Chapter 3: Culprit
Ran knew she would need some sort of plan to figure out what was happening inside of her, however she had no practical experience with neither psychologists nor pedophiles. In fact, the only way she knew how to confirm a suspicion, was the detective way everybody around her seemed to use. Know that she thought of it, it seemed kind of strange that nearly everybody who is close to her is or has acted as a detective. But she didn't have the time or patience to worry over that right now.
She needed a theory.
"So, what do I even know for sure", Ran whispered to herself, shifting her position to a more up right one. "I do know that, for some reason, I fell in l… became a lot closer to Conan.", she just couldn't bring herself to admit her forbidden feelings aloud, even though she was alone in the house, "I know Conan is a child…, what would mean that I like children. However, this was the first time it ever happened to me."
Ran didn't quit know how a pedophile person does experience their peculiar tastes, but she assumed that is was very similar to how homosexual people experience their feelings. If that was the case, luckily, she had once listen to a TV report on the life of a lesbian couple, it would mean that pedophiles prefer younger persons over others and would fantasize about encounters with children instead of ones with people of the same age. However even though she fells the feelings, which she identified as love when she felt them for Shinichi, she never actually envisioned anything with other children, only with Conan. And it was not like she didn't know any other children when the Detective Boys regularly came over to play with Conan, but none of them seemed to interest her in the least.
As reassuring as this seemed, she must know for certain and so, for the first time ever, she voluntarily visualized a scene her mind had already showen her, but with Mitsuhiko instead of Conan in it. "Sorry for doing that to you Mitsuhiko-kun.", she whispered softly. She felt really bad to drag such an innocent and polite boy into her mess, but at least this wasn't something anyone could find out. She closed her eyes, thinking back to the worst dream she had so far. She was in a hotel room, the smell of roses filling the air and a soft red gloom came of a lava lamp on the night table. One could her the shower in the next room and a moment after the drumming of the water stopped, a small boy would leave the bathroom. Only clad in shorts he would make his way over to her on the bed and seat himself close to her, whispering a faint "You look absolutely gorgeous." Original that boy was Conan, only now he wore the freckled face of Mitsuhiko. The now orange light of the lava lamp would reflect of his still wet hair while he leaned in to let his lips meet Ran's. They exchanged a kiss or at least that was what had happened with Conan, in this case the moment was suddenly gone when she felt her stomach twisting and tying. The response her stomach sent her for the daydream was so strong that Ran had to sprint again to the toilet and bend over. While a vision with Conan would always carry some sort of longing, the one she dreamed up was met with nothing but disgust.
With the new discovery, the little glim of hope in her heart sparked and rose to a flickering flame, spending her a little warmth and comfort in this raging blizzard of confusion, guilt and despair.
"It wasn't like it was with Conan", she breathed faintly, relief washing briefly over her, before it was replaced with new worries. "But pedophiles can't love that differently from normal people, which would mean that they don't love every child they see.", the horrible realization dawned upon her. In order to confirm her suspicion, that she didn't like children in general but only Conan himself, the thought still wasn't a pleasant one, but it was much better than it had been before, she would have to visit a place where a lot of children would be and then try to envision romantic scenarios with them. As much as the thought of doings so crept her out, her reaction was already a little prove of her theory, a fact that calmed her even more, so that she didn't feel as bad as she felt 2 hours ago.
After all, she only had to visit a public pool in the afternoon and observe some of the children there.
That couldn't be that bad after all.
As always all right go to Gosho Aoyama, the original creator of the Detective Conan Universe.
Questions and review are highly requested and if you want to know how the story continues leave a follow.
I hope you liked it so far and are thrilled for more.
Farewell
