Chapter 5: Scars

Exhausted Ran slumped together on the coach, her energy was completely drained by her questionable mission this afternoon. At least she had only show purely negative reactions and had even fled on the toilet once, because her stomach couldn't take the hit. In the end she had tried it with at least 10 children, all so different from one another, that she was fairly certain that her love only bloomed for Conan and Shinichi.

"Maybe I only like mystery-loving, soccer-maniacs with parents that are never around" she bitterly laughed out. But her thoughts were interrupted by the chime of her phone and when she looked at it, a reminder plopped up which read like follows, "Conan is coming at 5 pm." She remembered how she set the alarm so that she would have enough time to cook for herself and her little brother, before their favourite TV show started. As temping as it was to eat in front of the television, Ran knew that she couldn't allow Conan, to picked up such bad habits. Aside from the obvious danger of gaining weight, it seemed to her that the conversations one had while eating were crucial for a family, in order to live happily together. And if one sat in front of the TV, it would consume their whole attention and no conversation could be started.

So, she lifted herself of the coach, stretched with a loud and very unladylike yawn and went into the kitchen to prepare dinner. Today she didn't have to cook as much as usual, because it was the usual drinking day of her father, where he would stay out till late at night, sometimes even till the next morning.

Ran really liked to cook, it didn't just relax her, but also helped her to think, much like soccer helped Shinichi but with the benefit of producing something tasty. While her hands chopped vegetables, spiced the soup and prepared the meat, her mind started to wander back to the towering problem she faced.

"So, if I don't like children it THAT way, this would mean I only like Conan, but why exactly Conan? It can't just simply be that he resembles Shinichi so much, if that would be the case, why don't I have a crush on either Hakuba- or Hattori-kun? Sure, there are obvious differences between them, but nobody is exactly like another person, not even twins!" As soon as her mind formed this idea, she immediately saw a pair of blue eyes looking at her. She knew these eyes since her childhood.

They belonged to Shinichi, but the face that followed wasn't Shinichi's.

It was Conan's.

Confusion rose up inside of her, surely, she must be mistaken. After all it was impossible that Conan and Shinichi had the exact same eyes, only if they were the same person…

Ran dashed to her room, rummaging it mercilessly for the photo album of her childhood, flipping it open and taking out a photo of her 8th birthday, with Shinichi in it too. Then, she grabbed her phone, opened her photo app and search for the one picture she took of Conan while he cleaned his glasses.

There it was.

The accidental shot was so good, that Ran saved it. She felt a small smile form on her face when she looked at the little boy who looked up in innocent surprise at her, no glasses shielding his sky-blue eyes and no secrets clouded his view. He looked like he should look, like a child. A child that hasn't seen his loved ones getting hurt, a child that hasn't seen the black abyss of humanity, just a normal child, untainted by the world's cruelty. Even only looking at the photograph comforted her, gave her the feeling she could fight forever against her own desires if only she would see this picture, but that was no luxury she had right now and so she laid the birthday picture right beside her phone on the table.

Examining them closely, she could clearly tell that there was no difference at all!

Of course, she had discovered this already once, but seeing it again stirred the old suspicions again. And again, her spirit fell, deep into the abyss of lies, suspicion and a hurt pride of being his best friend.

"If it is really Shinichi, why doesn't he tell me anything?" She asked herself again, knowing fully well that she had no answer at the moment and might never have one, because there simply was none.

"How can a teenager, grow back to being a child? I even saw both of them together and still can't accept the truth!"

The shadows which were once forced back now returned with full power, clouding her mind, stealing her vision and obscure her senses.

What if she really was mentally ill?

What if she lost control over herself and assaulted Conan in the end?

What if she hurt the little boy, not just by physically but mentally too?

How could anybody ever forgive her, when even she herself would not?

Her thought kept on spiralling down tormenting her spirit with these questions.

Words like "insane", "madwoman" and "child molester" echoed louder and louder in her mind, suffocating her thoughts, crippling her limbs and blocking her senses. She could feel herself losing balance, could feel her knees slowly giving in, while her mental barricades broke, only leaving behind a pitch-black nothingness.

She needed help.

Fast.

"RAN-NEECHAN, I'M HOME" a voice chimed clear like crystal and bright like the sun, piercing the darkness and destroying the silence. Her sense came back, she felt her hands, her feet and could sense her body swaying dangerously. But before her knees gave in completely, she slammed her hands on the table desperately clutching it for steadiness.

"RAN-NEECHAN? IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT"? the voice asked, hearable distress and worry in it as it's owner climbed up the stairs. But Ran would not allow Conan to see her like that. After all, she still was the older sister and older sisters would never break down in front of their little brothers!

At least she would not!

"EVERYTHING IS ALRIGHT, I JUST LET SOMETHING SLIP.", she called back to the door and before it opened to reveal the small boy, she hurried back into the kitchen, thanking the gods that the dinner wasn't ruined by her own weakness.


As always all right go to Gosho Aoyama, the original creator of the Detective Conan Universe.

Questions and review are highly requested and if you want to know how the story continues leave a follow.

I hope you liked it so far and are thrilled for more.

Farewell