For the rest of the week, I was stuck copying notes, making more prints, and sleeping on the couch. Rachel and Chloe started a routine of going to Starbucks together for the day and then at night, they would go out on dinner dates. I was relieved that they didn't want to take me along with them, leaving me be. They always brought leftovers home for me.

Thursday night was eventful for them, but not for me. Chloe and Rachel went out to watch a horror movie that came out recently (the clown one), went to an arcade (they brought back little rings and bracelets), ate at a healthy, vegan place (Veggie Grill or something), and then came back with food from Wing Stop (with FRIES). I was at home, reading the notes over and over again, and watching reruns of game shows and questionable commercials about sex hotlines. Finally, I was able to see the souvenirs in the room, which was a variety of snowglobes from the different countries she visited. Not for me, obviously, but the variety of foreign movies on my desk were mine for sure!

I was sick of studying and being surrounded by piles of paper, I don't want to see another piece ever again.

"Are you ready for your test?" Chloe gave me a hard pat on my back as she passed me. I was sitting on the couch and I saw she was dressed for her Friday afternoon shift.

"It's for Nutrition," I moaned, "I can't bring myself to care."

Not once, during the entire quarter, did I convince myself that I loved and enjoyed this class. Being in there makes my anxiety spike... I have no idea why my teacher insists on calling on me.

"At least it'll be done in a few weeks," she patted me on the back, then raised her brow, "It's a few, right?" Three weeks, to be exact. I nodded.

"Then get good grades and get the hell out... hit it and quit it."

"That doesn't work in this scenario, Chloe."

Nevertheless, it was encouraging to see Chloe changing and encouraging me, but I know, somewhere in there, she wanted to tell me "fuck school."

"You're... hella gay today. How obvious do you want to be?"

I had my black-and-red flannel and ripped jeans. I remember wearing something similar to this and saying "shakah brah"... We never speak of it. I didn't think it looked so bad, but maybe I was trying too hard? I thought it added to my hairstyle.

"All you need a snapback and you'll be the gayest thing in school," Chloe broke out into laughter, "You're such a punk ass."

We both laughed all the way to her car.


"I think Rachel is gonna stay home today. She kept going back to sleep." Chloe said as she turned at an intersection. Dog, I wished that was me.

Her tattooed arm was hard to ignore. She gripped the top of the wheel as we approached the overflowing traffic. I was staring for a good minute. I feel kinda weird, but now I kinda want one... kinda.

"Do tattoos hurt?" That was a stupid question, but it still came out.

"Personally, fuck yeah, but it's worth it. Why, do you want a tattoo?"

"Oh, no, I just looked at your arm and felt like asking. They're awesome, so the question came to mind." Half truth, I'm thinking about it right now.

Chloe smirked and said, "Let me know if you ever do."

There we were again, stuck in traffic, surrounded by the sounds of honking and heavy machinery digging into concrete.

"Shit, this bullshit again." Chloe took her hands off the wheel and leaned her head on her window.

"Is it bad that I'm not nervous about being late?"

Not like before, anyway. I was shockingly calm; my heart has never been so slow. It was freaking me out, it was a new feeling I didn't understand, but I had to enjoy it while I can.

"Nope, I feel the same way," she replied, "I actually want some piercings. I need to ask Rachel about those."

"Oh yeah? Like what?" I placed my bag at my feet. It was really heavy, I realized, when it fell with a thud.

Chloe hummed, "I kinda want my lip piercing back. A nose piercing would be hella rad, I don't know if I would prefer a septum or something else. I want one on my ear for sure."

Oh right, that was a thing for a little while. She had a single piercing on her bottom lip, but it annoyed her. The thought of piercing anything on my body made me really uncomfortable; it made me actually shiver in my seat.

"That would be way cool. I just need a little push, I think."

"I'll do that. I'll shove you to the fucking ground, too."

I put my hand on her shoulder, "Don't do that to me."


We finally arrived to my school and, unlike Tuesday, I was not worried about lateness. I walked slowly to the elevator, looking around at all the posters and student examples on the wall. It was on floor two as well, so I didn't really have to hurry so much. My heart's pounding, but it's just what it's used to.

I finally arrived to class and there weren't a lot of people inside. I was given the test right away; it was practically shoved into my hands. I sat next to Evan, who was halfway done. I was confident and told myself I can do this and I got this, but now, my hand was shaking and my pencil hasn't touched the paper yet. After ten minutes of pretending to skim through my test, I shakily put my name and the date down.

I didn't know anything in that moment. I looked at all the formulas, chemical compounds, grams, and even some questions that required math, and nothing was computing in my brain. To make everything worse, my teacher had this machine for scantrons that stamps all the wrong answers and it was loud. The whirring on the machine and the only way I could describe the noise of the stamp, especially when it was a lot wrong in a row, was like duct tape being extended.

