"Oh… my god." Rachel pressed her hand to her forehead after my millionth attempt at saying "hi." Rachel had finished her whole story about how she had to go to the airport wearing a face mask, sunglasses, and a large jacket to conceal her identity. It worked, but she was overheated, yet excited to see us again. She brought souvenirs from there, Japan, United Kingdom, and France, but were still in her bag.

"I told you! This sucks!" I reminded her. Can't we just say I'm bad at this and stop it already? I'm so bad at this!

"Do you remember when I approached her?" She spun around and walked towards me again. "Hey, I just wanted to say—Like, mention something to get the conversation going. Like, fuck, I got homework I forgot about."

"The semester's almost over—"

"Max…" Her shoulders slumped. Right. She's trying to help me! There's no logic here!

"Sorry," I nodded, slapping my face, "Hi."

She snickered, holding a more hysterical laugh, "That's a good start. You have to say more than that, though."

"I need help… with this assignment?"

"Good! That's great! You could say that!"

I wanted to pass out. Sure, it looks and sounds great, but I'm ready to hurl.

"You need to sit down?" She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Yes, please." She helped me onto the couch, letting me rest my head on her. "I'm such a mess."

"I know, but you're our mess." She wrapped her arm around me. "This is a slow process. I can tell it's frustrating to you too, but I don't want you to force yourself."

The door unlocked and open, welcoming a tired Chloe in. She threw her hat on the floor, dropped her keys, and kicked the door closed with her foot.

"Hey babe!" Rachel waved her hand. "Join us."

Chloe dropped down on the couch on the other side, also resting her head on Rachel. I heard them kiss, with Chloe replying with a tired "thanks." I had my eyes closed during this, but there was another noise bothering me. Is someone sniffing? It sounds like a dog trying to find something…

I opened my eyes and searched for the sound. Rachel was looking towards Chloe, sniffing around her head. Chloe wasn't reacting. Do I say something?

"Rache, what are you doing?" I leaned over to whisper.

"She doesn't smell like cigarette smoke or cheap beer." She smiled at me and rested her head on Chloe's. "I think she fell asleep."

"Me too." Did she... Did she think she would drunk drive here?

"We'll fall asleep here then." She pulled me closer to her. I wanted to decline, but she wasn't letting me go or attempt to. I gave up, letting my body become a whole noodle and rest on her.

"Goodnight, Rachel."

"Night, Max."


"Okay, try again." Chloe wasn't as stressed as yesterday, in fact, she was showing more patience. It could be because Rachel was around, but I could be doing better. Maybe because of the giant suitcase that appeared in the living room, which had to be Rachel's. The size of it made it seem like she was going to live here; not like we would mind that. We woke up still on her, along with her whisper-yelling into her phone. I had no clue what it was about, I wasn't paying enough attention, but it didn't sound good. It took a good hour before we practiced again and more anger boiling inside of myself. It's not their fault... this is shit.

"Hey, could you help me with my... assignment?" I wasn't sure. Confidence left my sentence halfway, slowing and lowering in volume. Hope left Rachel and Chloe's faces.

"That one's great! It just needs to be more confident. Or more like a genuine question and you haven't rehearsed it for days." Rachel was encouraging, to say the least. I was becoming frustrated with myself again, wanting to give up and willingly accept I'll never be able to talk to Kate ever. I don't know if she just smiles at me to be nice or what...

It was too early to be practicing this again. It was Rachel's idea, to do this before Chloe's shift. I had no class today, but I did have a ton of homework to do for tomorrow's class. I had a general class and the only one available for morning on Friday: Nutrition. I hated it, mostly because it was general and I couldn't bring myself to care about it. It was Thursday and I still didn't want to do the homework.

Chloe took a quick look at the clock on our cable box and groaned, "I gotta get dressed. Duty calls."

"Do you actually like your job?" Rachel watched her leave to the bedroom.

"I fucking hate the people who go there! Hella mad old people or entitled as hell art kids from Max's nerd school!"

She wasn't wrong. There were some students who walked around like they owned the school and thought they were the best artist. I wish I walked around with a part of that kind of assurance.

"Then why are you still there?"

"Max has an addiction." Chloe walked out with her shirt off, putting on a black one. "And I'm her dealer."

"When you put it like that..." I rubbed my arm, feeling discomfort. I already admitted I had a problem with that, but Chloe was one to talk. At least I wasn't her dealer.

"Sounds hella bad." Rachel looked at me, slight worry in her eyes, "Hey, at least it isn't the shit we've done."

"Wrong!" Chloe pointed at me, "She ate weed brownies once."

