He walked in quietly, knocking on the door with a gentle tap of his knuckles. The room's occupant, absorbed in her cloud watching, turned back to look at the noise. Lenalee smiled and motioned for her visitor to come and sit next to her on the windowsill. Lavi walked in and seemed to fold himself into the corner of the window, staring up at the clouds outside.
"Long time, no see," Lenalee said brightly, leaning her head against the glass panes.
Her hair fell in a black swathe against the cool glass as she looked up at the white clouds that drifted by. Lavi considered how many different times he'd sat with her like this, just thinking. Lenalee didn't mind sitting in silence with someone, perhaps some remnant of her lonely childhood and a subtle appreciation of presence over conversation. Lavi, by contrast, never seemed to know when to shut up, yet here he was, wordless and staring up at the sky and wondering why his mind couldn't be as light as the clouds that drifted in the sky above them.
Lenalee looked at Lavi and noticed his unfocused gaze, and she frowned.
"Are you alright? You look like you've got a lot on your mind," Lenalee asked as she shifted to turn towards him, legs folded primly over the sill.
Her friend rubbed his face with a slight sigh before blurting, "If you had to give bad news to someone, how would you do it?"
Lenalee stared with wide eyes, floored by the seemingly out-of-the-blue question. After giving her mind a moment to catch up, she took up a more relaxed position with her back against the window, head leaned back. That was an awfully good question, and really an awfully hard question. Lenalee herself was not typically the bearer of bad news, and she had a hard time putting herself in the position of harbinger. Yet, had she not been on the receiving end of bad news? What would she have wanted others to do differently, in giving her such unwanted knowledge? Was there any way to soften the edge of a hard word?
"I think that depends on the person. Someone like Kanda, he'd want you to tell him to his face, with as little fluff as possible, but someone like Crowley... well, you'd have to be a little bit more gentle, you know?" Lenalee stated. "Me, personally - well, it depends on what news it is. I think there are some things I could bear not knowing. And the things I have to know, I'd want someone to be sincere, but matter-of-fact. If you beat around the bush, it just worries me even more. You know?"
She turned to him, not surprised that he was now fidgeting and trying to find a better position in which to sit. He sat his chin upon his knee and digested her answer a little longer, before finally saying, "And... what if it was never your place to know that information as it is? What if it's something they need to know, but you came across it... unethically?"
"Unethically? Lavi, you haven't been spying on someone, have you?" Lenalee asked with a teasing smile.
"No!" Lavi whined, sulking in his seat. "I've not been spying. It wasn't like that. You can't spy -... on... "
And, just like that, he clammed up, hiding part of his face behind his knees and leaving a single eye to gaze out at the blue sky and its cheerful assortment of fluffy clouds. Lenalee's playful jab had hit a raw nerve, and she scrambled to fix the situation.
"Well... whatever it is you have to say, if it's important enough, the person will appreciate you telling it to them. It's better than keeping them in the dark, isn't it?" Lenalee suggested, patting one boot.
He continued to stare out the window, and she cocked her head to the side, unsure of how to help pull his mind away from this obviously pressing worry.
"Come on. I know that Jerry needs help in the kitchen with the cooking. I've heard Magnolia's coming home, and it'll be the first time that family's been together in one place in almost a year. He's already got a handful trying to corral the twins into making a cake," Lenalee said brightly, hopping off the window sill and taking Lavi's hand. She tugged him off the windowsill, which he left reluctantly.
"But that's so much work. And Jerry's such a stickler. You put one too many carrots in the carrot cake and -"
"And you get a carrot with some cake, not a carrot cake," Lenalee tittered, remembering Lavi's last culinary flub. While Lavi was typically a fairly good cook, he was by no means a baker.
"Same difference! Carrot cake is disgusting anyways."
"Not when you make it right..."
