***TRIGGER WARNING***
Can't Let Go: PT 2
Chapter Three
ARIZONA'S POV
Okay, I'm dying. I think I'm actually dying. For one moment, I thought I was going to get some relief when he offered me a drink of water. I don't know what the hell was in it but I woke up when it was dark, naked. Yeah, he really has done a number on me and right now, I wouldn't hesitate if he told me to hold a gun to my head. I really wouldn't. I love my wife and kids more than anything in this world, but I'm not sure this pain is worth it. I'm not sure what I've experienced is worth anything in my life. How am I ever supposed to come back from this? How am I supposed to begin piecing my life back together if he ever lets me go. I planned to run. I planned to just escape and run until my lungs collapsed. He had other ideas, though. He drugged me so I couldn't leave. He sedated me and did what the hell he wanted to me. He beat me. He choked me. He abused my body…and then he waited until I woke up. He sat watching me, a smirk on his face once I eventually opened my eyes.
Sitting slumped on the same chair I found myself in yesterday when I arrived here, I lift my head and find his eyes. Toying with the hunting knife in his hand, he spins the tip of it on his finger and doesn't take his eyes off of me. "You want food?" He asks.
"No."
"You want drink?" He raises his eyebrow.
"No."
"You wanna fuck again?" Watching as he stands, I don't even have the energy to shake my head. I don't have the energy for anything. Even breathing seems like a hard task right now. "Huh?"
"I don't care," I mumble, my chin hitting my chest again.
"You want food or not?" He crouches down in front of me and I glance up to find him staring. Just…staring. Something seems different in his eyes, but I don't know what. He seems…concerned.
"What?" I smirk. "Worried you pissed off the Russians?"
"W-What?" He furrows his brow.
"If you let me die, they will kill you…right?" I study his face. "And you won't get paid."
"I'm going to get food. Do you want some or not, bitch!"
"If you're going to rape me again…at least look me in the fucking eye when you do it." I spit. "No more drugs." I shake my head. "No more putting shit in the water."
"You think I want you like that?" He leans in close, his breath washing over my mouth. "You wanna be here for it? Fine!"
"I don't wanna be here for any of this." I groan as he grips my jaw.
"The room to the right has running water inside of it." He releases my legs from the rope holding them together. "Get yourself cleaned up and be ready for me when I return."
"Fuck you!" I stare him down. "You make me sick!"
"You fucking love it." He laughs. "You've got fifteen minutes before I get back here. I want you clean…and then your ass is mine." Smacking me across the face, I don't even make a sound. It's only adding to the throbbing in my face so whats the point? The more noise I make…the harder he is. "Get up and get fucking clean!" The heavy metal door slamming shut, my body shudders but I'm thankful for the alone time. Glancing around the room, I check for any signs of my cell but he's taken it with him.
I need Eliza. I need her now more than ever before. She is the only one who can make me feel safe. The police could walk in here right now and I wouldn't feel as safe as I do with her. Climbing to my feet, I'm more than unsteady but I just need a moment to regain my balance. I've been drugged and beaten so my balance isn't going to be anything like it usually is. Approaching a small window, I don't recognize where I am but I can hear traffic. I can hear the usual busy New York night time rush and honestly, it settles me. It settles me because I know New York like the back of my hand. Hell, I own half of the place. Recognising one of the hotels in the distance, I'm not as far away from home as I thought I was. If I could just get outside and breathe some fresh air. If I could just make it to the outside…I could make it to a hospital or a police station. I may be in pain and barely functioning, but I can make it. If it means I can see my wife and kids again…I'll crawl there on my hands and knees.
He isn't stupid. He had another guy here earlier and I know he is outside. I know he is somewhere watching and waiting for me to escape. I can't risk that right now. I can't risk being killed because I couldn't be brave enough to deal with this until it's over. I want to believe I can get out of here but right now, it isn't possible. I know he will begin slacking at some point, but I've only been here two days…or was it one? I don't know. I don't know where I am or what time it is. I mean, has Eliza and the kids had dinner? Have they showered and relaxed this evening? I don't know and the more I think about it, the more it breaks my heart. I never should've gone on this trip. I never should've left her alone with the kids to struggle by herself. I know she doesn't struggle and I know she is an amazing mom, but I've just created problems for us…problems we don't need, and problems that honestly? I'm not sure we can ever fix.
