Can't Let Go: Pt 2
Chapter Seventeen
ELIZA'S POV
Waking to the sound of complete silence, I lift my head from the pillow slightly and find my wife in the corner of the room, holding our baby girl safely in her arms. Considering we both worried about the moment my waters broke, I was pleasantly surprised by just how well Arizona handled everything that followed. She stayed calm, even though I could see the fear in her eyes. She was everything that I needed, even though I know she wanted to run. She was just my wife. The woman I fell in love with all those years ago. Too long ago to even remember. In that moment, when I needed her…she was there. She was there completely and I guess deep down, I knew she would be.
Sure, Arizona has had the worst time imaginable of late, but she pulled through for me. She pulled through for our family. To say I'm proud of her right now would be an understatement, it really would. I don't know how she is feeling within herself, but this is the first time she has left our home since her attack. It is the first time she has seemed at least half comfortable to be around people other than me and a select few. It may all crumble as the day goes on, but right now…she is here and she is smiling down at our daughter. The daughter who has been through so much before she even came into this world.
My hope is that she will never know anything her mom went through, but as she grows and becomes an incredible young woman, I know that she will take everything in her stride. Just like we do. Just like Arizona has done time and time again. My wife is a fighter, and our kids definitely take after her in that department. Our daughter, Harper, will grow up to know just how amazing Arizona is. How strong she is. How she would do anything for her kids. No matter what we face in the coming months, I will be by Arizona's side…every minute of the day.
She knows I've got her. Our marriage has never been any different. She knows that above all else, we take that staircase together every night and hold one another like the world is about to end. Because it did…our world, it almost ended. When I watched the breaking news come through on our tv, I felt it crumbling. I felt it disappearing around me. When the detectives arrived at our home, I knew I was losing her. I knew that no matter how strong she was, this could've been a battle we lost.
Nothing will ever compare to the pain I felt when she called me that night. That night when I spoke to her and that pig was beside her. Touching her. Hurting her. Ruining her. That pain was one that will never lessen but over time, it will dull to the back of my mind. When Arizona comes through and our days improve, it won't be relevant. None of what he did could ever break us and I have to remember that. I have to remember that when our time comes, Arizona isn't broken. She isn't ruined. He tried…but he failed. My wife, my incredibly beautiful wife, is so much more than the news story of the month. She is so much more than the woman who was kidnapped and abused. She is mine. She is ours. She is still everything I could ever want in my life. Bruised or not.
"You think maybe I could get one of those?" Sitting up a little better, Arizona's eyes dart my way and widen. "A cuddle…"
"I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were awake."
"Don't apologize." I smile, my throat a little dry. "I was admiring the view."
"Yeah?" Her own smile widens. "You still want me here?"
"Come here…" I motion for my wife to join me. "I need you closer." Watching as she comes closer, she takes a seat on the edge of the bed beside me and studies my face. "You…" My eyes close, tears threatening to fall. "You are the most incredible woman I have ever met, Arizona…and I'll always want you here with me."
"I love you." Tears trickle down the soft skin of her face. "I love you and I want all of us at home together."
"Me too." My hand settles on the small of her back. "You did good today."
"I had to." She sighs, her eyes returning to Harper. "This one didn't need a terrible mother as she was coming into the world."
"You…terrible?" I raise an eyebrow. "Woman, you are crazy."
"I've been awful, Eliza." Her voice breaks. "I've been the worst."
"No, you have been recovering." I counter. "And you still are, so we have to remember…day by day, okay?"
"Y-You thought I didn't love you anymore." Arizona closes her eyes. "You thought I wanted to spend my time with Alexis…I swear, I didn't."
"I know, and I'm sorry for ever saying what I did." I give her a sad smile as her eyes find mine. "I am…I'm sorry."
"If that is how you felt...you have nothing to be sorry about." Arizona shakes her head ever so slightly. "I'm sorry I hurt you."