I woke up at around noon, feeling refreshed for the first time in days. It seemed that was the general state of most Exorcists: sleep deprived, bruised, and in need of a good shower. I'd gone through my typical morning motions of pretending to be a human, stalking my way into the bathroom and showering, getting dressed, and managing my mane of curls. All in all it was a quiet morning, and I felt an odd kind of emptiness with the quiet. I was always the sort of deal with a chaotic morning, given the number of siblings up and about. Even when I'd traveled with Bookman, Lavi, and Kanda, there'd been an air of busy-ness.
And now, for the first time in a long time, it was just me, myself, and I.
I sat on the bed and curled my knees in, thinking hard about the last few days. While my teammates had been around, it had been easier to forget about the kind of horrors we'd faced together. There was the knowledge that we were in it together, as much as we might not mutually like each other (at least, in Kanda's case). Alone, in the quiet, all I could think about was the dead man I'd tried to save, the wounds around my wrists, and everything Kanda and I had said to each other.
For some reason, his insults had stung more than I cared to admit. I was used to him calling me an idiot, a nitwit, a moron. Yet nothing had hurt more than when he'd said that he really couldn't care less about me. I was only as useful to the Order as my Innocence fragment was, and while it hurt, I knew he was right. He had stuck with me this long only because the Order saw me as useful.
I didn't know what to make of all the times he'd been good-natured. I guess those were just his good days.
It didn't help that I couldn't seem to get the blood out from under my fingernails, or the smell of Akuma oil out of my hair. That last fight lingered on my clothes and in my skin. I couldn't even bear to think of that poor man's screams as he was -
God help me. If I sat any longer, I was going to puke.
I paced around the room for a few minutes, trying to clear my mind, but the night before seemed to run like a zoetrope with the "stop" button stuck. The mental images reeled around in my head, as if I were in some kind of gruesome theater, and finally, I went into the bathroom as my stomach threatened to eject its contents with due enthusiasm. I sat on the toilet with my head in my hands, and I tried to forget.
What I wouldn't give for a drink.
The golem in my room rang after several minutes of me hugging myself in the bathroom, and I finally walked out to answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Ah, Miss Magnolia!"
"Just... please- call me Mag. Miss Magnolia's a little stuffy, Allen, you ought to know that by now," I chuckled nervously.
"My apologies, Miss- er, excuse me, Mag. It seems I'm coming to escort you back home. As I understand it, Kanda left quite early this morning for another assignment."
I looked around our empty hotel room, and my heart lurched as I looked at his empty bed. Boy howdy, he sure didn't let the grass grow under his feet. I tangled the phone cord in my fingers, and I answered, "Yes. He's gone."
Good riddance. Hope he didn't let the door hit him on the way out.
"Alright, then. I'll be there in about thirty minutes! Dress your best!"
Before I could ask, the line clicked off, and I stared at the receiver. Dress... my best? I looked at the bag I'd thrown on top of the bed in my bid to leave before looking down at my clothes. I'd picked out the first thing I'd found, which was the uniform I'd worn the first night we'd stopped by the hotel. It smelled strongly of sheep dung and hay, and there were a few mystery stains on the black fabric that I wasn't brave enough to sniff. I groaned as I walked over to the bed and decided to give my bag one more good rummage to see if there was anything else better to wear.
As I dug around on my sojourn into the depths of my luggage, something clattered to the floor as I shoved the bag, and I frowned. Kneeling down, I tried to get a good look at what I must have dropped (it sure didn't sound like a book, which was my usual bedside companion), and I was surprised to find my very expensive apology - the diamond necklace I'd received. What was it doing here?
The earrings I'd worn had been confiscated and returned to its rightful owner the minute I'd been hauled down to the dungeons last night. I hadn't, however, been wearing the necklace, so... how did it get into my room if I'd lost it?
With a thrill of paranoia up my back, I tossed it into my suitcase and dug out my best clothes. I'd deal with the conundrum later. For now, I had to deal with the matter at hand - putting on my petticoats one leg at a time, like every other woman.
