Short filler chapter. This is a little look into Bella's past. Edward will be a major force in the next chapter. Please follow/favorite/review!

S. Meyer owns the characters, I own the rest.


"I'm fine."

This is the one lie that is universally accepted. Just think about it, how do you answer when you are asked the simple question, "How are you?" The most typical reply is "I'm fine." What about when you are questioned with "Is something wrong?" My automatic response, "I'm fine, really." The easiest way to appease anyone who asks, that in all actuality, doesn't want to know what is troubling you.

The truth is that I haven't been "fine" in a long time. It is just much easier to lie and move on. I keep to myself. I have decided to shut out my family and push aside my friends. The people I have chosen to shroud myself from have done nothing wrong, it is simply to protect them from what is destined to happen. If I am forgotten, it won't hurt them when I'm gone.

My world began to crumble away when I was a naïve fifteen years old. Up until that time, I was a happy, outgoing young girl. My sophomore year of high school was typical, filled with clubs, sports, and friends. I wasn't particularly popular, but I was well liked. It was such a simple time, one that I took for granted.

I remember walking into the house after school to find my parents in the living room. I found it odd since my dad usually didn't come home until the early evening from his job. The look on their faces made me stop in my tracks and begin to panic. It was then that I was told that my father was succumbing to the illness that was going to end his life prematurely. I refused to accept that. He was young, a mere thirty-eight. He was active and healthy-wasn't he? The worst part, the revelation that this disease was hereditary, to know that my sister and I might one day be afflicted with it.

Charlie Swan passed from this life when I was eighteen, a month after I graduated school. For three years I had to bitterly watch as the disease robbed my father of all quality of life. I found out later that my parents knew of his illness for many years before he was symptomatic. That only made the pain of his death worse for me. I stayed awake at night, agonizing over the way he must have hidden the pain and worry from us. My older sister, Rosalie, never really acted like she could be bothered by any of it. She continued with life, just as it was before dad was sick, only when he died did she show any emotion. I hated her for it. I hated that her "perfect life" couldn't be interrupted for the man who gave us everything. I hadn't realized that Rosalie remained stoic simply as a means of dealing with it, she tried to remain strong for us. I wish I could have said the same for myself. I was a mess. My grades suffered, I dropped out of all extracurricular activities. I couldn't see the point of anything, knowing that my dad was fading.

I came to the realization when he died that I wanted to be a nurse. I wanted to comfort those who were dying and counsel their families. I was determined to change the world, one patient at a time. I look back at that time in my life and shake my head at my innate innocence. If only I knew then what I know now. How years of watching the death process have jaded me. That is why I crave to leave this floor and work on a floor full of life. Witnessing a new life enter the world seems completely refreshing, especially considering that I will never get to experience that myself.

I am resolved to the fact that I will die young. I will die a slow, devastating death. I know this because four years ago my sister and I underwent genetic testing, to see if we were carriers. My sister received her envelope first, the envelope that held the future of her life with her new husband. She, thankfully, tested negative. She could have children and go about living a life of normalcy. I prayed fervently for the same outcome. My prayers were not to be answered how I desired. One word stood separately from the rest on the yellow form: Positive. That one word sealed my fate. That one term changed my life.

I never told my family of the results, I let them believe what they wanted to. They turned a blind eye as I slowly began to isolate myself from them. They thought it was due to my school work. It started with not coming home for holidays, then forgetting to call and check in. Thankfully, my sister kept our mom busy with her new husband and the desire to start a family. My mom was further distracted by her own new marriage, to a man older than her, also a widower. My latest trip home would be my last. I did everything I wished to accomplish on this visit. I met my nephew, Luke, an infectious personality in his own right. I marveled at how my family was living their full lives, without me in it. Without the knowledge that I was saying goodbye.


"Why exactly do I have to dress up for this stupid party? It's mandatory anyway, so why do I have to put any effort into how I look?" I pestered Alice as she picked through racks of dresses. She insisted that I dress up for the annual Christmas party for work. The night shift would be celebrating the holiday in three days at a local ballroom rented by the hospital. The only bright spot with this was that Edward would not be there, it was for the nursing and support staff only.

"You know as well as I do that you never dress up. You wear yoga pants with holes and stained shirts when you aren't at work. Do you even brush your hair or is it just stuck in that bun all the time?" I scowled at her patronizing words.

"I'll have you know that I own many pairs of jeans as well that I wear out of the house. And yes, I do brush my hair. I just don't like to put much time into trying to tame the beast," I replied. Alice rolled her eyes at me, opening her mouth to further chastise me when she pulled out a stark, red dress.

"This is it, this is what you are wearing. Go try it on," she demanded, not leaving me any room to argue. I dragged my feet the entire way to the dressing rooms while Alice stood outside the door. I hung up the dress and admired it. It had a gentle V-neck with a full skirt and lace overlay. It was modest but alluring at the same time, perfect for me even though I would never admit it. I glided the garment over my head, letting it flare out as it settled on my body. It hid all my imperfections and gave me the illusion of femininity that my clothes lacked. I reluctantly left the confines of the small room, to face Alice. I hoped that she felt the same as I did about this dress. She scrunched her face, scrutinizing every detail as she demanded that I turn this way and that. I stood in front of her, beckoning her to tell me what she thought.

"It's is absolutely perfect! You're definitely wearing that to the party, even if I have to force you to do it!" She excitedly says. I nod my head at her while smiling. Alice then leaves me to change as she hunts for her own dress to wear. I stare at my reflection again, an epiphany hitting me. I decided at that moment to begin to live life for myself and be happy with what time I have left instead of pushing everyone away. It's time I live before it's too late and I'm left with regret.