Chapter 3: Team DARN's Fightin' 'n Stuff

Drew sat on the branch if a high tree, legs casually crossed, sharpening his sword with a small whetstone. In the middle of sharpening the blade, a thought occurred to him:

'I wonder if they're still down there?' He peaked over the branch and saw three very angry Beowolves growling at him and trying to claw their way up the tree. "Yep. They're still at it." He sheathed his sword and lay back on the branch. "I'm so bored..." he sighed. 'I'd totally be down there fighting, but I can't do jack by myself...' He peaked over the edge once more. "We'll, I guess there are just three of them... Alright!" He pulled out his sword, stared down at the beasts and he pointed the tip of his sword at them. "Foul monsters... Today you shall face Judgement." he stated calmly. He then pulled his arms close to his chest and grinned wildly. "That was such a cool line!" he squealed. He lay his sword on the branch and instead pulled out a notebook and pencil and began to take down some notes. "Maybe I should change 'judgement' to something else. Maybe 'God'. Y'know, get the whole religious aspect into it. Maybe I should have a purely religious battle phrase. Like 'Blessed are thee to Face me'. Perhaps 'Return that life to God'. Though I don't want to just ripoff Nago's catchphrase. Nago's kind of a jerk-" A loud bark from a wolf brought Drew back to his senses.

He picked up his blade and jumped off the branch, landing a few feet away from the Beowolves. "Owww..." Drew fell over as his legs twitched. "Landing stings..." he mumbled. The Beowolves looked on, confused as to what the human just done. After a second, Drew got back on his feet and pointed his sword at the monsters. "Come on!" he taunted and the wolves then ran towards him. With a two-handed swing, he swatted the first one away, but as the second leaped towards him, Drew only had enough time to try to block with his sword. The wolf pinned him to the ground and Drew just barely blocked it's teeth and claws with the blade. In a panic, he managed to kick the wolf off of him.

He returned to his feet and returned to his stance. "Hahaha! Looks like I'll have to use one of my secret techniques on you maggots!" Drew taunted. He then spun the sword in a whole manner of different poses. "Finishing Move: Drew Strazor!" he cried as he slashed the air, letting go of the sword. But instead of hitting the wolves, it went flying into the trees. Both parties stared in the direction the sword flew. "Oh... Crap!" he cried as he learned his mistake.

The wolves returned their attention to the now helpless teenager. Drew frantically backed up, falling over in panic and crawling back until his back hit a tree. "S-someone... anyone... Help me!" he cried as the wolves inched closer and closer.

Just then, he heard several gunshots and the Beowolves fell over, lifeless. "I turn my head for one second, and look at the trouble you get yourself into..." Arin sighed as he emerged from behind several trees.

"Aaaariiiin!" Drew cried in joy as he launched himself towards his partner, embracing him in a tight hug, crying hysterically as he did so.

"W-What the- Get the hell off me!" Arin yelled, trying to push and shove his leader. Eventually, Drew let go. "Jeez, what the heck happened to you? You just went running into a group of those things."

"Well, since I'm the one with a sword, I figured I should have been the one to focus on attacking physically. So, I rushed at 'em."

"There was clearly no other logical choice..."

"But, after a few seconds, I realized that I was kind of outmatched."

"So you ran away?"

"Like a pussy!" Drew admitted, proudly.

"I would normally never agree with Richard but, why are you the leader again?"

"I 'unno. Maybe it'll get explained by the end of the chapter."

"End of the what?"

"Oh my God! Look over there!" Drew proclaimed as he pointed to the a dark patch in the trees. Several more Beowolves emerged from it and edged closer and closer to the two.

"Drew, Beowolves aren't something to be shocked about. They're literally the most common type of creature of Grimm."

"Well, I lost my sword. So, can you take care of them for me?"

Arin scratched the back of his head for a minute, then sighed. "Fine then, leave it to me." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a small, metal flask.

"Arin! This isn't the time for that!" Drew yelled. Arin ignored him, unscrewed the top and took a long gulp of the liquid inside it. "Arin seriously! Those Beowolves are getting closer! Very slowly getting closer, but still!"

