As always, a big thank you to Ambush99 for betaing this chapter!
If I don't post before Christmas. I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas!
Chapter 12
James paced up and down the dorm. Every fibre of his body felt tense. It had not only been hours, but days since he had last seen Sirius. Why was it taking so long? Why weren't the teachers telling them anything? They weren't bloody children!
"James! Stop, you are giving me a bloody headache!" Pete exclaimed, as he covered his eyes.
"Pete, I can't. Like, why haven't they told us anything?!"
"Maybe they've told us everything they can?" Remus reasoned, looking up from his Charms homework. "Maybe there is no new news. I know muggle injuries take a lot longer than when you have magic."
"Yeah," Pete said, returning to the conversation. "Before I knew I was a wizard my injuries would take so much longer to heal than now. Before I would go to a muggle healer, now my parents take me to a healer, and it heals in seconds. That's probably what it is."
"Sure, but why can't we see him?" James bit back.
"Because he might still be seriously hurt," Pete replied, carefully eyeing his friend. "I don't like it either, but we need to let them do their jobs."
"Fine. But why can't they use magic?" James exclaimed to no one in particular.
"Prongs, I don't know mate. Fuck, I wish I did, and then Sirius would be here joking or whatever with us, not in the sodding hospital wing alone," Pete replied in a desperate voice.
"But why can't we see him? I get it that muggle methods might take longer than magic, but it's been more than three days. Muggle methods can't be that crap! Muggles are smart and they appear to survive and live long lives. So, it can't be that. Because I was talking to him before it happened. He was at school, he was at lessons," James said in a quiet, depressed voice.
"But he wasn't, was he? He wasn't at lessons, or maybe he was, but he missed so many. He wasn't in the dorm. He was never in the great hall. He was just quietly fading," Remus replied, as he looked down and closed his eyes tightly, as tears threatened. "Quietly slipping away from us."
"No one noticed, or if they did, they didn't do anything about it," Pete said quietly, guilt returning.
"Yeah," James started in a choked voice. "Where did he go during the holidays?"
"Home?" Pete suggested.
"I guess, but why did Regulus think he was dead? Why did he not see Sirius during the holidays if Sirius had been there?" James pushed. "It doesn't make any sense."
"None of it makes sense mate," Pete tried to reason.
"Maybe if I talk to Regulus, I might get more information," James said quietly, as he started pacing again.
"James!" Remus warned.
"What?"
"Remember what happened last time," Remus reminded.
"I didn't do anything wrong!"
"I know you didn't," Pete started. "It's just that you can be pretty intimidating at times."
"But," James started.
"Prongs, we don't know what happened to Sirius other than he's hurt. Regulus is two years younger than us, he's probably just as confused and scared as we are. Just be gentle with him," Remus suggested. He took a breath and exchanged glances with Pete. "Maybe it's best if I talk to Regulus."
"What? Don't you trust me?" James asked dangerously.
"It's not that mate, it's just… well, we are pretty upset with what happened to Sirius, Regulus included," Remus tried.
"How do you know that?! He was so dismissive about Sirius! He's a Black, you know how bad and evil they are!" James exclaimed, as he balled his fists into balls.
"Sirius is a Black," Remus said quietly.
"Sirius is different, he's basically a Potter," James bit back.
"Yeah, he is different, but Regulus grew up with him. Sirius never really said anything bad about him. He said he was an idiot for believing their parents, but he never said anything worse than that. I don't think he knows what happened," Pete started. He shuffled a bit and looked down at his feet. As much as he loved James and Sirius, in the back of his mind he knew he was never their equal. James and Sirius were pureblood, stupidly talented, good looking and rich. All the things he wasn't. He was scared, but not intimated. He looked down again and look a breath before looking James straight in the eye. "Prongs, I don't know why Regulus said what he said, but I reckon he's scared. Sirius never said anything really bad about his brother. Regulus doesn't seem to be that bad. All I'm saying is, well, just take it easy."
James nodded as he pulled out the map and studied it for a moment. He looked down, avoiding the other two's glares. "Okay, okay," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. "I will be gentle with the baby snake."
"He's Sirius' brother," Remus started. "Sirius isn't a snake."
"Fine!" James exclaimed, throwing his hands up in a dramatic fashion, before storming out the room.
James stormed down a couple of corridors before he felt calm enough to stop. Slipping into an empty classroom he took a moment to try to calm himself. He knew what Pete and Remus were saying was right. It didn't make it any easier to hear. He was just beside himself with worry for his best friend. Why didn't anyone understand that? Why didn't anyone understand it was like a part of him was missing?! How could Regulus be so calm, cold and unaffected? Bloody little snake.