"By accident! You ate fifteen and then I ate one. Nothing was happening to you, so I thought they were fine!"

"I went into another plane of existence and you... I have no clue where you left."

I had no idea either. The day this happened wasn't a part of my memories at all. I remember being at Chloe's house, but anything after that was blank. Luckily, I woke up in bed, but Chloe was sleeping outside in the hallway, covered in pizza and pizza boxes. I thought she was dead, but I waved a cold slice in her face and she woke up.

"You were never meant to do drugs, Max." Rachel chuckled and shook her head, "Well, we'll stay here and continue to practice! Right?" She smiled at me, waiting for a reply.

I forced a smile, "Yeah, right..."


Hours passed... Or, maybe only ten minutes passed? No matter what, I was sick and tired of practicing. I could see it Rachel's eyes she was sick of it too. Acting and talking to people, in general, came so naturally to her, she had to hate helping me. If not, she was starting to.

"You're tired, huh?" She asked me, fixing my hair and my bangs.

"Yes! I'm so sick of this. Why can't I just forget about it?!"

"Because she's worth a shot! I know it's hard and scary for you, but I know you can do it! You're scared of rejection, am I wrong?"

I couldn't reply. It was the truth and there was no reason to deny it. Yet, I still wanted to! No, I just... I just don't feel like talking to her! Not anymore... I think. I was grasping at straws and flipping through hoops to avoid it. Yeah, she's just pretty and stuff... I don't need to talk to her.

"Let's take a breather, then." She pulled me to the couch. "Okay, so you're gonna have to put some positive thoughts up there..." She grabbed my head and shook me around.

"I'm overreacting, aren't I?"

"No, no! You're fine! That'll make you feel worse. Staying here clearly isn't working, so let's get ready and head out. Maybe you can get a taste of my life: running around, trying to not get noticed by fans and paparazzi."

"They know where you are?"

"They're everywhere. It doesn't matter which one, they both find me. It's not like I want to, but I know it'll make you scared. So, let's get ready and sneak around!"


It was what I was used to. Hiding and steering away from people was my thing, but Rachel was... quicker. She held onto my hand as she peeked around walls and hopped from one wall to another. It was kind of a rush in a good way, I was smiling and enjoying myself. She was like a cat and she was doing it with such agility, it showed she did this a lot, if not every day. I should ask.

"You do this everyday?"

I was hoping she was going to whip out the big jacket and mask she had to use at the airport. It would've been funny, but being in the middle San Francisco in springtime was going to be more suspicious.

"I had bodyguards, so hiding wasn't hella important. It was a rush! Being surrounded by light, tall ass men pushing people off, my model friends tripping over the whole way there... they were always kinda drunk all the time." She pulled me to the next wall.

She kept talking, groaning, "It was so tiring. They somehow walked hella good on the runway. It helped me not drink with them... I worked too hard."

"Who were you arguing with earlier?" It had to be work related.

She rolled her eyes, "Manager. When I said I took an overnight flight... I didn't say I left with her. I should've made my mom my manager."

"Could you?"

"Well... My manager's tough for a reason. She put me through hell, so that's fine with me. I do like her and I wouldn't be as hard-working if it was my mom. Just... my mom's hella cool. That's a conversation for another time."

I left it alone, even though pushing was more my thing. Rachel was still hopping from wall to wall, which was still fun to do.

"Where do you plan on going?"

"I'm just distracting you. Readying your mind, forgetting your fears... It's working, right?"

I nodded, smiling and punching her arm.

"You know, Max, this is meant to be fun. Not just this, but being able to talk to someone you like!" She grabbed my shoulders and shook me back and forth. "Showing interest and getting to know someone you find pretty is fun. I believe in you, want to know why?"

"Why?"

"She kept looking at you when I was talking to her! She held eye contact, but she'd rather talk to you than me."

"Wowser, no one's ever wanted to talk to me instead of Rachel Amber." She recognizes me...

She laughed, snorting a bit, "How does it feel?"

"I-I don't know... I kinda like it."

There was a sudden surge of confidence. It puffed out my chest, it made my mind light, and I couldn't stop smiling. I don't even care that she recognizes me from that horrible library thing. She couldn't stop looking at me.

"Max," Rachel sang. We were walking out in broad daylight, not hiding in the shadows or behind walls, there was no one outside to notice her. "You're still smiling."

"Oh, really?" I pushed on my cheeks to force it down, but it wasn't working.

"That's how it's supposed to feel!"

"I'll still mess it up," I held onto my jacket, "only because I'm a blushing mess."

"At least it's not because you're scared. It feels like you want to explode still, but you're still happy!"

"I-I guess. My heart feels like a ticking time bomb. Am I gonna die? I don't want to die a gay mess!"

