Peace, quiet and the smell of freshly made waffles in the air... the perfect morning. I think to myself when I put a plate of waffles on the table next to the rest of the breakfast I have just made for Elliot, CJ and I. For the last two weeks everything has been perfect. My doctor has confirmed that I am pregnant and today I'm exactly eleven weeks along and everything is looking great. Elliot is so excited, I had to stop him from building the nursery already. It's just too soon and I'm still a bit anxious that something is going to happen, though the closer I get to the second trimester the better I feel.
As for Christian, I haven't heard a word from him since the day he and Elliot came to blows in our driveway. Sadly, so has Mia. She had hoped that he truly wanted to be her brother again, but for the past two weeks he has ignored her calls and texts, so Andrew has put his foot down and told her not to try again and focus on the people who love her and are there for her instead of a brother who has let her down once again.
When I hear the doorbell CJ shouts from upstairs that he is going to get it, so I get the orange juice from the fridge.
"Mom, it's for you." CJ calls out, so I hurry to the front door and find a guy in a suit.
"Anastasia Steele?" He asks.
"Yes."
"You've been served, please sign here." He says and startled I sign the paper and take the envelope.
I open it, look over the paperwork and close my eyes, feeling a fit of rage coming.
"CJ, go and start breakfast, I'll be right with you, darling." I say calmly, force myself to smile and kiss the top of his head before hurrying up the stairs and into my bedroom where Elliot is just getting dressed.
"Is the gun still in the safe?" I ask and he looks at me startled.
"Of course it is, why?"
"Because I'm going to kill your brother, chop him into tiny pieces and feet him to pigs so none of him is ever going to be found." I fume.
"What happened, was that him at the door?"
"No, that was someone from court, who served me with the paperwork that states that Christian is suing me for sole custody of CJ. If he thinks for one fucking second that he can take my child away from me..."
"Ana, babe, I need you to calm down."
"CALM DOWN?!" I shout and Elliot quickly sits down and pulls me onto his lap.
"Look at me, he is doing this to upset you and get back at you because he hasn't gotten things his way. We'll get a lawyer and have them deal with this fucked up shit. There is no way he is going to get sole custody of CJ. He wasn't there for the first five years of his life, didn't choose his son when he had the chance and for the past five years has seen him once a month or less. He doesn't even have a stable home because he works half the time in Vancouver and half the time here in Seattle. Don't worry about this."
"I can't not worry... if Christian gets sole custody I have no way of making sure that Grace has no way to get close to CJ, and she is crazy... I mean, I can't even say it's a mental health issues, that bitch is just down right insane."
"I know, believe me, I know, but he is not going to get custody over CJ. We won't let that happen. Look, I'm going to call work now and tell them to handle things for me today. Then we find a lawyer and make sure this shit gets nipped in the butt before it even comes to a hearing." He says and I just lean against him and sigh.
"This is so fucked up, I thought he had just given up... instead the bastard was plotting to hit me where he knows it really hurts. It's like when we were kids. Remember the one time Mia accidentally ripped his signed movie poster, and he beheaded all of her dolls and filled the heads with mayo and jam to get back at her." I mutter and Elliot actually smirks which has me raising a brow at him.
"Sorry... yeah, I remember... shit back then I thought it was hilarious."
"I'm sorry, I can't see the funny side of anything when my son is concerned."
"I know, babe, but he won't get sole custody. And if he wants to fight dirty, well, remember you were under the age of consent when you conceived CJ."
"Yeah, but Christian was just 16 too."
"Doesn't matter, not sure you can sue, but that could work in your favor if push comes to shove." He says.
"This is just so messed up. Using our son to get back at me is such a low blow." I mutter and after CJ is in school we manage to get an appointment with one of the best family lawyers in Seattle. After the meeting I am a bit more hopeful that we can shut this down quickly but I'm also not happy with what he has advised me, which is not to allow CJ to see his Dad until either there is a hearing or he takes back his lawsuit against me.
"Are you alright, babe?"
"No, I'm not, I hate this, El. I really fucking hate this. I can't let CJ suffer because Christian and I can't get along. Look, I need to talk to him. I know where he lives, maybe I should just stop by, I just texted Claire, and she said he hasn't been in the office today."
"I don't think that's a good idea, Ana."
"Maybe... I don't know, I just need to get this over with. Please, let us go there and give me twenty minutes to talk to him. He is not going to hurt me."
"Fine, but the second he acts weird or gets mad you'll get the hell out of there." Elliot says clearly not happy about this, but I just need to talk to him.