"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good," James whispered, as he pulled out the map. He scanned it, hoping Regulus wasn't in the dark, dank dungeons of the Slytherin common room. Fortunately, his wishes were answered, as he spied the person in question alone on the Astronomy Tower. Giving it a quick scan for teachers, again fortunately finding none, he cleared the map and headed towards the tower.
Regulus sat, curled up, his head resting on his knees as he silently sobbed. Despite everything that had happened between him and his brother, he still loved him. His parents had told him Sirius had died from Dragonpox and he had believed them. He had no reason not to believe them. Then Sirius had reappeared looking a little worse for wear. He had desperately written to his parents for information. When he had received the reply it only made him more confused. His cousins had reinforced it. They had said Sirius was cruel and evil, and he had done it to trick them, to dirty the family name. But then, why was Potter confused? Bloody Potter did everything with Sirius. Potter had stolen Sirius from him. Before Sirius had gone to Hogwarts, it was always him and Sirius. Then Sirius had met Potter, and everything had changed. When Sirius had returned for the first Christmas holidays all he could talk about was bloody James Potter and a couple of other friends. Regulus had seen their parents' reaction to Sirius being sorted into Gryffindor and he didn't want the same. The sorting hat had toyed between Gryffindor and Slytherin, and he had begged it to sort him into Slytherin. It had pleased his parents but had only further driven a wedge between the two brothers.
Regulus sat up as he heard footsteps. He wiped his eyes. Why would someone be coming up here? Why were they going to disturb him? It was the only place he could silently mourn his brother. He couldn't do it in the common room. They had been celebrating Sirius' death and now they just treated him like dirt. He was confused. He loved his brother. He just didn't understand their relationship anymore. And. And there was Bellatrix. She terrified him.
"Regulus?" James called out cautiously.
Regulus shrank into the darkness. James Bloody Potter. The absolute last person, apart from Bellatrix, he wanted to see. He bloody stole Sirius from him. What did he want now?!
"Regulus?" James called out to the darkened room again. "I know you are in here."
'Fuck,' Regulus thought. How the hell did he know he was here?! He shrank further back into the shadows.
"I just want to talk about Sirius," James tried again. He took a breath and looked down at his feet for a moment before continuing. "I promise I won't snap. I just want to know what you know about what happened to him. I will tell you what I know if you want."
Regulus silently stared at James through the shadows. Did he trust him? No. Did he think James would hex him? Probably. Did he really want to find out something about why his big brother had disappeared again? Yes. The rumours were flying around the school. Sirius was in rehab. Sirius was in Azkaban. Sirius had moved schools. Sirius was starring in a muggle porn film, whatever that was. He looked down and bit his lip for a moment. Whatever James Potter had planned for him couldn't be worse than what he already felt.
"Yeah," Regulus said quietly, as he stepped out of the shadows.
"Hi," James replied in a soft voice. "How are you?" he continued awkwardly.
"Okay. How are you?" Regulus replied, equally awkwardly.
"Okay, I guess. Look, Regulus," James started quietly. "Umm, look, umm, I am going to put my wand down there," he said, as he gently laid his wand down on the nearby table. "I'm not here to hurt you or anything. I just want to know what happened over the Christmas holidays. What happened to Sirius?"
"I don't know," Regulus replied, swallowing carefully. "I never saw him."
"But," James started, a vein popping on his temple. He thought of Pete's words. 'You can be intimidating.'. The boy in front of him was young. He couldn't yell at him. "So, you didn't see him at all these holidays?"
"No," Regulus replied, looking down and away.
"Okay."
"Look, if Sirius had just been quiet. If he had just agreed with them. Then, then he would be okay. They wouldn't hurt him," Regulus blurted out in a panicked whisper.
"What? They've hurt him before?!" James barked out accusingly. 'Don't yell at him'. Remus' words came back to him. "I'm sorry Regulus, I didn't mean that," he apologised. "Is it bad at home?" he tried more gently.
Regulus felt himself shaking. "I shouldn't have said that. It's okay. I promise you everything is okay at home."
James nodded, remembering Sirius' reluctance to tell them about his home life. "Okay, I'll pretend we never had this conversation."
"Thanks," Regulus replied quietly. He swallowed several times before looking up at James Potter. "Do you know what happened to Sirius?"
"A bit," James replied carefully.
Regulus nodded. "Can you tell me?"
"Look Regulus, I don't know a lot, but you have to promise me you won't tell anyone what I am about to tell you. It's really important. Not even your best friend. Not even your parents."
"Yeah, I promise," Regulus replied, nodding.