"Agh, shaddap!" he slurred as he lazily pointed his gun at the wolves and shot. To Drew's surprise however, the bullet hit one of the wolves in the head.

"Ooo..." Drew gave an applause at Arin's apparent accuracy.

"Eeeyyup.." Arin now stood in a slump, his arms lazily hanging down. "I'm good an' tipsy now..." One of the wolves dashed towards them, but Arin twirled around, with his arms following his body like a rag doll. The knife on the gun sliced the Beowolf midair, falling to the ground.

"Oh, I get it! You're the 'Drunken Aimer' type! Your intoxicated state of mind causes your shots to become acc- Ow!" Drews self-assumed summary was cut off by Arin hitting him on the head with the handle of his gun.

"Jeez, just go and find the control freak and the animal rights chick..." he groaned.

"Wait! One last thing!"

Arin sighed. "What is it?"

"Can you aim your gun at the Beowolves and say 'Is it okay if I beat you? I can't hear you!'?"

"Just get going!" Arin roared, making Drew run through the trees in fear. He returned his attention to the remaining wolves. "Y'know, it's tough enough that I have to put up with those guys..." he announced to the creatures. "But, if you're getting this annoying, I'll have to take some drastic measures against you too..." He pointed the barrel of the gun at them.

"Hehe~ That's a pretty good one too..." Drew mumbled as he took notes from behind a tree.

"GET OUTTA HERE!" Arin fired a few stray bullets in Drew's direction.


Drew ran for about a minute, wondering where he would find his other two teammates. However, hearing a loud bang sent him on the right track. He followed the origin of the noise, until he began to hear a low, repeating tremble. As he edged through the trees, he could see Nina standing over what appeared to be a black stain on the grass and ground, spread out, as if someone jabbed a giant paintbrush of black paint onto the ground. The peculiar thing was that Nina had her back to Drew and was smacking the center of stain with her baseball bat. Repeatedly, silently, she just kept on hitting the same spot over and over. Drew was about to ask her about it until he noticed a disembodied black claw lying a few centimeters from the spot Nina was hitting. Putting two and two together, Drew covered his hand over his mouth to suppress a gag. He realized that the black stain must have been an unfortunate Beowolf...

After about a minute Drew decided to approach her. "Umm, Nina?"

As Nina hit the bat on the ground, she didn't raise the bat back up again. Drew could feel the atmosphere turn colder. Nina slowly turned her head until Drew could see her eyes, black and dead. But when she realised it was Drew, her eyes lit up. "Hey~! Drew!" she called, changing from silent to her usual bubbly self. She ran over to him and slapped him on the top of his head. "Jeez silly, where did you run off to?"

"Uhh... you and Richard... were the ones who ran off..." Drew replied nervously.

"Oh, we did?" she asked, seemingly oblivious to her mistake.

'Uhh, what the heck was up with the personality change?' Drew was hesitant to make a move. His gaze returned back to the black stain that Nina was hitting a minute ago. A grim thought occurred to him... he didn't want to push her, less he experience her violence. But he had to be sure. "So, uh... where's Moonmoon?"

"Oh, he's over there." Nina pointed to her bag, which was sitting at the foot of a tree which Drew hadn't noticed before.

'Oh, thank God...' Drew sighed in relief. Nina ran over to it and pulled out the familiar fur ball, presenting it to her leader. "See, Moonmoon? He was worried about you!"

Drew noticed however, that instead of resisting and biting at his owner like he usually did, he seemed to be shivering. 'Poor thing.' Drew sympathized. 'It must have seen what she did to it's friend...'

"So, what are you up to?" she asked as she stroked her young pup.

"Well, I'm trying to regroup everyone. Now I know where you are, and Arin's back there fight off some Beowolves, so-" But as soon as he said the 'Beowolf', Drew heard a growling from behind him. He turned and saw a large, angry Beowolf standing a few meters away from him, snarling at them. 'Oh no... I thought Arin was taking care of them. How did this one follow me? And what am I going to do to-' Drew's panicked monologue was cut short by something rushing past him from behind. In almost a flash, Nina smashed her bat vertically onto the wolf with a loud bang, silencing it and squishing it into an unnatural position with its legs spread out. Drew caught a glimpse of Nina's eyes, which have returned to a dull, blank stare. 'Aw crap! She's back in rage mode!'

