The meeting was long, boring and Gaara tried his best to pay attention as Itachi went on about proper training procedures and the like. He left Naruto back at home to give him some time to get settled, not that it looked like there was much stuff he brought with him to settle in. Judging by the excessive smiles and chatter of random subjects, Naruto was going into full defense mode. He was warned that this was very likely his unhealthy way of dealing with his emotions. The younger Uchiha had pulled him aside before the meeting began to speak with the Sin. Underneath the usual expressionless mask that they were known for, Gaara sensed the concern that was hiding beneath the surface. He nodded and watched the dark head of hair leave back into Itachi's personal office as Pride shooed him off so they could start.
It was probably going to be the most challenging part of it all. Gaara knew he wasn't an expert on being expressive, he was reserved by nature. It was something he was still working on at the request of Shizune and his assistant. But unlike Naruto he hid his emotion behind a mask of indifference or annoyance to those where weren't close to him. So at least people knew there was something wrong when they were given a death glare. Shit, this was a terrible pair up. Fucking fates were probably laughing their asses off right now at how ludicrous Naruto's life had gotten in just twenty four hours. Maybe throwing him into training right off the bat was a bad idea? Perhaps he needs the evening to put everything on pause for a moment? Fuck, Gaara could use an evening to step on the breaks of his own life. Then of course it could backfire and cause the half breed to slip further into his hidden thoughts and emotions, and that is a hard place to come back from once you slip so far in. So maybe a distraction from it all would be good? Would it be pushing him though?
Stop.
He was doing it again. The one and only thing Temari insisted he was a pro at by now. He frowned and sat back in his chair. He forced himself to focus back to the meeting at hand and stop his incessant over thinking before he worked himself into a panic. Minato's kid was all grown up, and what a shitty hand of cards he had been dealt. There was nothing Gaara could do to change that fact, but Minato had pleaded with Gaara to do all he could to help his son survive. Even Kushina had told him to take care of her son, he felt a slight pressure on his chest. It wasn't fair that she had been taken from Minato and Naruto that way. She was a strong and kind woman, always welcoming when Minato dragged Gaara over to visit after they had finished their assignments in New York and when Gaara was asked to check in on them if Minato would be away on business for an extended period of time. He remembered the tiny mass of blonde hair that zoomed around the house and tugged at him to play, and then the way Minato's voice broke when he came to tell Gaara what had happened. They didn't deserve any of it.
"Gaara?"
The demon looked up to see Pride standing alone in the conference room. When had the meeting ended?
"Something on your mind?" Itachi sat back down fully knowing that Gaara had mentally checked out of the meeting about halfway through.
"Sorry, I have a lot on my plate all of a sudden and I'm not really sure how to deal with it." Wrath confessed.
"Hn."
Gaara slowly stood and made his way to exit.
"I would recommend speaking to my brother if you encounter any difficulties. I know he spoke with you briefly before this meeting but he could probably give you a bit more insight to dealing with Naruto if you needed."
The redhead simply nodded at that statement and left unsure if talking to Naruto's ex boyfriend would really make any of this situation better. Probably not.
_
Naruto stirred as he felt an unexpected weight next to him, causing his bed to dip. He had been so tired, so sleepy, so ready to just fall into bliss unconsciousness and wake up from this terrible dream that was his life. He turned over to find a figure seated next to him and blinked a few times as his brain begun to register the Sin sitting at the edge of his bed. Wrath held a few photos in his hand, studying them carefully, fully intrigued in the subject of it. Naruto looked up to see Gaara's face had softened some, like back when he had stopped the outburst at Minato. At first maybe Naruto thought it was pity, he hated that stupid feeling his life story seemed to evoke from others. Now though, he was sure he misunderstood it. Gaara was hard to read but pity was not what lingered in his expression.
"Those are private."
"Apologies. They were scattered on your bed and I got curious." The demon placed them in the open tin lunch box that rested on the bedside table on top of a small stack of more photographs and a small collection of items.
"It's just a bunch of photos and junk from when I was a kid." Naruto sighed, tired of trying to keep the redhead from looking at his few personal possessions. He had fallen asleep looking at the old pictures, stupidly trying to cling to something familiar.
"You kept them?" The demon plucked out a small seashell and stared at it in his palm.
"Huh?" The blonde sat up watching Gaara give a small smile.
