Can't Let Go: PT 2


Chapter Fifteen


ELIZA'S POV


Yesterday really took it out of me. All of that information I had to cram in. The things I had to listen to. Arizona may be feeling better knowing that someone is taking care of the guys who hurt her, but it's got me more on edge than I was before. If I'm not worrying about them, I'm worrying about Alexis. If I'm not worrying about Alexis, I'm worrying about the stress this is putting on our unborn baby. The only thing I'm not stressing about right now is Daniel and Tim. Why? Because they're sitting in our living room, Arizona scolding them. I can understand why she was mad at me, but it wasn't my place to say. I had enough going on trying to look after myself and my wife, and I really didn't have it in me to follow her around New York looking for them. Sure, I didn't like what they were doing, but who am I to tell them to stop? They are grown men. They can handle themselves. They make their own decisions and they have to live with that. I still believe Arizona is mad at me.

Deciding to give them some time alone, I quietly slip out of the kitchen and head for the staircase. I'll take a lie down while they continue to sit in silence because honestly, I can't bear the silence much longer. It's driving me freaking crazy. They don't want to back down, and Arizona doesn't want to acknowledge that they were only trying to help. This is going to continue all night. I know it is. I can feel it in the air.

Reaching our bedroom, I glance at the clock and it's a little after eight in the evening. I'd happily call it a day and head for sleep but I have too much on my mind. I have the world on my mind, and I know I cannot switch off yet. I'd try, but I'd fail. I can feel that tension headache I sometimes get approaching, and I don't like it. A quiet dark room would be ideal, but I have to be available should my wife need me. Yes, she's doing better. A lot better, actually, but that doesn't mean it's going to last. It doesn't mean that this is all over and we can return to our old life. We both know that life will never be the same again, but we can hope, right? We can hope that some things will eventually return to normal.

Dropping down onto our super king-size bed, I release a deep breath and close my eyes. Just five minutes to myself. It's all I need. Then I can rally. Then I can go back down to my wife with my best smile, regardless of whether it is a true one or not. I know it's not, but if it settles Arizona, I can pretend. I'd do anything for her…including lessening her stress levels.

My hands settling on my stomach, I glance down and a genuine smile curls on my mouth. Just a couple of weeks ago, our pregnancy was enjoyable. It was easy and it was relaxed. Nothing was wrong. Nothing was strained or worrying. Our life? It was perfect. Everything we've been experiencing for the best part of ten years. What I'd give to have that for just a couple of minutes.

A light knocking on the bedroom door causing me to look up, I find Arizona watching me, a smile on her mouth. "Hey."

"Hi." I sit up on my elbows. "You okay?"

"Guess so." My wife shrugs. "Can I join you?"

"I'd like that." I pat the bed beside me and smooth my hand over the comforter. "Come on…"

"Thanks." She clears her throat. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad." I furrow my brow. "I thought you were mad at me."

"What kind of person would I be if I was mad at my heavily pregnant wife?" She raises her eyebrow as she climbs onto the bed. "You know, my pain level is much better today."

"Yeah?" My smile widens a little. "All of your pain, or?"

"Pretty much, yeah." Arizona agrees. "I feel calmer now that dad and Tim are home, too."

"Good." I nod slowly as my wife lies down beside me. "I never wanted to keep it from you…"

"I know." Our fingers lace together and my own body relaxes. "And I'm sorry for getting mad at you. You know, the glass thing…"

"Don't worry about it." I squeeze her hand. "It's just a glass."

"But I let my anger get the better of me." Arizona sighs. "And I frightened you."

"You just startled me, is all." I glance my wife's way and give her a sad smile. "No harm done."

"I love you, Eliza."

"I love you, too." Lifting our hands, I press a kiss to Arizona's knuckles. "And I'm still super proud of you."

"I don't know why." She laughs. "I've been a fucking nightmare."

"You've been living a nightmare, Arizona."

"But you kept me sane." She turns on her side and studies my face. "When I wanted to run and never look back…you kept me here."

