Wow, a lot if not all of you think that Ana should get the hell out of there and return to Boston... and I couldn't agree with all of you more... but as I told you this story is going to be frustrating sometimes and of course, the shit hasn't hit the fan yet but when it does it's going to get really messy...
Thanks again to Liz for being my beta!
Disclaimer: All characters belong to E L James.
After a long shower I decide to just be the bigger person, because even if Christian and I can't work things out, Grace Taylor is still the grandmother of my son and I don't want things to be awkward whenever we meet. So, I take a deep breath and leave Christian's apartment and go looking for her. Since the house is huge it takes me a while but then I find her in the kitchen.
"Do you have a moment for me, Mrs. Taylor?"
"Of course, let's sit down, do you want an iced tea?" She asks visibly tense.
"Yes, please."
When we sit down I take a deep breath and start.
"I didn't mean to come across as rude this morning and I didn't mean to upset you. Right now, I'm just angry and hurt ... especially at my father... and when that happens, it doesn't bring out the best in me. I'm also very sensitive when it comes to CJ... I haven't even told Christian... because it's not an easy topic for me but well... my pregnancy wasn't easy. I was in and out of the hospital nearly miscarried twice and then his birth..." I say and take a deep breath trying to fight back tears and Mrs. Taylor reaches out for my hand.
"What happened, darling?" She asks gently.
"I was at home with my thirteen-year-old cousin. My aunt and uncle where out to dinner... I still had two weeks until my due date. I got up to get some popcorn when my water broke and CJ dropped so much I had to yell for my cousin to catch him. CJ had his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck... he was almost purple... not breathing... my cousin gave him to me and ran to our neighbors for help. I never felt so helpless in all of my life. I thought he was dead. My neighbor was a retired nurse... she came in, took him from me and managed to get him to breathe... but in those moments where he wasn't moving or breathing... and there was nothing I could do... I still have nightmares about it and get really anxious about leaving him with anyone. I'm trying to get better at it for his benefit... but it's hard and I get very defensive when it comes to his living arrangements. My aunt in Boston, offered to keep CJ with her while I was in college and I nearly lost it. So, I'm sorry if I upset you, that wasn't my intention."
"It's alright, I guess I overstepped my boundaries as well. You know, after I lost my husband and Christian was taken from me I became very protective of my family. I just want them around me all day every day so I know they are alright. I guess I have to learn that you are not taking Christian from me but instead giving me more family with CJ and maybe even some more grandchildren in the future."
"I definitely don't want CJ to be an only child, so maybe that's going to happen."
"Good, now, what is your favorite food?"
"I'm not a picky eater, Mrs. Taylor."
"It's Grace, and if you don't have a favorite is there something CJ likes?"
"He loves chicken and broccoli lately."
'That gives me enough to work with for dinner."
"I could make dessert."
"You cook?"
"Yes, my mom is a great cook and I was always her little kitchen helper, so it comes naturally to me and I don't want CJ to have a lot of fast food or processed food. I live close to a farmer's market so every day when I pick CJ up from pre-school we stop by the market, buy fresh ingredients, and I cook for us."
"So, you spend most of your time with him... you are so young."
"I know, but I was never really interested in getting drunk or partying the night away... I got pregnant when I was fifteen, had my son at sixteen, and that alone makes people think I'm a bad mom or unable to take proper care of my child. To me that only meant I had to work extra hard to prove everyone wrong and..." I stop as I am about to approach another very painful topic and Grace puts her arm around me.
"What is it?"
"At the time, I didn't know if Christian was dead or alive, if I would ever get to see him again. CJ was all I had left of Christian... if I failed as a mom I wouldn't have just failed my son... I would have also failed Christian and doing that when I had no idea if I would see him again just wasn't an option."
"But you needed some time to yourself too."
"I know. Every night after CJ is in bed and I have done all of my daily chores, I take a thirty minute hot bath, have a glass of my favorite wine, and then lay in bed and read for a while... that's all the me time I need. I have never been separated from CJ for more than 24 hours except for the time I went back to Bellevue to find Christian. And I didn't just go back for me so I can find answers, but also for CJ. I'm happy I did because now he doesn't just have his father in his life but also his other grandparents, two aunts and an uncle and that makes me very happy for him." I finish and for the first time Grace gives me a huge genuine smile.
"Grace have you seen... oh, there you are, Ana... Christian is looking for you. The boys want to play in the pool and CJ says he can swim but Christian wanted to make sure if he really can swim since our pool is pretty deep." Christian's Dad says.