ELIZA'S POV
"Okay, but where does that leave us?" I ask Detective Sanchez. "You have information on the Russian, but what do we do now?"
"We wait for them to call again." She nods slowly. "And they will…they always do."
"They haven't called since last night." I scoff. "My wife is probably lying dead and alone and I'm here waiting for a damn phone call? This is bullshit!" Standing, I pace the floor in front of the fire and pinch the bridge of my nose. "We're really just going to sit here and wait?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"And are you going to be there at her graveside consoling my kids?" I stop dead in front of the detectives working Arizona's case. "Are you?"
"We're hoping it won't come to that." She gives me a sad smile.
"Well, you know what? Hoping isn't good enough for me." I shake my head. "Barbara, can I speak to you alone for a moment please?" My body tired and aching, she gives me a nod and we head down the hallway towards the back of our home. "What are we doing?" I ask, my voice breaking. "You said we would just pay them off…"
"And that is what I wanted to do." She breathes out. "I have it there…ready."
"So, what are we waiting for?"
"A place to take it. Some kind of instruction." She leans back against the wall and drops her gaze. "Sanchez is right…we can't do anything until they call."
"There must be something we can do." I whimper. "I need to see her, Barbara. I cannot have this baby alone."
"You won't be alone." She takes my hands in her own. "I will be there…and so will Arizona." Her eyes telling me to trust her, I nod slowly and squeeze her hands tight.
"Thank you for being here with me."
"I wouldn't be anywhere else, sweetie." She pulls me into a hug. "Now, Daniel wants you to head out back to him and Tim. He wants to know what Sanchez has told you…"
"R-Right." I smile. "Is he mad at me?"
"Who?" She furrows her brow. "Daniel?" She asks and I nod. "No, honey. He isn't mad at you."
"I am sorry I didn't protect her." My voice breaks. "If I'd known…I wouldn't have let her go on that trip."
"Honey, if she knew…she wouldn't have gone either." Giving me a small genuine smile, she motions for me to head out back and I do, sliding the door closed as I step out onto the decked area.
"H-Hi." I give Arizona's brother and father a small smile.
"How are you holding up, Eliza?" Tim stands and approaches me. "Here…take my seat."
"Okay, I guess." A tear slips down my face and I brush it away with the back of my hand. "Just…don't know what to do."
"My Barbara believes we're going to pay these bastards…" Daniel cuts in, his voice void of any emotion. "But that isn't how this is going to go…"
"O-Okay." I furrow my brow.
"My daughter is my life." He sips his glass of scotch. "And I will die for her…"
"D-Daniel, I don't think that is necessary." I shake my head. "We just have to wait for another call."
"Waiting for a call that may never come?" Yeah, I know that feeling. "No, Eliza."
"So, what do you suggest?"
"I'm going looking." He states. "I have my shotgun in the truck and one or two others…"
"No, you cant do this." I stand and approach Tim. "You have to talk him out of this."
"Sorry, Eliza…" He shakes his head. "I'm going with him."
"Please, just give us some time…" I hate that I'm talking them out of this, but I don't want to lose these two as well as Arizona. If she ever comes home, how the hell will she feel about this?
"Mrs. Robbins." Detective Sanchez steps outside and ends our conversation. "We've had a call."
"You had a call?" I give her an incredulous look. "And you didn't come for me? I'm supposed to be the one who hears her voice."
"It wasn't Arizona…" She gives me a sad smile.
"Then who the hell was it?" I spit. "You know, you people are fucking useless."
"It was the hospital." Wait, what? "A woman believed to be Arizona was taken in thirty minutes ago. Picked up on the street."
"S-She's alive?" I cry. "P-Please tell me she's alive?"
"She's alive." She nods. "I don't know the details but she is definitely alive."
"I have to go." I rush past the detective and into our home. "W-We have to go…" I stumble into the living room and Barbara catches me.
"Whoa, honey." She holds me upright. "Give yourself a moment."
