing him? To what end? If he were to guess, he'd say she was insecure, despite his efforts to show her how much he cherished and desired her. It seemed to him she still did not trust him, the thought of which brought a fresh wave of guilt to the surface.
He'd promised he'd follow her anywhere, literally, when, as they stood in their suite in the Windsor, he told her they'd get another ticket and travel to whatever unknown destination she desired. Neither of them discussed what sort of future awaited their return to Canada. For William, leaving Toronto was an act of faith, and act of surrender to the truth of it: Julia Ogden was his whole world.
Julia is going overboard now, he fretted...What he did not understand was, why? He looked carefully at her expectant face. Underneath the smile he detected a strain in her. "Julia, you do seem determined to spoil me of late. I appreciate that, truly..but..."
What do I need to do to reassure her?
"...Are you harbouring a concern I should know about?" He tried to express his question casually, as if it was a toss-away or tease, holding his anxiety back.
Julia looked away guiltily. Of course he knows there's something! The man's not stupid! "Why, no William. Of course not. I suppose I am just not ready yet to resume my life in Toronto."
William laced his fingers with hers as they walked, giving her an "hmmm, hmmm" while he tried to think of the right response. 'My life in Toronto.' Julia mentioning her reluctance about home brought up what was waiting for her there, the contours of which were uncertain.
'My work as a psychiatrist brought me great satisfaction', she had told him earlier in the week while tossing ideas around for their possible book. 'The women's clinic...Even my time in Buffalo was professionally stimulating, caring for the children there. I just don't know I want to be a companion to the dead any more, with my deepest connection to people being when my hands are in their visceral organs.' He could still hear the way she said that. She let him know that ten years, 'mired in death', as she put it, was more than enough.
All of that meant it was less and less likely the two of them would be professional colleagues in the future. William acknowledged a growing sadness he found within himself anticipating such a change, something he vowed to keep mum about. On the plus side, since finding inspiration in possibly writing a book together, she was leaning more and more towards her role as a teacher. He told himself that a happy Julia was in his own best interest and if she needed a change, then that's what needed to happen and he'd support her, always.
More troubling however, was the unspoken double meaning in her answer: 'My life in Toronto', since life in Toronto consisted not only of her occupation, but also of her marriage.
Their marriage.
Their whole marriage...
He slowed down their pace to a stroll, wanting more time to answer her, not knowing how to delicately get her to level with him without risking their hard-won rapprochement shattering apart. Just as he took in a breath to try and apologize again, she danced out in front of him.
"And, of course, you know I have not yet worn my new ball gown," she added with a twirl of her skirts, holding his hand in hers. "Let me have my fun, William. Indulge me. I know you want to, I saw it on your face. Once we are back in Toronto, whenever will we have an opportunity such as this?"
William knew he could not resist. If she needed time, if she needed more from him he would not deny her. Burying his misgivings, William smiled warmly at his bride.
"Florence then Rome it is!" he declared with a careless flourish.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
Chiesa di Santa Maria del Carmine, Firenze, Italia
Two figures, pain and sorrow written deeply on their sobbing faces and tortured poses. Their punishment was loss of everything which had gone before, the penalty imposed for disobedience, for coming to know Good from Evil. Divine rays pricked their backs and an angel's sword guarded against any attempt at returning through the gates to Paradise.
Desperation.
Guilt.
Shame.
These emotions were clearly depicted in every line and gesture of the fresco which captured William's complete attention. Masaccio's Expulsion from The Garden in the Brancacci Chapel might be obscured under a layer of soot, 17th century censorship, and the cumulative effects of time, yet the compelling passion and power of artist's vision was impossible not to feel. Impossible as well to escape feeling small and unworthy standing below the image high upon the wall.
William felt completely off balance in its presence. Which was probably the point, he told himself.
They had arrived in Florence without incident, marveling at the beauty of the city while walking down old cobblestone streets, free of any fussiness or pretensions. Their first stop after their hotel had been the Leonardo da Vinci exhibit. The whole presentation had been beyond amazing, everything and more that the exhibitors promised. The sheer genius of the man was evident in the displays of his papers, drawings for inventions and studies for paintings which William got to pour over, uninterrupted, for two and a half glorious days. A model maker recreated extraordinary three-dimensional representations of some of the devices as well, delighting William's eye and imagination. He'd been there first in line when the doors opened and was last to leave, scraping an acquaintance with one of the curators to get extra time to exercise curiosity over the ingeniousness of the master's works.
Museo dell'Opera del Duomo, Michelangelo's Pieta, the Gates of Paradise... these had been exceptionally powerful and uplifting visits they both enjoyed as well. He indulged her in a tour of the Florence Medical School in the Careggi district, Istituto di Studi Pratici e di Perfezionamento, and the Museo di Storia Naturale di Firenze, while compiling more ideas about their joint publishing venture.
