Locum Ignotum Chapter 12
On the shores of a small lake a group of men were working, shifting dirt and digging furrows into the ground. They laboured with good hearts and familiar comradery, work songs on their lips and smiles on their sweaty faces. The irrigation system they were building would bring much needed water to the surrounding farms, improving their crops yields significantly.
It was valuable work but their enthusiasm was dampened by the presence of two beings. One was a large Transhuman figure with one eye, his name was Leanyr, a familiar but still intimidating sight to them. The other was completely different, a war machine twice his height, with a smooth chassis and potent weapons upon its arms. It walked upon two mechanical legs, that sank into the soft ground with every step and its reactor thrummed with power. Its name was Ajax and he was not happy to be here.
Ajax was facing a huge rock, a single boulder squatting right in the path of the irrigation system. On a normal world one could presume it had been left here by a retreating glacier but here who could tell, perhaps the designers thought it was ascetically pleasing. Ajax faced the errant rock and drew back his fist, then with a whine of servos he struck. A peal of thunder rolled over them accompanied by a flash of power discharging around his fist and then the boulder exploded, ripped to shreds by the disruption field.
As the noise died away a team of men approached from a safe distance and began clearing the debris. Ajax stepped back and his voice caster rumbled, "THIS IS A WASTE OF MY SKILLS."
Leanyr had an abacus in his hands and moved some beads around as he said, "You've just shaved three weeks of work off this project, hardly a waste."
Ajax stomped about to face him and snarled, "I WAS BUILT FOR WAR, THIS IS BENEATH ME."
Leanyr didn't look up as he commented, "No wars here, got to find some other ways to be useful."
"USEFUL," rumbled Ajax slowly as if in thought, "YES, ONE REQUIRES BEING NEEDED."
Leanyr glanced up now and mused, "I was surprised you agreed to come, I barely thought it was worth asking you in the first place."
Ajax was silent for a long moment then his vox caster blared, "I WANTED TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE OUTSIDE MY CHAPTER, SOMEONE WHO HAS NO EXPECTATIONS OF ME."
Leanyr lowered his abacus and said, "Look up to you don't they?"
Ajax didn't answer, for that touched on a thorny issue he had long wrestled with. Instead he lurched into motion and strode to the lakeside, labouring men hurrying out of his path. At the shore's edge he paused and looked out over the waters, glowing faintly in the eternal golden radiance. It was an odd sight to see a war machine just standing there, like a man watching a sunset and the incongruity was not lost on Ajax.
He cast his pict imagers over the water, the grainy resolution of his eyes barely noticeable to him now. Five millennia his ruined flesh had been entombed in this walking shell, five thousand years of carnage and slaughter and despair. Slowly Ajax rumbled, "I AM THE OLDEST OF THE STORM HERALDS, I WAS THERE AT OUR FOUNDING. I WAS NO CHAPTER MASTER, NO GLORIED CAPTAIN; MERELY A LINE BROTHER WHO MANAGED TO FALL GLORIOUSLY IN A DESPERATE BATTLE. DESPITE THAT THESE YOUNGSTERS SEE ME AS A TOUCHSTONE OF A GLORIOUS PAST, A RELIC OF A BETTER TIME. They revere me; sometimes I think they revere me too much."
Leanyr glanced up with a frown and said, "Your voice, it just changed."
Ajax replied, "I don't have to speak like that, this vox caster has a number of settings."
Leanyr looked confused and said, "I thought it was broken, I was going to offer to fix it. I never considered you spoke that way deliberately."
Ajax explained, "One has certain expectations to live up to: to be the indomitable, unbreakable Dreadnought. That's what my Brothers want to see, it comforts them in the most desperate of battles. When times are bleak and the foe is beyond counting they see Honourable Ajax striding to war and know that victory is still within reach."
Leanyr rubbed his chin and asked, "Do any of them know? Know there's more to you than an angry voice, that you have thoughts of your own?"
"No," Ajax replied, "And if you wish to keep your head attached to your neck they will not learn of this conversation. They need me to be a fixed point, one unmoving constant in a galaxy of horror. If they knew how wearying it was for me to be the Ajax they imagine me to be, they would lose heart."
Leanyr nodded and said, "We had Dreadnoughts in the legions, proud warriors, respected and admired but not revered the way you are. Times have changed."
Ajax sounded distant as he said, "Yes, times had changed and not for better."
Leanyr said, "We had been here but a few decades, from our point of view, when the first wreck came drifting in. We couldn't believe what we found in its cogitators, centuries had passed on the outside, that's when we first realised that the gradient of time was against us. What we learnt first elated and then horrified us. Horus was dead, the Heresy over but the cost… the cost was beyond bearing. The Emperor confined for eternity and his Imperium had substituted reason for ignorance, progress for stagnation, hope for fear. It was a parody of the Emperor's intent, a mockery of everything we had fought for. We didn't understand this new age."
Ajax was intrigued and stated, "I too was born into another age, my contemporaries would not have recognised your age but they would not understand this dark time either. The Imperium is dying; the End Times are upon us."