Nina had been keeping Moonmoon under her arm. Still shivering in fear, she held him in font, with her eyes still showing no emotion. "These guys... are trying to take my baby away..." She gripped the handle of her bat tightly. "And I won't let them."

'She's going crazy-psycho because of that?! Just how important is Moonmoon to her?!' Drew facepalmed. "U-um... where did Richard go?" She lifted her bat and pointed it into deep the forest. She then heard a faint wheezing from the wolf beneath her, so she very suddenly and violently smashed the already defeated Beowolf. "You go on ahead. I'll catch up..." she breathed.

Without a second to think about it, Drew scrambled as fast as his legs could carry him away from Nina.


Richard stared down five Beowolves, at 11, 11:30, 12, 12:30 and 1 o'clock. He knew he couldn't attack without leaving himself vulnerable. He had to find a way to take them all out at once. He carefully positioned himself to aim at the one on the far right. As they edged closer and closer, he mentally debated the angle to shoot at in order to-

"RIIICHAAARD!" Drew tackled his friend, knocking him to the ground. Drew quickly got to his feet and pulled his friend up, hugging him. "Dude! It was so scary! Nina was back there- and she had her bat- and she was- And it was so scary!" He bawled on Richard's shoulder.

Richard's eye twitched in irritation. He was about to go on his own rant, but in the corner of his eye, he could see the Beowolves taking advantage of the moment of confusion and ran at the two. In a moment of quick thinking, Richard grabbed Drew by the collar of his shirt and ran towards a nearby large tree. Focusing his aura into the bottom of his feet, Richard leaped high until he landed on a branch and dropped Drew on the branch beside him. Drew groaned in pain as he looked down at Beowolves growling up at them. "Jeez, I'm practically back where I started. Way to go, Richard..." Drew pouted.

Richard grabbed Drew by his shirt and lifted him up. "HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT ME AT THE MOST CRITICAL MOMENT OF THE BATTLE?!" he bellowed.

"I-I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to-"

"Sorry doesn't cut it! You must be severely punished!" But then Richard lowered him back onto the branch. "Is what I'd like to say... But this situation calls for our co-operation." He knelt down, observing the area bellow and the Beowolves who were beginning to circle the tree.

"Alright! What's the plan?" Drew cheered, happy to be getting back on track.

"I appear to have dropped my weapon. But with you here, you can distract the Beowolves long enough for me to-"

"Um, there's gonna be a problem with that." Drew interrupted, holding up his empty scabbard. "I kinda lost my sword a while back..." He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head.

Richard stared blankly a Drew for a few seconds. "... I'm sorry, I must have whited out for a bit. I thought that you said that you lost your weapon."

"Yup. That's correct."

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU LOSE YOUR WEAPON?!" Richard grabbed him by his shirt and shook him violently. "YOUR WEAPON IS THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT A HUNTER! HOW DARE YOU LOSE IT?!"

"I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Don't freak out about it!" Drew tried to calm his furious teammate. "A-And didn't you just lose yours?"

Richard let Drew go and fell to his knees. "YOU'RE RIGHT! How am I to call myself a Hunter, if this is the standard I'm living at?!" he bawled. He then quickly wiped his tears and peered his head over the branch. "That's why I must recover it at once."

'He changes moods at the drop of a hat. I'm beginning to see why he and Nina's partners.'

"There!" Richard declared, pointing to somewhere on the ground. Drew squinted his eyes, trying to spot whatever it was he was pointing at. All he could see is a small, orange spot.

"I... never saw your weapon before. Could you tell me what I'm looking for?" Drew asked, still squinting to find it.

"It's that basketball over there."

Drew slowly turned his head until it faced Richard. "... Come again?"

"That basketball." He pointed at the orange spot on the ground.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait." Drew shook his head in disbelief. "Your weapon..."

"Yeah...?"

"That's used by you, Richard: the by-the-book, boring, law-abiding citizen..."

"Correct...?"

"Is a basketball?"

"That's right." Richard answered, blankly.

"... I''m sorry, I must be missing some obvious link. Why? Why are you using a weapon as unique as a basketball?" Drew asked.