"The things from your sandbox. You kept them." He looked over at the other oddities in his box. A few small figures, some foreign currency, seashells and colorful stones and crystals from Naruto's childhood resided there.
Naruto took the item from the demon's hand and stared down at it. "How do you know about that?"
Gaara paused and seemed to be considering Naruto for a moment before answering his question. Naruto watched as the demon slightly fidgeted and tugged at the silver jewelry in his ears.
"I guess you were too young to remember." The demons striking eyes flashed back up to meet Naruto's.
"Remember what?"
"Me"
Oh. Naruto dragged through his onslaught of memories he regained yesterday after seeing his father, nothing popped up.
"Sorry. My memories are still a little jumbled from yesterday." He didn't know why he was apologizing or making an excuse.
"No, now that I think about it you must have been only four or five when I last saw you. The other times I went to visit you were already at school. I didn't really expect you to keep the stuff I hid for you in your sandbox though."
"That was you?"
Gaara hummed in response. Naruto wrestled with what he wanted to say, not really sure if he could tell someone who he didn't really know. It finally came out, he couldn't contain it like he wanted.
"Mom would tell me someone special had left a treasure for me when I got home from school. She'd make a big deal about me having to go on a treasure hunt in my sandbox and all that shit. She'd even help me dig for it. I kinda just figured it was her that hid those things in there when I got older." A huge lump had formed in Naruto's throat, he quickly tried to swallow it away. These things hadn't come from mom. Another illusion that was too good to be true. Another small stain on his memories. He didn't want to be having this conversation.
Gaara noted the disappointment in his eyes. "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have told you that."
Naruto was silent for a while before he grabbed the old x-men lunchbox and brought it to his lap. "Why'd you do it? Leave stuff for me I mean."
Gaara shrugged. "I was humoring a child."
"Oh" Naruto didn't know what answer he was expecting, but that one made him feel a little more hollow. More disappointment, how refreshing.
The demon stood. "Your mother always told me how excited you would get about finding them and your happiness made her happy. So I guess I just kept doing it to make you both happy."
Naruto watched him walk to the door before he paused and spoke again. "You should come eat something. You've been asleep all afternoon, so we can start your training tomorrow instead."
Wrath disappeared leaving the half breed with his thoughts. Naruto had half a mind to toss the items when he first learned they weren't exactly from his mother. He stared at the different coins and small stones as he thought back to his mom playing with him outside in their backyard, digging around in search of whatever was hiding underneath. No, he would keep them. They still reminded him of good things, regardless of who they came from. He closed the box and set it aside as he got out of bed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He slowly let what his mentor had said replay in his head as he wandered to the kitchen. Those things had also made his mother happy because they had made him happy. It was a strange sentiment that the very person responsible for some small form of joy for him as a child was now standing in the kitchen cooking him dinner. It made Naruto feel like a douche for not remembering him at all.
"Thank you"
"Hmm?" The demon turned from the stove to give a questioning look at the half breed.
"Just… thanks. You know, for back then..."
Gaara nodded and Naruto eventually took to trying to filling silence with mindless chatter as they ate so his brain would stop lingering on things that made his heart hurt. He had enough of his stupid emotions for one day.
_
"This is the most exhausting thing I have ever been forced to do in my life." Naruto groaned in frustration as he threw himself to the ground.
Gaara believed it. It was a lot to throw on someone so suddenly and he understood at this point the blonde had way too many physical limitations. The demon quickly assessed Naruto's strength to be agility and physical skill over the mental and strategy aspects, so they started there. Improving his endurance and building muscle and flexibility through miles of running, cardio, stretching, and extensive bodyweight exercises. Every day the same rigorous training all morning long, and in the evening he would teach him martial arts forms. Gaara was surprised at how fast Naruto picked that part up. He figured it would be good to focus on more fighting techniques for hand to hand combat, it would be useful in the trials.
"You've fought quite a bit before." Gaara made an observation.
"Yeah…. I had to learn how to defend myself as a kid." Naruto slightly evaded going into any more detail by bringing up some pointless questions to talk his way around it. The demon understood he felt uncomfortable about talking in regards to his personal past. Gaara didn't comment on it any further and continued teaching the techniques.