"N-No…she needs me." I cry. "She needs us."
"She does…" Barbara agrees, her voice calm. "But seeing you like this won't help her, Eliza. Seeing her heavily pregnant wife so scared and worried…it would break her heart."
"Please, let me go to her…" I sob. "Please, she's alone."
"Come on." She presses a kiss to my hair. "Let's get you some warm clothes before we leave…"
Taking the elevator, Detective Sanchez is beside me and honestly, Barbara is holding me up on the other side. I feel like I'm going to collapse. I don't know what I'm going to be faced with when I see my wife but I know it's not going to be anything good. How can it be? I know he's hurt her, I can feel it. I could hear it in her voice when I spoke to her yesterday. Like, she was masking her pain and what he'd put her through. I'm not sure I can face reality when I step off this elevator, but I have to. I have to for my wife. For our family. For everything that we've ever built between us. The bell signaling our arrival, my stomach doesn't feel so good. Our baby has been fairly active this evening and I want Arizona to feel something normal. I want to go in there and hold her, our baby safely between us. I know that isn't going to happen, but it's what I'm holding onto right now. It's the only thing that could ever possibly keep this moment real between us. What if she's in a really bad way? I don't know how I will react. I don't know how I will even begin to piece this all back together. I know we can do it and I know we can be okay again, but the guys who took her are still out there and something tells me that this isn't over. I don't know how she escaped or what happened back there, but I don't believe for one minute that they let her go willingly. I really don't.
Detective Sanchez gave me some information before regarding the deal I believe brought this on, but it isn't important right now. It was some twenty minutes ago before Arizona had wound up at the hospital but in this moment…I don't care about their reasons. I care about my wife and that is all. Everything and everyone else can go to hell. My kids are safe and locked away, so now I have to be here and whatever Arizona needs. Seven months pregnant or not.
Slowly making my way down the corridor that will lead me to her, I find armed police standing either side of her door, a curtain pulled around right now. "If you could just wait here a moment, I'll check that we are okay to see her."
"Hurry up." I breathe out. "She is alone and needs someone holding her hand."
"I'm sure everything will be okay and we can head inside." Sanchez gives me that smile I've been getting from her since yesterday. "Two minutes, okay?"
"That's all you have and then I'm going in there." I fold my arms over my chest, resting them on top of my bump. Watching as the detective talks with the nurse who has just left my wife's room, I try to listen in on what they're saying but I'm beginning to wish I hadn't. Hearing the words 'rape kit', I can feel the tears forming in my eyes. "I need to sit down." I stumble back and Barbara helps me down to a seat.
"I've got you…" She wraps her arm around my back.
"This isn't good, Barbara." I drop my gaze. "I just heard something and this really isn't good…"
"I'm sure everything will be okay."
"She was raped." I can feel the bile rising in my throat but I'm frozen in my seat. "I just heard."
"N-No." My wife's mom tries to hold back her own emotions. "No, that can't have happened."
"It did." I cry. "That nurse just said…" Watching as Detective Sanchez returns to us, she gives me a small smile and takes a seat beside me. "What's going on?"
"Just...some tests." She clears her throat. "Forensics."
"Tell me the truth." I stare her down. "She was raped, wasn't she?"
"Yes." Sanchez nods. "Everything is being processed now."
"You can see your wife now, Mrs. Robbins." A nurse approaches me and I stand, steadying myself as I straighten myself out.
"Can I just have a moment alone with her?" I glance down at Barbara. "One minute?"
"Of course, sweetie." She gives me a nod, a small smile curling on her mouth. "You know where I am if you need me."
"Thank you." I smile. "And you…" I glance at the detective. "You don't come in that room until I say so. Any questions…they can wait until I've seen my wife. Until I've spoken to her and held her hand."
"Got it." She agrees.
Releasing a deep breath, my knees feel a little shaky but I'm okay. I'm fine. Arizona is the one who is suffering right now, not me. Approached by a nurse as I'm about to step into my wife's room, she pulls me to one side and lowers her voice. "Your wife is in and out of consciousness…we've had to sedate her because of the pain, but she would like you to be by her side."
"What are her injuries?"
