For the rest of the trip, I only got down what she bought: Lacoste polo and belt, Jimmy Choo heels, and a Gucci leather jacket. I couldn't name all prices, but I'll always remember it all costed five thousand dollars. That made me lightheaded as hell and I'll never understand how she could spend so much in one day.

Our hands were completely full. It was the most exercise I've had in a year; Carrying all the bags felt like carrying a whole elephant in my hands.

"Did that help you forget about the texts?" Rachel flung the bags in her left hand over her shoulder.

"Huh?" For a second, I really didn't know what she was talking about. I had to wrap the question around my head to remember what she was talking about. "Oh! That!"

"I guess it did."

Clumsily, I switched all my bags to one hand, nearly falling to the ground, and managed to call Chloe again.

"Hey," Chloe answered right away, "I'm in front of Gucci."

"Holy shit, we just came out of that." I said.

"I'll drive closer." she hung up right after.

Rachel and I walked to the street, where the parking lot was, and saw the matte finish car coming up.

When it parked in front of us and Chloe came out, her eyes widened at everything we had.

"Holy fuck, did you buy the whole store or some shit?" Chloe grabbed the ones in Rachel's hands. She gave her a quick peck on her lips and started placing everything in the trunk.

For some reason, my heart skipped a beat watching them. I don't know what the feeling was, but maybe... jealous? I could be. I barely started talking to Kate...

"I bought you guys new closets." Rachel said confidently. "Mostly Max, but bought you a lot too!"

"I said it was fine. You didn't have to buy me things."

"I know, but I wanted to."

Chloe put the bags I had into the trunk and shut it loudly, "Alright, time to head home."


Chloe and Rachel spoke to each other in the front seats. It was about her day, Rachel's time at the outlet, what clothes we got, and going out tomorrow. I stayed out of it. They were a happy and normal couple, talking about normal things, and there was me, who looked on. Maybe it was jealous and I wasn't admitting to it yet; I stared at them with the overwhelming feeling.

Back at our place, we all stumbled as we got out of the elevator with the ten bags we had. When we got in, we scrambled to the bedroom and threw them onto the bed.

I went to the kitchen, out of breath and feeling my stomach growled. I wish we had time to eat at the outlet. All I grabbed was water. Chloe went into the bathroom, after saying that she needed a shower for later. What was she going to do later? I had no idea. Rachel was in the living room, turning the TV on to Fox and it was TMZ. She probably worries a lot about showing up on it. I grabbed two water bottles instead.

I sat next to her—on the floor, not the couch—handing her the other bottle.

"Thanks." she said and watched the commercial.

I was curious about something. Rachel only briefly talked about how she gained the fame she had. When I compare her to other runway models, she wasn't as tall or as skinny as everyone else. Yet, she showed up on high fashion shows, fashion magazines, commercials for makeup and hair, and had millions following her on her social medias.

We heard the shower stop and Chloe came out, her hair was still damp. Her outfit was just thrown on and it showed enough skin for the warm night.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Dana called earlier and she had to teach me how to do everything," Chloe forcefully put her shoes back on, "I said it was fucking stupid, but it was important. So, I have to go now to watch and learn."

"You'll be back in the morning?"

"Yup. Luckily, it's a busy night and I have no work with crabby old assholes tomorrow." She gave Rachel a quick kiss on the lips and then ruffled with my hair, "Love you, I'll see you later."

"Love you too." Rachel's eyes were stuck on the TV.

"See you." I waved.

She left, slamming the door and locking it. I never watched TMZ; I was never into celebrity news. But, what caught my attention was a picture of Rachel taking up more than half of the screen.

"I saw Rachel Amber at HUE sf last week, with two other girl friends." It cut to a video of all three of us going inside, including her greeting everyone in the line. "She was seen dancing with one of them on the floor and it was getting a little touchy." It cut to a video from afar and zoomed in on Chloe and Rachel grinding and dancing with each other. The video couldn't capture the same feeling as being in a club for real felt like. The overwhelming, adrenaline-filled emotions couldn't be captured, making their dance awkward to watch.

"Do you think she's actually gay?"

"I mean if I saw a girl that close with another girl, I would assume so. Or just real drunk."

She only laughed.

"Okay, okay, now everyone knows I'm really gay," She turned to me, "I went out a lot with Chloe and that's all they have? I wasn't being that discreet about it. I need to check my Twitter after this."

I stayed quiet. Every other person would be freaking out right now, but Rachel was such a carefree person. She was going to say it outright and then let it be. If it were me, I would be freaking the hell out.

"I can tell there's something on your mind." Rachel put her phone into her back pocket. Is this what being famous is like? Is it just melodramatic and it's really just like this?

"I've always wondered how you got here," I shifted in my seat to face her, "In your career, I mean. If it's touchy, I'm sorry, I know you talked about it before, but I'm curious."