Within twenty minutes, I had finally put on a riding dress and managed to make myself look presentable. I packed everything as well as I could bother to, and I set out the door. I could at least attempt to look enthusiastic about coming back to the Order, even if I didn't feel like it. Besides, who could possibly keep a long face around Allen? He was like a person-shaped ray of sunshine. I wasn't sure if he ever felt negative about anything. Heck - I'd heard from Lavi that it was Allen's mission to save the Akuma, which was all good and well for him. I liked to keep my goals a bit less ambitious and aim for staying alive, and if I really wanted to be an overachiever, I'd add "keeping all my limbs" as an extra achievement.
I walked down to the front desk (which doubled as the bar), and I handed over my room key. By my watch, it looked like Allen would be here in the next ten minutes, give or take a few. I opened up my purse to take the receipt for the stay, and the bartender, doubling as my receptionist, grumbled, "You've got a visitor outside, ma'am."
"Oh? Hm, he's sure quick. I was expecting him in the next ten minutes," I said quietly as I took the receipt in hand.
"Good morning to you," the bartender said as I summoned a smile and tipped my head at him, dragging my suitcase outside to meet Allen.
I walked out the front door, expecting to see a white-haired young man wearing a prim uniform, and instead I was floored by the gaze of a man with eyes as cold as a snake. His red hair shone in the sun, and his grim mouth drew up into something that could generously be described as a smile. He sat astride a beautiful horse, which nickered as he pressed his heels into its flanks, and I felt a pang of empathy. I swallowed as I stood on the steps of the small inn, unsure of what to make of my visitor.
It had been such a long time, but I guess what we had had was not something one forgets easily. Under my dress, my skin crawled, but I held my head high. I was one of God's chosen, and whether or not the Order cared, He'd chosen me for a reason. If there was anything I could thank my teachers for, it was a brand-spanking new spine, and I was like to beat the man in front of me with the old one.
"Mr. Bentham," I said politely.
"Maggy-pie," he said, with equal civility.
"What's your business?" I asked, barely keeping the frost out of my voice.
I remembered all too well the shout of "whore!" in the crowd the night before, though I couldn't be certain it had been his voice. Yet, there had been that playful quality to it that made my gut churn, so I wasn't willing to rule him out.
"Why, you know that Bentham's pay their debts, don't you?" he said.
"You've no more debts to pay me," I stated, trying to ignore the urge to vomit. "I received full payment the last time."
"Au contraire, my French bird. You saved me last night, don't you remember? From the... demon," he said, and for a moment, I thought I saw the mask crack. He became contemplative, and he tossed something in my direction. I caught it on instinct, surprised by the weight of a very fat purse. I stared at it and looked back up at him in confusion.
"My worth in gold," he said, wringing the reins to his horse. "A Bentham doesn't forget, dearest Mag-pie."
From behind him, I could see a carriage approaching, and I quickly lifted my suitcase off the ground and stood to my full height. I tossed the purse to his horse's feet, making the jumpy creature sidle away from the clink of coins. I stared him in the eye and said, as well as I could without trembling, "Consider it a gift, not a debt. I need no more of your coin. God pays my dues now. Good day, Mr. Bentham."
With that, I strode past his horse towards the waiting carriage, where I could see Allen peeping out of the curtains at the window, looking curiously at the noble on his horse. I handed my suitcase off to a blonde-haired man with dots on his forehead, the driver of the carriage, and I quickly took a seat. It was only after I was absolutely sure that we had gone quite a ways that I collapsed against the seat and gave a small groan. It was a wonder I hadn't collapsed right there in front of that snake.
"Magnolia... are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost," Allen asked, and I finally looked at him.
"Maggie, who'ssat?" a small voice said beside him, and I stared, wide-eyed, at the little girl sitting next to him. I gasped with my hands over my mouth in disbelief as Ava giggled, holding Allen's gloved hand. Allen looked like he was about to burst with pride.
