Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!


A/N: These next two chapters were so hard to write and I'm not sure if I really communicated what I wanted to, but I hope you like it. Just a reminder, I'll be posting a chapter every day until it's finished. If you want to support the story, please leave a review. Thanks to all the new reviewers, the faithful readers, and all of you who have added the story as a favorite. If I pass the 200 mark of reviews today, I'll immediately post the next chapter! :)

Special thanks to gredelina1 my fan fic soul mate.


As I ran, I shifted Bella so that I was cradling her in my arms like a baby. She didn't resist, in fact she clung to me, and I kept running until I knew no one was following us. I suspected the family was in complete shock at my actions, all except for Alice. I saw her smile a split second before I grabbed Bella.

When I was certain we were safe, I stopped running and placed Bella on the ground. I collapsed to my knees, and leaned against her, wrapping my arms around her body, pulling her close to me. I was going to be vulnerable and share my heart. I was going to beg.

"Bella, I love you. Please don't choose Edward. Choose me."

I was overwhelmed with fear and panic. It was as if the last few months I had been living a dream of sorts. I was able to touch, hold and feel the woman I loved and it was pure bliss. But, now there was a very real risk that I could lose her forever. It was too much to bear.

Bella began to sob, the floodgates of her emotions opened, and she collapsed on the ground next to me. She didn't answer me in words, but I felt her emotions. Bella was exhausted and she was confused. I pulled her into my lap, much like I had during our first night together in her bedroom in Forks. As much as I wanted her to speak to me, I knew that what she needed was to be calmed down. Bella was a deeply emotional creature, almost equal to me in that regard. As she sobbed in my arms, I realized that all these months, even when I felt Bella open to me emotionally, she was still holding back. But now, I truly felt her. I felt everything. I smoothed her hair, surprised at the weight she had been carrying, and tried to make her feel safe.

It was because of my own selfishness that I didn't consider the trauma Bella had been through. She had been so good at hiding her newborn struggles from the family, wanting to assure us she was happy with being a vampire and not conflicted over Edward leaving her. When she finally opened up to me, the night we reunited physically, I didn't give her a chance to explain what she was feeling. Instead, I acted like a child and fled. All this time she had been trying to deal with things on her own, and I should have been there for her, but I wasn't.

After awhile her sobbing subsided and her breathing became even. Edward would be arriving soon, if he hadn't already, and time was short. I needed to know what she was thinking.

"We have a lot to discuss," I spoke softly.

"Yes," Bella whimpered, trembling full of emotion. "Thank you for being patient with me."

"Oh, Bella," I sighed, kissing the top of her head. "Should we start from the beginning?"

"Okay," she replied, but didn't say anything else. I felt her hesitation. I would have to go first.

"I've loved you from the moment I saw you," I began. "I didn't understand it at first because I had never been in love. By the time I admitted to myself what I was feeling, you were already in love with my brother. So I kept my distance. When Edward told us he was leaving Forks, he asked us to leave with him. I returned to you as soon as I could. When I went to your house that night...Bella, I've never felt that level of pain from a human before. What exactly happened?"

Bella was leaning against my chest and didn't look up at me. "When Edward ended our relationship, he told me that he didn't want me anymore. He said I didn't belong in his world, that I wasn't good for him. He also mentioned the family had left without saying goodbye. Edward left and I collapsed in the woods until the search party found me. It was like someone had died — like I had died. It was losing a whole future, a whole family — the whole life that I'd chosen. I remained catatonic until you came to visit me that night."

Her emotions shifted from the memory of her heartbreak to the relief she felt she saw me climb through her bedroom window. "You, of all people, came back for me. I couldn't believe it."

"That was a very special night," I said softly. I trembled at the memory of our love making, every caress and kiss burned into my brain for eternity.

"Yes, it was," she replied simply, but shame surrounded her words. It almost broke my heart.

"Do you regret it?" I asked, bracing myself for her answer.

"No, I don't regret it at all, Jasper. It was beautiful. You were able to comfort me in a way that I never thought possible. I was dying and your touch brought me back to life. It made me whole again."

"Then why do you feel ashamed?" I asked.