"Fractured jaw. Extensive bruising to her body. Burn marks to her wrists and ankles…what we assume to be rope related. A lot of it is superficial, Mrs. Robbins, but I should warn you, the mental scars are going to be far worse."
"Was she raped?"
"Yes." The nurse clears her throat. "Multiple times."
"Oh god." My hand covering my mouth, I blink back tears. "Can I go and be with her?"
"Of course." She gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. "If you need any more information or you believe that Arizona requires attention, you come and find me, okay?"
"T-Thank you." Disappearing into my wife's room, I close my eyes and pull back the curtain. I want to see her and I want to be with her, but I'm scared to open my eyes. I'm scared about what I'm going to see. Steadying my breathing, I open my eyes and find the most heartbreaking sight I know I will ever see. "Oh, Arizona." My voice breaks as I round the bed and drop down in the seat beside her. "Baby, I'm here…I've got you." I know she is sleeping, or sedated, but I need her to know I'm here. I need her to know that I love her and I want her to be safe. Taking her bruised hand in my own gently, I study her face and honestly, I want to throw up. She's clearly been beaten repeatedly by the scumbag who took her, and her beautiful face is ruined. Her top lip swollen and her bottom lip split, my eyes focus on the handprints around her neck and where he clearly gripped her jaw. Both eyes purple and swollen, she has a cut to the side of her head, her once gorgeous blonde hair stuck to it. She would be horrified if she saw herself.
My wife doesn't leave the house unless she looks her best. She looks incredible to me whatever the time of day, but to the public, she always looks pristine. Right now…I don't even have any words to describe her. She looks broken. Beaten. Bruised and violated. To know that the woman I've spent the most incredible time of my life with has been raped, I'm struggling. I'm struggling a lot right now and I don't know what to say to her when she wakes.
A light knocking on the door pulling me from my Intense state, Barbara pops her head around the curtain and I motion for her to come inside. Closing the door behind her, her breath catches when she focuses on her daughter's face and my heart breaks all over again for her. "Oh, my baby." She cries as she comes to rest on the arm of my seat. "How could anyone do this to her?" Barbara cries, her arm wrapping around my shoulders. "She's a good person."
"The best." I sigh.
"She wouldn't ever do anything to hurt anyone else."
"I know." I nod in agreement.
"Daniel is going to kill him."
"Good." Not even realizing what I'm saying or agreeing to, I pull myself from my thoughts as my wife groans in the bed. "Arizona…" Her hand squeezing my own, Barbara rounds the bed and Arizona glances to her right to find me, and her left to find her mom.
"Mom…" She winces. "I-I need a minute…Eliza."
"I'll go and get us something to drink." Recognising their unspoken agreement, I give my mother in law a thankful smile and she steps out of the room, closing the door.
"Leave, Eliza." She closes her eyes. "Don't stay here."
"Leave?" I furrow my brow as I lean over the rail of her bed.
"Move on from me." She gives me a slight smile, her split lip and fractured jaw making it hard for her. "O-Our baby…" She breathes through her nose. "You don't have to tell her who I am."
"What? You aren't making any sense…you need to sleep."
"I-I don't want our kids…" She groans in pain. "...don't w-want them growing up with me f-for a mom." Tears falling freely from my eyes, my wife's dull blue eyes flutter closed and my own close. "Y-You can have everything."
"No…"
"I-I don't need it." Her head shakes ever so slightly. "Go, and just help them to forget about me."
"I need you to sleep, Arizona." My lips pressing against her forehead, she flinches but I'm not offended. She's been through the most horrific time of her life and no, I'd never expect her to just be okay with contact. "Sleep and when you wake up…I will still be here."
"You should get going." She turns her head away from me, moaning as her jaw causes pain. "I love you, but I don't expect you to stay. Take care of our that beautiful girl inside of you…she means the world, just like the others."
Oh god…I don't know what to even say to that right now. I don't know what to say to my wife to make this better. To make this seem less painful for her. Deep down, she knows I'd never leave her. Deep down, she knows I love her more than anything in this world. Right now, though…my wife is completely broken and I'm not sure I can fix her.
Come on, baby…you've totally got this.
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.