"It took quite a bit of doing, but Crowley and I have been working on helping her talk. Isn't that right, Ava?" he asked, and Ava laughed.
I'd never seen her so happy, so much less somber than her typical, wide-eyed look of constant contemplation. I quickly motioned for her to come over, and she climbed into my lap happily. I hugged her tight and kissed her hair.
"Whossat, Maggie?" she asked. "Whossat?"
"That was just... an old acquaintance."
"Ackaint'nce?"
I laughed and said, "Yes. Acquaintance. It means someone you've only met a few times and don't know well."
So perhaps Bentham didn't exactly fit that definition. Nevertheless, I didn't feel the need to fill Ava in on all the sordid details.
After about thirty minutes, we arrived at the church where the Ark opening was housed, and we all piled out towards the portal. I stared at our driver with an odd look as he also followed us into the church, and Allen quickly whispered, "Don't mind him. Magnolia, this is Howard Link. He's my..."
"Watcher," the blonde man said.
"Yes," Allen sighed.
I gave Allen another odd look, but he looked like he wasn't willing to talk much on the subject, so I dropped it. I quickly picked up Ava, and turning back to Mr. Link, I said, "It's nice to meet you. I'm Magnolia Valdis."
"Yes, I am aware. Your siblings talk about you quite a lot," Link said as we walked through the portal.
"Do they?"
"Well, they're bound to, given how much they talk," he said with a flat expression, and I bit my lip in an effort not to smile.
Ava leaned her head against my shoulder, and I leaned my cheek into her hair. The smell of Ava's aroma filled my nose with the scent of home, and I sighed contentedly. For the first time in months, I felt my shoulders relax, my gait becoming easier as I continued walking through the white streets of the Ark.
At last, we reached the correct door. Link took his leave suddenly, dropping our things off at a desk full of Finders.
"Well, Ava, have you been having fun since I've been gone?" I asked with a bright smile.
She nodded at me, raising her hands, but suddenly, as if remembering, she dropped them towards her lap and looked up at me.
"Yeah, we had lotsa fun. We stayed here a lot though. It's okay, but I get bored a lot," Ava said in stilted speech.
I was still in awe that she was even talking, but I tried to hold in my enthusiasm. These boys had worked a miracle. I had always worried Ava would never learn how to talk, and I had tried to get her to speak on her own countless times before. That Crowley and Allen had managed to do it was amazing, and I didn't think I could ever thank them enough.
"Oh, well, that's too bad. You don't play games?"
"No, we play lotsa games. But there's nobody here. It's empty here," she complained before pouting at me. "I got nobody to play wiv."
"We try to get her engaged with lots of training games, but she gets tired of that pretty quick," Allen chuckled beside me.
We had walked quite a ways into the building, and I shifted Ava on my hip. It had been a long time since I'd had a child at the hip, but it was surprisingly easy for me to lift Ava and hold on to her now. I used to take breaks every couple of minutes, but I had been walking and holding her for something like ten minutes, and I didn't feel tired just yet. I guess Kanda and Lavi had done something right.
"I guess I should head off to my room, then. It'll be nice to get reacquainted with my own things," I sighed wistfully.
"Wait! You gotta-!" Ava started, but then she stopped and looked at Allen.
I frowned and looked at my traveling companion, and Allen grinned widely while rubbing his face as if embarrassed. Now what was all this about?
"What have I gotta do, Ava?" I asked, stopping.
She looked at Allen again, and he nodded to her. Now my curiosity really was piqued. Ava rarely took orders from others, and she wasn't known for tact either.
Ava leaned closer to my ear and whispered, "You gotta go to the kitchen."
I leaned back and looked at her with a quirked smile. Aaaah, so there was something she'd gotten for me, was that it? And she wanted it to be a surprise. Hopefully it wasn't a dead bird. Ever since gaining the ability to fly, she tended to bring back dead things as presents... I exchanged an inquiring look with Allen, but he shrugged his shoulders.