Being that Florence was a well-traveled city, an English-speaking priest was available and thus William had taken the opportunity to make confession yesterday. Coming to the church with him today, Sunday, had been Julia's suggestion, so after Mass the two of them made a point of examining the chapel's artwork before adjourning to luncheon. At the moment her back was towards him while she was absorbed by the Healing of the Cripple on the right-hand wall.
William remained mesmerized at the foot of Masaccio's fresco, the serenity of the church service and his excitement over da Vinci's works all but forgotten with this reminder of his own sin. As he was already feeling penitent, he sat down in a quiet pew away from the small crowds of tourists in the chapel and waited for Julia to join him. After a few moments, she did with an amused turn on her lips.
"The work in here is certainly quite provocative, isn't it?" she teased, taking his hand in one of hers and indicating the nude figures with her other. "I see they covered up the most titillating bits...a true crime against the artist don't you think? And you once supposed Torontonians would be scandalized by my bare calves at the beach. How provincial!" She lowered her voice in mock-outrage. "I expect I will see even more naked flesh before we are done with the Uffizi."
"Yes…umm, provocative. It certainly is, Julia," he began, fumbling for the correct words that always seemed to elude him when it came to her. In this case he thought it might be preferable to keep his own counsel. He reached for his hat so they could leave, not wishing to let his disquiet dampen her spirits.
"You seem rather sour, William. Are you not looking forward to our Chef Signor Carlo's re-boiled soup or cannellini beans with meat ball to break your fast? I don't know why you dislike the food here, I think it is quite delightful. Simple ingredients- even I could make a meal out of it with little problem," Julia's gay mood was wavering as her stomach growled since she'd had only a light breakfast herself while William had abstained in order to take communion. Sensing that her husband was struggling with something, which meant that he was uncomfortable with his thoughts, she stiffened and sat up straighter in her seat, attempting to withdraw her hand as he held onto it.
He'd been so happy the last few days, why does he have to spoil it now?
William registered Julia's displeasure while he stood; annoyed with himself that he'd displayed anything about his inner turmoil.
"What is on your mind then, William?" Julia sighed at his pinched face, pushing him to get it out and over with. "I take it is not about Italian cuisine."
He held back a groan. Just like Adam and Eve, punishment for his own transgressions against God and his wife were not undeserved.
He hesitated, then looked around to gauge how much privacy there was to be had, then pointed at the chapel wall. He helped her rise and walked her over to the fresco, drawing her over to stand beside him. "So tell me, Dr. Ogden, when will I learn better than to insist upon the whole truth, heedless of the cost to myself or others?" he tried to joke, but it came out as more of a lament. "God did not trust Adam and Eve any more, which is actually why they were banished, not for merely eating the apple."
Glimpsing the pain upon his face, Julia was stunned into silence.
He found himself looking again at the frescoes' blonde-haired angel presiding over Adam and Eve's banishment, finger pointing them away from the gates of Eden, just as Julia had gestured when she ordered him from their rooms. "Julia, I know that mere words will never repair the hurt I caused when I left you that night to face everything alone. I lost my temper. I spoke cruelly. There is no excuse for what I did or what I said, but I am so sorry," he murmured, looking at her earnestly.
When she did not comment he pressed on. "Seeing Masaccio's version of the Fall made me think of my own sin, my anger towards you, and how it stemmed from my need to know the absolute truth, how I thought you were deceiving me...yet another error on my part," he deferred, holding up his hand. "I said terrible things at the worst possible time. This painting made me think deeply about how I was almost exiled from my own Eden, my sinful anger in the guise of my pride and hurt...that I foolishly took out on you…and others…"
William's voice was hoarse. "I only hope that someday you will be able to trust me, forgive me...I don't want those things to push us apart again." He would have liked to go on, but ran out of words, then bent his head in defeat, upset because he'd promised himself not to ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness is a gift only she can bestow, not something to clear my conscience.
Julia swallowed uncomfortably as the realization hit her like a thunderbolt. He thinks that I don't yet trust him! How do I even begin to explain what's really troubling me...in a church, no less!
She could not look at him while she spoke, instead considering the image which had so disturbed him…It was indeed a masterwork of emotion. Julia tried to make her own voice sound emotionless. "Well, that's just it, isn't it William? Abortion has always been the most contentious issue between us. I view it as something to relieve an untenable situation. You view it as abomination, and no, I don't ever expect for us to agree on the issue." She sidestepped the issue of forgiveness. "But I do wonder why you never arrested Isaac Tash and even me all those years ago. Why, William?"
He took his time answering, catching her eyes with his. "Because I imagined that poor girl bleeding to death all alone, only to be discarded like refuse, and that knew a safe abortion was better than that tragedy. I suppose I also felt I owed him for saving your life; I am still so very grateful for that…" He closed his eyes for a second then looked steadily into her blue gaze. "I have moral and ethical reservations about abortion, and it is illegal on top of that, but no, I don't actually believe the woman or her doctor should face the noose because of it in all cases. I do believe in shades of gray, as it were," he nodded towards the faded painting.
