I want to know what love is

The next morning, Patrick arrived at his office to find Tom already seated at his desk in the room adjacent to Patrick's. "Oh, Tom, you are up early?" Patrick remarked. "Had a good weekend?"

"Splendid," Tom replied. "I was out hiking with Shelagh. She is a true gem."

Patrick felt as if someone punched his gut. Why hadn't she told him she had been with Tom?

"Oh, sounds nice," Patrick mumbled and excused himself. He closed his office door behind him which he hardly ever did, but right now, he needed some time alone. He threw his keys and phone onto his desk and slumped into his office chair. He looked out of the window, at the familiar panorama of Mount Kilimanjaro. She had been there hiking yesterday. With Tom.

Why had she come to his place for dinner then, he wondered. Probably because she wanted to do Timothy a favour. Patrick realized he was jealous. Jealous of his PhD student, and he felt ridiculous. Tom was more than twenty years his junior and this was becoming unbearable.

As in most international aid communities, everyone knew everyone and people kept having flings and sometimes even more serious relationships within the fairly small circle of expats.

The Turners, happily married and with a child, had not been too keen to fully participate in expat party life but through his younger colleagues Patrick was quite well informed about what was going on in Moshi's aid worker community. Also, his earlier aid missions in the 1980s and 1990s had given him a fair share of experience in that matter. Not that he had been one to sleep around a lot; even after Marianne and he had split up he hadn't been the type for one-night stands.

Since her arrival four years ago, most of Patrick's male colleagues had tried to pursue Trixie Franklin at some point. He occasionally overheard them discussing her stunning looks and her party girl qualities – while always adding that other than her appearance might imply she was not one to sleep around with. Patrick secretly chuckled at how Trixie apparently seemed to enjoy playing around but having set her own rather strict rules.

Patrick had never overheard anyone speaking of Shelagh. Now thinking about it he assumed that it probably had to do with her strict work ethic and also her timid, at times rather restrained character. She did not seem like the type of woman looking to having a good time. He himself had only recently discovered a fairly exciting woman behind her usually calm and collected façade.

Patrick began to gnaw on his knuckles. What was he to do? Should he just stand by and watch Tom making another move on Shelagh? He felt shaky and a heavy load pressed on his chest. He would never have characterized himself as the jealous type, and it surprised him how he could now taste the bitterness of it on his tongue, almost causing him to retch.

Then, his phone rang and he winced like he did often ever since he had received the call informing him that Marianne was at the hospital in a critical condition. Now he kept worrying about Timothy and often feared another call.

When he looked at the screen, it said "Sister Julienne" and he answered.

"Dr Turner, good morning," the Sister greeted him. "I am sorry to bother you this early," she began, immediately interrupted by Patrick's "Never mind, Sister, I am already in my office."

"Oh, yes, well, I might have assumed. Dr Turner, I am calling about the ante-natal clinic. Shelagh told me that Tom was interested in volunteering with us. As I am about to draw up the rota for the next weeks and I don't have Tom's number, could you ask him to get back to me? And I suppose since you are his superior he might have to discuss this matter with you anyway."

"Thank you, Sister," Patrick replied. "I am sure we will sort this out between us soon and get back to you. I'll have Tom call you later today."

After Patrick hung up the phone, he frowned. His first reaction was to not allow Tom to volunteer. He was here to do research under Patrick's supervision and not to support other organizations.

But then, reason kicked in. Just because he felt hurt because of whatever relationship there was between Tom and Shelagh, he could not let this cloud his professional judgement. He himself regularly made space in his tight schedule for volunteering at Nonnatus clinic, thus he would be in a weak position to not allow Tom to do the same. What's more, he encouraged all students to support community health projects and thereby get to learn by taking on a grassroots perspective. Finally, it calmed Patrick a little to know that Shelagh hardly worked with the clinic these days because she was too busy with her other duties.

Still, he despised himself for his thoughts. No matter what, he liked and respected Shelagh too much to think such insincere thoughts. If she had developed an interest in Tom, this was her business and he should leave her alone. He sighed again. Then he got up from his desk, and walked over into Tom's office.