"You didn't." I sit up and shift closer to my wife. "You've never hurt me, Arizona."
"Doesn't feel that way." Her shoulders shaking, my arm wraps around her waist from behind.
"Hey, come on now…" My chin resting on her shoulder, Arizona rests her face against the side of mine. "You know I hate seeing you upset."
"They are gone and now we have to build our life again." Her words barely above a whisper, I give her a slight nod in agreement, Arizona's thumb gently grazing Harper's cheek. "This one doesn't need me to fall apart anymore."
"This one…loves you as much as the others." I press a kiss below my wife's ear. "You know she does."
"What if I let her down, Eliza?" Arizona turns to face me a little better, the seriousness of her question evident in her sad blue eyes. "What if she grows up to hate me because I'm not the person I used to be…"
"She won't." I give my wife a knowing look. "Harper is going to obsess over you, just like Xavi and Soraya. Noah and Joshua already run to you and completely bypass me." I laugh. "I should be offended but I can totally see what the fascination is."
"And what exactly is the fascination?" Arizona snorts.
"You." I smile. "You just have that calmness about you, Arizona. That safety and love…we all feel it. Every time you are in the room, we feel all the love you have for us."
"Not anymore, though…"
"More so now than ever before." I breathe out. "You know, all I want is for us to be at home together. A family again."
"I want that, too." My wife agrees, her voice trembling. "You think that can happen?"
"Of course, it can." I nod. "I won't lie…it feels kinda good knowing they're gone. I wasn't happy with it at first, but they're gone and I don't care how it happened."
"Kinda full circle, huh?" My wife smirks. "They're gone and moments later…this little one decides she is ready to come see us."
"Maybe she was waiting." I throw my wife a wink. "If she takes after you, then no…she isn't stupid and she knew exactly what she was doing when she decided to hang back a little longer…safe inside."
"Mm, perfect." Arizona presses a gentle kiss to Harper's forehead. "Just like my entire family."
"We are who we are because of you, Arizona." My wife remains silent but I know she hears me. I know she is taking in everything I'm saying. "We wouldn't be here without you. You are our world."
"I wouldn't be here without you…" She whimpers. "I only fought for you, Eliza."
"And I will spend the rest of my life thanking you for coming back to me." We fall into a comfortable silence. A silence that is needed and a silence that is calming.
I can't believe I almost lost her…forever.
ARIZONA'S POV
It feels so good to be home with Eliza. I know it's about to get real crazy around here, but I'm actually ready for it. At least, I feel like I am. I feel like, after the last couple of days, I'm ready for anything. We've been home since this morning and Harper is now two days old. Two days old and perfect in every way imaginable. She has a head of thick dark hair, just like her mom, and I can't take my eyes off her. I don't know if I'm feeling more protective of Harper than I did with our other kids, but that's how it feels. I feel like if I leave her alone for a second, something will happen to her and I won't be there to save her. Eliza, too. I'm struggling to allow my wife to leave my side.
I know it's just because this is all new again, but I don't want to be too overbearing. I don't want to piss Eliza off in any way. She needs to recover. She needs to rest and allow her body time to heal. Seems there has been a whole lot of recovering going on in our lives lately, but I'm in a better place. Mentally, I feel stronger…and physically, I'm feeling slightly better. I know my recovery will be ongoing for the foreseeable, but I'm okay with that. I've come to accept that what happened to me cannot be fixed overnight. I wish it could, but sadly, that isn't a possibility.
Harper's monitor firmly in my grasp, I press a kiss to her forehead and step away from my sleeping daughter. Eliza has just given her a feed and now my wife is settled on the couch, her eyes closing slowly. Right now, I want to spend some time with her. I know she wants to sleep, and she can, but I'd like that to be in my arms. Against me, whatever.
"Hey…" My voice low, Eliza gives me one of her sweet smiles and her eyes flutter open. "Mind if I join you?"