It was not lost on William that, standing there, he and Julia mirrored Adam and Eve. It was about both knowledge and trust, after all, which proved their own near-undoing; he was not oblivious to that either, much to his shame.
Julia found herself focused completely on William's extraordinary statement. She was not sure she had ever heard him say so much about himself or his feelings ever before and her pulse raced, waiting for where he was going with his sentiments.
"I know I need to gain your trust back before we resume the full enjoyment of our relationship," he whispered, gesturing between them. "I am prepared to wait for as long as is necessary, and I want to say again that your love means everything to me," he added, bringing her hand up to his lips to kiss. "I love you so, Julia Ogden."
She heard plain truth in his words. Overcome at his statement, Julia blinked back tears. "And I love you, William Murdoch," she promised in return, pulling him closer. "Dearest William, please know that it is not a lack of faith, I trust you implicitly. I just need more time she replied." Squeezing his hand, she laid her head on his shoulder, relaxing in his warmth and presence.
Until reality seeped back in.
….Not exactly a lie, she told her guilty conscience with an inner shrug. And it wasn't a lie. She needed more time because she just didn't know how to broach such a difficult topic with him...especially under the gaze of saints and martyrs, even though she knew that was a ridiculous superstition. Superstition or not, she needed more time to figure out what to do, because it was not only that she was not ready to make love with William...
If he was incensed that I had indirect knowledge about terminating another wife's unwanted pregnancy, how is he going to react to the knowledge that his own wife wants to employ precautions in preventing a deeply desired one within his own marriage?
William, for his part, felt a leap of happiness inside since he and Julia seldom exchanged declarations of affection, and a flicker of hope that things were turning around. She said she trusted me and all she needed was more time...that relieved a great deal of anxiety and squared with his hunches about her need for healing. His mind was clearer and step lighter while they made their way back to their lodgings. He was even willing to try the suspicious ball of ground meat in tomato sauce if that was the meal Julia wanted.
After luncheon they took a carriage to the Academia where for a couple hours the pair strolled from room to room, eventually ending up by Michelangelo's David, just before closing.
"Magnificent! " Julia was enthralled. "I see why the bronze castings have been used by private lady teachers for the instruction of young female students." Her sly comment getting the rise out of her husband she hoped for, she upped the ante. "Our governess was not inclined to indulge us, but our mother did take me and Ruby to the finest galleries and museums as part of our education, and for more than art appreciation," she laughed delightedly with a wave of her hand towards David. "However, the diminutive genitalia here might lead to some uncertain comparisons."
William coughed. "Indeed. The ideal form was of a youth, so…"
"Oh rubbish! There is nothing 'youthful' in the rest of David's physique. I imagine it was to make sure no one's lover felt inadequate." Julia's laughing turned a few heads their way. Sensing his embarrassment and seizing an opportunity to lighten the mood from earlier, she decided to shock him further. "I dare say, David has nothing on you at all in that department, William," she teased, reveling in his embarrassment as red flushed his cheeks and he looked around to see who might have heard.
"Julia!" he admonished, a wide grin across his face. Pulling her towards him, he boldly kissed the tip of her nose, holding onto her hand. He was clearly pleased as well, and Julia delighted in bringing this state to his countenance.
After a few moments had passed, William glanced at her with a twinkle in his eye. "Stand therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the equipment of the gospel of peace…" William recited.
"...Besides all these, taking the shield of faith, with which you can quench all the flaming darts of the devil…." Julia continued.
"...And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.' Ephesians 6:14," William finished. "The Biblical David only needed the protection of God…" he smiled. "No garments."
Julia tisked. "Well, tell that to our late Queen who required a fig leaf half a yard high to shield her feminine delicacy from David's undersized manhood. For heaven's sake! She had nine children...one might imagine..."
He coughed again, trying not to choke on laughter. "Ahem...the sculpture was supposed to be high off the ground on the roof of a building where no one would see the, um, anatomical representation. He only wore a gilded loincloth for the sake of not shocking the population in Florence when they decided to install it at ground level..."
"What? Not Florence! This is the city that gave birth to all these masterpieces, and you mean to tell me that they only just suddenly developed easily offended sensibilities?" she asked.
William shrugged, then gave her a sideways glance. "Times change, tastes change. I am sure there will be more opportunities for you to make some professional comparisons…" He dodged her playful fist, getting a stern look from the museum's guard who was not amused by their high spirits. "Julia, they are about to throw us out. Come, I will get us a carriage. Tomorrow the Uffizi." He led her out of the building and into the start of a rain storm.
William's spirits were high, for although she did not say she forgave him in so many words, he must have finally communicated some of the right things because Julia was warm and relaxed with him. All she asked for was time, and in a city that was nearly 2,000 years old, time seemed to take on a new perspective. He bundled her next to him for the journey back to their hotel full of confidence.
