Disclaimer: I own nothing.
– – –
"I brought you some breakfast."
"Again? You really don't need to do this." Maggie set her pen down. "I appreciate it, but I am able to get my own food."
"I wanted to have breakfast with you is all." Tara set the bowl of oatmeal down in front of her and dropped down into the chair across from Maggie. "Denise is with Daryl, and I didn't want to even hear the talk of a run right now."
A dry smile. "Well, it's good to know I was your first choice."
Tara moistened her lips. "You really were. You're my first choice in running from my girlfriend and Daryl talking about a run."
"Lucky me." Maggie grasped the bowl of oatmeal and placed it to the side, continuing her semi-vague outline for the land they'd have once the expansion was over. "I'm not really hungry right now, but I'll have some later."
"Will you?"
Maggie looked up at her disbelieving tone and a shrugged a shoulder. "To be frank, I'm not hungry. I haven't had much of an appetite in weeks, and oatmeal is probably the last thing I want right now. Well, there's pickles. I don't want any of those ever again."
"How little do you eat every day?"
"I don't know, Tara. I just eat when I feel sick from hunger."
"That's not healthy, Maggie."
"Why does it matter? It's not like getting sick is the first time my body's let me down," she acidically muttered, picking up her pen and returning to her work. "I don't want to talk about the baby or the miscarriage. I know it's all new to you, but it's been my life for the past few weeks. I can't say I'm copin', or even that Glenn is, but I do know that I don't want to talk about it right now. I want to focus on my work—on what Deanna left for us and for the future of this community."
Tara nodded. "I wasn't going to ask you to reopen old wounds. I know how that feels. I just wanted to know how you were, because I've been gone for weeks. I didn't even talk to you much after we got back, because I didn't want to overwhelm you. I didn't want to hover."
Maggie stopped writing. "I just want to finish this, all right? Please?"
"Okay." She collected the bowl of oatmeal and slipped out the door she'd entered through, giving the bowl to Enid who hadn't eaten yet. If her messy hair and pajamas were any hint.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
––
Carol sauntered through Alexandria, feeling that everyone had seen the sonogram, because they were all sneaking looks at her. She didn't know how she felt about the looks or the people seeing the sonogram, but it made her skin crawl to have that much attention on her. She preferred to be invisible, to be a fly on the wall, not the giant in neon they were all acting like she was.
She found some solitude by the vacant houses and sat on the porch, grateful there was no swing and no Morgan to watch her. She knew he meant well, but meaning well...wasn't always good. The road to hell was paved with good intentions, after all. She knew that very well, and he had to know it too, of course. There wasn't a person alive who had endured what her group and Morgan had endured and who didn't know exactly what that meant. If there was, they were clueless like the Alexandrians were before they arrived. Clueless and walker bait.
Her head came to rest against the house at the sound of someone approaching, and she wondered who it was this time. She'd told the kids she hadn't found any ingredients for cookies—lie, she hadn't even looked—and she'd told Rick she'd be back in time for lunch, and there was no way it was near time for lunch. She couldn't read the sun's movement to use it as a clock, but she knew there was no way it was noon.
"Hey."
She blinked and lifted her head. "Eric."
He smiled broadly. "I thought I might find you here." He rested his arm on the railing. "You look good today, not so pale."
"I've been getting some sun." She moved to stand up, but he urged her not to.
"I only came to invite you over for dinner." He tilted his head to the side. "It's a little lonely in the house with Aaron gone, and...well, not all the people here are understanding and accepting. Besides I thought a little pasta would be a nice change."
Carol pulled out a fake smile. "I'd love to—"
"Great! I'll see you after nightfall then." He walked off before she could reject him.
She sighed. "Yeah, great." She should have known he wasn't going to let her finish. He was a pushy kind of person, but entirely with good intentions. He was lonely, and he wanted to cheer her up, but sadly a bowl of pasta wasn't going to put a smile on her face, especially knowing she'd be throwing it up early the next morning. Or late the next day, as "morning" sickness was a joke.
"Carol?"
She looked up at Tobin who offered an apologetic smile as a way of greeting. "What is it?"
"Uh, I let Daryl take my lead today, because he said you wanted to talk about possible hereditary diseases we could give to the baby."
Carol frowned. She didn't remember even seeing Daryl this morning, let alone telling him to send Tobin her way to talk about hereditary diseases. She mentioned it to him while they were on their way to Hilltop, yes, but she didn't ask him to tell Tobin to hunt her down so they could discuss it. She had plans on doing that later, but apparently it would put her mind at ease if she did it now. Daryl couldn't just fess up and admit he wanted to know what possible risks there were to the baby? God, he was such a worrywart.