I started to put answers down, not confidently, and I heard the machine go off. Luckily, it only stamped a few times. Uneasiness was still setting into the pit of my stomach.

I tapped my fingers against my table and my eraser. I started with the multiple choice, choosing "C" when I was unsure, and then went to the free responses. Why the hell was there math in this test? I wasn't there when everyone did this and, even though his notes were great, it all left me. More people came into the class, a lot left, the machine was the loudest thing in the world, holy shit, and I was ready to go die.

In the end, I finally looked up from my paper and I was the last person in class. I was too afraid to get up, but I did, fumbling my steps on the way. I could tell my teacher was grumpy and wanted to leave right away. I watched as the machine turned on, the fan going off in it, and slid the scantron right through it. My heart stopped hearing all the wrong ones; it was pretty much my whole test. The only good thing about this was that no one else was in this room. At the same time, the disappointment on my teacher's face made me want to dig my own grave and die in it. It was a test before the final, but good god, I set the standard all the way down to hell. Fuck... should I be mad? Sad? My legs feel weak as hell.

I left the room and immediately called Chloe.

"What's up?" She answered after one ring. She was on break at this time.

"Hey... Can I stay at school for a bit?"

It was probably obvious that I was bitter. I needed some alone and silent time in the library or wherever-the-fuck. Not even the smell or taste of coffee could help.

"What happened?" She asked.

I rubbed the back of my neck, "I bombed my test."

"Are you sure you don't want to go home? To, I don't know, sleep?"

It would be a good idea, but I spent too long at home studying for this test. It would just make me feel bad, if not, worse.

"I need to read something. Something wholesome that was not about food would work right now."

"Okay," Chloe accepted it, "Text me when you want to go, okay?"

"Thanks, bye."

I hung up and shoved my phone into my bag. I trudged to the library, went to grab a book—How to Survive a Horror Movie, it said—sat at the same table where Kate sat, and just rested my head down on my folded arms. I let my bag fall to the ground next to my feet; I was ready to sleep there. I couldn't believe that happened in there and let myself fall flat. Once I sat down, my thoughts started to build up. I failed the multiple choice and that should be the easiest part of any test! I got five out of thirty of that shit. The free responses... fuck, I didn't get a single one!

I sat up straight and start to actually read the book I grabbed. It was fitting to what Chloe and Rachel watched a couple days ago. I got through a couple chapters, a lot of it being step-by-steps and things about the what kind of movie it may be, but I slapped it down and attempted to sleep again.

"Hey Max." Oh, it was Evan again. He sat down in front of me. The table was weird because it was oblong and could sit about twenty students. We were sitting at the very end, making the table look too long.

"Hey," I replied, lifting my head up again, "I heard from the machine that you got a full grade."

It didn't tick any wrong answers on his test at all! It was basically the answer key!

"Oh yeah, I killed that test," He whispered excitedly, "What about you?"

"I killed it, too... in a different way."

"What do you mean?"

"I failed it. Like, no question."

"Did my notes not work?" He placed his elbow on the table, resting his head on his hand.

I went down to my bag and took his notes out, still nice and in place as he gave them to me. I slid them to him.

"Do you want to study some time?" He asked.

In that moment, I realized I had forgotten something very important.

"Oh shit," I cursed under my breath, "I need to sign up for new classes when I get home."

We had to sign up for new classes when it was between week seven and eight. And right now, it was Friday on week eight, with nothing.

"Looks like you're stuck with general classes again." He seemed to be rubbing it into my face.

Wowzer, that really helped. I might have to repeat this class.

"Well, we can get a study group together, still," he suggested, "That scantron machine is rather terrifying."

"I'll think about it," I let out a huff, "I'm sorry, dude, but I need some time alone."

"Let me know, okay? I hope you feel better."

He finally left and I put my head down again. I was so focused on talking to Kate and doing something about that, I completely forgot that I needed to sign up for more classes. I really was stuck. I tried to get four new classes every quarter, but since first quarter, I only had two. I started to knock my forehead into the table. It was gentle at first, but it was progressively getting harder and louder throughout the library. Every time my forehead and the table collided, I repeated fuck in my mind.

"Can you stop hurting yourself?" I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I looked up and made eye contact with those stunning hazel eyes again. I tried to reply, but I noticed her hair in a loose braid, draped over her left shoulder. It was so strange to see her styled so differently compared to the whole quarter I've seen her. Air was caught in my throat as I tried to focus. I couldn't, though.

"This is the second time I caught you harming yourself," she sat across from me, "Should I be worried?"

"No, you just keep catching me at bad times." I said with a forced laugh. Abort, abort, I feel like I'm about to have a stroke.