James looked at Regulus for a moment, before looking away, tears stinging his eyes. Regulus really was a mini-Sirius. All rivalry and hatred fell away for a moment. "Well, you know Sirius was back late. And everyone said it was because he had been at the pub." He watched Regulus nod. "Well, he hadn't been. I'm not sure where he had been, but he hadn't been at the pub. He had been hurt."
"What?" Regulus started, looking up at James with his big grey eyes.
"I, I am not happy with what I did. How I acted. I was so angry with him. I thought he had played some sick joke, but it couldn't be further from the truth. I finally realised he looked like crap and tried to talk to him. He said your parents hurt him."
"I don't understand, he wasn't there over Christmas," Regulus exclaimed, looking wildly around.
"I don't know Regulus. He was suspended. Maybe something happened before you got back?"
"Yeah, but what about the over two-and-a-bit weeks?"
James looked down, his eyes still stinging. "I don't know, okay. He then freaked out. Like totally freaked out, blew up the classroom with accidental magic."
"What? Sirius is, he wouldn't do that!"
"As I said, I don't know, okay. I don't know!"
"What happened next?"
"We. Sirius and I," James clarified, "were stuck under all of this rubble for ages. I swear I thought he was going to die. The teachers eventually got to us."
"And-" Regulus urged.
"They took him to the hospital wing. They said he was seriously injured."
"How is he?"
"I haven't seen him."
"What do you mean, you haven't seen him?! He's your best mate!"
"Do you think I haven't tried?!" James snapped. He took a breath as he felt the anger, fear and frustration build within him. "You really think I like this?!"
"I think you have a healthy disrespect for the school rules. So, why would this stop you? He's supposed to be your best mate. You stole my brother from me!"
James advanced on Regulus. He wanted to punch his stupid face, but he stopped. He thought of Remus' words, 'he's probably just as confused and scared as we are.' "I know, okay," he said, holding up his hands. "I know, but I don't know if they are doing it for Sirius' safety. They can't use magic on him. They are having to use muggle methods to heal him."
If possible, Regulus seemed to go several shades paler than he already was. He stood there, staring at James, open mouthed, before he was eventually able to respond. "Okay," he managed. "I, I better go. It's, well I don't want to be caught out of bounds."
"Regulus," James called out to the figure rapidly making their way to the door.
"Yeah."
"Please, remember not a word."
Regulus nodded. "What conversation?" he said, before sprinting down the stairs and out of sight.
James picked up his wand and slumped against the wall. Three days, it had been three bloody days since he had seen Sirius, and quite frankly he had had enough. It wasn't just what Regulus had said. But Regulus had been correct. He had a healthy disrespect for the school rules, so why hadn't he tried visiting Sirius before. Surely Madam Pomfrey had healed him by now?! What was so wrong with Sirius that he couldn't have visitors for three days?! His request had always been met with the same response, 'I'm sorry James, Sirius isn't well enough for visitors at the moment'. But enough was enough. Sirius was his best friend. No, he was more than that, Sirius was his brother and he needed to be there for him. He looked around the empty Astronomy Tower. He knew both Pete and Remus were fast asleep. He had barely slept since Sirius' accidental magic incident. The whole incident had terrified him, knowing what his brother had gone through alone, knowing how close his brother had been to death and he had stood idly by. But that was going to end now, he thought as he pulled his cloak and the map from his pocket. With a quick glance at the map, he pulled on the cloak and gently padded out of the tower.
The castle was quiet and deserted at this time of night. He pulled his cloak closer to his body as the cold draft from the corridor bit into him. He wondered how he hadn't seen it before. It was undoubtedly not the first time Sirius' parents had hurt him, just the first time they had tried to kill him. Why hadn't Sirius trusted him enough to tell him what was really going on at home? When Sirius had said he hated his family, he'd just figured they had argued; it had never entered his mind they were hurting him.
"That's it my dear, we'll find any nasty students out of bed."
James froze. He had been so lost in thought he'd paid no attention to his surroundings. Quickly pulling himself into an empty classroom, he held his breath as Filch passed. He exhaled slowly once the coast was clear and pulled out the map. How had he been so stupid? What use would he be to Sirius if he was spending every evening in detention? He studied the map carefully before emerging from his hiding spot. He quietly slipped into the hospital wing, pausing for a moment to look to consult the map again. Sirius hadn't moved from his spot at the far end of the wing. The healers were with him again. What they were doing, James did not know, but it shouldn't take them over three days to heal his friend. Madam Pomfrey healed Remus' wounds after a transformation in a matter of hours, so why were they taking so long to heal Sirius?
