Chapter 12 - Unrequited Love's a Bitch - Stiles
Friday afternoon, I was poking at my fries in the cafeteria. Normally I'd be scarfing down as much food as I could during the break, but I was sitting with Sadie, and something just felt off.
She'd been quiet for the last couple days, ever since Peter had attacked her at the hospital the night we won the semi-final lacrosse game. Scott seemed completely oblivious, or maybe he was just trying to give her space. But I didn't feel like she needed space. What she needed was protection, which meant I'd been trying to keep a closer eye on her for the past week. For the most part she seemed fine. She held up normal conversations and was just as sarcastic as she always was, but for some reason I could tell that something was different. It was like her eyes were darker or something, her voice just a little more forced. I knew she'd been a little off after Peter had attacked her at the video store, but then she'd found out about werewolves and been snapped out of it a bit. And after we'd been locked in the school, she still had something to do, something to work towards. But this attack left us with absolutely nothing. We had no idea how we were going to stop Peter, especially now that Derek was working with him. With her werewolf boyfriend—which I was still calling him because I still had no idea why she trusted him so much—gone to the dark side, and no plan of action to save the town, there was nothing to distract her from the trauma of her third attack. At least, that was the only reason I could come up with as to why she was so glum.
I glanced at her cautiously, noticing how she kept her head down, staring at the table intently. I grabbed at another fry, trying to think of something to say.
"So," I started, making her head lift up. Immediately, I could see the change, see that actress's wall she was putting up, but I pushed on anyway. "I was thinking you, Scott and I should all hang out tomorrow. Have like a movie marathon or something. Try and get some sort of normality back in our lives."
"No can do," she replied immediately, dropping her eyes back to the table. "I'm going shopping with Allison and Lydia tomorrow."
"Dress shopping?" I asked, trying not to sound too hopeful. I didn't want to think too hard about the girls trying on dresses and giggling and talking about their dates like girls did in the movies. Half because that involved imagining them changing, and half because that meant acknowledging that I might get brought up in conversation and discussed between Allison, Sadie and Lydia freaking Martin when I wasn't around.
I was still kind of amazed that I was going to the winter formal with Sadie. I was half expecting Lydia to tell her she wasn't allowed to go with me, or even be seen with me at all, but I guess I had to give Sadie more credit than that. Sadie was my friend, and she was loyal and strong enough to not let someone else's opinions tell her who to associate with. I had to give Lydia more credit too. I knew that she was really, really close with Sadie. If there was anyone she would put her vicious judgment on hold for, it was Sadie. So maybe Lydia was only letting her go with me because we were friends. It still showed that she was willing to tolerate me, and she really was as compassionate as I thought she was when she wasn't at school with an audience to perform her bitch act for.
"Nope," Sadie dismissed again, flicking long fingers through the air. "Well, not really. Lydia's got some weird, four-tier system for dress shopping. Technically we've been looking for over a month. We're just going window shopping tomorrow."
"Any idea what you're gonna get?" I pressed, eating a few more fries. She raised an eyebrow, shaking her head at the site and in response.
"Eh, not really. Lydia thinks I look good in purple, but I'm not so sure about you." I glanced up, glaring at her taunting smirk before I mirrored her expression. I flicked a fry towards her from my plate, grinning as she practically squealed. She waved her hands, trying to bat the crumb away from her sleek hair, her face scrunched up as she giggled. I tried not to think about the swell of pride I felt at making her laugh, much more comfortable now that she was smiling again. That was the Sadie I knew. The one with the pretty smile. Unfortunately, she caught my expression and rolled her eyes. "Anyway," she continued, even though she was still grinning, "I have a feeling it's not gonna be up to me. Lydia will probably choose her own dress first and then choose something for me that doesn't clash."
"Green," I blurted before I could stop myself. "You should tell her to wear green. It makes her hair look really nice." I glanced over at the table on the other side of the room, watching Lydia's hair sway as she talked enthusiastically to Allison. It caught the light, making all the red highlights shine as she put on a smile that I knew couldn't be completely genuine. I couldn't believe Jackson had dumped her. How could you have someone like that in your life and then let them go?
"I know, Stiles," Sadie grumbled, breaking my trance. "I think that's probably the fourth time you've suggested it." I pulled by eyes back to Sadie, noticing how she was glaring down at the table once more.
"Sorry," I relented, turning back to face her head on. She simply shook her head, but she didn't meet my eyes.
A pang of guilt shot through my stomach. I knew it was probably really stupid to be ranting to Sadie about how much I liked her best friend, especially considering everything Sadie had been through recently. I mean, I hated it when Scott gushed about Allison for too long, and it was kind of hypocritical for me to be putting Sadie through the same kind of torture. But I felt like I could talk to Sadie, because she always understood me. She knew the compassionate, smart, caring Lydia that I knew existed, understood why I liked her so much. Which is probably why I didn't seem to be able to shut my mouth.
