April 2014 Hawke Island, Indian Ocean
Desmond eyed the others with slightly narrowed eyes. The problem was though that two of them had really good poker faces.
This was by far the most surreal event that had happened to Desmond since he'd first been trapped in the Animus at Abstergo. Sure there was plenty of weird shit out there that had happened to him. Holograms, going into a coma, some of his ancestors still being alive, the Bleeding Effect, Venus, the Apple, the fact that Warren Vidic was actually a mad scientist like you saw in kid's cartoons, and of course being the whole 'savior of the world' thing. But this… this was just bizarre.
It had started when Desmond had made a comment about one of the (many) things Hawk collected. He was a fucking doomsday prepper and a hoarder, he didn't know why he was surprised at some of the shit Hawk had. I mean you had to entertain yourself somehow during the end of the world. But… Magic: The Gathering?
What was even weirder was that all of them were into it. Well Ezio, Altair and Hawk at least. He'd never seen something so fucking weird in his life. But then maybe it made sense, it was just small scale war and all strategy and out thinking your opponent. So he and Jake had been roped into it after Desmond commented on it, and Clay was already along for the ride because apparently he and Hawk played card games across computers. All sorts, including Magic.
So yeah, fucking bizarre.
Desmond and Jake were still learning, but honestly there wasn't anything too hard about the game and his ancestors were patient (you kind of got that way after a few centuries though), and were both just playing a deck Hawk already had. And let it be said Hawk had a lot. Like more then any three men, let alone one man needed. He had to have every card every printed and duplicates.
Hawk had given Desmond a deck full of green spells, life gain, and elves. Jake had been given auras, which you apparently put on creatures to make them really fucking strong. The others played their own decks (Desmond still had trouble wrapping his head around the idea that guys like Altair and Ezio played Magic). Altair had an evilblue/black mill, control, deck and made Desmond want to punch him in the face for. Ezio played mono white soldiers which made Desmond really want to punch him in the face for. Hawk had something called izzet, which was red/blue and pretty fucking annoying but not evil. Clay played a multicolor deck full of angels.
And they all played at the same time and there was a surprising amount of vendetta amid his ancestors. Desmond just focused on not dying first and building up an elf army to the point that he pretty much couldn't die because his life was so obscenely high it was just like taking tick damage on Street Fighter. Altair also took special interest in milling Jake to death as quickly as possible, which caused him to swing at Altair with his massive 13/7 creatures all buffed up on auras. And while all this was going on Clay was just very calmly making three 3/3 angel tokens each turn or something ridiculous like that.
In short; it was a cluster fuck.
It was also really fun!
It was Altair's turn and he looked way too pleased with himself. He also had a Jace the Mindsculpter, which Desmond had learned in the past few hours was a giant 'fuck you, you lose' card when he popped him off. But that wasn't out right now. Instead he just said, "Mill ten," to Jake who looked five seconds from launching himself across the table and burying his fist in Altair's smug face. Though too be fair Desmond would have too if he'd been under Altair's ire as it'd taken all of five turns to half Jake's entire library.
"I don't know what I'm going to do to you later, but I promise it will not be fun for you," Jake growled at him and put the top ten cards of his library into his graveyard, looking at them and swore so elegantly Desmond would have called it poetry. Altair continued to just look pleased.
At least that was all Altair was doing and then let Ezio go. That didn't mean he wasn't going to continue to fuck everyone over though since his control deck was nothing but amassive troll. Ezio just quickly swung at Clay for all he was worth (which was quite a bit as Ezio's soldiers were only slightly more annoying then Desmond's elves) and managed to kill off a good portion of his angels. Didn't do much good though. Desmond didn't do anything after his draw, he just played another elf and gained like ten life, he was at like forty-six or something.
"You need to give him something more interesting then that," Ezio grumbled to Hawk. "He plays like a five year old."
"Hey, shut up," Desmond sniped right back.
"You don't do anything though! You're playing agro, it's wasted on you."
"Fuck you, swinging at you for six," and Ezio was all tapped out except for one 1/2 that couldn't block. Ezio glowered at him, and Desmond made a 'come at me' face in retaliation. He still had untapped blocking elves too for Ezio's next turn.
"Leviathans?" Hawk asked as he took his turn, by far the calmest person here without any vendetta except to make sure Altair didn't mill Jake to death until at least turn six. It had been interesting to see them play six counters against each other in a row on if a mill ten (and all of Jake's remaining cards) would go through a game ago. He was just trying to get back on Jake's good side. At the least Jake wasn't attacking him with his big, fuck off, creatures so it seemed to be working.
"He needs a building deck," Ezio said thoughtfully and gave Desmond a look.
"He'd play a good Commander," Altair grunted.
"Are you kidding that would be terrifying," Ezio shot Altair a look.
"You're just upset because you suck at that format," Altair smirked.
"Artifacts?" Hawk asked, having ignored them both and played some creature that let him find a card. "Or burn-
"If you give him a burn deck I will set your hair on fire," Ezio said seriously.
"Oh look at that Ezio you get to take two," Hawk said in a sweet, mocking, tone, and swung some small creature at him. It was then bounce back into his hand. "Proliferate?"
"Just not poison," Altair said, "And you done yet?"
"Yes," and then it was Jake's turn. The New Yorker drew and shot Altair a dirty look. "Or a token deck."
"Those are annoying," Ezio said, "and agro. He's got agro."
"Artifact proliferate?"
"Fuck you Altair swinging for twelve," Jake hissed from around Hawk.
"Just give him a set up, kid doesn't actually do anything," Ezio said Jake and Altair being ignored.
"I don't like dying, okay?" Desmond huffed. "I'm allergic to it and unlike you jerks I only have one life, so yeah, I like to keep my skin."
"I'm going to Angel Song," Clay announced.
"Fuck you Clay!" Jake yelled at him, drawing everyone's attention back to this stupidity. "He has ten life left!" and he shoved his hand in Altair's direction.
"I know," Clay said nicely, "I like watching you two fight though. It's funny."
"Fuck you," Jake and Altair said at the same time. Clay was unruffled.
"Uhg," and Jake slumped down in his chair, "Your turn blondie," he muttered.
Clay made angel tokens and swung at Ezio, killing him before he was over. Altair immediatly milled Jake for three, twice, and blocked one of Hawk's counters. Jake had onecard in his library left and really did look like he was about to kill something… or someone. Desmond continued to do nothing, sitting on his life and his elves, and Jake managed to kill Altair before getting milled to death and then as soon as his turn was over lost because he couldn't draw next turn but who cared because he'd killed Altair. Hawk didn't do anything and then Clay nuked the entire field, of creatures. Desmond just forfeited after that and watched Hawk slowly crush Clay into a tiny ball.
Then the game was over. Hawk left and got Desmond a new deck full of colorless machines and lands which when you set it up properly destroyed everything except you.
This would be fun.
This is completely canon /love Magic
