Beep Beep. Beep Beep. Beep be-

"Uuuugh".

7:00 AM. Evan Hansen woke up with an exasperated groan and shut off his alarm. Begrudgingly, he opened his eyes and sat upright in his small bed. The semi-darkness of his room was comforting to him and was almost soothing at times. He placed his hands in front of his face and examined them before balling his hands into a fist and forcing himself out of bed before the dread wormed its way into his chest. He reached over and picked up his phone and earphones, the bright light illuminating his face. He exhaled as the soothing music filled his hears and calmed his mind.

Evan had by this point in his life formulated a strict schedule by which he religiously followed. He would wake up at 7:00, shove food down his throat, shower, check his backpack twice (in case he forgot any school supplies), leave their small house by 8:20 with the hope that he wouldn't have to see his mother by the time he left, and make his way to school. It's not that he didn't like his mother, it's was just that he hated having to force a smile for her every morning and tell her that he as ok.

"Evan honey?" Heidi's voice chimed through the house, calling out to him. He heard her light footsteps getting louder as she neared his room and he closed his eyes once more before groaning inside his head and putting on a smile as she entered his room. She was searching behind her warm brown irises. Looking for what, he did not know. Her hair had grey streaks that flowed amongst the blonde, no doubt acquired at the same time that her eyes had become permanently tired. She looked older than she was but despite this, she had managed to always appear warm. She made her way to the side of Evan's bed and ran a hand through his hair with a hum.

"Excited for today? It's your first day of senior year!" She said with a smile, trying to encourage him to feel the same enthusiasm. Evan knew this year would be the same as all the others- filled with anxiety and loneliness. After middle school, his friendship with Jared had changed to something forced and cold. They no longer hung out and played Mario Kart for hours or challenged each other to see who could stay up the longest on weekends. Jared avoided Evan during lunch times and classes unless he needed something, that something usually being car insurance. 'Family Friend' was his new title. Evan could never bring himself to ask Jared what had happened to them out of fear for making things worse and had decided to cling to the little friendship they had left.

"Yup." He responded with a pop. Heidi sighed and gently nudged her son's shoulder with his.

"C'mon kiddo. Don't set yourself up for failure. At least try to have an optimistic outlook. Are you writing those letters you're supposed to be doing? They're very important honey." She told Evan all this with such hope in her eyes that Evan almost believed he could improve just for her. Heidi was always out working late shifts and studying so hard to make things the best she could for him. And here he was, barely trying for her. Barely existing.

"Y-yeah I have to print one as soon as I get to school." He lied, picking at his cast. Dear Evan Hansen blah blah blah life is amazing and I totally don't want to die. He was getting sick of those letters.

"Oh here's an idea, you could go around and ask your classmates to sign your cast!"

"T-totally. Hey, mom, I gotta go get ready now…" Evan said quietly as his eyes trailed towards the door.

"Of course! Have fun, honey. Oh! I have an extra shift tonight at the hospital so I left some money on the counter for you." She said, standing up from his bed. Evan replied with a smile and a thumbs up that he hoped was convincing enough for her. He closed his door once she left and leaned his back against his bedroom door and slid down to the carpeted floor, careful not to make any noise. He wrapped his arms around his knees and inhaled. Breathe. It can't be that bad today. Just one day. One day at a time. Remember what Dr. Sherman said. Take things slowly.

He made sure to always arrive early at school, that way he didn't have to see as many people as he'd wait in the bathroom until class started. 8:45 AM: It was time for him to head to the bathroom. He didn't want to wait around the lockers like a loner until Jared came. Evan had become more than an expert at avoiding people at school. He had successfully managed to become the ultimate wallflower, with Jared as a rare exception of course. Evan was swift as he navigated the halls, dodging people left and right, careful not to bump into anyone in case they decided to shout at him.