Twenty minutes later, I am at Escala and after talking to the guy at the front desk and him calling the penthouse I was sent to the elevator that is now taking me up to the top floor. When I step out there is a blonde woman in her late thirties smiling at me.
"Good afternoon, Miss Steele. I am Mrs. Lloyd, Mr. Taylor's housekeeper, please follow me, Mr. Taylor will be right with you." She says and leads me into the great room, where she offers me something to drink and then leaves.
Finally, after five minutes Christian shows up, dressed only in gym shorts which are almost indecently low on his hips.
"Sorry, Ana, I was just working out."
"Really, usually people sweat when they workout, but you look as fresh as a daisy... so, good for you." I say not impressed at all, and he actually blushes a little.
"What brings you here?"
"Oh please, don't act stupid, you know why I am here."
"Well, you are going to play family with Elliot, so you won't need my son anymore."
"Need him? What is wrong with you, CJ is a person, not an old sweater that gets replaced by a new one." I yell at him, being pregnant already has my hormones turn me into a snappy bitch if something pisses me off, but this situation has me in full on bangee mode.
"Fact is, once you had your child you won't have the time to take proper care of my son, so I'm taking over."
"Bullshit, that would imply every child that was born first gets neglected once it gets siblings."
"You can say what you want, but I will get sole custody of my son and move to Vancouver with him."
"We'll see about that, oh, and just so you know, my lawyer has advised me not to let you see our son until the custody has been decided on by the court. I came here to find a solution we can both live with..."
"You want a solution, here is the only solution that is going to fix this for me, you get rid of the baby you are carrying, leave Elliot and come back to me, so we can be together, raise our son and be a family, just like we were supposed to be." He says and I gasp.
"You are a horrible person. How could a boy who was so lovable turn into such a disgusting human being as a grown up..."
"How, you want to know how? Maybe having an adoptive mom who stole me and wanted to fuck me, getting almost murdered and having to live with a mentally ill birth mom just turned me into this. All I ever wanted was you Ana... you have always been my end goal. You being with someone else just isn't right, you were supposed to wait for me!"
"You had years to give me even the tiniest hint that you still want me, but you didn't and let's be honest, you bought SIP and came back now just because you found out I'm with Elliot, otherwise you still wouldn't have come out of your hiding hole. But that's not how things go. You can't expect someone to put their entire life on hold to wait until you decide the right time has come."
"I was trying to be someone for you!"
"Well, isn't it ironic then that the only time I truly loved you was when you were nothing but an ordinary boy... don't you see that we are not kids anymore and whatever we had is long gone? Do you think by using our son to punish me I will magically fall in love with you again? All you have done since you are back is making me hate you and I don't want that. I want us to be friends, so we can co-parent our son because that is what he deserves. He deserves to have parents who are able to be in the same room without getting into a yelling match, parents who can attend school plays and graduation ceremonies together. This isn't about us anymore, Christian, it's about our son and right now he is going to be the loser in this situation. I'm sorry, I don't share the feelings you have for me anymore... I'm sorry out of all people it was your brother I fell in love with, but I can't change how I feel and who I love. Please... please can't you see that what you are doing is wrong." I beg him to see reason and he sits down.
"I can't just give up on you, Ana."
"Why? Don't you want to be happy, Christian. After everything, you've been through you deserve to be happy too. I found my happiness and you can do the same."
"The thought of being with you in the end was what got me through all of the shit in my life. You've always been like a ray of sunshine in my darkness."
"Christian, is it possible that along the way I have become more of ideal fantasy for you. I mean, you had so much time to come back to me but you never did."
"I just wasn't ready."
"Ready to be with me?"
"Maybe... it just never felt right. First there was my mom, then I had to find my sister who ran away and then... I was free for the first time in my life. I could finally get involved with my company, travel, meet people... I just wanted to live for a bit."
"And that's OK, you had every right to live your life because already so much time had been stolen from you. Did you think I wouldn't let you live your life?"
"No, I just..." He says and shakes his head as if he doesn't want to say what is really on his mind.
"You can say it, Christian, I won't judge you." I say gently and sit down next to him, looking at him and after a while he looks into my eyes.