"It's just weird, you know?" I sighed, eyes straying to Lydia's strawberry blonde curls again. "Like…I think about her all the time, daydream and stuff, but when it's time to get back to reality… I don't know, it's like I could just look at her and Jackson and snap out of it. Like, 'she's never gonna notice you while she's with Jackson' but…now she's not. And I just can't stop thinking, like…maybe now that she knows who I am, I could be the one to help her get over Jackson. And I just can't keep down that bit of hope, you know?"
I almost groaned internally as, first Allison, and then Lydia glanced our way. Allison threw me a small, polite smile before turning back to their conversation. I could tell Lydia was barely keeping an almost amused grimace off her face. That should have hurt. To any normal person, it would have. But keeping a grimace off her face was so much more than Lydia had ever done for me before. It wasn't a look of confusion or an open look of disgust. Ever since Sadie had come along, Lydia had been forced to notice my existence, and instead of throwing out biting insults or corrections, she did her best to be on good behavior. It wasn't friendly by a long shot, but at least it was almost civil. And in some twisted way, that gave me hope.
After a few seconds I noticed that the table had gone completely silent. I turned back to Sadie, who was watching me closely with those warm brown eyes. She didn't look away either, just continued to stare at me in this unnervingly calculating way. I quickly ducked my head, feeling my cheeks flush.
"Sorry, that…that didn't make any sense."
"No, it's fine," she replied. "I get it." I lifted my head up to look at her again, but she was staring down at her food, her face half hidden by her hair.
"You do?" I asked tentatively, and she nodded.
"Yeah, I'm…I'm familiar with the feeling." For some reason, the sentence caused me to freeze. I stared at the wall of brown hair Sadie had left between us, hiding her face so that I couldn't even attempt to read her the way she'd been reading my face a few seconds ago. She sighed, lifting a hand to run her fingers through her hair. The wall temporarily displaced, I was able to catch a look on her face that I realized I never wanted to see there—pain. After another moment, she continued. "It's like…when you really, really like someone, but they like someone else. And you know the person they want isn't interested in them, isn't good for them, and you just want to make them see that. It's kind of impossible to keep yourself from hoping that somehow, they'll just turn around and see you one day, and you can help them get over it…that they'll realize that you're really what they wanted all along. But they're just completely oblivious to you and…" I watched as she trailed off, her words getting faster and higher as she grew more and more frustrated, until she just had to cut herself off. I watched her swallow thickly, watched her shake her head as she tried to regain her composure. Finally, she looked up at me, and even though the wall was back up, I could recognize the sadness in her eyes. "It sucks," she finished lamely, her voice back to normal.
The only thing I seemed to be able to do was stare at her. She'd described my feelings perfectly, everything from my frustration about Lydia liking Jackson, to my hope that she'd notice my potential. But why would Sadie understanding me make my chest tighten and my stomach sink? God, I really hoped Sadie hadn't felt like this when I'd been talking. I didn't want her to ever feel like this, whatever this was. Sadie understanding how I felt should have made me feel relieved, but instead it just made me feel sick. I didn't want her to be as upset as I was. And it was Sadie. How could anyone not notice her? She should have been able to get any guy she wanted. Not that I wanted her to be pining after some airhead lacrosse player, but still. You'd have to be blind not to notice her.
I decided that had to be the sinking feeling I was experiencing—sympathy, protectiveness. I didn't want anyone hurting my friends. I'd had enough of people hurting my friends. When it was supernatural, then I knew something could be done about it. But what was I supposed to do about some guy that was hurting my friend emotionally? I didn't know how to deal with that. All I knew was that I wanted to kick whatever lucky asshole she liked so much for not seeing her the way she wanted him to. He probably didn't even deserve her. She'd listened to me vent about my relationship problems, so I had to listen to her, no matter how shitty it made me feel. I was just being protective of her, and that was the only reason every part of me suddenly felt like lead…right?
But before either of us could say anything more, Scott plopped down in the seat next to me.
"Hey guys," he panted, as if he'd been sprinting over from the lunch line. "Sorry I'm late." He barely spared me a glance before grinning at Sadie, who just shrugged at him.
"Wha-? Oh, um…" I coughed, looking back to Scott. "Nah, it's cool. Good. We're fine."
"So, what are we talking about?" he asked, easing himself into the chair. I opened my mouth and then closed it again, trying to think of some other topic we could discuss. I knew it was unfair to say it after I'd ranted to Sadie about Lydia, but I wasn't sure if I could listen to her rant about how perfect the guy she liked was. Thankfully, I didn't need to think of an excuse.