The week passed by quickly, both for Shelagh and Patrick, as each had a myriad of duties to complete. Both had resolved to stay out of each other's way as much as possible to avoid further complications in their – what was it, both kept asking themselves – relationship?

On Friday morning, while she was typing a donor report, Shelagh received a text message from Tom asking her whether she wanted to do something on the weekend, go for dinner or another hike, perhaps. She held her phone tightly and sighed. After last Sunday's outings she had vowed herself that she would try and get back to her former life without any distractions. She hated it when she could not focus on her work entirely and she found that thinking about Dr Turner so much and Tom occasionally already occupied too much of her mind.

She could not think of a good excuse and did not want to lie to Tom, but then she remembered that Trixie had mentioned a party at her friend Jenny's house. Shelagh typed: "There's a party at a friend of Trixie's tomorrow. Don't know if I will come, but Trixie will."

Shelagh frowned. She did not feel like going out. But she resolved to ask Trixie to take Tom along. There would be plenty of young aid workers and other expats, certainly that was where Tom would have fun. And Trixie could be very hard to resist if he was hesitant.

Shelagh's phone made another sound, announcing Tom's reply: "Oh, I see. Well, might check the party out. Have a good weekend."

While she still pondered whether to reply or whether another reply would already mean too much, her phone rang. It was Dr Turner. Oh no, she thought, not him, too. She decided not to take the call and have him leave a message. She could not bear to listen to his voice right now.

Shelagh put her phone aside and got back to her report. Once she was done, she would listen to his message, but now she had work to do. Still, her thoughts kept wandering to Dr Turner's lined face and his warm smile lingering on her and her eyes kept glancing at her phone.

After a few minutes, she smacked her lips angrily and reached out for her phone. She would not find any peace of mind. Dr Turner had left a brief message. The new TB programme was going to run a first test of the mobile TB testing clinic at Mundarara Mine near Arusha. Dr Turner invited her to come along since she had been instrumental in developing the programme together with him.

Shelagh smiled and immediately called him back. Even though it was his programme, she had provided the initial idea and a substantial contribution to its contents. Therefore she was as excited as him to see it finally getting up and running.

"Shelagh," Patrick exclaimed when he answered his phone. "Did you get my message?"

"Yes, I just heard. Congratulations, this is good news. I had no idea that it would be so soon. I expected the whole approval process to take at least six months."

"Well, I suppose our appearance at the Regional Health Office was successful then." After a short pause, he added in a lower voice: "And perhaps it helped that I know some guys working for the mining company through Timothy's school. I may have let slip a remark or two about the importance of a healthy workforce at no additional costs for the employer."

Shelagh laughed. "You are playing a mean game, doctor. So when are you planning to go?"

"We will hit the road one week from Tuesday. Believe it or not, the new TB research coordinator will begin her position this coming Monday already. Phyllis Crane, you may have heard of her? She was recommended to me by someone at DFID. She's British but grew up in Kenya where she is currently visiting family. I talked to her over the phone last Tuesday, she came here for an interview on Wednesday and accepted the position yesterday. And here we are."

"Patrick, this is wonderful," Shelagh exclaimed, sincerely happy. "It must feel so good to hand over the programme from the start. I was a little worried how you would manage."

"Yes, I am immensely relieved. Phyllis seems quite the war horse, but I feel she is reliable and will have things under control in no time," Patrick replied.

He paused and then said: "Shelagh, I am sorry, I have to go. School closes early today and I promised Timothy an afternoon at the swimming pool. About the TB testing, can I count you in?"

"Yes, I wouldn't want to miss out," she exclaimed, still feeling her cheeks burn.

"Great, we can pick you up at Nonnatus House at 6.30 sharp. Will this be all right?"

"Yes, very well," she replied.

After she had hung up, Shelagh watched her computer screen for quite a long while without actually seeing anything. She was looking forward to accompanying him - and it would be safe to go now that his new colleague would be with them, Shelagh kept convincing herself. What's more, as she was a nurse, she would be able to render herself useful with lots of tasks during the day, to keep her mind occupied.

Shelagh put down her phone. A glance at her watch told her that she would very likely need all afternoon to finish the report. Gone was the hope of finishing early today, she thought regretfully.