"Alright, I guess we're going to the cafeteria."
As I walked there, I thought back to the first day I had walked through these halls, and I found myself feeling an odd emotion: pride. I had survived this far, and my family was well and safe within the walls of the Order, Exorcists in their own right. I had become a proactive individual who was no longer scared of her own shadow, able to carry my youngest sister in my arms without tiring in a way I would never have been able to years ago. My siblings no doubt had also changed - here was Ava, who was mute and withdrawn, interacting and speaking with me in just a few months. We had come so far, and I found I could take pride in that.
Before we got the cafeteria, I said, "Allen, wait a moment."
He quirked an eyebrow in question, but nevertheless we stopped before the closed cafeteria doors. I gave a sidelong glance to Ava and smiled, an almost odd experience. Had there ever been a time when I'd felt so calm?
"I have to thank you for everything you've done," I said quietly, trying to put all of my gratitude, my hopes, and my love in those few words. Of course, I failed, but I could say I made a good effort. "You have... done amazing things for my family. We wouldn't be here if not for you, and Lenalee, and Lavi, and Marie, and... Just, everyone here helping us."
My thoughts turned briefly to the teacher who'd left me behind a few hours before, and while his parting words to me still stung, I guessed that I had to give credit where credit was due. He had given me the ability and the fortitude to keep moving forward and not give up. That was more than most could say. Now, if only he'd used Lavi's methods...
"Magnolia, you don't have to say thanks for that. We're a family here. We look out for one another. It should be us thanking you for giving it your best," Allen said, beaming. "After all, you wouldn't be here without your own work anyhow!"
"Nevertheless, I thought you should know. You're a fine young man, you know that?" I said.
"Well, I'll take that compliment," Allen answered, though he did stand a bit straighter and whisk the stray hairs out of his face self-consciously. He gestured to the cafeteria doors, and he said, "Well - shall we go see what Ava's got for you?"
"Yeah!" Ava shouted, and I winced with a smile, leaning away from my uncharacteristically excited sister.
"I guess we gotta do what she says," I stated, and I reached for the brass handle to the door, pulling it open to... darkness? I frowned at the black room that greeted me, and I looked over to Allen.
"Did the lights in the cafeteria bust, or something?" I muttered.
The lights suddenly came on with an almost blinding ZAP! and before me was practically half the Order, completely with a giant banner in the back that said "WELCOME HOME MAGNOLIA" in large letters. I stared, dumbfounded, as everyone yelled, "SURPRISE!"
I stared in disbelief, then back to a grinning Allen, then to Ava, who was laughing and clapping, and finally a smile crossed my face as I walked into the room. I was rushed by about fifty people, coming forward to give me hugs and kiss me. I had to quiet the sudden feeling of panic as the claustrophobia set in, but I managed to enjoy the moment.
"You're home, you're home!" Violet yammered in my ear, hanging on my shoulder while the twins were holding my hands and leading me forward.
I laughed out loud as everyone congratulated me on a great job. I had never felt something like it. Lily was playing a flute solo, and Lenalee was dancing with Timothy Hearst nearby. Marie and Jerry were handling the food, but they'd abandoned their posts to come up and say hello. Krowley took hold of Ava for me, and he shooed me off to have fun while Ava chattered excitedly to him.
It was as if all the love and joy I had been missing for the first fifteen years of my life was rushing me all at once, and it was hard to contain my smile. For the first time in my life, I didn't have a gruesome, unnecessarily morbid, stressful thought in my head. All I had on the brain was the amount of chocolate piled up on the table in front of me, with a cake that had my name on it right in the middle.
The next few hours passed by in a blur of sweets, party games, and food. Lavi, the devil he was, tricked me into eating carrot cake because it was covered in chocolate frosting. My sisters got me to dance, and we had a wonderful time trying to do an Irish river dance. The other Exorcists joined in, and pretty soon everyone was attempting to dance. A couple of Finders struck up a tune with some old instruments, and even Miranda took part, though she had to take a breather after tripping and hitting her head against a table...