"I'd love you to join me." She holds out her hand as I set the baby monitor down on the table beside us. "Come here…" Pulling me down beside her, Eliza squeezes my hand tight and sighs. "You okay?"
"Me? I'm good." I reassure her. "Just can't believe we have another gorgeous baby at home with us."
"Thank god its all over." Eliza whispers, her head resting on my shoulder.
"You need to nap?" I ask.
"If that would be okay?" She lifts her head as she tries to stifle a yawn. "I don't want you to have to do everything around here, Arizona. You're still recovering."
"I'm okay." I lean up and press a kiss to my wife's forehead. "You need to rest and relax, okay?"
"I could really use ten minutes."
"Stand up." I pull my wife up to her feet. "Wanna throw it back a little?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Uh, I don't…what do you mean?" Throwing myself down on the couch, I position myself a little better and motion for Eliza to climb between my legs. "Really?" Her smile widens, my heart bursting at her reaction.
"Yes, really."
"God, this is going to feel so good." Her voice breaks as she settles between my legs, my arms wrapping around her shoulders from behind. "I've missed lying with you like this."
"Me too." I press a kiss to the top of her head. "Now, just relax." Sobs shaking her body, I furrow my brow and loosen my grip a little. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing." She sobs. "I'm okay."
"No, you're not." I tense a little at the thought of Eliza no longer wanting me to hold her like this. "D-Do you want me to give you some space?"
"N-No!" Eliza grips my hands. "Please, stay."
"Why are you crying?"
"How we're lying…" She steadies her breathing. "The last time we lay like this, you were about to leave for your trip."
"O-Oh." My head falls to her shoulder, Eliza's scent calming me. "I'm sorry."
"No, don't apologize." She turns her head a little and finds my eyes. "I wasn't sure we would even relax like this together again…"
"I've wanted to feel this way for so long, Eliza," I admit. "Like this…I've wanted to hold you like this since forever."
"Thank you for trusting me." My wife whispers, her lips slowly but surely finding mine. "Thank you for being so beautiful that it breaks my heart."
"Hey…" My lips linger. "I love you."
"I love you, too." Eliza's signature smile causing one of my own, her bottom lip brushes mine and my eyes close. Just this feeling alone is the only thing I've wanted since I got out of that warehouse. Just holding my wife. No worries on my mind. Nothing but the love we have for each other. "You're thinking…"
"Good things." I smile, my arms tightening around Eliza. "Just good things for a change."
"I'm so proud of you, Arizona."
"You should be proud of yourself." I nuzzle my face in the crook of her neck. "I'm so proud of everything you have given me that I could burst."
"I never thought I could ever make anyone proud." My wife admits. "When I came to New York, I had nothing. I had no one. My mom saw me as nothing but a disappointment, but you…" She laces our fingers together. "You gave me life, Arizona. You gave me a reason to smile."
"And I always will," I say with certainty. "I'll always give you the world. I promised you that the day I made you my wife and it hasn't changed. It will never change."
"Forever." She sighs, her head resting on my chest. "I always knew we would be forever."
"Damn right," I smirk against the skin of her neck. "I'm not sure forever is long enough, though." Rocking my wife gently in my arms, her breathing is changing and I know she's drifting off to sleep. Her body is spent and if I could take away the tiredness and uncertainty she is feeling, I would. I would in a heartbeat and she knows that. Eliza knows I'd do anything to make sure she was okay. That she was loved and protected.
From this moment on, it's time to put my family first. It's time to close myself off from the world around me and concentrate on what matters most. What I have here. In my arms. In our home. My wife and my kids. I know there will be days when I fall apart, but I've experienced enough of them to know how to approach those days. I've experienced the worst time of my life, and now…only good days are ahead. They have to be. That bastard is gone. The bastards who arranged my attack are gone. Nobody else matters now. Nobody but my family. The one constant in my life. The only thing that makes me smile harder than anything else in this world ever possibly could.
I have everything I could ever need in this home. My family.
Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed this fic. It means the world to me.