"YOU FOOL! A basketball is the ultimate weapon! The aim, accuracy, speed and power it contains is something that only a true genius can master!" Richard ranted.

"I'm not saying it's stupid or anything... I'm just thinking of a way to make a Kuroko no Baske joke..."

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES! IT IS THE TIME FOR ACTION!" Richard then pushed Drew off the branch.

"Wh... WAAAAAAAH!" He cried out as the ground quickly rushed towards him.

"Just keep them busy for a few seconds!" Richard ordered from atop the tree.

"Son of a-" Drew kicked the bark of the tree, flying away from its base and landing a few feet away from the Beowolves. "Owww..." Drew fell over as his legs twitched. "Landing stings..." he mumbled. He quickly scuffled to his feet however, and faced the wolves. He lunged to the left as one leapt towards him. But, he looked up to see another one coming towards him. And he was unable to dodge it. He panicked. But just as it was about to pierce its claw into him, it was hit from the side by an orange blur, sending it flying at breakneck speed into the side of a tree. He turned his head to see Richard with his hand raised. An orange basketball fell down and landed in his hand. "Okay, I'll give you this... that was pretty cool." Drew reluctantly praised.

"Now's not the time for that!" Richard scolded as the Beowolves turned their attention on him. He held the basketball in an aiming stance, then shot it at the first wolf. It impacted on the side of it's head, causing a 'snap' as it fell on the ground, lifeless. However, after it hit the first, it flew to the right, hitting the Beowolf beside it in the head, giving a similar result. After the second impact, the ball flew back towards its owner, and Richard outstretched his hand and caught, returning to an aiming stance.

"Oh, I get now! You can make super accurate shots, and you hit the ball with enough force to-"

"DREW! NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR WEAPON ANALYSIS!" Richard yelled. The remaining two wolves started running at Richard, who changed his stance to holding the ball to the side of his body with both his hands. When the first was close enough he swung the ball with two hands, swatting it away. However, the second one was right behind it, and the momentum of swinging the ball made him unable hit swing it back in time. 'Oh no...'

"Richard!" Drew cried out.

But in a flash that both Richard and Drew could have missed if they blinked, a dull grey blur hit the side of the Beowolf and it flew with it at the speed of light, until the wolf hit a tree. However, the blur was flying with such a large force that it impaled both the wolf and the tree. The Beowolf gave a small whimper and hanged his head, lifeless.

Richard and Drew stood, shocked at the gruesome killing. But a different thought occurred to Drew as he noticed that the object which pierced the poor Grimm was a metal baseball bat. 'She's here...'

"Hey guys~!" Richard and Drew turned their heads and saw Nina running through the trees, waving her hand in the air gleefully. "So, what's going on over he-"

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!" Richard scolded, smacking her on the head.

"Aww, Richy, you're so mean~!" Nina pouted, rubbing the top of her head to ease the pain.

"INEXCUSABLE! You shouldn't have run off in the first place!"

"Uh, Richard?" Drew tried to calm his friend. "I... I wouldn't agitate her if I were-"

"FROM NOW ON, YOU SHOULD KNOW NEVER TO WANDER OFF!" Richard roared, ignoring his young leader.

"Yes, sir..." Nina hung her head in defeat. She then pulled Moonmoon out of her bag, who was still frozen in fear. "At least Moonmoon still listens to me..." she pouted.

'Y'know what? I'm not gonna argue with it. As long as she's not going ape-shit insane, I'm good.' Drew monologed.

"Guys! Guys!" The three heard screaming coming from within the trees. Soon, Arin came running out frantically. He stopped in front of the three with his hands on his knees, panting."Okay, uh..." he mumbled as he gathered his words. "I've got two bits of bad news and one bit of good news."

"Report!" Richard demanded.

"Well, the first bit of bad news is that I'm out of ammo." He admitted, pulling out his hand gun, showing off its empty ammo compartment.

"YOU FOOL!" Richard yelled. "How dare-"

"What else?" Drew further inquired.

"Well, the good news is that point one means nothing because..." Arin whipped out his flask, holding it upside down. "I'm outta booze and I'm pretty much sober." he shrugged.