There were a few other things in the first month of living together that Gaara had the displeasure of learning about the half breed. Naruto forgot to eat even on his good days, and when he was reminded to eat he devoured almost everything put in front of him. It was like he never had a meal in his life, which now that Gaara thought about it, may have been somewhat the case while he was growing up in foster care. The other significantly annoying thing about Naruto was that he hated mornings. He was impossible to wake up. I mean he may as well have died in his sleep because the demon was besides himself on how to get him out of zombie mode. Gaara had to begin getting creative in ways to wake the half breed up for early morning training sessions, which may have resulted in Naruto having to deal with being flung out of bed as his mattress was flipped over in a rude awakening on a daily basis.
According to Naruto, Gaara was a raging insomniac and workaholic who paid an annoying amount of attention to detail. Gaara could live with that normally, but with the blonde now knowing that it meant Naruto found out he can passive aggressively piss the demon off. Constantly shuffling the books in the library out of their alphabetical order or turning all the frames in the apartment slightly askew so Gaara would have to stop everything he was doing just to fix it. Naruto said it was payback for being woken up every day at such an ungodly hour. Gaara eventually added sparring in which the half breed ended up spending more time getting knocked on his ass than anything else. Gaara in turn deemed it payback for placing his things out of order. The end of the sessions usually were followed by the blonde muttering about how he was dreading having to do this for the rest of the year and the demon with a smug expression.
Gaara really wasn't as intimidating as Naruto had originally thought, only reserved. He looked like he could kill you and probably could kill you, no doubt about it, but Naruto knew there was way more to him than just that.
"Stop doing that."
"Doing what?" Naruto looked up confused at what it was the demon wanted him to stop.
"Hiding behind a smile. You can do that to other people but don't do it to me. I'm tired of you trying to dance around your emotions and lying to me about them."
Naruto stopped dead in his tracks that morning looking at his mentor dumbfounded. Gaara barely glanced at him as they descended in the elevator. He blinked trying to understand. Hiding his emotions and issues behind smiles and jokes had become second nature to him, he hadn't realized that Gaara was irritated by it. His smile faltered as he considered what the demon had just told him. Would it be ok to let someone know how he really felt? Wouldn't that just push them away? Kiba was the only one who had really ever gotten a glimpse at how fucked up Naruto was and what he really felt, but even that was just a glimpse. Everyone loved happy people, and happy Naruto was easy to get along with. Nobody wanted to deal with a broken person.
"I-... uhh.."
"As your mentor I need to know your emotional state to better be able to help you. It's annoying when you try to cover it up."
"Oh" Naruto stared down at his feet.
Silence.
"Sorry" The blonde spoke again, unsure of what else to say.
"I understand your apprehension. I'm not the best example of expressive emotion either. How about we agree to both work on it?"
"Ok" This time the smile didn't return to Naruto's face.
To say that the training had gotten easier in the second month would be a complete lie. However Naruto felt his body had seemed to adjust to the level of physical challenges that had been thrown at him. Now he had to focus on the mental aspect of his training too. Gaara made him read books about the different types of demons and figure out hypothetical solutions to situations and learn to create strategies. He suddenly found himself missing college. History came relatively easy to him and the ability to cram the night before tests or bullshit research papers at his own leasure was cake compared to his new workload. He swore if he had to memorize one more strategic maneuver he would set himself on fire.
_
"Call him."
"What?" Naruto answered, ripped from his thoughts as he lay sprawled on the floor after their sparring session trying to regain feeling in his limbs.
"It's obviously bothering you. Just call him and talk it out." Gaara held out his cell phone with Minato's contact information ready to dial.
"I-...I'm not ready to deal with it just yet."
"Then call the Uchiha and reconcile with him. You have to start somewhere. All this pent up aggression is throwing you off focus." He scrolled through his contacts to find Itachi's number and tossed it to Naruto.
The blonde stayed silent, knowing that he had been more distracted than normal. He had finally stopped faking smiles around his mentor and it felt so good to not have to pretend everything was perfectly ok all the time. It was however difficult now because Gaara could pick up on when he was feeling particularly conflicted. He finally hit the call button and put the device to his ear.
"Gaara?"
"No, it's Naruto. Um-... I was wondering if Sasuke was there?" He sat up as Itachi responded and called for his brother in the distance.
"Hello?"
"Sasuke"
"Naruto. Is everything ok?"
"Yeah."
"Ok.."
Sigh, "No- well I don't know... I was hoping we could finally talk about all of this."
"Oh... Sure, Can we talk in person though?"
"Yeah, ok."
"There's a coffeeshop by the park. I can meet you there in twenty minutes."
"Ok. See you."
