Chapter 5: Secret Affair
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!
To work out my hurt and confusion, I went hunting and didn't return home until almost twenty four hours later. The family was gathered in one of the large great rooms, where we usually spent our evenings. I ignored Bella when I entered the room, choosing to sit next to Alice. The others greeted me, but weren't intrusive. Alice, however, gave me a look that told me I had some explaining to do. I mumbled, "I went hunting," loud enough for the others to hear and propped my feet up on the coffee table, stretching my hands behind my head, as if I didn't have a care in the world. Although I knew it wouldn't affect Bella, I sent waves of calm and relaxation to the family. Esme looked at me and smiled in acknowledgment.
Everyone was in their usual positions, doing their normal activities, Emmett playing a hand held video game, Rosalie and Alice flipping through magazines, Esme was sketching...except for Bella. She usually read, but this evening she was sitting on the edge of her seat, her body language tense. No doubt, she was anxious for Edward to return, I thought to myself bitterly.
Bella glanced at me throughout the night, but I refused to look at her. I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to resist her and I had to be strong. As much as I loved her, I was still deeply hurt about her being ashamed of our relationship. I should have been more forgiving and understanding, but after the intimacy we shared, the true love connection we had, I wanted to protect myself. Bella was the only person in the universe that could truly hurt me. I was completely vulnerable with her, but now I was scared. I wanted to protect myself.
"Jasper, can I talk to you?" Bella asked.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at her. She had never directly spoken to me before and they were curious, but not suspicious. I was instantly nervous and wanted to ignore her, but knew that I couldn't.
"Sure," I replied casually, remaining seated. I was being immature. I knew our conversation had to be private. The others focused their attention back to their activities and Bella nodded towards the door. I sighed and followed her outside.
I would like to say that I kept my self respect with Bella, refusing to allow myself to be her play thing, demanding that she choose between me and Edward, but that would be a lie. As soon as we were out of the range of vampire hearing, we couldn't keep our hands off one another. She literally jumped on top of me, wrapping her legs around my waist and smothering me with kisses.
Bella seemed to want me to satisfy her newborn, physical desires. It was the only explanation I had for her behavior. Despite my better judgement, I was unable to resist.
And thus, Bella and I began a passionate affair and was remarkably able to keep it a secret from the family.
Our first few encounters were frantic and urgent coupling. It almost reminded me of my animalistic mating with Maria, except it was different because I loved Bella. Even though it was more sex than making love, I wanted to be with her in whatever way she would have me.
It was easy to be together when we went hunting alone, which we began to do often, since the family felt Bella had her "newborn-ness" under control. Eventually, we became more bold, taking more risks, being together while the others were still in the house. Once, we had sex while Bella was in the shower. I climbed through the window of the bathroom and surprised her. She was delighted.
Sometimes Bella didn't need full consummation. Sometimes she just wanted a gentle kiss or a hug. I would pass her in the hallway and she would pull me into an empty room where she allowed me to simply embrace her. Or when the family wasn't paying attention, we'd meet in the kitchen, the most unused room in the house, and I'd steal a kiss. I lived for those moments.
I hadn't dared ask why she wanted our relationship to be a secret because I feared she would end it. Suddenly, I didn't need an explanation or for her to make a public declaration. I had her in my arms...and that was enough...for now.
Emmett would occasionally look at me with suspicion, curious as to what was making me so happy, but he didn't say anything. The family did not know about me and Bella's relationship, although I did hear Esme remark, "It's so nice to see Jasper and Bella warming up to each other."
She had no idea.
It was difficult to keep any secrets from Alice, especially after being my companion and confidant of sixty years. We still spent most of our time together, except when I was alone with Bella, which was becoming more and more often. Alice wasn't the jealous type, but I knew I needed to talk to her soon. Her and my relationship would change once Bella and I went public. Alice and I had made no promises to each other, our relationship was as brother and sister, but still, things would be different between us.