"Y-You wanted to run?"

"Once or twice." She focuses on our hands, her thumb grazing my skin. "Sorry…"

"I don't even know what to say to that." I breathe out. "I mean, I know we've not been great, but I didn't think you would run."

"No?"

"No, that's a lie." I shake my head. "I've been waiting for the day when you pack your bags…"

"I'd be a complete asshole to ever leave you, Eliza."

"But you thought about it…"

"I just figured you'd be better off without me." My wife's eyes fill with tears but they don't fall. She won't allow them to. "I realize now, though…I realize that you're my absolute world. And more."

"We've got a good thing here." I ghost my thumb across the palm of her hand. "We just have to find our good place, is all."

"I know." Arizona agrees. "I know that now more than ever before." My eyes focusing on her lips, I quickly close them and push the image of kissing my wife from my mind. "What's up?" Her thumb trails my bottom lip and it sends a shiver down my spine. "Huh?"

"N-Nothing." I stutter.

"Hey, look at me," Arizona asks, her voice soft. My eyes opening, those ocean blue pools stare back at me. "Talk to me…"

"I just…I forgot about everything for a moment."

"Forgot about everything?" She furrows her brow.

"What you've been through. How you're feeling." I admit. "I thought about kissing you, is all."

"So, kiss me." She shifts a little closer to me. "If that's what you wanna do."

"I always want to kiss you." I sigh. "And I know our relationship isn't like that anymore…I just miss you." Maybe I've said too much, but Arizona has been appreciating my honesty. "Never mind." I smile, feigning the sadness I can feel inside of me.

"Kiss me, Eliza."

"N-No." I shake my head. "You're only saying that because it's what I want."

"I want it, too." Arizona's lips inching closer to mine, I can feel her breath tickling my face. "Please?" Her bottom lip ghosting over my own, Arizona's hand settles on my lip and my breath catches.

"Oh g-" Soft lips pressing hard against my own, I'm beginning to wonder just how long Arizona has been wanting to kiss me for. I mean, this isn't a spare of the moment thing. I can feel it. How she touches me. How she kisses me. She's been wanting this for longer than the last minute or so.

"Feels so good when I'm alone with you…" She whispers against my mouth. "Nothing else matters." Every emotion pouring from my wife, I'm soaking it up and taking it in. As much as I love how she makes me feel, I have to try and contain the wetness pooling between my legs. My body is already overly sensitive and that kiss didn't help me in any way. I wish I could just reach out and touch her. Feel her against me. Naked. I wish I could but I know I can't. "Your heart is beating fast…" She pulls back ever so slightly, the palm of her hand settling against my chest.

"Because you're so close to me," I whisper, my eyes closing.

"D-Did you want me to move? To leave?"

"NO!" I rush out. "I mean, please…stay."

"Okay." Those gorgeous lips finding my own again, Arizona's hand slips a little and it's now resting on my ass. "Is this okay?"

"Only if it's okay for you." I study her face. "I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with, Arizona. Just lying here with you is good enough for me."

"But I wanted…" She drops her gaze and removes her hand from my ass. "...yeah, this is okay."

"What is it?"

"I miss you too." Her voice breaks. "And I really want to kiss you, a lot."

"I know." I give my wife a sad smile. "But I really need you to stop."

"Okay, sorry." She pulls away from me. "I just forget what he did to me sometimes." She sits up and brushes a tear from her jawline. "I have to remember that you didn't forget, though."

"What? No." I stop her from leaving our bed. "No, I didn't mean that."

"You said you wanted me to stop." She gives me a look of confusion. "I'd never touch you if you didn't want that, Eliza. I just…I'll grab us something to drink."

"No, Arizona…" I grip her wrist. "You know I want nothing more than for you to touch me."

"So why do you want me to stop? I don't understand…"

"I didn't ask you to stop because I don't want you." I pull her back down on the bed. "I stopped you because that kiss alone made me want more…and you're not at that place yet."

