"We'll never be as young as we are tonight."
Chuck Palahniuk
She parked her car slowly and tugged her key out of the ignition. She stared at herself in the rearview mirror. She looked as worried as she felt. Clary wondered momentarily if the back seats held enough space for a wheelchair. Never in her life would she have imagined that she'd need to help Jace stand up or even walk. Her hands were clammy. She rubbed them against her jeans in disgust. Before she could rethink her decisions, Clary stepped outside and used a key to unlock Isabelle's house. Now that they were all considered caretakers, it was necessary that they have a copy to where Jace would reside.
When she was inside the living room, she found him near a couple of framed pictures. He was staring at them as if he had never seen them before. "Jace?" She called out.
He looked awkward as he placed his hands on the wheels and turned so that he could face her. He still wasn't used to it. She tried not to show any expression of sadness. She had to hold herself together.
"Alright." She said to herself. She brought her small hands on the handles of the wheelchair and pushed him outside. She wanted to talk to him, but what was there to say? They were in different worlds now.
When they got as close as they could to the passenger's seat, Clary quickly opened the door and lifted the sleeves of her jacket. She bent down to him, her long hair tickling his face. She placed her arms under his pits and lifted him just high enough that she could pull him into the vehicle. The scent of him engulfed her completely. He smelled like he always had. Like rich cologne and lemon. She could feel him trembling. He couldn't seem to handle the hold she had him in. He was using all his upper weight to keep from falling. With a grunt, she gently laid him on the car seat. Jace realized his hand was still clasping her arm and he let it go as if it hurt him to do so.
Clary wiped her forehead and he buckled in his seat belt. She turned to his wheelchair and pressed a few buttons before she folded it up. A quiet whimper made her whirl to face him. His eyes were tightly closed. "Clary." Her name from his tongue was such a familiarity it would've made her cry if not for the fact that he was pointing to his waist. She realized the problem instantly. She had laid him too close to the middle compartment and it was digging into his thigh. "I'm sorry." She kept repeating. She carefully leaned atop him, trying not to make their positions uncomfortable. His chest pressed against her side and her hands leaned on his arms. Flushing, she pulled away from him. "Is that fine?"
Without looking at her, he nodded.
x
As they rode to the hospital, she put on the radio. The station was playing some Imagine Dragons. Absentmindedly, she sang along and tapped her fingers against the steering wheel. Every so often, she would peer at Jace and find him watching their surroundings. He didn't appear particularly sad. He looked like he was an outsider. Before he could notice her, Clary glanced away and focused on the road.
When she reached the parking lot, she attempted to stop at a handicapped sign. It was Jace's harsh voice that awakened her.
"No. Don't park there." He was finally gazing at her, his tawny orbs furious.
"What do you-"
"Park at a normal spot. Just fucking park at a normal spot." The tone of his demand made her shrink and she did as she was told, her hands trembling slightly.
She hurried out of her seat and set up the wheelchair. It was getting easier the more she managed it. Now, the hard part came. Clary wasn't weak, but Jace's mass was ultimately all muscle and she struggled to carry him an inch. Tying her hair back into a ponytail, she gathered her arms under his armpits and lugged him into the wheelchair. Once every bolt was screwed and he remained quiet, Clary released a breath. "I know I'm slow," she mumbled. "But I'll get better, I promise."
He didn't reply.
xx
In the hospital, she wheeled Jace into the elevator and into the room where he would be treated. Dr. Bollack greeted her with a smile and asked her to wait outside while they were in session. Clary found a chair next to the room and sat down, nibbling on the tips of her fingers, waiting for Jace to return.
It didn't take long. Just an hour. She rose when she met Jace's gaze. There were dark circles under his eyes. She must have stared at him for too long for he looked down at his hands suddenly, as if they interested him.
"I'll see you guys, Tuesday." Dr. Bollack said, managing a small wave in their direction.
Clary wondered what had gone on in the room. Had they been talking? Had he done a physical check-up? The more she thought about it, the more she realized how hopeless she was being.
As they exited the hospital and reached the parking lot, she asked, "Would you like something to eat?"
"No." He answered, curt and fleeting.
Her eyebrows knit. "What about Taco Bell or McDonalds? I can even coo-"
"Stop. Just stop. I said no."
She halted the wheelchair's movement and stared at the back of his head. "I'm just trying to help." Her voice broke off at the end.
Clary must have triggered something inside him for he replied, "Just do what you have to do. I don't want pity. You're being a pain in the ass."
The poison in his words reminded her of their past arguments as a couple and she was glad he couldn't see her. She wiped her eyes briefly and settled him into the car.
As she drove, the car alerted her of an incoming phone call. She clicked on the screen and listened to Jordon's voice. Her spirits lifted. "Hey babe. I just wanted to check up on you, see how everything is going."
"Everything's okay, J. Don't worry. Are you still at home?"
"No. Had to go to the shop." She heard shuffling in the background. "Blimey, it's cold in here. George! George, would you raise the temperature?"
"Jordon?"
"Oh, sorry Clare. George is being an idiot."
"I just wanted to know if I could swing by and visit. I don't have much to do for the rest of the day..."
"Of course. I'll wait for you."
"Okay. Love you."
"Love you too, shortie."
Clary ended the call and realized Jace had been exposed to the entire conversation. How could she be so stupid? Her shoulders slumped and she rode on, wanting to apologize but not knowing why.
xxx