Leanyr nodded, "I think it was that truth which finally made us accept this fate. The galaxy we knew was gone, even if we could get out; there was no home to return to."
Ajax was silent for a long time, staring out over the water. Leanyr seemed to have something on his mind and after a minute he ventured, "I have always wondered, does it hurt?"
Ajax snorted in derision and said, "Of course it hurts, every inch of my skin is lined with tubes and catheters. Neural shunts are rammed into my skull, streaming input into my consciousness. This body is ceramite and plasteel but I feel it, I sense everything. Cold, sharp and hard, covering me in unyielding iron. It is more than my body, it is my tomb."
Leanyr sighed, "We took the technology from the Ironsides of Old Albia, during the Unification Wars. They said it was an honour but few Legionnaires believed that, few wished for such a fate. It was rumoured that some of those so chosen couldn't adapt, that they ended their own lives. Of course it was vehemently denied but the rumours never went away."
Ajax sounded distant as he said, "That I understand."
Leanyr looked at him with his one eye and said knowingly, "You do?"
Ajax replied, "To exist like this is… difficult. Not the physical pain but to watch the slow passage of time, to see it erode away all that you hold dear. Everyone I once called friends are gone, not even dust remains of them. Even the other Dreadnoughts are but pups, not one of them over two thousand years old. These children who call themselves Storm Heralds, they wander ever further from the path, straying into ignorance and foolishness. I try to steer them back to the right course but every time I sleep I find they slip further into religiosity and worship. Sometimes I wonder, what is the point of carrying on."
Leanyr didn't judge but said, "You find yourself tempted to take the quick way out."
Ajax replied, "Five thousand years of war and each and every time I march out there is the temptation to fight at less than my best, to let a foe land that one fatal blow. The thought is always there, the urge to hold back a fraction and let it end, nobody would know it was deliberate."
Leanyr inquired, "So why don't you?"
"Because they still need me," Ajax snarled, "These children couldn't last for long without me. Every time I think about ending it I hear the clarion call of war and know I have to march one more time. How could I die if I left them to face the horrors of the universe alone, I have to keep going, I can't stop. Not now, not ever. Not while war is upon us."
Leanyr nodded and said, "Duty, I understand it all too well. When our imprisonment became clear I too contemplated taking my own life. But I knew that I had to find a new duty to sustain me, a purpose to keep me going. During the Great Crusade my role was to tear down, to demolish and level all that stood against the Emperor's will. But when I came here I saw that I could be a builder instead, I could create rather than destroy. Building, planning and crafting, I don't do these things for pleasure; I do it because I have to, because I need to. Without that what am I?"
Ajax was silent for a long time, pondering this but then he said, "That may not be an option for me."
Leanyr sighed, "I was wondering when that would occur to you. I am no techmarine but I know Dreadnoughts require specialised facilities for maintenance, we have no such tools here and I doubt your ship can keep you going forever. Sooner or later some part of your mechanisms will break beyond our capacity to repair and then…"
"I die," Ajax said, "Death will claim me whether I will it or not."
Leanyr commented, "I see why you wanted to talk to me, none of your own kin would understand this."
Ajax sounded very distant as he said, "I could die slowly, falling apart piece by piece, mewling like a weakling or I could end it quickly. All it would take is one crack in my sarcophagus then I could walk into this lake and let the waters seep in. My amniotic fluids would leak out and it would all be over at last. No more pain, no more duty, no more weight of expectation."
Leanyr stated, "That would certainly do it."
Ajax was surprised and said, "You're not going to try to talk me out of it?"
"Not my place, not my decision," Leanyr said, "This place is secure; there are no dangers here, no more wars. Your kin will be safe, with or without you."
Ajax looked at the water, seeing it lapping at the shore and he said, "No more war, no more role for me. There is nothing more I can do for them, my task is complete. I am free to simply walk out there and not come back."
Leanyr didn't reply but let the Dreadnought think. Ajax was silent too, turning it over and over. He had fought for so long, waged war upon war, battle after battle for millennia. Duty had kept him going all these centuries, the call of war driving him on but in truth he was tired of it, tired of seeing his Brothers broken on the anvil of combat. He had seen so many youths grow old and pass away before his eyes, so many of them that he could no longer remember their names. Ajax turned these thoughts over and over, contemplating a decision he had avoided for thousands of years. It was so very tempting to just walk into the water and let it wash away all his cares. Minutes slid by as he stared and pondered upon these matters. On what would happen to him without a duty to drive him on and give his endless life meaning.
However his deliberations were interrupted as the golden radiance blinked out. For a mere instant at first but then again for long seconds. Darkness swept over the land, covering everything in an inky blackness before the light returned once more. Leanyr blinked his one eye in shock and said, "What was that?"
"IT WAS THE SIREN SONG OF WAR," Ajax boomed as his voice suddenly deepened and he rumbled, "IT SEEMS I CANNOT DIE YET. DUTY CALLS ONCE MORE AND AJAX MUST ANSWER."