"I don't know what that means..." Richard blinked, confused.

"It's best for all of us that you don't. You'll just get mad." Drew replied.

"And now we come to our final news story for tonight: Since I was out of ammo, I couldn't fight. So I ran away."

"Like a pussy?" Drew chuckled.

"Shut up. Anyway, they followed me, and they came across some other Beowolves. One thing lead to another and-" The team could then hear loud growling. They inspected the trees surrounding them and found dozens of red of red eyes glaring at them. Beowolves started to emerge from the shadows. Once again, they were surrounded.

They took up a defensive position with their backs to each other. "Well, this is..."

"A shit situation?" Arin suggested.

"I would have chosen a different way of describing it, but I suppose that works." Richard agreed.

"No~!" Nina squealed. "My bat's all the way over there..." She pointed to the tree in which her bat was firmly lodged, and which was now behind the line of slowly advancing Beowolves.

"Wait.." Arin mumbled. "Why is there a Beowolf impaled on the tree, I don't get it..."

"Due to my teammates' incompetence, I am the only one with a suitable weapon." Richard declared, aiming with his basketball.

"Hey! What are you talking about?!" Arin challenged, annoyed at Richard's insult. "You don't even have a proper weapon yourself!"

"Yes I do!" Richard held out his basketball in his face. Arin then thrust the knife of his weapon into the ball, letting it deflate slowly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Was that yours?" Arin sarcastically asked.

Instead of ranting back like he usually does, Richard slumped to his knees. "You've doomed us all..." he whispered, voice full of despair.

"We're not gonna make it out!" Nina cried, also falling to her knees and bawling.

"Yeah, looking at the situation now... we're kinda screwed." Arin gave out a deep, sad sigh. "I immediately regret that decision."

"What are you guys talking about?" Drew asked, looking down on his team. "We still have a few tricks left!"

"I'd love to live in your shoes for just a day..." Arin sarcastically sighed. "Because I'd like to see how we can beat all these..." He gestured to the wolves which were now circling around the team.

"Hehe..." Drew chuckled as he placed his hands on his hips, heroically. "Because it's in moments like these that the main character gives some cheesy speech about not giving up! And then the battle miraculously turns in their favour!"l

"THAT'S YOUR BIG PLAN?! Relying on a cliche that they use in some TV show?!" Richard asked in frustration.

"Yeah, it doesn't seem very smart..." Nina pondered.

"No..." Arin smiled to himself. "The kid's right. With what we've got now, we have a very small chance. But if we just give up, there's absolutely no chance!"

"Aw, I wanted to make the speech..." Drew sighed.

"Yeah! Let's go!" Nina cheered, finding a new vote of confidence.

"I am ashamed that I failed to overlook the obvious." Richard said as he stood up and brushed himself down.

"Alright, let's do thi-" Arin prepared his empty weapon but was cut off by Drew.

"Wait! Wait, wait, wait." he frantically gestured to his team to stop, which even confused the Beowolves. "Before we go into battle, we need to do that."

"Uh, I'm gonna regret asking this, but what's that?" Arin cautiously asked.

"Hehehe..." Drew smugly tapped the side of his nose. "The team's roll call!"

"... What?"

"Ooh~ Sounds fun!" Nina clapped.

"A roll call involves a record being kept. Do continue..." Richard agreed.

"And you guys are agreeing?!" Arin exclaimed.

"Okay, you go here, and you..." Drew arranged everyone until they were standing in a straight line, facing the wolves. Drew in the middle, Arin on his right, Richard to his left and Nina to the left of Richard.

"Drew? What's going on?" Arin asked.

"Tremble in fear, you monsters!" he yelled at the Beowolves."The Fiery hero: Team DARN's D!" he declared while making dramatic poses, and sticking his open hand out.

"There's nothing 'fiery' about him..." Arin mumbled as he rested his head in his hand. "And did he seriously just refer to himself as a 'D'?"

"Arin!"

"What?!"

"It's your go!"

"Oh, uhh... I'm Arin. The... usually drunk one." He introduced himself to the Beowolves.

"He's A." Drew butted in.