"He can swim like a fish in the sea." I let Jason know with a smile.
"Great... so, you two keep talking."
"Actually, how about we head outside too, Ana... it's such a nice day and I don't need to start dinner for another hour."
"Ok, sounds great." I say and so we all head outside.
"Mommy, I want to swim." CJ pouts.
"Well, then take your shirt and shoes off and jump in, buddy." I tell him and five seconds later I watch my son jump in the pool and come up to the surface laughing.
"Wow, he is a great swimmer." Christian says.
"I know... he loves everything that has to do with water except for taking a bath."
"Can we talk for a second?" He asks and I follow him to a spot out of earshot of the others.
"You talked to my mom?"
"Yes, I decided it's best for CJ and you."
"Thank you, Ana." He says and hugs me.
In the evening after CJ is asleep we sit on his patio and have some wine but Christian seems distracted.
"Penny for your thoughts." I say to get his attention and he smiles.
"You've grown up."
"I had to, I couldn't stay fifteen for the rest of my life."
"I know... it's just... to me you are still the same... you are still my Ana, but I don't think you feel the same... you seem a million miles away." He says and I sigh.
"It's just... everything is so different... we are different... I guess I never thought about what would happen once I found you. Maybe I just hoped everything would go back to normal and now that it hasn't I need time to get used to this new normal."
"You haven't talked to your Dad."
"Has he called you?"
"Yes, and my Dad too. He is worried that you hate him."
"I could never hate my Dad... but I'm so angry and hurt right now, I just don't want to talk to him because I fear we'll end up fighting."
"Giving it more time only makes it easier for you to avoid calling him at all." He says and I pout.
"Stop being right..."
"I just don't want my drama to ruin your relationship with your Dad."
"It's not, we'll talk eventually but you know me, I get my stubbornness and temper from my Dad, so it's best to cool off a little longer."
"Ok... so, how long before you let me in?"
"I'm not shutting you out, Christian."
"But you are. I know because you did this once before."
"No, I haven't."
"Yes, you did. When I was fifteen and you came over to hang out and found me kissing Leila." He says and I glare at him which makes him laugh.
"See, I told you. Back then you didn't stop talking to me or said anything... you just were different that's why I never talked to Leila again. Took three months for you to act normal around me again... I don't want to wait three more months, Ana." He says and I get up and start to pace.
"It's just different... I can't explain it... I..." Suddenly he is in front of me and looks down at me.
"It's not different... I'm still the same, Ana." He says and before I can stop him he is kissing me. At first, I'm frozen but he doesn't stop until finally I can no longer stop myself from wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him back. And with no thoughts left on mind it's back... the tingling all over my body, the closeness I've always felt with him... he is my Christian.
"See I'm still the same... we will always be the same to each other no matter how much time has passed." He says and kisses my forehead.
"It's late... let's talk some more tomorrow and you should call your Dad." He says and leaves.
For a moment I'm just confused and frankly surprised that he hasn't tried more but then I realize that he is leaving the choice to me. He has made it clear what he wants, so now he is waiting for me to make the next move.
Sighing, I go to my bedroom and look at my phone which shows twenty missed calls from my Dad. So, I take a deep breath and dial his number.
"Annie... thank god, how are you?"
"I'm good... look Dad, I'm still hurt and angry, but I don't hate you. You were trying to keep Christian safe and respect your friends wishes. Just give me some time, ok?"
"Sure, Annie. You know, I wanted to tell you so many times. But it just wasn't safe."
"I get it... well, I'll try anyway... are you in trouble, Dad?"
"No, Jason and I have come up with a story that leaves me completely out of it. John, my FBI friend, agreed with it. Jason won't get into trouble just like Christian because they have agreed to become witnesses."
"What about his fake identity?"
"That might cause a slight problem but nothing that will get anyone in jail since it was meant to protect Christian."
"Ok... can I call you tomorrow again?"
"Yes, but call late, your mom is going to come home tomorrow and she wants a full explanation." He says and I can hear the cringe in his voice.
"Good luck then."
"I'll need it. Good night, Annie."
"Night Dad." I say and hang up. Well, at least I can put my fear to rest that my Dad will end up in jail over this. I'm still not ready to forgive him, but I know me shutting him out isn't the answer to any of this. Now, all I have to do is to find a way to open myself to Christian again, because I want us to work... after all he was and always will be my soulmate...