Bella gathered the courage to answer. "Because I feel that I betrayed Edward. Even though he told me he didn't want me, I still wanted him. I spent those seven days begging God to return him to me. But, then you appeared. Edward was quickly forgotten and I wanted you."

"That's not a bad thing," I replied, trying not to smile.

She shook her head. "How could I be grieving the loss of Edward, then make love to you?"

"As you said, you were grieving. I comforted you."

"Yes, you did," she whispered, almost shyly, with a mixture of amazement and lust. It was followed by more shame.

"Do you regret that I was your first and not Edward?"

Bella paused, choosing her words carefully. "Edward never allowed our relationship to be very physical. He said it wasn't safe, that he would hurt me. But, you, Jasper," she looked up at me. "You opened your heart to me so completely. I felt it in my soul. You weren't afraid to love me."

"No, I wasn't," I whispered, stroking her face. Bella looked away.

"When we were making love, it was as if Edward never existed. The pain of losing him disappeared completely, it was as if my heart had never been broken at all. Afterward, when you held me as I fell asleep, I knew my life would never be the same."

Words could express the relief I felt upon hearing this...knowing that Bella felt our connection as deeply as I did.

"Little did I know how soon it would change," she continued. "I begged Edward to make me like him, but he always refused. And yet you did it without a second thought."

I sighed. "I do regret that. I should have consulted you first."

"When the burning began, I immediately knew that you changed me because you loved me."

"If you knew I loved you, why were you so distant from me those first six months?"

"The family kept talking about me and Edward, how he still loved me and would be returning for me soon. But, you were the only one in my heart. I was confused. How could my feelings be so strong for someone I didn't know?"

"You didn't know me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. After that night in her bedroom in Forks, she knew me very, very well.

Immediately catching my innuendo, she swatted my arm playfully. "You know what I mean. Other than that night, we had barely spoken before. I had a history with Edward. He saved my life three times, I was completely and irrevocably in love with him, or so I thought until you came to my rescue. For that first six months, I wrestled with this confusion - feeling that I should be loyal to Edward, but wanting you so much I could barely function. I was also adjusting to my new life. You know how difficult it is being a newborn. All my emotions felt intensified, extreme. I wanted to show the family that I wouldn't be a burden, that I fit it, but it was hard to hold it together sometimes. With my thirst and desire for you, I was overwhelmed."

"You desired me?" I asked.

Bella glanced at me, shyly. "I made it pretty clear, the first opportunity that we were alone."

I smiled, remembering how she told me she wanted me. "Yes, you did."

"It had been six months and Edward hadn't returned. I couldn't fight my feelings any longer. I needed you."

"And I needed you," I agreed. "Being with you again was a dream come true. But..." I needed to say this delicately. "Why did you want to keep our relationship a secret from the family?"

Bella's eyes clouded over, apparently remembering how she hurt me. She shifted in my lap, placed her arms around my neck and kissed me gently, but with passion. It took us a few minutes to remember we were having a much needed conversation.

"I'm sorry for hurting you," she apologized, when we finally broke away from kissing one another. "When I heard Esme, I...well, I freaked out. I could never be ashamed of you, Jasper."

"Then why wouldn't you tell the family?" I pressed.

"I didn't want them to think I was cheating on Edward. I felt guilty because I knew in their minds I belonged to Edward. I didn't want to disappoint the family, but I couldn't stay away from you, either."

Bella began to sob again, feelings of guilt and loyalty oozing from her being. I understood the complexity of her emotions. I had been so hurt Bella wanted to keep our relationship a secret, but I had kept my own secret from the family, too. I never confronted Edward directly, although he was very aware of my feelings for Bella. I never told the family how I felt about her, either.

"It's okay, darlin. I understand."

"I had to be with you, even if I wasn't ready to process my feelings. I know it was selfish. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, you didn't force me to do anything I wasn't already very willing to do," I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. Bella stopped sobbing and smiled.

I had to ask the burning question, the question that would decide my future.

"Do you still love Edward?" I asked.

She stiffened. She did not expect this question.

"Bella, I need to know."

She turned and looked at me somberly.

"I'll never love you the way I love him."