!REUPLOAD!
I wanted to fit another chapter in, so i had to change this one a little bit in the end. Hope you like it anyway.
They were back at the house, Tony was currently downstairs talking to Thomas, while Pepper had been going upstairs already. She sat on the bed and tried to stop her body from shaking uncontrollably. She didn't want to break down now, but she knew how it felt like to believe you would die and she also knew Tony had been through it before. She had experienced how much this incident in Iraq had changed him and how many nightmares he had had because of this. She wanted to comfort him, help him, but at the same time, it felt like someone had ripped out her heart. Pepper simply couldn't believe that he had managed to keep his condition a secret from her and everyone else.
Life with Tony was hard, he had never been easy to deal with, but she fell for him either way. Watching the man she loved die just a few weeks after they finally confessed their feelings for each other was not an option. But what could she do? She wasn't a genius like Tony was and if he hadn't found a solution yet, she wouldn't either...
Tony entered the room and found Pepper sitting on the bed. She looked sad and Tony hated himself for hurting her so much. He wanted to say something, wanted to explain that all he had wanted was her to know how he felt before he died, but Pepper spoke up before he could find the right words.
"Why haven't you told me sooner? I know I'm not a genius, but at least I could have tried to help you... Do you even know what will happen? Or when?"
Tony was shocked by the desperation in her voice and couldn't say anything. Gladly he didn't have to, Pepper obviously hadn't expected an answer. A single tear ran down her face and she brushed it away harshly with the back of her hand before she stood up and placed her hands on his chest.
"I love you Tony...", she whispered and Tony gasped by the sound of those words from her mouth. How often did he dream about hearing them? She kissed him softly and Tony melted in the feel of her lips on his, his hands on her waist found their way beneath the shirt and caressed the bare skin on her back. He had never felt this kind of connection with anyone. Any women he had been with had just been a meaningless relief for his needs, but whenever Pepper kissed him he felt like a different person. His heart fluttered, his knees got weak and he drowned in pure bliss.
When they broke apart, Pepper leaned her forehead against his and mumbled:
"I won't just sit back an watch you die, Tony. I can't"
She softly pecked his lips again and pulled back, looking at him questioningly.
Tony sighed. Once again he realized that he simply didn't deserve her. He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and said:
"I spoke to Thomas and he will drive us back to Mrs. and Mr. Miokos house. We'll get our stuff and I hope I can arrange our way home until we get there."
Pepper nodded absently. The thought of what happened to the family made her stomach flip and she had to take a deep breath before she said:
"Well, let's get home - we shouldn't lose any time"
There was an uncomfortable silence when they drove back in Thomas' pick up truck.
Peppers head rested on Tonys' shoulder and she held onto him tightly, as if she was afraid he would disappear if she didn't. She wasn't sure what to think or feel anymore, the events of the last few days had really taken the best of her. Her right hand rested on his arm and she caressed it ever so slightly, happy on the one hand that she could be so close to him and desperate on the other because she didn't know how to save him. How often had he been her savior? Oh how desperately she wanted to be his now...
She could feel Tonys' arm around her waist pulling her closer and sighed. Why did all of this happen so fast? What should have been a normal business trip turned out to be a natural catastrophy, her near-dead experience and Tony telling her that the arc was slowly killing him. Pepper suppressed the tears that tried to escape - no, she would not cry again. But she wasn't sure if she had enough power left to see him die...
After a while, the silence became unbearable for her and she shifted, lying down completely on the backseat, her head resting in Tonys' lap. It nearly broke Tony's heart when he saw her looking up at him with sad blue eyes and he brushed a strand of strawberry blonde hair out of her face, still saying nothing. Pepper caught his hand and kissed it softly before she whispered only for him to hear:
"What are we going to do, Tony..?"
Tony looked at her feeling terrified. Even if he would never tell anybody, his fear tried to destroy him just like the palladium did.
"I don't know, Pep...", just as quietly before he stared out of the window again. He really had no idea what they could do. He didn't even know if it mattered if they made it home as he had tried everything to replace the palladium already...
"We can't just give up...", Pepper said and now she couldn't hold back a single tear rolling down her cheek. Tony softly brushed it away and said:
"Pep, I won't lie to you, I have given up on the day I broke down in the bathroom and Jarvis told me how bad my condition really is. The only thing that keeps me going, the only thing that's worth to survive for is you..."
Just as Pepper wanted to answer, Thomas finally spoke up:
"We're here..."
They entered the house and Pepper couldn't help but had a really weird feeling in her stomach. Of course, she had known that Mr. and Mrs. Mioko hadn't had any chance to survive the eruption, but now that she stood in their empty house it felt too real. Death was alarmingly close in this house and Pepper could nearly feel the cold hands pulling Tony away from her and then wrapping around her neck. She couldn't breathe and everything seemed to be in a veil of darkness.
"Tony..?", she stammered. "They... they are dead...You..."
Tony looked at her, she was pale and shivered slightly.
Quickly, Tony pulled her in his arms and tried to calm her down.
"Pepper, everything is going to be okay... You couldn't have saved them"
Pepper let out a soft moan and broke down in his arms. Tony could only just catch her and carried her to the couch to lay her down. He felt incredibly guilty for her condition, it was his fault after all. The events of the last days had surely been too much for her. He never wanted to see her like this. She had always been such a strong person and Tony had always admired her for putting up with all he had thrown at her. He didn't want it to end like this. Pepper deserved better than being left alone in such a terrible condition, but he was afraid that it was out of his control. Carefully, he turned her head to the side, so she could breathe and held up her legs to make her wake up. Even though she was incredibly weak right now, he wouldn't have known what to do without her. He knew she was desperate because she couldn't help him but for Tony, she already did enough. Just the fact that she was still with him, that she got through all of this with him, even though she knew his darkest parts, was more than Tony could ever ask for. If he could just turn back time...
A mumbling sound drew him from his thoughts and Peppers eyelids fluttered.
"What..? What just happened?", she asked with a weak voice and opened those beautiful blue eyes. She was still very pale but sat up nevertheless and Tony quickly sat down next to her. He pulled her into his strong arms and softly cradled her.
"I'm so sorry Pepper... I know how you have to feel."
Pepper only nodded, she was still very pale and gazed at him like he wasn't even there. Tony softly kissed her and Pepper desperately kissed back. She didn't want tomorrow to come, everything she wanted was to stop time right now. Just hold on to every moment she had with Tony so far without the always prominent thought of him dying. The reality was, she could never get used to a life without Tony Stark.