Naruto had pleaded for Gaara to at least walk with him to the shop for moral support. The demon rolled his eyes at the request but didn't fight it any further as they now made their way down the city sidewalk in silence. They approached the shop door and the blonde glanced hesitantly at his mentor.
"Go, I'll be across the street when you're done." Gaara pointed to an empty park bench and all but shoved Naruto through the door.
He glanced around the shop noting that he had arrived before Sasuke so he ordered a coffee for himself and a tea for the Uchiha before settling in a small corner booth that looked like a good place for a private conversation. He really did like Sasuke, after the initial rival phase they had which had been sparked by a difference of opinion in class. Something about opposites attracting and all that fatal romantic bullshit. It was a difficult relationship however, since neither one was particularly keen on being honest with themselves much less each other. They had broken up several times because of it and Naruto knew better than anyone else that it just wasn't going to work out. Not to mention the physical intimacy wasn't even present. Naruto knew there was much more important things in a relationship than that, and he never wanted to rush his ex. He was sure he had his reasons for the apprehensions. It still always made the blonde feel like Sasuke just viewed him as unworthy of that, not good enough to see that private part of the Uchiha. The shop door opened letting in a familiar dark haired figure. Naruto waved as the onyx eyes scanned the shop and found him.
"Hey" Naruto greeted as he pushed the cup of plain green tea in the Uchiha's direction.
"Thanks, and thanks for coming" Sasuke took a seat across Naruto and accepted the beverage, warming his hands with it.
Naruto gave a slight nod as he tried to break the ice. "So, Uh- How have you been?"
"Aside from the scowls of Madara and the intense training you mean?" Sasuke rested one elbow on the table, propping his head up with his hand.
Naruto gave a hearty laugh, as if their suffering was really that comical. "Shit, the training is pretty much killing me too."
"How are things with your mentor?" Sasuke watched Naruto fiddle with the paper sleeve on his coffee cup.
"Good actually. He's surprisingly very supportive despite the fact that he seems like a hardass." Naruto mused, giving a rare genuine smile of fondness that Sasuke had only seen a few times before.
"Hn"
The awkward silence bled into the air around them. Naruto took a tentative sip of his coffee trying to gather himself for the direction the conversation was ultimately headed.
"Uh- So I guess I'm finally ready to talk about everything."
"Listen Naruto, I owe you an explanation. It was wrong of me to just leave like that."
"Woah, that's a first. I'd never thought I'd hear you admit to being wrong about anything." Naruto snorted with a hint of residual bitterness.
"Dobe, I'm trying to apologize. Will you let me finish?"
"Fine, fine."
"I- I guess I sort of got scared and ran away. It's kind of how I've always dealt with stuff. Being close to others is unsettling for me and I-" Sasuke paused and cleared his throat. "Fuck, this is hard for me."
Naruto patiently waited for Sasuke to get himself back together. He knew the asshole well enough to realize that talking about what he felt and trying to explain it to others were like pulling teeth for him. He supposed they were similar in that aspect, hiding emotions and whatnot. Except Sasuke was really cold and heartless at his worst. God, they hated each other so much when they first met. Why they ever thought being in a relationship was a good idea was beyond him. Oh right, the fatal attraction.
"I didn't want to deal with why I was feeling certain things because you really deserve someone who can give you what you need. I- I can't do that for you even though I tried, so I panicked and left. I'm sorry for that." The Uchiha looked down at his hands as he spoke.
"I get the whole running from your problems thing. I just wished you had talked it out with me instead of disappearing like that. It really hurt." Naruto finally responded after a few moments of silence. It was really unfair to keep all this anger towards Sasuke when he was trying so hard to at least make it right.
"Yeah, I regret that. It wasn't my intention to hurt you. I had a lot going on and trying to figure out exactly what I was feeling but I think in the end all of that sort of forced me to just come to terms with all the shit in my life and accept who I am."
"So what you're saying is...?" As usual, Naruto felt dense as ever.
"Well aside from the whole being a half demon thing, I'm...asexual. And I'm sorry I didn't come to terms with it sooner and talk about it with you." Onyx eyes finally found blue at the confession and final genuine apology.
"Oh"
"Don't make this weird."
"No, it's just- I should have picked up on it. I'm sorry for those advances, I didn't mean to make you feel-... Ah, shit." Naruto leaned his head back against the booth.