With the cloak on, he slipped into the room unnoticed. He thought he had prepared himself, but he hadn't. Sirius was paler than he had been in the classroom. He could barely see his chest moving. His hair was lank and lifeless, his face sunken and gaunt. He barely seemed alive. What the hell had the healers been doing for the last three days?! He could see a long scar running along Sirius' shoulder, which looked like someone had hastily sewn it together like a torn coat. What the hell were they doing?
Sirius wasn't a piece of material or something. Why hadn't they used magic? His wrist still looked swollen and bruised with another long, livid-looking scar running down his arm which, again, looked hastily sewn together. There was another weird looking, thin cut wrapping around his hand. He watched in horror as the healers muttered something he couldn't make out before re-bandaging and leaving. He stood there, rooted to the spot, unable to react. Madam Pomfrey's words came back to him. Were they just trying to hide these horrors from him? Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he found the courage to approach his friend.
"Hey mate," he said softly, pulling off the cloak as he went. "Umm, so." He stopped, unable to find any words. He looked at his friend again. At the deathly pale skin. At the chest that barely seemed to move. He noticed for the first time the clear tube which seemed to be stuck into Sirius' hand. The whole thing reminded him of one of those muggle horror books Pete would read. Frankenstein? "Mate," he whispered. "What have they done to you?" His hand hovered over Sirius', scared to touch him in case he damaged something. Swallowing hard he sat down and gently laid his hand on Sirius'. It felt cold and unresponsive. Even Remus after a particularly bad transformation felt as though he had more life in him than Sirius did right now. "So," he started, and stopped again. Come on James, pull yourself together, this is Sirius, your brother! He needs you; he doesn't need some pathetic wimp. He needs someone strong to stand by him and protect him until he's able to do so himself.
He took off his glasses and rubbed his face. "Okay mate, the chicks are going to dig those scars but the whole thin vampire look you've got going on really isn't a good look. I would say you could brag about wrestling a werewolf but, well, you do and it's probably a little insensitive to Moony." James stopped and sighed again. "Fuck mate, this is really hard having this one-way conversation with you. Sure, maybe with Moony when he's engrossed in a book or something, or Pete when he's attempting to write an essay or something, but not with you. We clicked from the moment we met. We finish each other's sentences. We could talk to each other about anything-" He paused again and raked a hand through his dishevelled hair. "Well, that's bullshit, isn't it mate. I thought we didn't have any secrets between us, but we do, don't we? I don't understand why you didn't tell me what was really happening at home, but I'm sure you had your reasons. But me?! Why didn't I talk to you after the whole incident? Everyone says it's not my fault you got hurt, but I tend not to believe them. At the very least I should've had your back when you returned, and I didn't. It would have taken one moment to stop and think and realise you weren't drunk but hurt. Yes, I may not have been able to stop you from getting hurt, but at least I could have got you some help earlier. That was unforgivable and for that I'm so sorry." He paused and eyed his motionless friend for a moment. "You've got to wake up, okay. Whatever they did, whatever they threatened you with, we can protect you. I promise you; I'll protect you. Please Padfoot, you need to be okay." Placing his glasses carefully on the bedside table, he laid his head down on the bed. "Sirius, I'm so sorry. I should have been here before now. I could sell you crap about the teachers saying I couldn't see you before now, but when did that stop us before?" He laid his head against his friend's neck. "Just concentrate on getting better, that's all you need to do. Get better and we'll do the rest." He felt his eyes grow heavy, as he rested his head next to Sirius' shoulder. "I'm not going to leave you, Padfoot. She'll probably kick me out to go to lessons, but I'll be back. I'll stay tonight because, well, I want to, plus I had a bit of a close encounter with Filch earlier and I don't reckon my luck will hold a second time around. Oh, and Pete's snoring again. So, it's much easier if I stay here. Well, goodnight, Padfoot."
Healer Emily Crimpit slowly walked into the curtained-off bed. She was the night relief and had been strictly told two things. 1. Don't use magic on her patient and 2. Don't tell anyone his identity. She didn't understand what was behind both instructions, but she still adhered to them. She frowned as she walked in, noting the other person slumped against the bed. For a moment she thought about finding her supervisor, but stopped. It was the calmest she had ever seen her patient. There was no evidence of accidental magic - an act, even in his unconscious form, he had been performing frequently. But now he seemed calm. Maybe her patient needed his friends. Maybe he needed to feel loved. Finding a small smile, she stepped out of the cubicle and picked up two blankets, draping one over the new occupant and tucking the other around her patient, before leaving them.