Richard stood, as if a soldier reporting to an officer. "Name: Richard Roland. Age: 17. Date of birth: 1st October. Current occupation: Student at Beacon academy. Weapon of ch-"

"Hi everyone!" Nina butted in. "It's me! The strong willed beauty... The cute girl trying to survive in a big, mean world... The friend to animals everywhere..." She pulled Moonmoon out of the bag on her shoulder as an example. "The one and only... Nina~!" She declared, giving a peace sign and a winking smile.

"Okay, what now?" Arin asked, sweat dropping at the embarrassing display.

"Listen closely, monsters!" Drew declared, pointing dramatically at the Beowolves. "We're the strongest team in all Beacon!"

"We're really not..." Arin groaned.

"Thinking about it, I can name like 5 teams who are better..." Nina pondered.

"Our enemies curse at our names! The four of us together are..." Drew outstretched his arms in the air. "Team DARN!"

Suddenly, a large explosion blasted a foot behind them, sending them flying a few feet forward and landing face first into the ground. Drew pulled his face out of the ground. "Okay, that's new..." Looking around, he saw his friends covered in dirt and bruises, but also recovering from the surprise blast. But what put a smile on his face was that the Beowolves had turned their tails and ran off, frightened by the explosion. "Ha... See? Everything worked out well in the end." he chuckled lightly.

"See, Moonmoon? We won! You'll never have to see those mean wolfies ever again!" Nina pulled the young pup out from her now tattered bag. He gave a sad whimper as he saw the final glimpses of his kin running off.

"Yeah, if you can call losing almost all of our weapons and almost getting blown up 'working out'." Arin groaned, sitting up on the grass.

"And that explosion was odd..." Richard sat down with his knees folded in front of him and looked at the spot the explosion, the air still showered in dust.

"Hah!" Drew mocked, sitting up straight with his legs crossed. "It's common knowledge that explosions occur during an epic roll call! Though, I expected it to be a bit easier to withstand..."

"Now's not the time for your stupid show's cliches!" Richard scolded. "Besides... it was probably caused by the concentration of our aura in one spot."

"Wait..." Arin said in a moment of realisation. "Does that mean... we won?"

"Seems so."

"Nice..." Arin reached inside his coat and pulled out a metal flask. "Here's to victory." He unscrewed the top and took a slug of the contents.

"Hey! I thought you were out of drink!" Drew noted.

"Idiot! That was whiskey! This is beer." Arin explained as he stood back on his feet.

"What's the difference?"

"Whiskey's for work, beer's for relaxation, vodka's for partying..." Arin counted on his fingers.

"You're way too organised for this..."

"At any rate, we still need to complete our mission!" Richard assertively ordered.

"Alright, let's go."


Ozpin sat in his office, signing documents and reviewing reports. However, in the middle of signing, the door of the office swung violently open. The four members of team DARN entered, covered in dirt and bruises and their clothes slightly ripped and torn. They slowly lined up in front of his desk. "Reporting back from our mission, sir!" Richard placed a jar filled with a pink jelly on the desk.

"What happened to you?" Ozpin asked.

"We said our names!" Drew passionately explained.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't ask. Just... don't." Arin answered. "Look, can we go home now?"

Ozpin chuckled as he picked up the jar. "Go on ahead."

"Mission complete!" Both Richard and Nina cried out in unison, surprising even themselves.

"Let's just get going..." Drew suggested. They all exited and made their way back to their dorm.

"So... today was kind of a waste..." Arin said, making small talk.

"We have increased combat experience!" Richard answered.

"And I got to meet Moonmoon's family!" Nina cheered, taking out the pup, who had now gone back to growling and biting at her, and squeezing it tightly.

"Hehe. Hey Arin, I just remembered..." Drew snickered as he got his partner's attention. "Remember what I said back in the forest?"

"What is it?" he sighed.

"Our enemies curse at out names!" he explained, putting emphasis on the 'curse'.

"Oh yeah!" Arin responded, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "It was super duper not clever at all..."

"Well, screw you, I thought it was funny.


AN: And that's another chapter done. Sorry if it took a while, I'm just writing another Fanfic as I do this, you see. Criticisms are welcomed: do you think there was too much action and not enough comedy? Were the characters getting in the way of the plot? Tell me what you think.