"You felt something from that kiss?" She asks, surprise evident in her voice. "Really?"

"Really." I smile. "You know what you do to me, Arizona. That will never change. I just…I don't want you to make it something more because you think it's what I want. What I need."

"And if I want to?" Arizona shifts back into the position she was in before. "If it was what I needed…for us?"

"You know how I feel about you…" That is all I'm giving her. "You know what you do to me."

"Yeah?" She narrows her eyes and that look alone sends my body into overdrive. That sexy squint she used to have going on. How she looked at me when she knew she was turning me on. She's doing that right now and I cannot take it. I cannot keep my arousal at bay. My wife's hand finding my thigh, my eyes close and I take my bottom lip between my teeth. "I really want to touch you, Eliza…"

"Oh god." My breath catching as Arizona presses her lips to my own, her hand suddenly slips past the waistband of my yoga pants, my soaked sex covered by nothing but my arousal. "A-Arizona."

"Please…" She begs. "Please don't stop this, Eliza."

"T-Touch me…" My mouth falling open as my wife slowly but surely trails two fingers the length of my center, I grip her shoulder and try to hold off on the orgasm I can already feel working it's way to the surface. Fuck, I need this. I need it, but I'd never expect it from my wife. I'd never pressure her to give me anything. "U-Uh." She applies the perfect amount of pressure to my clit. "Shit…"

"I feel safe with you." She whispers against my mouth. "Safe and protected." Her pace increasing as her fingertips roll over my desperate, throbbing clit, a low moan rumbles in my throat and Arizona takes my bottom lip between her teeth. "You're my wife, and I want to make you feel good."

I don't know if Arizona is saying what I want to hear or if she is reminding herself of why she's doing this…that it's me she's doing it with, but she seems calm. Her presence, it's just like it once was. "I love you…" My lips crushing into her own, her pace increases again and fresh arousal floods from my center.

"I've wanted this with you for so long." Her words broken, I know she is crying. I know she has tears slipping down that beautiful face of hers. "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you." My body trembling, I can't hold on any longer. I can't breathe just thinking about the high my wife is about to provide me with. "I-I need you, okay?" Her forehead rests against my own when she senses my sudden urge to come.

"I need you too." My eyes focused hard on Arizona's, she gives me one of the softest smiles I've seen from her in a long time and my orgasm courses through my body. It's not needy and it's not heated, but it's what we both need right now. I'd never expect her to allow me to touch her, not right now, but this? This is just as intense as anything we've ever shared. In all the years we've been together, this is the most love I've ever felt from my wife. Her eyes…they never lie to me, and in this moment, they're telling me how incredibly and unbelievably loved I am by her.

"Oh god." Arizona's breathing a little ragged, she slows her pace but doesn't stop. My body overly sensitive, shockwaves course through me and she gives me one of those knowing smiles. A smile of pride, if you will. "T-That…Eliza, you're soaked."

"I'm sorry." I blush.

"Hey, no." She presses her lips gently against my own. "It's good to know that I still please you."

"Always." I cup my wife's face and press a kiss to her nose. "We will never lose this between us, Arizona. I promise."

"I just…I'm not ready yet." She drops her gaze. "I'm sorry."

"Don't." Her hand slips from my pants and she sobs into my chest. "Please don't apologize."

"I just wish we could be us again." She cries.

"We are us." I hold her close. "We will always be us."

"Promise me?" She whimpers.

"I don't need to promise you." I smile as I place a kiss on the top of her head, her scent hitting me square in the chest. "You know what we've got and only you will know when you're ready."

"I swear I'm trying…"

"You've got this," I say with certainty. "And when the time is right…you tell me and I'll make love to you for the rest of my life."

"God, I don't know what I'd do without you." She tightens her grip on my body and her sobs begin again. "I'd be so lost without you."

"We were made for each other…we know that."

"Forever?" She glances up, her eyes red and swollen.

"Forever…"


Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.