"I didn't want to date you when we were teens because I felt like you and I were made for more, to be our forever. You just always seemed so perfect. You were always on my side, always listened to me and understood what I wanted to say without me actually having to say it. When I knew I had to leave eventually because of Elena... I... wow this is going to sound so fucked up... but I had sex with you that night because I knew I had to leave and I thought your first time should be with me and not with someone else. I didn't care if you would date someone else while I'm gone because I knew it wouldn't be something serious. Then in Vancouver it was easy for me to date Erin, because I just told myself you would be dating too. When you came to Vancouver with me... I... shit, I wanted you there but at the same time I was relieved when you left, because you weren't the girl I knew anymore. You didn't just stay by my side. You challenged me and it drove me insane and made me so angry. I guess in a way I didn't return earlier because I didn't want to realize you are not the girl I once knew anymore. You are still amazing, Ana... still so very beautiful inside and out, but I knew the day I came to dinner to your place you are not my girl anymore, you are his girl now."
"Do you still love me?" I ask gently, and he looks at me for the longest time until slowly he shakes his head.
"I thought I did... but the truth is I was in love with the ideal picture of you I had created in my head... I held you to impossible standards and I wanted to punish you for not living up to them, but I don't want to drag our son into this."
"OK, that's good. You see, we are still very much the same, because I had to realize the same thing... only for me it happened when I left Vancouver. Maybe if none of this had happened we would have been a beautiful couple in our late teens... maybe we would have realized we are better off as friends..."
"I always thought we are soulmates." He says.
"We are, but soulmates don't need to be in love and a couple. Sometimes soulmates make great friends and maybe one day we can be friends again. But first you have to put yourself out there and look for your forever."
"Actually, there are too many beautiful women out there, so I don't think I'll settle for just one any time soon."
"Phew... seems like I dodged the bullet, because with that mindset you would have made one horrible boyfriend." I say and we both have to chuckle.
"Yeah, I guess that is true, but what can I say, I like to put my looks to good use."
"I can see that, but honestly, you need to pull your pants up, ever since you are sitting I can see your butt crack." I giggle and he laughs.
"It's a nice butt crack."
"I am not going to touch that one..."
"Is he making you happy, Ana?"
"Yes, Elliot is making me very happy. I never thought we would end up together, but he is amazing and I can just hope that I'm as good of a girlfriend to him as he is as a boyfriend to me."
"I bet you are... and I bet you can make his life hell if he is acting stupid."
"That's very much true... so, where are we going from here?"
"I don't know, I will call my lawyer to drop the lawsuit... can you promise me that I will still get to see CJ whenever I want?"
"Of course, you are his father and I want you to have a great relationship. You can still see him whenever you want... can I ask you one more thing?"
"Sure."
"Why haven't you taken Mia's calls or replied to her texts?" I ask and he runs his hands through his hair.
"Look, right now, at this point in my life the only family I truly want to have around is CJ. I love my mom and I love my siblings, all five of them, but I just have been through so much shit with my family that any close relationship feels like the walls are closing in on me. I just can't do it." He says.
"Have you thought about going to therapy?"
"Actually, yes, I have thought about it and looked into therapist here in Seattle, there is a guy named John Flynn and I think I'm going to make an appointment with him."
"I feel like that is going to be good for you. Do you want me to explain it to Mia?"
"You would?" He asks surprised.
"Of course, believe me, she will understand. You have to do what is feeling right to you. Maybe one day when you are in a better place you guys can rekindle and if not then Mia has enough people in her life who love her to make sure she will be able to live with it."
"Do you think I'll find someone too?"
"Without a doubt, but first you have to find yourself. You've been through so much and I feel like you never had the chance to really work through everything."
"True... Ana, I'm sorry for being so horrible to you. If you want your job at SIP back you can have it. I won't interfere anymore." He says and I smile.
"Right now, I want to focus on my family and with a baby on the way I have so many things to do, I think being a stay at home mom for a while is a good idea."
"OK, so I know this is going to sound awkward but I have someone coming over in a few minutes..."
"Don't say anymore, I'm on my way. Will you be come to watch the baseball game on Sunday?"
"Wouldn't miss watching my son for the world. Can I take him for ice cream or burgers afterwards?"
"Sure. So, have fun." I grin and get up to leave, but he grabs my hand.
"Thank you, Ana."
"For what?"
"For never giving up on me, even when I deserved it." He says, and we both smile at each other before I leave.
"What happened?" Elliot asks when I get into the car.
"We cleared the air. He is not going to go through with his custody claims."
"Did he try something?"
"No, I guess us finally having a normal conversation helped him to see that I am no longer what he wants."
"It's over?"
"Yes, it is, I just hope he will eventually find someone and be as happy as we are." I reply and kiss Elliot, hoping that Christian meant what he said and that he will eventually find his forever too...