"Did another vending machine give you trouble?"

She placed her sketchbook and backpack on the table, like she did the other time. I knew her question was a joke; I chuckled along with her.

"Ah, no," I shook my head, "I had a test in my class today and I failed it."

"What's your class?"

"I had Nutrition." I slouched in my seat.

"Do you need tutoring or anything? I can try to help, but I have never taken that class." Kate leaned over a bit.

This was our second interaction, and yet, she only ever smiled. I was melting at the sight of it, but I kept my eyes moving around her.

"My classmate was here earlier and offered a study group. Thank you for asking, though."

How modest of you, Max! Rachel would slap me if she heard this conversation.

"You're welcome, Max. Any particular reason you're in here? Other than slamming your head into tables." Kate flipped her book open. Before she went onto a blank page, I saw beautiful sketches of women in poses and various storyboard-looking drawings. My eyebrows lifted at the sight.

"The test put me in a bad mood, so I went in here. I studied too much at home and I didn't want to think about food."

"Understandable, I wouldn't want to eat either."

It was quiet between us. I watched her draw different poses and stances, facial expressions, and clothing items.

"What food are you into?" I couldn't fathom why I asked that. I regretted it when I finished it. Stupid! How can I say I didn't want to think about food and then ask that?!

"I drink tea a lot, but I personally love sweets," Kate replied happily, "How about you?"

"Uh, I guess I like fattening foods? Rachel has been trying to get me healthy again."

"You need to be careful then. Don't want you hurting on the inside too." She hummed.

I tapped my fingers against the table to the beat of a clock. I listened to Kate's pencil etch against the paper and I watched her every movement. Her head leaned to the left, her hair was brushing against the other page, and her other hand held an eraser.

"I never got to tell you this, but I like your hair." Kate said that without looking up. I couldn't even get a reply out, I could feel stammering coming at any moment.

I tapped my fingers faster and blinked more to compose myself.

"Thank you," I finally said, "I like your hair like this... Not like I noticed that it's never been like this before! I'm not saying your other hairstyle is bad. I mean, I like the hair bun, but this is also nice!"

I spoke so fast, I don't think Kate caught any of it. For a whole minute, my heart beat pounded against my chest and I heard it in my ears. Suddenly, she lets out a giggle and I wanted to physically fall out of my chair.

"Thank you. I wanted to try something new."

I need to go, this is too much. I cleared my throat, "I-I gotta go. I'm sorry to cut this short." She finally looked at me, "It's fine. See you on Tuesday?"

"Yeah," I clumsily grabbed my bag and nodded, "See you then."

I turned and left so fast I barely caught her waving goodbye. When the library door closed, I let out the loudest groan I could muster. I lost myself for a second; I could barely breathe or see anything. My heart's about to burst. I saw another vending machine and kicked it again, but it didn't hurt.

I took my phone out and called Chloe again.

"You said you were going to text, what the fuck?" Chloe greeted.

"I know, I know, but I spoke to Kate, okay—"

"I'm on my way." I can hear Chloe opening and slamming doors.

"Wait—"

"I'm on my way, I'm bringing Rachel. Rachel, come on!"

She sounded distant in the second half of her sentence. I guess Rachel's there with her. I could just walk over, I don't know why she was going to drive.

I just hung up and went to the front of the school. I love them, but holy shit.

When I saw Chloe's car, it was parked in the middle of the street and it was completely disregarding of other people and cars around it. The windows were down and when it came to a hard stop in front of me, she yelled, "Get in!"


All three of us were freaking out in the car. We said so many "oh my god", "holy shit", "what the fuck" in that one car ride, especially through the traffic. At home, we ran inside and landed on the couch. We wasted no time getting into retelling the events. I don't want to talk about what happened between the end of the test and when she saw me, no offense to Evan, but all of it happened so fast.

"Tell me everything, Max!" Rachel shook me around.

"Oh dog, it was so embarrassing," I groaned, "I was banging my head on the table in the library, she saw me, she sat down, we talked, she laughed, I wanted to die—"

"Why were you hitting your head?" Rachel lifted my bangs, looked at my forehead and pressed her finger against it, "It's red."

I grabbed her hands off my head, "My test earlier. I completely bombed it, Rachel. I hope you're not mad."

Rachel furrowed her brows and she was very hesitant. Minutes pass as she spent more time thinking. Was she going to say something or—?

"Just for now. I'm proud of you for speaking to her."

Chloe grabbed me by wrapping her arm around my neck and then rubbing her fist into my head, "That's my Maxim! She's the gayest one alive!"

All three of us were laughing together and I felt all my stress lift off of me. Caught in between them, they were holding me and I allowed myself to relax.