Exposition with Ubik, Conrad, and one very special guest: Part 1
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Ubik, the Godhand of Knowledge, knew that this was the best chance that he had to put his scheme into action. None of the other Godhand's knew what he was up to, which made waiting until they were all distracted all the more tense.
Conrad was off sleeping in a pile of rats, Void was hard at work making new behelits, Femto was busy going over his plans for world conquest, and Slan herself was off presiding over some random pagan ritual somewhere. After looking back to make sure he hadn't been followed, he flew into the space Slan usually resided in during her "Off Work Time". He carefully maneuvered his small form around the massive tentacle beasts that resided in her own private part of the Nexus, all while keeping his eyes on his destination. Finally, he reached what he was looking for. Right next to the hole where she usually slept in was a brown chest with a lock. Of course, he knew better. Ubik produced a bloody key from his mouth, and he walked towards the chest, holding the key up. "Now I will finally know the secret she's been hiding from us all this time!" He thought, a ghoulish grin growing on his face. Placing the key in the lock, he turned it. With a click the lock fell to the ground. Ubik opened the chest without any hesitation.
His eyes widened as he saw what lied within the chest.
"I finally did it! I managed to locate Slan's legendary private weed stash!"
He greedily reached inside. If Ubik had any idea about the consequences that would result from this action…..
…..He probably would have done it way sooner.
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"-half an hour later, Femto was flying around calling himself "The Hawkman", Zodd was shouting at some statues while demanding that they kneel before him, and, I only vaguely recall doing this, but I had apparently invited most of the apostles from the eclipse (Those not killed by the Black Swordsman) to the Nexus. They probably expected another big sacrifice, not-HAHA"
Ubik laughed as he smacked the table that he was sitting at, still clearly under the effects of the drugs. "Hrm" Conrad, Godhand of filth, grunted neutrally, as he sat at the poker table, calmly handing out behelit chips for the game between him and Ubik. Ubik attempted to compose himself, and then he continued on "They probably weren't expecting all that, uh, stuff and things lying around, but nevertheless they took their chances. So, it was all pretty fun thanks to the weed and the other assorted drugs. Everyone was actually pretty calm and chill. Hell, we were about to form a conga line with yours truly at the front, when fucking Femto crashed into the mountain of Cocaine he had set up earlier." Ubik paused. "You know Conrad, I can't believe you slept through this all of this-
"Weren't we playing a game?" Conrad rumbled. "Ah yes, how is the score?" Ubik commented, turning to the one holding the scoreboard. Currently, they were both tied.
Donovan, the one holding the scoreboard, looked up. "I'm getting payed for this, right?"
"No." Ubik casually said before getting back to the game. Donovan shrugged. At least he wasn't going to be in the vortex for the next few hours.
Ubik then continued his explanation. "So, Femto had a….unique reaction to the cocaine, you could say. It had the effect of a laxative. So, I remember laughing while all of the other apostles were running away from the literal tornadoes of shit-
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"-until I realized that all that shit was flying at me too"
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"-thank causality, Slan arrived to the rescue with a flood of troll blood she had snatched from Qlipoth-
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"Femto opened up a hole in the floor so that everyone could finish puking their guts out. Just when it was finally over, Void showed up, and let me tell you, he was fucking pissed-
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"And when he charged at me, screaming obscenities, that's when I realized that he was under the influence of the bath salts." Ubik lifted his glasses up, revealing the two bloody holes where his eyes used to be. " I barely made it out after he ate my eyes off of my face." Ubik scratched his head. "Also, he was saying something about how the vortex had been disrupted and how some souls had escaped and it was all my fault." Ubik laughed. "Maybe I did do that in my drug induced insanity, or maybe he just hallucinated. Luckily for me, Zodd, who was under the belief that it was "Football season" (Clearly some Illusionary idea created by the drugs.)", tackled him, which allowed me to run away here. My guess is that at this point, all that running around earlier during that literal shit storm must have spread the cocaine and the other hard drugs into the air, because everyone began to attack each other. So now we have until the drugs wear off before everyone (Or at least Void) comes after me for embarrassing them. My best choice is to lay low here and hope that their memories will be fucked when the drugs wear off." Ubik leaned back in his chair. "Of course there's my blindness, but I'm sure you will be willing to help me come up with a good enough explanation."
"No"
"Worth a try at least. Well, I've lived for hundreds of years, so the loss of my eyes isn't much. In fact, it only happened because another Godhand attacked me. Anyone else would fail." Suddenly, a calm smirk settled onto the small entities face. "You know, since we have the time, I might as well tell you a secret that few others know. The secret of those who came before us."
Conrad blankly stared at Ubik. "I already know this story. I too have been a part of the Godhand for hundreds of years." Ubik waved his hand at Conrad. "Well, you slept through half of the initiation process anyways. Besides, I'm also doing this for the sake of our guest here." Ubik pointed to Donovan, who put the scoreboard on the ground, having become genuinely interested. Ubik floated above the table. He began to speak.
"You see, The other four and I are actually the second set of Godhands. In other words, we are the sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth Godhands respectively." Ubik began to smile as he settled into his familiar role as the master of exposition. "Before we took their places, there was the first five angels."
"The first of the Godhand."
"It all started during the rein of King Gaiseric, or as we know him now…."
"The Skull Knight. But this is not his story."
-END
To Be Continued