"Stop. You didn't know. You were just trying to be a good boyfriend. In all honesty though even if you had known we would have broken up eventually. Even though I have romantic feelings you need physical intimacy in your life Naruto. It's just how you are. I understand, but I can't give that to you."
"Yeah, you're probably right. We fought more than a married couple most of the time anyways." Naruto laughed but he knew his ex was right about the physical intimacy. In the end it wouldn't have worked out. Naruto needed affirmation and affection through touch and words. He cradled a burning desire to be wanted and cared for and be told and shown all these things in every way possible.
"I'm sort of hoping we can at least stay close acquaintances…or friends..." Sasuke trailed off slightly before clearing his throat and continuing. "I don't have many people that I'm close to aside from my brother. He thinks having another person to be close to, even in friendship, would be beneficial."
"Sasuke." Naruto looked at the man with a blank expression. He watched a slight flash of anxiety pass the Uchiha's face before his usual emotional mask was back in place. "Teme, of course we can stay friends. It's either that or sworn enemies and I really don't want to be on your bad side when the trials come along"
"Idiot" Sasuke bit back a smile as Naruto let out a small laugh.
They talked for a bit more, catching up on things like how terrible their respective mentors were. According to Naruto, Itachi seemed way nicer because he didn't do things like flip Sasuke's mattress over with him in it at six in the morning or make him run extra miles because he fell asleep in the middle of stretching. Sasuke scoffed and told him to be grateful that Gaara seemed to have patience with him and Itachi wasn't his mentor because the Uchiha would have made him sleep outside for waking up late.
"Well if you would wake up on time and stop being a complete moron I'm sure he'd stop."
"It's not my fault I sleep like the dead and nothing can wake me. You know how I was in the mornings. Kiba practically had to dump me in the shower to get me up on time for my classes."
Naruto sighed at the thought of Kiba.
He wondered if they had a good Christmas and if he was able to buy the ring to propose to Tenten in Central Park like he had planned. He should probably try to contact Tenten at least and let them know he was alive and sorry.
"How did Kiba take it?" Sasuke finished his now lukewarm tea wondering if his ex would reply.
He didn't. Naruto chugged the rest of his coffee and looked at the clock that hung on the wall. This was as far as their conversation would go tonight. As far as Naruto would let it go before things got messy. It was even the same when they were dating, Sasuke was always shut out from anything that delved deeper than Naruto cared to discuss. Then again, Sasuke wasn't exactly and open book either so at least the blonde knew there was some mutual understanding. Sasuke didn't push. He knew Naruto had the need for keeping some things hidden away because it was too difficult to sort through them. They both stood and tossed their empty cups in the trash. Naruto's smile was back and so was his idiotic banter as they exited the shop and parted ways.
The blonde looked over at the bench across the street. A familiar figure sat under the glow of the park light, absorbed in a book. Naruto turned around and ran back into the coffee shop once more and exited minutes later with a steaming cup. He watched the slender fingers turn the page of whatever boring book his mentor was reading as he approached the bench.
"Thanks for waiting."
"I said I would." Gaara looked up at the cup offered to him.
"Yeah, but still. You didn't have to."
Gaara accepted the hot beverage as Naruto sat down on the bench. They sat in momentary silence as their warm breath created clouds in the chilly evening weather.
"You've reconciled with the Uchiha?"
"Yeah, for the most part. We don't hate each other anymore and I won't have to worry about him killing me during the trials." Naruto let out a long sigh. At least there would be one person he could count on to not purposely send him to his death.
"Do you plan on rekindling your relationship with him?" Gaara's eyes never left his book.
Naruto blushed for some reason. "That's a little personal, don't you think?"
"Maybe." Gaara finally looked up, unapologetic about his question. "You're a big boy and I won't tell you what to do, but I advise against romantic relationships during this time at least. It's extra distraction and stress to what you already have going on."
The half breed broke eye contact, looking away at anything but his mentor. "Don't worry. We worked it out but Sasuke and I are over in that sense. We weren't really that compatible in a relationship anyway."
Gaara simply nodded at Naruto's statement and dropped the subject. Relationships in hell didn't really sound like a smart idea anyway.
_
Naruto had become friends with a Deadly Sin, as odd as that sounded. Well, he thought they were friends at least. The conversation between them had become more natural and the half breed was trying hard to be honest about his emotions for the most part. Gaara was already able to pick up on how the half breed was feeling just by watching him. It was slightly eerie how well the demon's observation skills were. The more comfortable Naruto got with his mentor the more Wrath's guard slowly fell away, and to Naruto's surprise the demon was able to laugh. It was a shock the first time he heard it, unsure if that deep melodic sound had come from the normally stoic figure.