"Yeah." She motioned for him to sit, and he did, right beside her. "When did he talk to you?"
"About half an hour ago. I figured you'd be out here, but I had to let him know what were doing today. We've split the crew in half to finish up the barn for the horse, and of course the expansion."
She nodded. "How's it coming?"
"Slowly, but it's better to work slow and ensure the work's good. We want these walls to remain standing."
"Yeah," she murmured, "we do."
"So...what do you want to know?" He peered down at her.
"Well, what type of diseases run through your family? Do you know any of them?"
"Do you?"
"Of course, and the worst thing in my family is...mental illness, but given the state of the world, I'm pretty sure anyone can claim that."
He nodded. "I don't know if we can prevent that, but we'll try. Judith's seem happy, and she's still pretty young, I know, but...She has a lot of happy energy. I hope it's a trait she keeps as she gets older."
"Who can say?" She'd seen Carl and Beth and Mika and Lizzie all go through some type of change, some kind of mental illness, though Lizzie's was quite permanent and lethal to anyone around her. Carl was able to overcome, as was Beth. Mika fell into a slump after losing her father, but she was so young, and she was able to bounce back. She was able to smile and laugh again. She was a little angel, and she reminded Carol so of Sophia. They had the same sweet smile.
"You do that a lot," Tobin pointed out.
"What?" She tuned him back in and looked at him. He was smiling, elated, and she didn't know why. "What are you talking about?"
"Your hand." He reached out and tapped it, and her gaze lowered to where her hand rested on her stomach. "I've seen you do that a lot since you got back from Hilltop."
"I suppose it's going to become a habit."
"It's better than your smoking habit," he commented.
"Well, I don't smoke anymore. I gave my last pack to Daryl anyway, before I left."
"Speaking of that, you don't intend to leave again, do you?" He stared at her. "Or are you going to high tail it out of here once the baby's born?"
"Why does that matter?"
"Because I don't want my child to grow up without its mother," he retorted. "I don't know you. I'll admit that. You paint one hell of a picture, but it doesn't match you at all, I've learned. But I won't let you abandon our baby."
"Trust me, Tobin, it might be in the child's best interest if I weren't around," she remarked. "I'm not...good at being a mother."
"Now that's bullshit." Her head snapped up, and he continued. "I've seen you with these people, and I told you what I told you that night before you and the group left to deal with...Negan. You're a mom, and from how you tend to the people here so diligently, I'd say you're a damn good one. You care so much, and I know how you are with Judith—"
"You don't know the luck I bring with me, Tobin," she interjected. "You don't know the half of it."
"Does anybody?"
She inhaled deeply, an answer flashing in her eyes, and she shrugged a shoulder.
He rubbed a thumb over his upper lip. "Right, of course."
"I have to get back to the house, take care of Judith for Rick and Michonne. They need some time to themselves, and I have dinner plans apparently." She was on her feet and gripping the railing, still facing him.
"With who?"
Carol frowned at the tone in his voice. "Why are you asking me like that?"
"Like what?"
"Like a possessive boyfriend." She crossed her arms. "We aren't together, Tobin."
"I know. I'd just like to know who you're having dinner with. You don't seem all that thrilled, so I was just curious."
"Eric. He's lonely without Aaron, and he may have backed me into a corner, but he did mention pasta. It sounds good." She smiled a little. "Daryl had his pasta, said it wasn't half bad, though it's easy to please Daryl. As long as it's decently warm and maybe won't give him salmonella, he'll eat it."
"Will he be there too?"
She heard the tone again, but decided to avoid an argument and not acknowledge it. "Not that I know of, but maybe. He and Aaron are friends, so Eric may invite him too."
He nodded. "I hope you have a good time."
She pulled out another fake smile and departed, an eagerness to slip out taking up residency in her gut. She didn't know why Tobin was jealous of Daryl, or why he was so invested in knowing everything she planned to do, but he needed to back off. She didn't know what the future held for her or the baby, and she and Daryl were...friends. There were some issues still there, but they were friends. Daryl would invest himself in ensuring the baby was all right, but after what happened with Maggie and what happened with Lori, you couldn't blame him for his concern. And if Tobin was then she would need to have a word with him in the near future.
– – –
Carol arrived at Eric's house shortly after nightfall, Michonne and Rick were still upstairs, so she let Carl take Judith. They were going to join Enid at Denise's for dinner, and Tara was likely trying to get Maggie to eat something again. She hoped she was triumphant this time, because she did need to eat. She needed that strength to recover. If she ever did.