For the next three hours or so, I did nothing but eat, drink, and be merry. Of course, eventually the evening had to wind down, and as it drew towards night time, the place filtered out slowly. Soon, there were only a few people left. I swayed with Ava half-falling asleep in my arms, the last of the band putting their instruments away. I took my time sitting down with Ava leaned against my shoulder, nestling my face into her hair.
"Ready for bed?" I whispered.
She nodded, a familiar feeling, and I took that moment to enjoy the quiet, the smell of Ava's toddler-fragrance, and the emptiness of the room. I knew that I wouldn't always get this moment, and in a way, that made it sweeter. For now, Ava was small, and vulnerable, and naive, but one day she was going to grow to be a confident young woman with the world on her shoulders - though if I had my way, the war would be over before she ever had to walk out the Order's halls.
"Sleepy?" a familiar voice asked, and I looked up.
Allen and Lavi stood before me, the former brimming with goodwill, and the other looking... pensive.
"Yeah, I think all of this partying tuckered her out," I said in a low voice.
"I could take her for you, if you'd like," Allen offered, and I looked down to my youngest sibling.
To be honest, I didn't want to let her go, but I knew that she needed to truly get some good sleep, not the half-start half-stop of drifting on my shoulder. I was surprised to find I felt exhausted as well, and I breathed out long and slow. Well, if I'd done this even a month ago, I would have been more out of breath than an octogenarian marathoner, but that didn't mean I wasn't winded at the moment. I looked up at Allen with a pleasant smile and nodded.
"If you would, thank you," I said, and I gently maneuvered the half-slumbering girl into Allen's waiting arms.
Ava woke up and blearily asked, "Where's we goin'?"
"We're going to your room," Allen answered, turning away from us and walking towards the door with her in tow.
There was a lurch in my chest as I watched Ava leave. The tottering tot looked over Allen's shoulder with half-shut eyes, and she waved goodnight to me, and I waved goodnight back with a choked throat. How many more nights could I have like this?
Now, it was just me, Lavi, and a few straggling Finders helping to clear away the mess that was the massacred party favors. The room felt much, much emptier now that Ava was no longer there to fill the space with her presence.
"You want to go for a walk?" Lavi asked suddenly, and I looked up at him in surprise.
It was pitch dark outside, the sun having long set. It was an awfully odd time to go for a walk. The insinuations Violet put into my head about Lavi courting me jumped to mind, and I swatted them away. That little tramp! How could she have?! She'd been nudging me toward him all night long, too, which did nothing to help my sudden anxiety. To make matters worse, Lavi was starting to fidget, and he seemed much more awkward now than before.
"Sure," my mouth said. Shoot, my brain said.
I got up and followed him towards the side door that led out to the grounds, and the night air hit me like a fresh wave of vitality. The moon was out in strength, full and shining a brilliant swathe of white on the sleeping world. A path lit with lanterns wove between trees towards a small, ornamental pond, and I motioned for Lavi to lead the way. He began walking, and the silence started to stretch between us.
And it was getting very, very cumbersome. I had never thought Lavi the kind to clam up all of a sudden.
"You dance well, you know. I don't think I've ever seen you happy enough to actually dance," Lavi noted as we passed the fifth or sixth lamp post. Well, thank God he said something.
"Thank you. I'm not the worst dancer, but I'm not exactly the best either."
God, was he going to ask for a dance right here? I certainly hoped not. These cobbles were not the most comfortable thing to walk on, much less dance on, and that would be highly suggestive of romantic intention. I'm still not even sure what possessed me to agree to this walk.
"I take it you didn't just take me out on a walk to see the moonlight on the water?" I asked, gesturing to the pond next to us.