"You're hella nosy, but that's why I love you. Some of it is a little blurry for me," Rachel turned the TV's volume down, "My manager is hella awesome. She took a chance on me and made me work my fucking ass off with classes on walking and posing and how to carry myself. She taught me a lot about being independent and being extra sneaky. She was really strict, especially about Chloe, because I was going to be away a lot and being gay is never talked about. She was just looking out for the both of us. But, what I'm trying to get at is, I always did two-hundred percent more than everyone else did. I don't look like anyone else, but I did everything more and better almost, and that's what attracts people."

I tried to think of ways that could apply to me. Work my ass off and work two-hundred percent more than everyone else. It would be a good mindset to have for school right now. Especially right now with the bad test grade. It could make me more confident and help me talk to Kate, even. It'll be hard... I wish I could wake up and just be able to talk to people! Just... be normal.

"You're an incredible person, Rachel," I smiled as I complimented, "I'm grateful to have you in my life and Chloe is beyond grateful, whatever that word is. Usually by now, Chloe would be out drinking and then come back to go out cold. But, she would cry about missing you."

Now is a good time to mention it, at least. I hated saying the second part. I spent a few nights comforting her and helping her sleep again, and the fact that Chloe has no memory of it, it made those nights surreal. Those times when she would rest her head on my lap and cry on and on, me trying to say something, but she wasn't listening to me or even herself. I don't know if I should ever bring it up to her; every time I try, my words get caught...

Rachel looked like she was caught off guard by that statement. Saying it aloud, it was bad. Like, it was an understatement the whole time in my head. I froze in my seat and we stared at each other. Neither of us knew what to do, except sit in silence and stare each other down.

"Do you want me to talk about it with her?" She sounded ready to cry.

I pressed my lips together, "If you don't mind." I feel bad... All Rachel wanted to do was be with us again and be happy. I feel like I made a mistake.

She turned the volume back up again. We watched the TMZ segment until it was a commercial again. I couldn't stop looking at Rachel as she started to become aloof and distant. I've seen her like this before. She had her arms crossed and her knees up to her chest, her eyes wide toward the screen. I took a hard gulp.

"Do you want to model the clothes or order more online?" I asked her first. I was sick of watching TV and I hated seeing her like this. I was afraid she was going to snap at me or raise her hand, instead she looked over to me and then smiled.

"I'm offended you think that I wouldn't want to model," Rachel stood up and stretched her arms, "Let's wear these clothes."


"Work, work, work, work!" Rachel cheered me on as I attempted to do a model walk out of the bedroom with my new clothes. Every time I took a step, "work" would be chanted.

I went through the many shirts, sweaters, and hoodies already. It was fun to listen to Rachel's compliments and fixing anything on me that would make the outfit better. Right now, I was wearing khaki jeans for the first time, one of the black "boyfriend tees", and a red-and-blue flannel tied around my waist. I put my hair up again, even though my undercut thing was growing fast. It's all new to me. Some of these clothes are way out of my style.

So far, it has only been me trying on the new clothes. I watched as Rachel had her hand on her chin, pondering something as she looked me up and down.

"Maybe it would look a little bit better," Rachel got up and rolled my sleeves, "if we did that."

It was a whole new style I wasn't familiar with. I was really into it; it would just take some time to get used to.

"Too gay," Rachel rolled them back down, "That was too gay."

"I look like I know how to skateboard, but that's a fat lie." I couldn't stop looking down at the pants, mostly. Californian styles highly influenced Rachel, as she was from Long Beach, and it showed. What was the Oregon style anyway? Was there one at all?

"Girls are into that," Rachel encouraged, "And I could totally shave down your undercut again, if you want."

"That would be nice. Maybe I should look gayer." I rolled the sleeves again. I felt gayer just doing that.

"I'll fix it when you're done modelling, get into the next outfit, girl!" Rachel pushed me back into the room again.

Even I was starting to get a little excited. It took a moment to take the pants off and put another pair on. It was black pants, apparently the ones used specifically for skating, and a white hoodie. To add to the skating effect, I put my hair down and put the black beanie on.

I walked out, followed by Rachel's clapping and whooping. I did a few poses for her, but they were slightly exaggerated. I felt weird about getting all the attention; I almost kinda liked it. Like a proud mom, she took pictures of me on her phone, saying how I was "doing hella great."

I fall onto the couch right next to her. I actually feel good right now, wowser. "Okay, your turn to model something."

"Don't mind if I do," she goes into the room, "Prepare to be amazed!"

Chloe and I had to watch some of her fashion shows on YouTube and they were pretty interesting. Rachel had a stronger presence than everyone else and wore the clothes with such confidence and pride. She was in the Fashion Week shows and we wished we could have seen that. We saw plenty of videos and photographs with her in it, which Chloe stared at. For hours.