"Carol." Eric greeted her with yet another broad smile and showed her inside. "You're just in time."
"Am I?" She entered the house, smelling the dinner he'd prepared, and she folded her arms. "So, it's just us tonight?"
"Well, not exactly."
"Who else is here?" She prayed Tobin hadn't come and asked to join them, because she couldn't sit through what she knew would be an awkward dinner plus Tobin.
"I invited just one other person. I always make too much, and I don't like to waste, so I'm sure he can help us with that." He guided her toward the dining room where the plates were laid out and their meal. "I'd offer you some wine, but I don't think that's a good idea."
"My grandmother always said one glass wouldn't hurt," she said, "but I'd rather not have any."
"I'll get you some water then."
"Thank you."
"No, thank you for coming." His smile saddened some, the spark in his eyes dimming, and his smile tightened. "I'm glad you're here. Both of you."
Carol looked over and saw a figure sitting in the chair in the corner of the room, hidden by shadow, and she frowned as Eric fetched the drinks. She saw the person stand, and she was relieved somewhat to see it was just Daryl. She could handle a night with just Eric and Daryl. It might not even be so bad.
"You're here too?" She stepped toward him.
"Yeah, he tracked me down at the site, wouldn't let me say no." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't know you'd be here."
"Yeah, me neither. He...bulldozed me into coming too."
"Seems like he didn't wanna be alone. Can't really blame him."
"I suppose not." She wrapped her fingers around her wrist, that earlier feeling returning and nagging her. "So, how good is the pasta?"
"Pretty good." He smiled a little to the left of his mouth. "Bet yours would be better."
She smiled in return. "Flatter."
"Just speakin' the truth."
She lost her smile, a cold air spilling into the room, and Daryl started to ask what was wrong but Eric returned. They sat down for dinner, Carol had lost her appetite, but didn't want to seem rude, so she forced it down. It was good, like Daryl had said, but she could hardly taste it. Her brain kept replaying those words over and over on a loop in her mind, and her stomach tightened. She hoped she wouldn't barf up this meal, because it would be so rude, though she could blame it on the baby and "morning" sickness. That was one upside.
Daryl observed Carol from where he sat at the table, eating less like a cavemen this time, mostly because he wasn't as starving for real food and partly because he had table manners. He decided to use them, mostly to keep Eric from smirking at him and Carol from reprimanding him. Her scold was the same for when Sophia and Carl tried to get out of homework at the quarry. She had Lori's glower to back her up then, but he figured it'd be just as bad now. Besides he didn't want to confirm she was so lost in her thoughts she didn't notice he'd sucked down his plate of food.
Eric could see Carol was lost to her thoughts and Daryl was distracted by Carol. He could tell Daryl loved her, though he wondered if Daryl knew just how much and in what way. He'd seen Daryl with every member of his original team, but he got a feeling from these two. It was similar to the one he'd felt with Maggie and Glenn, though more subtle. Perhaps because they hadn't acknowledged this themselves. Or they simply didn't want to.
"So," Eric drew, "how was the appointment? I've heard bits and pieces, but I'd rather hear it from you."
"It went well." Carol set her fork down and grasped her water.
"Kid looks good and healthy as far as Harlan can tell," Daryl added. "Said to come back in few more weeks. We'll probably take a car next time, if your stomach isn't as soft."
"It'd save gas."
Eric glanced from Carol to Daryl and back, and if he didn't know who the father was, he'd swear it was Daryl. He didn't even hear this much from Tobin, the actual father. He wondered how much it would sting if Tobin knew how little actually knew about his own child. He wouldn't be the one to spill the beans, but he had a feeling those beans were piling up. He wondered just how long until it all came spilling out.
"Tobin's coming with us next," Carol reminded him. "And probably Denise too. She wants to learn from Harlan, so she'll likely tag along on every trip."
"Great."
"What's with that tone?"
"I'll be right back." Eric excused himself, not wanting to be in the middle of this spat, and he wanted a bit more wine. He might even need it to get through what was about to come from those two.
"It's gonna be three of us lookin' after you," he replied. "Tobin ain't much in a fight, to be honest."
"You don't know that."
"Yeah, neither does he."
"He'll do his best."
"His best might get someone killed. I don't want it to be you or me or Denise. Or hell, even himself."
"Daryl, he isn't a child. He's fought walkers before."
"It ain't just walkers out there, and you know that."
She shook her head. "Maybe you shouldn't come next time."
"What?"
"If you have such a problem with Tobin coming, I'll ask Rick to take us. He does have a lot of experience with dealing with people."
"I'm comin' with you."