Lavi smiled, and immediately, the tension faded.
"Oh, but mademoiselle, what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't take the guest of honor on a nice walk? Heaven knows, I couldn't get a word in edgewise with the twins talking at the same time. I don't think I'm ever going to get over that."
I grinned. Sebastian and Erastus had been incredibly happy to see me, though Sebastian had been more withdrawn than usual. Still, the eye-patched twin had shown me his best pirate impression, and Erastus regaled me of his journeys through Greece (and the women who were supposedly fawning over him). The two had a habit of finishing each other's sentences, which can be disorienting for some, but I had never been fazed by it, perhaps because I'd heard it for a good fifteen years. You live with something odd for long enough, it no longer feels weird. For the longest time I thought that peanut butter and pickles were an acceptable sandwich combination, and apparently, it isn't...
Lavi gestured to a bench nearby, and we took a seat in front of the pond. The moon gave the water a beautiful glow, and I found myself lost in my thoughts as I stared out at it.
"Amazing that this world has so much beauty in it while containing so much wretchedness," I muttered.
"A poet, are you?" Lavi commented, and I shoved him playfully.
He leaned forward, with his elbows on his knees. He always reminded me of a gangly spider when he sat like that, as if he were trying to rearrange his limbs into some more comfortable fashion.
"Isn't it true, though? Of all people, you should -"
I stopped midsentence, realizing that was perhaps not something to bring up. My gut was correct - Lavi's expression turned soft, his stare crossing the pond to the dark forest beyond. His smile was only there in a shadow, and he retained an odd kind of melancholy. It was starting to creep me out a bit; I had never seen Lavi quite so calm, or so uncomfortable, at the same time. Calm? Once in a blue moon, yes. Uncomfortable? Of course, especially when being interrogated by Bookman. Simultaneously? Not in the least.
"Yes... there's a lot of ugliness in this world. I think if it weren't for the fact there was beauty, that ugliness would no longer be ugliness. We only know horror because we've seen heaven," Lavi murmured. "And sometimes that ugliness and beauty can exist in one and the same vessel."
He glanced at me, and I frowned. Did that mean I was ugly, or pretty? I couldn't tell if I should feel honored or insulted. Besides, how could someone be both hideous and gorgeous at the same time? I'm pretty sure putting lipstick on a pig doesn't fix the pig's condition of being... well, a pig.
Lavi suddenly took my hand, and my brain shut down. Why was he grabbing my hand? What was this? He wasn't seriously going to woo me, was he? Oh God, I should have never come on this walk. My mouth dried up, my eyes widened, and my heart suddenly stopped. My stomach was tap-dancing on my intestines, and my nerves were shot to pieces. This was bad. This was bad.
"Maggie..." he said quietly, his eye lowered, and I tried to think of a proper response.
I mean, what did I feel? How could I even begin to process what was going on? Lavi was my friend, my confidant. He was one of the few people I had truly connected to in my time here, and now we were sitting on a bench in front of a pond with the moonlight reflecting off the water and this was straight out of a romance novel. What was worse? I could feel the niggling sensation of hope in my breast, and I did not like it.
Or did I? Would that hope exist if there were not a part of me that-
He looked up at me, and I was surprised to find him almost teary-eyed. He licked his lips and said, "I... I have bad news, Maggie. Really bad news."
My heart fell, yet there was relief mixed in there as well. However, the words "bad news" finally caught up to my lagging brain. What was so bad that it could almost move Lavi to tears?
"What is it? Did something happen?" I asked, gripping his hand.
Suddenly, I wondered if Bookman had finally decided that it was time for them both to leave the Order. A visceral shock went through me as I considered the possibility. No. That was... well, not impossible, but I wanted to believe that day would be far, far off...
"No, no, I... Maggie, you remember when you... you hit your head on the counter? You slipped and fell?" Lavi asked.
I nodded sheepishly. The stitches had long since been cut away, but the scar no doubt remained. It was a little hard to forget.