Rachel came back out, wearing the leather jacket she bought from Gucci, ripped black jeans, and a strappy white bralette under. My mouth might have been hanging to the ground, because she laughed as she looked at me. Rachel has gotten in shape and had well-defined abs, making the outfit a lot more jaw-dropping. "This jacket was meant for Chloe, but it looked good with these shoes." She showed off her Jimmy Choo boots.

I knew that jacket was too big for her. She said she went into Gucci to buy something for herself, guess she changed her mind. Or, maybe she meant to share it. Whatever it was, it was too big.

Knowing full and well Chloe would love to see this, I took my phone out, "I'll send a pic to Chloe. Give me your best."

She gave some "jacket off one shoulder and thumb in belt loop" poses, pretending to put her hair up in a ponytail, looking into the distance while her jacket fell to her elbows, and one close-up of her winking and sticking her tongue out. I took as many pictures as possible for every pose. Everything about it felt so natural. I rarely worked with taking portraits, or people at all, and working with Rachel was inspiring me to do more of it.

"Which one should I send?" I asked her as I looked through every one.

"You don't want to take one together?" She took her phone she left on the couch, sitting next to me again.

"I think she would prefer to see just you."

Rachel pouted, "Come on, one couldn't hurt. You're hella cute."

I sighed, avoiding to fall for her for one comment, but I smiled and nodded, "Just one."

Rachel took selfies constantly from what I saw from her account, but since she arrived here, it was only been her food and the nicer areas we go to. She might be saving them for a something special. I sighed in my mind. Rachel's so pretty and taking a picture with her made me feel unworthy and bleh. She had her arm around my shoulders and we just smiled for the picture. She clicked the button two times; she seemed satisfied.

"Okay, give me your phone." She put her phone down again and held her hand out, expecting me.

I need some shots of her with my instant. Some professional photos would be so rad.

The moment my phone touched her hand, she began to search through the plethora of photos I took. "I really like all of these," she groaned, "I can't choose one!"

I took about ten of each pose, some of which were blurrier than others, "We can just choose one of each and send those ones."

I was stuck with an iPhone 4 and couldn't stop admiring Rachel's iPhone X. I wished I had a case on mine. She seemed to have a million different ones from designs of red roses, cherry blossoms, marble, and a bird with its wings outstretched.

"That's such a good idea," she started to delete duplicates, "I'll find my favorites."

I figured then was a good time to grab my instant camera and start taking more photos. By the time I got back, she deleted them already, left with four photos.

"Do you do that with your selfies?" I asked.

"I'm going to let you in on something," Rachel put her voice low, like a secret I shouldn't know, "Every model I've ever met does this. I only do it sometimes. Edit their face and everything, it's not shocking anymore. Okay, I think I've chosen my photos." She handed my phone back with a pleased smile. "This is hella fun!"

"It is! I'm having way more fun than I thought." I only text Chloe, "Hey, we did a fashion show." I added an emoji at the end to irk her a little. I wanted to wait for her reply to send the photos.

"Now," Rachel opened a browser on her phone, "Do you like these clothes or do you love these clothes?"

"I love them, Rachel. I'll need to repay you sometime."

"Don't, it's fine, I'm happy buying you these things."

My phone vibrated.

NO EMOJI
Must be hella fun. You're learning from the best

Some things never change. I sent the pictures; her reaction could be anything. She must be bored if she answered so quickly. I bet she wanted to come back home the moment she stepped out.

"How bored do you think Chloe is?"

"She must be hella bored." She said it with a small chuckle, but there was worry too.

For the next half hour, I told Rachel about how I wanted to take more photos. She posed on the couch and had such poise and energy coming off of her, I couldn't stop taking pictures. It was close to one AM when I was done and let them develop. While the TV was mute to focus on the photo session, Rachel made me play this game while different shows were on, making me say what I thought they were saying. It was fun, but I was still awkward and more forced to be funny. She suggested to try again, but the chances of that were second to none.

"I think she's speechless." I checked my messages again and it was still the pictures. I was proud of myself and the camera for taking them so clearly.

"I hope she's okay," Rachel looked over my shoulder, "I wouldn't want her crying in the club."

Like magic, Chloe finally text back. She sent a picture, the one that goes "have you ever seen a woman so beautiful you started crying?" Wish I could leave.

I was ready to show Rachel it until she sent another text.

Fuck it, I'm going right now.

Whoa, is she cereal? I mean, she should be! She would totally leave for Rachel.

I hesitated, but showed her the messages. Chloe wouldn't want me to do that, but she would get a kick out of it.

"You really did it now." I forced a chuckle, taking quick looks between her and my phone.

Her eyes widened, probably in shock, surprise... maybe turned on, I wouldn't know. "It started sweet. What is she gonna do, cry on me instead?"

"At this point, your guess is as good as mine."