"Did- Did you just laugh?"
"You would too if you came down to the kitchen at 2am to find someone dancing like an idiot."
The blond put a hand to his chest in mock offense. "I'll have you know I am a fantastic dancer. Dancing like an idiot just happens to be my favorite style."
"Naturally." Wrath gave a small grin as he grabbed a glass of water and disappeared back upstairs.
Naruto felt his face flush as he stood alone now in Gaara's kitchen. He ignored it.
The second time he found his mentor expressing any form of amusement was when Temari and Kankuro had just finished up a meeting and the head of the Sin's personal security took to mouthing off about his boss wasting his time with training 'some stupid kid' like the blonde wasn't even sitting right next to him. The half breed kicked the chair out from under him as Kankuro began to sit back down, watching him topple to the floor. It was then followed by Naruto evading the reach of the hooded demon as he was chased around Gaara's office. Tenmari's eyes widened slightly at the unfamiliar laughter from her boss but made no comment.
"Enough." Wrath finally spoke. Kankuro looked up as he was gripping the blonde in a headlock.
"You saw what the brat did."
"Yes and he had every right to. If you have an issue address it properly with him or keep it to yourself. Don't bad mouth him or act like he doesn't exist." All trace of former amusement was gone as the Sins eyes narrowed, full of warning.
The demon released Naruto from the headlock and left the office grumbling. Naruto stood unblinking, replaying what his mentor had just said. What? He was used to being thought of as worthless and treated like he didn't matter. He had gotten into a lot of fights over it at the foster homes and in school. Eventually he learned to pick his battles and usually shrugged it off and hid behind a smile. This time though Kankuro was asking for it, and Naruto couldn't help but act out a little bit. He really wasn't expecting for the hooded demon to get scolded, more he was half waiting for Gaara to tell him he was running extra in the morning or thirty more minutes of sparring time tonight. Naruto was unsure at how he should react. Should he even feel anything about what Gaara had just said? He decided to ignore it and silently waited for his mentor to finish his paperwork.
The third time he heard the laugh was when they visited the Sin of Sloth and Naruto was knocked to the ground by a pack of oversized hellhounds. Which would have been intimidating, he had not been assaulted by slobbery tongues and covered in drool and dog breath. He looked up from the floor to find the redhead smiling down, soft chuckle escaping his lips at the sight of the blonde ambushed by excited dogs. Kakashi finally called them off as he emerged from a back room in the cluttered apartment, but the half breed would gladly be tackled again if it would make his mentor smile. He shook the thought from his head quickly, and tried to wipe the drool from his face and hair only making it stick up more than normal. No, he's a friend. I like seeing my friends happy. The quick attempt to justify the passing thought came as he desperately worked to push down the warm feeling that began to spread in his chest.
"Well I guess that's one way to get familiar with hell hounds." The demon spoke through his masked mouth as he shooed his pets away.
"Still troublesome if you ask me." The napping figure on the sofa mumbled.
"Shika, I told you we'd be having company today. Get up, this is part of your training too."
Naruto spent the rest of the day learning how to handle hellhounds and how beneficial they were in combat with the Sloth candidate, Shikamaru. He was an easygoing guy who would obviously rather be napping but his sharp mind and intellect were beyond anything Naruto could ever imagine. He'd be fucked if this guy decided to become ambitious enough to try and kill him in the trials. He thought back to what Gaara had told him earlier that week about playing to the strength of his outgoing personality and befriending his fellow competitor. It gave a smaller chance of one of them easily killing him off in the trials. Out of all those competing Shikamaru, Sasuke and the Hyuga were the most lethal and the chances of the Lust Sin letting Hinata interact with the others was slim. He had already faced Sasuke and reconciled whatever it was that was left of their friendship, assured they would look out for each other as best they could in the trials. So at least there was that, but for now he focused on the information the lazy half breed yawned about.