"You'll be fine!" She grabbed my face. "Whoa, your cheeks are hella hot, oh my god!" She whipped her phone, readying her camera and facing it towards us. I saw through my fingers she was smiling so big.

"What are you doing?" I slapped my hands on my face, hiding and looking in-between my fingers.

"You look cute, come on!" I heard her phone snap a picture while I hid in her shoulder. "That's perfect."


"Tell me more about how Chloe is when she drinks."

We came back home and sat on the couch, Rachel lied down with her legs over my lap and on her phone. I hugged her legs as I listened to her thumbs tap against her phone. "Maybe you should just see it."

"Do you think she'll do it when I'm here?"

"I'm... I'm not sure. Sometimes I feel like she's not aware of it either. Doesn't help she's twenty-one now, now she can just buy them." Drinking was the first thing she decided to do. She went through a roller coaster of emotions from happy drunk to a sad drunk. I couldn't laugh or record her, because it was escalating from "kiss me" to "I wish Rachel was here." She missed a few days of work because of that. Her birthday was a nightmare.

"God, I won't sleep at this rate. You make it sound like she does this in her sleep!"

"I don't know! I just want to see if she will or not." She does it nearly every day. Last night was the first time she hasn't done it since then.

She threw her phone onto the coffee table, "Want to practice again?"

"Um... I have to do homework!" I pushed her legs off of me and went into the room. I've never said that before. She wants to practice again? So soon? It's only been two hours.

"Bitch," Rachel's eyebrows furrowed in disbelief as she stormed in, "You'd rather work on homework than work on flirting?"

"Just a little more rest," I used my index and thumb to measure, "Please?"

Her shoulders went down and jumped into bed, squeaking under her weight, "Alright, but I'm staying in here now."

I flipped through my Nutrition textbook, took my notebook out of my bag, and sat at my desk. I could hear Rachel was on her phone again, which made me calm again. I thought she was going to bore holes into the back of me. I wasn't sure of the assignment I had or if I had it at all, so I stared at my textbook (not at pictures or a single word on the pages, it felt like staring at nothing.) I scribbled sentences like "please leave" and "going crazy," along with a couple pictures of cartoons screaming and lying on the ground.

"Is there anything else you like about Kate?"

Shit. "I guess I could tell she's sweet. Like those cake pops... except she doesn't make my teeth hurt or cringe when I think about her."

"You think about her a lot?"

"Now I am. I could tell she's out of my league, too." I have a feeling she was looking at me because I was so nervous, it was obvious!

She laughed, almost too loud, "I mean... She kinda is."

"Thanks, Rachel."

"You said it first!"

"You were thinking it!" I spun to her in my office chair. "I'm a mess, right?"

"Yep!" She said with a smile, still facing her phone. "But hey, some messes get girls who are out of their leagues."

"Like who?"

She shrugged her shoulders, humming "I don't know." She put her phone down and sat up, "I'm sure it's happened before."

"You didn't want to compare it to you and Chloe?"

"You think I'm out of her league?"

"... No."

"Good, because me either. I think we're in each other's leagues! It doesn't matter, Max!" She stood up to shake me around again. "You like the cute girl, so go talk to the cute girl! Who cares about leagues and all that shit? You're thinking too much again."

"I've never done this before. I don't think I've ever liked anyone as much as Kate. It's so weird and it makes my stomach so..." I groaned at the end. There was no word to describe it. "You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do. Well, let's go out again tonight! Let's bring Chloe along and then loosen you up again!"

"Okay... Where?"


I should've known it was somewhere bad when she smirked at me. Chloe came home as tired as yesterday, throwing her keys and kicking the door closed with her foot, falling into the couch. Her entire body took up the couch, even her legs stuck out over the armrest.

"Oh, Chloe," Rachel sang as she fell on top of her, getting a grunt in response, "Come on, you gotta change."

She grumbled, "Why?"

I was standing on the side watching them. I shifted in my stance, rubbing the back of my neck and trying to clear my throat. Should I go? They're close right now and I feel bad to intrude.

"Right now?" Chloe flipped to her side, bringing Rachel with her and squishing her against the couch. We shouldn't leave! She's tired anyway! I don't have to go anywhere! I took slow strides towards the room.

"Don't you dare, Max Caulfield!" Rachel pointed at me, lifting her head enough to see me.

"I need some fucking sleep, Rachel..." Chloe held her down with her weight, falling asleep right after.

Rachel sighed and said in one breath, "Max needs help relaxing, we're going to a club, and I'll wear a tight dress for you."

Chloe shot up and ran to the bathroom, "We're going!"