"Bookman and I took blood samples, just in case. You remember?" Lavi asked.
I nodded again.
"You said it was for routine tests, to make sure something wasn't wrong with my head," I said slowly.
Was that how it worked? I was no doctor - I just trusted whatever they had told me. Now I was beginning to feel the beginnings of suspicion eating away at the edges of my mind. What was this about?
"Bookman had wondered for a long time if maybe the reason you were so clumsy and in pain was because you could be sick with something. We did find something, and you've had it a long time. Three years, in fact."
I swallowed hard. No. No, no, no, this wasn't what I thought it was going to be. I was sure -
"Maggie... I think you know already," Lavi said, giving me an earnest look, and his fingers squeezed around my hand.
My breathing drew in quicker, and I put a hand to my mouth. Tears began to well up as I considered it, and I asked, "Is it-?"
"Yeah. It is."
"From... from when..."
Lavi nodded and asked, "Did you remember any... any sores, or any rashes when you...?"
"No. No, I don't - I don't remember any of it, I... I always made sure, I did, I really did, I didn't... Oh god, I..."
I got up and yanked my hand out of Lavi's grasp and began to pace, unsure of what to do. At first, I was in shock, unable to process the information I'd been given. Its name had not been uttered, and somehow that made it worse. I couldn't even face it head on or acknowledge it by name, such was my fear. I had thought I left that all behind me, but-
Images of the women I'd worked with flashed in my mind, their mouths embroidered with large sores. I remembered the screams in the tenements as poor souls lost their minds to the disease and shrieked in confusion. I could remember those who stared listlessly out into streets still wearing their dresses and half-gloves. There'd been countless who'd had that dead look in their eyes, that resignation as their mind was slowly eaten away, as if it were a cigarette lit aflame, and every breath inward shortened it by another half centimeter. I realized that with every inhalation, I drew closer and closer to a sort of un-death, one in which the body lived on to haunt this world.
I felt tears stream down my face in great gobs, and ugly sobs began to climb up and out my throat. I shook my head, bent down as if I could upend all my sorrow into this pond, to let it drift down into the silt and let it remain buried there. A warm body came to my side, and a pair of arms embraced me. I laid my head against a firm shoulder, and he held me as I sobbed, louder and louder.
"We'll figure something out," Lavi muttered in my ear as I let my shoulders shake, my breaths coming in heaves.
I didn't trust myself to speak. Instead, I wrapped my arms around his waist and gripped him tight, my fingers digging into his clothes as I buried my face into his chest. I let him stroke my back and reassure me as we swayed near the pond in this intimate, sore moment. He was gifted with endless words, and all of them were heartfelt and bittersweet.
Yet, I knew there weren't enough words in the world to dispel the seed of dread he'd planted in my heart.
A/N:
Hey guys! I'm back again with another chapter (about... two months... three months late...)! Sorry for the sudden downer ending - but that's how the cookie crumbles sometimes. Gotta have that drama!
Anyhow, I give a massive thanks to Karina for being a doll and betaing for me. It's a huge help (especially seeing as I make a lot of mistakes... a LOT of mistakes).
I also thank all my subscribers and favoriteers. It's really an honor that you still read the story and that you like it enough to keep up with it after all this time. Five or six years... man, it's been a while. You guys are awesome!
And lastly, to my reviewers: Karina, again, bless your ever loving heart, you're a saint. The feedback seriously makes me write more often and better than ever. And Ryuakilover - I'm glad you like it so much! I hope you stay with us and see how this all develops!
And lastly, your favorite part: the discussion questions! This is a grave situation. Do you think this is something that can be dealt with easily? Or will it take time? Do you like the suspense? This story is long running - when did you start reading it? Do you think it's dragged on too long? Would you like it to keep going longer? What kind of action would you like to see? Do you miss the comedy?
And that's all for now, folks. Thank you so much, and God bless you all!