_
Six months. Halfway through his training and Naruto felt like he couldn't catch his breath. Or maybe that was because he was running and his lungs felt like they were on fire. And his legs felt like they were on fire, and the ground was on fire, and everything was on fire. 'Welcome to hell, this is my life now' Naruto bitterly thought as he slowed his pace, trying to steady his breathing. Seriously, he shouldn't feel this winded. If anything the extensive morning run was actually the one thing he could do without collapsing at the end of anymore. He rubbed at the tightening in his chest willing it to go away. The breathlessness seemed to follow him throughout the day. Climbing stairs, and other simple tasks had left him struggling to control his breathing. It came and went quickly, though it was somewhat frequent. He knew he should have said something, but he was stubborn and admitting he wasn't able to climb the fucking stairs felt like a step in the wrong direction. He had to stay in control and power through it.
"Fuck" Naruto stumbled backwards as Gaara had landed a hit square in the chest.
Gaara stopped, and observed the half breed as he struggled to gain his footing. "You ok?"
Damn it, he knew. Naruto had gotten decent at blocking hits and he was taking an excessive amount of time to stand back up again. He had to get a grip, get back in control, do something right for once. He opened his mouth to let Gaara know he was fine, but no words came out. Instead he found himself gasping for breath, trying to fill his body with oxygen. He couldn't get enough, he was suffocating. Drowning as massive weights tied to his legs dragged him deeper away from the surface. His chest was being crushed by the pressure, and felt his body drop, free falling without a parachute or safety net to assure him he would be ok. So much for control. How was it possible for him to fuck up this much? How was it possible for him to still be this weak? He was always like this though, barely hanging on by threads. No matter how hard he tried he just couldn't get anything right. Stupid. Worthless. Never good enough.
"Naruto"
He knew that voice, the one that seemed to be calling out to him from somewhere. Who did it belong to again? It was hard to think when his brain wasn't getting enough air and the room was spinning every time he tried to open his eyes. He wanted to vomit but wasn't sure anything could come out between the frantic gasps for air. Maybe there was something he could bury himself under instead, that way he wouldn't have to look in the mirror at what a useless sack of shit he was every day. Just hide himself away while his world was slowly burning around him and everything turned to ash. It's not like he could change anything, he couldn't even save himself. If he could get that other voice to shut up maybe he would be able to just pass out. What did it want anyway? Oh wait, it was asking him a question.
"Naruto. Hey, come back to me. What can I do to help you?"
The blonde squinted, blinking away wetness that gathered in his eyes to look up at hypnotizing green eyes. Huh? Where was he again? Help him? Help him with what? Didn't the voice know everything he touched fell apart? His mouth wouldn't work. Words weren't working for him.
"I'm here for you. Can you raise your arms for me?" The voice was asking another question.
Arms? Yeah he could do that. He felt his limbs take an eternity to raise as they seemed to be made of lead. Arms up. Ok. Did this make him better yet? He wasn't sure how his arms would fix the years of chaos that was his life but that voice seemed sure of what to do.
"Good, that's good. Now let's breathe together, ok? In and out, nice and slow."
Inhale, one, two, three, four. Exhale, one, two, three, four. Repeat. Breathing, he was breathing. But he knew how to breathe, didn't he? Right, he couldn't breathe a few moments ago. That's why Gaara was here. Oh yeah, the voice was Gaara. Gaara was trying to help him. Inhale, one, two, three, four. Exhale, one, two, three, four.
"You're doing good. It's ok Naruto, you're safe here. Tell me what I can do to help you."
There was something warm on his cheek wiping at his face lightly. A hand, Gaara's hand specifically. Why was he touching him? Nobody ever wanted to touch him. Wait, he had said something just now. What did Naruto need?
"Water" Naruto finally managed. He was so thirsty. When was the last time he drank water? It felt like years.
"Ok, let's get you some water." He felt a hand at his back and another at his arm as Gaara guided him into the kitchen and sat him down before returning with a large glass of water.
Naruto tried to come back down to earth, well hell if you want to be specific. He knew he'd crash land back into reality if he did and his hands shook as he reached for the glass in front of him, fighting against being catapulted far back into the mental torture that was his subconsciousness. He was in mental limbo, aware but not yet in control of himself. Shit, he fucked up again. He really should have known though. This was not his first meltdown. This was however his worse. He had absolutely no control and it made him want to scream. He glanced over at his mentor who sat next to him. His elbow resting on the counter and his hand propping up his head. Gaara was watching him, with a blank expression. What did he think? He had seen Naruto at his weakest point basically. Would he give up on training him after this? Would he think Naruto was better off dead?
"Sorry" Naruto forced the word to form and spoke after draining the glass of water. He willed his hands to still and avoided eye contact with the demon.
