Chapter 12: Guidance

The fresh air helped Ran to cool her head down and the soothing sun melted the cold in her heart, effectively fighting the after-effects of her sudden sadness attack. After the gravest pain was gone and Ran was once again in control, she slowly lowered her head and let it rest on her arms, which were crossed on the railing of the veranda, "I'm the worst!" she sighed mentally, "I lost control and made Conan worry, again." Ran knew, that she had to put up a better act in those situations or else others would not only start to worry over her, but to also suspect that something wasn't right. Maybe she could put the blame for her mental breakdowns on the absence of Shinichi, but she really didn't want to give her dad or Sonoko even more reasons to curse the poor absente detective. As enraging and upsetting as his constant absence was, she knew that it had to be something very, VERY important, most likely something endangering the life of hundreds of people if not more, or else he would not value it higher than his normal life. As fame hungry and boisterous as he always seemed, in secret he greatly valued his private time and spending it with people close to him and since his parents left for America, he seemed all the more in need of her presence, the days in school and even the bickering with Sonoko. After all his independence, he could never stand to be lonely, a fact Ran got to know when she went on holydays with Sonoko in her 3rd year of middle school. At that time Shinichi's parents had already left for America and Hakase was absent as well, so Shinichi had no one he considered as close friends around. At first it seemed like no big deal, but half-way through her holydays, Shinichi called more and more and when they finally came back after a week, Ran found her childhood friend in a horrible state. It seemed that he has shut himself in the study of his dad for days and worked on unsolved cases, not even leaving the room to eat or sleep, only interrupting his work to call her. He was in that state for 3 full days before Ran visited him and when she did, he was a complete wreck, having heavy mood swings, ranging from pure rage, to ecstatic happiness and ending in a complete breakdown where he started to cry like a baby and stammered complete nonsense. This was one of the few times Ran saw her Shinichi cry, but it was undoubtedly the worst of all the few times. At that day, he ended up crying for full 3 hours, completely drenching Ran's shirt and falling in a deep and surprisingly peaceful sleep afterwards. It was a hard task to drag him in his bed and the part of dressing him was something Ran just couldn't do, so she left him like he was for the night, coming back the next day to check on him, only to discover that he was still asleep and stayed that way till the evening.

A small smile stole itself on Ran's face after she recalled the memory and she faintly muttered, "You are really a big idiot, Shinichi. This must hurt you at least as much, if not even more than me."

She has pursued that thought countless times, constructing thesis after thesis as to what could be so important to Shinichi for him to stay away that long and, as much as she hated to accept it, she was always left with only two possible conclusions. Either he had to stay away from home for the safety of the people close to him or he simply was unable to come back. While the first option portrayed her friend in the armour of as shining knight, still acting on his own will power, the second was not only the more probable but also the more distressing one, implying that the Great Detective of the East has lost, in some way or another. But what was even worse than all of those thoughts, was the uncertainty of not knowing the truth.

In fact, it was very similar to her feelings for Conan and if she just knew what was actually happening, she could focus on how to cope with it, but now there was always this tiny fragment of hope. The hope that everything was just a misunderstanding, solvable if one knew just how to unravel the tangled feelings and fears. Ran knew there was no easy way out, there rarely was after all, but as long as the hope was there, it could always disappoint her.

She heaved a heavy sigh and faintly asked "Why is life so hard?" not expecting an answer.

"Well it comes down to what you define as hard." A voice besides her reply and made Ran jump.

"HAKASE!?" she gasped, unable to prevent her voice from squawking.

"Ah sorry, sorry. I didn't intend to intrude like that, it's just that you seemed so lost standing her.", the old man explained hastily, waving his hands in front of him, "I thought you might need a listening ear or at least some assuring words", he stated further. Ran was still surprised but as her brain digested the words, she was really touched by the old scientist's action.

"Yeah, maybe that would help, but it will probably take a while" she said, her voice dropping to a bitter tone in the second part of the sentence.

"Oh, don't worry my dear" the professor was quick to assure her, "if it does help you it is worth every second of it."

"Thanks, Hakase" Ran replied and then started to elaborate her situation to the old man, "It's just that there is so much for me to worry over. I worry if my grades are good, if we have enough money to pay the bills at home, if I can ever get my parents back together, if Conan is happy and if Shinichi is okay." She knew that she has left out her biggest worry, but as understanding as the professor was, she doubted that he could take the hit of knowing about her forbidden feelings. So, she kept quiet and continued to detail her feelings, "Any of those things is no big deal on itself and even combined they are manageable, but not for long. Sometimes I just want to throw the towel, just want to leave everything behind and only live in my dreams, but then again, I know that there are people who count on me, people who I am important to and I don't want to disappoint them by leaving. Although I know what should be right, what I should do, I can't help but question if I actually do the right thing and even when people tell me what to do, I can't help but question if they really tell me the truth. So, in the end you could say that I am just lost.", she ended her monologue.

Raising her head, she looked over at the old man besides her, who was furrowing his brows and thinking thoroughly before he began to speak, "Well, I can't say that I am in any position either to tell you what you should do, but even if I can't help you directly, I can give you some advice,. It is completely normal to feel lost, especially when you have so much do think about and do, in such a short time, but I think it would be wise to some time to sort out what is truly important."

"Truly important", Ran questioned tilting her head slightly and the old man smiled at her. "When I was a small boy", he started again, "my grandfather used to say, "There is no point in building a door if you have no frame for it." Frankly at that time I didn't really get what he meant, because I thought, why shouldn't you build a door if you know you'll build a frame too and only years later I really understood, what he meant. Yes, it is a good thing to worry over your future and plan ahead, but isn't it more important what is right now? Sure, your grades might drop, but if they were good till now, why should they suddenly start to drop? The same goes for Conan and Shinichi. It is noble of you to care for them, but I do think that both of them are capable of taking care of themselves and will also talk to you if something is not right. So, in short, focus on the task and things at hand and think of your future when it comes, that way you are less stressed and more adaptable to sudden change.", the elderly man finished and Ran couldn't help but smile over him. He really was like a trusty old grandfather and she was really grateful for his advice.

"Thank you, Hakase.", she spoke in softly, "I'll remember your grandfather's words"

"No need to thank me" the old man answered, smiling gently over the girl he knew since her birth and came to regard as one of the children he never had, "I'm just happy that this old brain of mine is still useful.", he then added jokingly making Ran chuckle slightly.


As always all right go to Gosho Aoyama, the original creator of the Detective Conan Universe.

Questions and review are highly requested and if you want to know how the story continues leave a follow.

I hope you liked it so far and are thrilled for more.

Farewell