He didn't know what had woken him, or what time it was, but a gentle moonlight shimmered through the window. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands and fumbled for his glasses. He exhaled slowly as he watched his friend. He was still alive, that's about all he could say about his friend's condition. "Waning gibbous," he said quietly as he caught sight of the moon. "Well, Padfoot, at least Moony has got a break before the next moon. I forgot to tell you about it, didn't I." He stopped and rubbed his face for a moment. "It was a pretty tough moon to be honest, but we managed to stop the wolf from hurting itself. I don't think I've ever appreciated how scared Pete is of the wolf until now. Hell, I am. I know Remus is in there somewhere, but it still scares me, and the whole transformation is brutal. But last time Pete spent the whole time hiding in some hole, not that I blame him. I mean, what use is a rat against a werewolf? I guess he didn't trust my ability to handle the wolf. I don't think I've appreciated how much you do on moon nights. It was something Pete said, that you were stronger and tougher than anyone gave you credit for, as you take on the wolf. You bloody fight a werewolf once a month, mate! That's why I know you'll be alright, but you have to fight, you can't let those bastards win. We need you, Padfoot. I know we abandoned you and we were wrong to do so, but we are not going to make that mistake again."
James frowned and sat back for a moment. He swore he had seen Sirius' eyelids flicker. "Sirius?" he whispered, gently laying a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Mate, it's okay. You're okay. You're safe." His brow creased further as Sirius didn't respond but started to shake. Nightmare, James thought as he sat on the bed and gently shook his friend. "Padfoot, you've got to wake up. It's okay. You're having a nightmare but it's not real. You're at Hogwarts. I know you probably feel like crap right now but you're going to be okay, and you never have to see your parents again. I promise you; no one will make you ever go back there."
Sirius felt as though he was swimming through a sea of treacle surrounded by fog. The cruel voices taunted him. Cold, dead arms tried to grab his legs and pull him under. He was so tired, he wondered if it was worth fighting anymore. He didn't know if he could fight anymore. He could hear another voice; it was different to the others. He knew it, but couldn't place it. It sounded urgent and frightened. He tried to push through the fog to make a connection. "Fuck off out of my life". "Just crawl back into that hole you came from and die". James, he finally managed. He knew his friend hated him and he had good reason to, but he still had to protect him from them. If James was here, that meant they had captured him. If they had caught James, who else had they captured? He tried opening his eyes, but they felt unbelievably heavy. He wondered if he could do anything to protect James in his current condition.
"Come on Sirius, you can do this," James whispered desperately as he watched his friend struggling to open his eyes.
He was met with blurred swirls of colour. He tried lifting his hand to his eyes, but it felt as though it was weighed down with a four stone weight. He blinked several times as his vision slowly came into focus. "James?" he said in a hoarse voice he didn't recognise as his own.
"Yeah mate. You okay?" James replied, grinning.
"What, what are you doing here?" Sirius managed, swallowing several times.
James frowned. "I had a close call with Filch but other than that."
"No, why are you here?"
"Why wouldn't I be here? Sirius, you're my best friend. I stupidly listened to Madam Pomfrey and stayed away, but since when have I listened to something like that?"
"But you hate me."
"What?"
"You told me to fuck off out of your life," Sirius replied, his voice barely more than a whisper.
James sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "Sirius, what is the last thing you remember?"
"I, I don't know. Bits, it doesn't make sense."
"Okay," James said, sitting on the bed, leaning towards his friend. "You told Moony and me what happened. We know you didn't mean to tell Snape about the tree. We've all forgiven you."
"I don't-"
"I'm not surprised, you were pretty out of it."
"Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital wing at school."
"No, no I can't," Sirius said in a whispered panic, as he made a weak attempt to get up.
"Sirius, we didn't have a choice, you were dying," James replied, resting a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder.
"But they will-"
"Mate, the only people who know you are here are Flitwick, McGonagall, Dumbledore, a couple of healers from St. Mungo's, Moony, Pete, Regulus and me. That's all."
"But they-" Sirius started, his body trembling. Minor cracks started appearing on the walls.
James watched the cracks starting to appear around them but chose to ignore them. "Your parents do not know, and they cannot get to you here. You are safe here. We are not going to let anything happen to you, I promise."
Sirius swallowed a couple of times, as he tried to make sense of what had happened. When had he spoken to James and Moony? What had he told them? James mentioned his parents - had he told James? He felt his eyes growing heavy again. He couldn't let them know what was happening. He knew his parents wouldn't hesitate to carry out their threats. He would have to leave Hogwarts and hide somewhere. Maybe in Muggle London, his parents would never look for him there.
"That's it mate, just rest. We'll sort everything out, I promise. Everything is going to be okay. You just concentrate on getting yourself better, that's all you need to do," James said gently as he watched his friend give in to the battle and fall asleep.