"Naruto. Look at me."
Reluctantly the blonde turned his head up to meet Gaara's line of sight.
"You did nothing wrong." The demon pulled the long sleeve of his shirt down over his hand and gently dried up the leftover tears that streaked across tan skin.
When had Naruto started crying? Probably around the time he started drowning in himself. Great. Fucking perfect.
"I'm here for you, whatever you need. I promise I won't leave unless you tell me to go." Gaara went back to his position of resting his elbow on the counter. "Are you hungry?"
Naruto shook his head at both the statement and question. He wasn't hungry, his stomach kept twisting. Gaara just said he wouldn't leave but Naruto wasn't sure if he really knew what he had said. It was probably just said in effort to get him to not drift back into his dark place. Whatever, I guess it worked for the time being. He knew better than to believe in pretty words and false promises.
"Shower" Naruto cursed himself. He pleaded with his brain to stop speaking in one word responses and give actual sentences like a normal person. He smelled of sweat and B.O and failure and filth. He needed to wash it away and forget. Shower and sleep, the best cure for when your life won't stop spiraling.
"Sure. Would you like some help up the stairs?" The redhead had noticed Naruto was still shaking.
Fuck. Stop it. Stop it, stop it, stop it… Naruto nodded. He knew he wouldn't be able to make it upstairs the way he was still reeling. Weak.
"C'mon. I've got you." Gaara let the half breed lean his weight on him as they climbed up to the second floor and into Naruto's room.
Naruto was instructed to sit at the edge of his bed while the demon started up the water for him. His fingers fumbled as he made a sorry attempt to remove his clothes. Jesus, he was a fucking mess. He tried again, growing more and more frustrated when they refused to stop shaking long enough to grip anything. A set of pale hands appeared, covering his and holding them briefly.
"It's ok." They let go and moved to help Naruto out of his sweaty shirt and then kneeling down to remove the athletic tape that was wrapped around his ankles.
Naruto felt like a child again, needing someone have to help him undress. Embarrassing. A burden. A waste of space. A sudden sensation pulled him from his thoughts. Water? Right, shower. Gaara had helped him into the shower. He let his body lean against the wall and slide down until he was sitting, feeling the drops from the rainfall shower head hit his skin and trickle down. Slowly washing away his muddled thoughts. His mind was beginning to clear. A movement to the side caught his eye, Gaara was pulling out towels from the cabinet under the sink.
"Ca-... Can you stay?" It left Naruto's lips before he could clamp his mouth shut. Fuck. What was he even saying?
"Yeah, I'm not going anywhere." The demon leaned against the counter and crossed his arms as he quirked his head to observe the blonde.
It was an oddly comforting statement. Even if Naruto kept telling himself to take it with a grain of salt. He wanted to believe it was true, especially coming from Gaara. He slightly shook his head, don't think. Just get clean so I can sleep. He stretched his arm for the shampoo, out of reach from his sitting position on the floor. He'd have to get up. He debated if he really wanted to try and stand up just yet. Not really, the water felt nice. More noise to the side, Gaara was taking off his socks and stepping into the shower, grabbing the soap and kneeling beside Naruto to wash his hair.
"You looked like you needed some help. I hope this is ok." Gaara had rolled his sleeves up to run his soapy fingers through the blonde mass of hair.
"Your clothes are getting wet." The sin had left his shirt and sweatpants on, as he knelt on the tile floor to scrub at the half breed.
The demon hummed before his response. "It's just water. They'll survive."
"Then why'd you take off your socks?"
A short laugh sounded behind Naruto as Gaara had moved to scrubbing his back. "I hate getting my socks wet. It feels weird." The demon handed the half breed the soapy washcloth so he could clean his front.
"Does that make me odd?"
"A little." Naruto smiled at the thought of it.
Gaara shrugged. "I guess I can live with that."
Naruto let himself be consumed by the comfort of the extra blankets his mentor had brought him. He was so exhausted in every possible way. Gaara had seen him in full meltdown mode, but he didn't seem to be bothered by it. He hadn't run or freak out like most people usually did. Of course most of his panic attacks never escalated to this level. The demon had stayed through it all until Naruto reassured him he was fine now and just needed some sleep. What exactly did that mean? No. Stop thinking. Just sleep. Sleep and hope that somehow all this weight on his shoulders would feel lighter tomorrow.