"Nothing," Sadie replied, almost as soon as the question had left Scott's mouth. I looked over at her again, noticing how her gaze was locked on her plate, refusing to look at Scott or me. "Actually, you know, I just realized it's Friday, so I'm supposed to sit with Lydia. I'll see you guys around." And without another word, she swung her bag up over her shoulder, picked up her tray, and scurried away from the table, brown hair swaying behind her as she kept her head ducked and headed over to join Allison and Lydia. I watched her go with my mouth agape, until Scott nudged me with the elbow.
"Dude, what the hell did you do?"
"Wha-? What did I do?" I snapped turning to look at him defensively. "I didn't do anything! We were talking just fine until you showed up!"
And then my mouth clamped shut. I stared at Scott for a moment before looking back at the chair where Sadie had just been sitting, her speech ringing over in my head. She obviously really, really liked this guy. And this guy liked someone else, who didn't want to be with him. And she seemed torn up by the fact that, despite all the effort she put in, he didn't see her as more than a friend. And then as soon as Scott had sat down, she'd taken off. So…that could only add up to one conclusion, right?
Sadie had barely batted an eye when she found out Scott was a werewolf. She was so willing to stay by him, to help him anyway she could, been so convinced he was a good person. She'd come over to play video games with him when his girlfriend had dumped him. And despite all the time she'd been spending with us, Scott was still moody and gloomy about the fact that Allison couldn't even look at him. He only wanted to be with Allison, even after everything Sadie had done for him.
My stomach didn't seem to be sinking anymore. Instead, it almost felt like it'd been split in two, half burrowing down into my intestines while the other half shot up into my throat. It was always Scott, wasn't it? Allison loved Scott. Lydia had made out with Scott. And wouldn't you know it, now Sadie was pining after him too. He was my best friend, I got that he was a great guy, but I found that I hated the fact she liked him. I hated it a lot. Maybe I should have been happy it wasn't some weirdo jock from the lacrosse team—at least I knew Scott was a decent guy—but I still hated that she'd picked someone she couldn't have. Someone I wasn't even allowed to hate because he was my best friend.
It briefly occurred to me that Sadie and I were in the same boat. I liked her best friend, and she was in love with mine. And neither of us could have what we wanted. I bit my lip hard. I really, really hoped that me talking about Lydia didn't make Sadie feel this sick. If she felt even half as shitty as I felt, I was ready to never mention Lydia's name in her presence ever again.
"Yo, dude, you okay?" Scott prompted, watching me warily. I looked over at his completely oblivious face for a second. He had no idea how much she liked him. He didn't even care that Sadie was better than Allison ever could have been, and she still liked him. What was so great about Scott?
"Yeah, I'm fine," I insisted, sliding down in my chair slightly. "I'm just not that hungry."
"Stiles, you've only had like, half your fries," he pointed out, concern lacing every syllable. I simply shrugged, glancing back at the girls, where Sadie sat with her back directly towards us.
I didn't talk much for the rest of the period. Mostly, I let Scott talk while I stared at my books. I couldn't even look at him for too long without feeling irrationally angry. It was always Scott. Everybody loved Scott. He got his own girl and made out with the only girl I ever had a crush on. And now he was taking Sadie away too. I knew I couldn't really blame him. It wasn't anything that he'd done, and he didn't know he was doing it. But Sadie liking him so much still felt like a kick to the gut. It wasn't jealousy, I repeated to myself, just another blow to my self-esteem. I was just never good enough. For anybody.
A/N: Oh no, I made myself sad. So, I'm not sure how much I like this one, but it was frequently requested that I show Stiles's thought process during this scene. I made myself feel kind of sick writing it too. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it, and make sure to let me know what you think!
In other news, I'm trying out for the Die On Teen Wolf contest. Now, I have a lot of people who follow this story, and I'm not above bribery. So, I'm gonna leave a link to my Instagram video on my profile. You can also go to and vote for me through Facebook if you find "Brittney W." Go vote, tell your friends to vote, get your family to vote. And if I get enough votes, I'll write something very special for you all - more sexually frustrated Stiles. Specifically, a detailed dream he has that reveals that Stiles has a kink or two. So if you want that, you should all go vote!
Also, I'm going to be at NYCC on the Saturday. I'm not sure if anyone cares, but if you're interested, I was thinking we could have like a faux panel? I'd love to meet you guys and answer questions and chat about the story, or Teen Wolf in general. Let me know!
Okie dokie then! Thanks for reading and I hope to hear from you guys soon!
-Brittney