"I don't want to sit in a car where you and Tobin are attacking each other with jabs for the entire trip to Hilltop. I can't put Denise through that either, so if you're going to start something, or if he starts something, it only makes sense that you stay behind." She didn't want to say this, but she couldn't avoid saying it either. God, this was going to sting. "You're not the father, after all, and Tobin should be there. He wants to be there, and...it's not right to make him stay behind again."
He snorted. "Right." He stood to leave.
"Daryl." She rose with him. "It's the truth."
"I know."
"Then why are you acting...like I'm doing this...saying this intentionally?" She searched his eyes. "I told Tobin he could be there, and you two don't get along, so what do you want me to do? I can't pick and chose, Daryl. He has...more of a right to be there as he's the father than you do as my friend. I'm sorry. That's just the way it is."
"I get it."
"You won't miss much, just a boring car ride to Hilltop, and I'll have Harlan give me a sonogram, so you can see the baby."
"Tell Eric I'm sorry to leave, but I got the wall tonight."
"Daryl." She tried to reach him, but he was out the door before she could get around the table, and she huffed. "Daryl!" She groaned and leaned against the wall. It was just the truth, goddamn it!
––
Daryl peeled out of the house, storming down the street like a bull, and he huffed. He knew he shouldn't be so pissed. He knew he had no right to be this goddamn livid, but here he was, fuming, close to foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog. She was right in every way about this decision, and he knew it. He fucking knew it, but it didn't ease the burning jealousy in his chest or the worry and terror that choked his lungs. Being right and speaking the truth were both shit right now.
He knew Rick could handle getting them to Hilltop and back in one piece. He trusted Rick and his ability to survive, to follow through with the mission, and he knew Denise would ensure Carol's safety. She wouldn't do anything to put the baby in harm's way, and that meant not putting Carol in harm's way. Denise had the guts and the strength to survive. She proved that to him on their run and at her first trip to Hilltop. He trusted them to get Carol back in one piece.
However he didn't trust Tobin with a wooden toothpick, let alone a grown, pregnant woman, a doctor and their leader. He knew from Abraham that when things got too hard, Tobin ditched a young woman to save himself. He knew Tobin held his own against all those walkers, but he had no choice. They were threatening his home, his life, and he had no choice but to fight. Yet given the chance to run, he'd proven he'd leave his people in a heartbeat. He knew it was different now, with Carol carrying his child, but fear made people do terrible things. He knew that better than most, and he didn't trust Tobin to stay when it counted.
He knew Carol didn't need the protection, but throw ten or twenty walkers at them? Or a horde like they'd come across many times? They didn't stand a chance, and they might not be able to avoid it. If they couldn't run, if they were was no backup plan, Daryl needed to know without a shadow of a doubt that Carol was all right, that the baby was all right, that Denise and Rick would be safe. He needed to know, to be reassured, and Tobin didn't reassure him. Tobin only increased his concern. He had to be there, to provide protection and make a way out if the occasion called for it. He had to know that if any of them were to die, they did their damn best for as long as they could.
He knew he could follow them to Hilltop, but he didn't want to do that. He wanted to be in the car with them, but if they were taking a car, only four people would fit, and he wouldn't squeeze in the back between the women. If they had a minivan or something, he could be in the back, away from Tobin, and Carol wouldn't have to worry about tension or jabs. He'd keep his distance, and he'd be there. He couldn't leave things up to chance, or up to only Rick and Denise and Carol if the situation was bad enough. He couldn't.
He calmed himself and began to look over the cars they had. The trip wasn't for a while now, so if he needed to go out and steal a damn minivan, he'd do it. He wasn't going to sit on the sidelines and possibly risk his family. No way, not while he still drew breath.
––
"I'm sorry," Carol apologized to Eric. "We weren't the best guests tonight."
"It's fine." He waved her apology away. "It happens. People fight. Friends, family, couples. It happens."
She nodded. "Dinner was great, but I'm a little tired so..."
"Go right ahead and get some rest." He began to gather up the plates. "I'm glad you two come out tonight. It meant...a lot to me."
"I'm glad you invited me. Next time will be better, I hope."
"You and Daryl have a lot to work through," Eric agreed. "I'm rooting for you two."
Carol frowned slightly, not sure what he meant by that, as she and Daryl could work through most arguments. Although he didn't know that, so that was likely why he'd said that. "Thanks. You have a good night, Eric."
"You too."
She exited the house and wanted to bolt. There was so much here, so much stress and tension and expectations and demands. Her head was spinning, and she just wanted out. She was over a month pregnant, and that wasn't an option, but maybe... Maybe if she timed it right, she could find a way to get some air for a brief period.