Whether her gift had shown the affair or not, I didn't know, but Alice did not give any hints that it had been revealed.
Despite the secrecy, I was almost the happiest I had ever been...except for the invisible elephant in the room. Edward. He had not yet returned. The family was ashamed of his actions. They were offended on Bella's behalf, from their perspective she was waiting patiently for him, but they didn't bring up the topic because they didn't want to embarrass her. I found some hope in the fact that she didn't seem to miss Edward at all. Of course, I couldn't feel her emotions. She blocked them unless we were alone and being intimate. But, she never asked about him.
Bella's newborn year would be coming to an end soon. She only had one more month to go. The Denali cousins would be returning as well, and I was anxious to talk to Eleazer about Bella's gift. I hadn't mentioned her shield to anyone else because it would have exposed our relationship. But, Eleazer had a gift for recognizing gifts in others. He would be able to help Bella discover her gift because I knew she had one. I suspected it was very powerful.
It was a quiet evening in August. The entire family sat on the back deck of the house, watching the sun set. It was silent until Alice gasped and froze in place. We were familiar with this posture – she was having a vision.
"Edward is going to check his voicemail!" she screamed excitedly. "He's coming to Denali!"
Everyone looked at Bella, myself included. She looked surprised and hopeful. I felt crushed.
"When will he arrive?" Esme asked.
Alice paused for a moment. "Two days, I think. Not sooner than that."
Esme turned to Bella, patting her leg. "Edward is finally coming home for you!"
I couldn't handle this. Without an explanation, I stood up and stormed into the house. As I left, I heard Emmett in the background remark, "What's wrong with him?"
I hid myself in Eleazar's library and soaked in my emotions. Bella's reaction to news of Edward's return was burned in my brain. I couldn't feel her, but her face said it all. She wanted him to return. Where did that leave me? Us?
Within minutes, I caught Bella's scent. She had followed me. I ignored her knock on the door, but she opened it anyway, and came to sit beside me. My posture was rigid. Bella brushed her hand against mine, attempting to hold it, and I pulled away. For a brief second, I felt sadness coming from her. Although I had been avoiding her eyes, when I felt her emotion, I looked at her.
She was clearly hurt and confused at my rejection. For a second, I almost decided to yield. We had been lovers for almost five months. I had always eagerly accepted Bella's advances. But for once I was able to remain strong. Bella playing games with me. It wasn't fair. Even though it was a simple gesture, at that moment in my desolation holding her hand felt as intimate as making love. If she was rejecting me forever, I wasn't going to make things things worse for myself by indulging in her closeness on the eve of Edward's return.
I averted my gaze and looked at the floor. "Leave me alone," I requested.
From the corner of my eye, I could see Bella nod and leave. A few moments later, I found refuge in my bedroom. There was an unwritten family rule that we would respect one another's privacy. No one would bother me there.
I should of gone to Bella and finally confronted her. I should have demanded she choose between me and Edward. I should have told her that I would fight for her, if it came to that. I should have told her I couldn't live without her and begged her to love me back. But, I did none of these things.
Does love make you vulnerable and defenseless like this? I wondered. I was a Major, a military commander. I was not afraid of anything. I was the master of my destiny. I was a man of action. Yet, with Bella I was being so...passive. What the hell was wrong with me?
Two days passed, and I didn't leave my bedroom. I heard conversations throughout the house, but Bella was strangely quiet. When I heard Alice announce Edward would be arriving soon, I bolted downstairs.
Everyone was in the living room, waiting for Edward. Carlisle and Esme were excited, Emmett and Rosalie were a little annoyed. Alice was frozen, probably having another vision. Bella sat on a sofa, looking at her hands in her lap.
Adrenaline rushed through me. Edward was coming back. Bella would want him. I wanted Bella.
"I'm sorry, I can't let this happen," I announced and all eyes looked at me.
With vampiric speed, I picked up Bella, threw her over my shoulder and ran out of the house.