On most days, no one was in the bathroom when Evan arrived, however today he was startled by the strong smell of weed that attacked him as he stepped into the tiled room. Lifting his head to identify the source of the smell, Evan's eyes found Connor Murphy leaning on the wall opposite to him. Connor had his head tilted back as he slowly let out a puff of smoke. His dark brown hair that he'd grown over the summer fell on his shoulders and framed his face. His sharp cheekbones seemed unnaturally accentuated and his pale skin contrasted against his dark clothing. He was beautiful in a traditional way as if sculpted out of pure, romantic melancholy.

"What are you staring at?" Connor's slightly raspy voice broke Evan's stare and he immediately flushed a bright pink and began sputtering an apology.

"I-I-Nothing! Not that y-you're nothing, no I mean I didn't mean to it's just you'renotallowedtosmokeinhere and you s-surprised me- and what if someone has asthma and they walk in here and die and-" Evan's rambling was cut off by Connor pushing himself off the wall and walking towards him. Oh shit. Connor stopped in front of him and stared coldly into Evan's eyes.

"So the school freak surprised you, huh? What? Scared I'll stab you or something?" Connor growled before taking another hit and blowing the smoke into Evan's face. Evan felt ice-cold fear emerge from his chest and take over his mind. Oh no, Evan thought, I've insulted him. Connor was notorious in his school for his bad attitude and short temper. There were rumours that Connor had once thrown a printer at a teacher in second grade and although Evan didn't entirely believe them, rumours tended to stem from some truth.

"No of course not I-I just try to avoid everyone, not just you.." Evan trailed off, fixing his eyes on a particularly grimy tile.

Connor was staring down at Evan and he felt like prey. He felt so small like he always did. Evan dug his nails into his arm again and again in an attempt to calm himself down and focus on the pain but Connor's eyes kept staring down into him, into his soul it seemed. Connor suddenly reached down and pulled Evan's arm up, eyes softening as he noticed the small red moons Evan had made on his arm. Evan flinched and looked away as he began to mentally prepare for a hit of some kind but nothing came. Connor inspected his arm and nearly brushed his fingers against the injuries Evan had made out of panic. Evan focused on a grimy tile, too ashamed to meet the other's eyes. He tilted his head and looked back to the smaller boy with pained eyes, holding his joint out to him.

"Want a hit, Hansen?" His eyes had changed to playful and he waved the joint in front of Evan's face. Evan couldn't keep up with all of Connor's different moods. One second he was pissed, then pitying him, then almost friendly. Evan was both intrigued and scared to be around Connor. He was someone new, someone, who wasn't full of shit or fake smiles like the others in his grade. He was electric.

Evan stared at him with wide eyes and was about to reply but was cut off by the screeching sound of the first bell for homeroom.

Connor smirked and leaned closer to Evan before whispering "Saved by the bell it seems. See you later Hansen." He flicked his joint onto the floor and left Evan standing in the bathroom, entirely confused by the exchange and how Connor knew his name.

Evan snapped himself out of his daze and speed walked to his Literature class and managed to make it just in time to see only one seat left. One last seat which just so happened to be next to Connor Murphy. Evan hesitated, wondering whether or not to skip the class but decided that he'd have to come to class sooner or later and see Connor anyway. Exhaling sharply, Evan quickly made his way down to the seat, careful to not attract any attention and he placed his bag down. He sat like a stiff log, scared to be noticed, his palms becoming increasingly sweaty.

"All right let's get the class started shall we.." The teacher droned on and Evan managed to ignore Connor's presence as he invested himself completely in the book they were reading, paying extra attention to every single word on the page. His eyes traced the shape of the black letters on against the creamy and worn pages of The Great Gatsby. Finally after what seemed like hours class ended and Connor wordlessly left the classroom. Evan took his time as to not accidentally hurt his arm anymore. He nearly missed the page that was left on the desk for him. It was a simple yet accurate sketch of himself, looking at the front of the class, with the words "You following me?" written underneath.