For the first time, week ten was uneventful and not as hectic as it usually was. Maybe because I actually got my assignments done and actually liked them; I owe it all to Kate in more ways than one. She became sort of a motivation for me, both for Sunday and for taking the time out to hang out with me whenever. Not just physically too; I don't think I've ever text someone so often. Every single day, a good morning text and a goodnight one, whatever the conversation turned out to be. There were a couple nights she texts me, not with the single-worded greeting, but with a YouTube link to a cat video.
I didn't question it; it was such a Kate thing to do.
When the week was over, I rested on Saturday, lying on the couch I learned to be comfortable on, and texting her back and forth.
Kate: Are you ready for tomorrow?I could feel how happy she was through the screen.
If I was honest, I wasn't. I was ready to explode from feeling the way that I did. My racing heart and my fidgeting hands felt… different, somehow. It wasn't unwelcomed. It feels… kinda weird. I don't think I ever felt this before.
Me: As ready as I'll ever be.
It was decided that Chloe was going to drop me off at her apartment. Kate said that everything was within walking distance of each other.
It was kind of late and I was home alone, since Rachel and Chloe went out to HUE sf again. Rachel really wanted to watch her work behind the bar. Because it was tomorrow, I had to ask:
Me: Are we going to church?
It was pretty obvious, mostly because of the day. I thought people went to church earlier, but what the hell did I know about going there? It was going to be an interesting experience for someone like me.
Kate: That's in the morning. It's only an hour long, so you won't be suffering too much.
Me: I won't be suffering! Bored, but I'll pay attention.
I hoped to meet her friends, especially the ones creating the short film. I learned recently that our school was having a special film festival with the theme called "Growth." It was pretty clever.
Kate: I can promise you that the rest of the day will be good!
Me: All days are good with you in them.
I hesitated to send it. I pressed "send" as quickly as I could before I thought about it too long. I've been thinking of flirty lines faster, but actually committing to them is still a problem.
I lied on the couch in a ripped-up shirt and shorts, finally feeling the heat of late-March. I let my legs hang off the armrest, swinging them as I waited for more texts to pop up. I still had the yellow bracelet around my wrist.
Kate: You're a smooth talker now?
Me: Smooth as sandpaper maybe.
A dumb grin stayed plastered on my face as I stared at the text bubbles. I left the messages and was greeted by my phone background, which was still of the forest in Arcadia Bay. I needed to change it, it has been a year away from there, but I haven't found a good picture to replace it with.
Kate: You don't give yourself enough credit!
Me: Kek are you saying I'm smooth?
I sat up, taking my legs off the armrest to answer a call I was getting from Rachel.
"Hello?"
"Hey Max, how are you? Doing okay being alone?" It was quiet on her side, she had to be outside or in the restroom.
"It's not that lonely. I've been talking to Kate."
"Of course," she chuckled, "Must be nice to be all bi yourself."
It took a minute for me to understand that, "… Oh, my dog, what did Chloe do to you?"
"Hey, I'm bi too, the joke was too easy."
I could only roll my eyes. It was genius.
"We'll be back sometime in the morning. Before you have to go, for sure!" Rachel reassured.
"It's at ten, don't worry."
"I know, I know," she finished with a sigh, "Anyway, have to go. Can't stay in a bathroom forever."
"Have fun partying."
"Will do. See you later."
She hung up first. Another message greeted me as I put my phone down.
Kate: Like silk, Max.
I had that stupid grin on my face again. At that moment, nothing else seemed to matter.
But I'm feeling pretty sleepy.She texts again.
Me: You should sleep too. We have a busy day tomorrow after all.
Kate: Goodnight, Max. xoxoxo
I sent a goodnight back and tossed my phone aside. This was the time to give myself a pep talk. I've been having a really good past few weeks and I cannot afford to mess anything up. Mess-up was my middle name and the thought of ruining anything or making her feel weird about how much I truly liked her makes my head hurt. Pressing my hands against my head, I was hunched over, trying to stop those thoughts from shutting me down. I had to have more faith in myself.
The initial feeling was the worst. The pain in my chest hurt and the tips of my fingers felt like pins and needles going into them.
Maybe I shouldn't go… I should cancel… She's never going to talk to me again once she knows…
I was slowly but surely learning to act around her like how I act around Rachel and Chloe. I was starting to overthink. I took deep breaths, standing up and hopping around, and shaking my hands around to get the feeling out. I had to stay as positive as possible. I landed on the couch again, still hunching over and a hand on my forehead. I lied down, staring up at the ceiling.
This couldn't happen. Not right now.
At the same time, I was having conflicts with myself. I haven't stopped thinking about Warren. It has been bothering me ever since what happened with Rachel and Chloe. On top of that, it caused them to fight too, which I still didn't know if they were really okay or not. There is too much to handle for me, so much to deal with, I wish I could catch a break…
After what felt like hours, I was able to catch some z's, enough to wake up the next day to Rachel and Chloe talking.
"What should we do for their quarter break? We need to push them just a little closer." Rachel was trying to stay quiet.
"No kidding," Chloe said, "But let's just do our plans and bring them along. Let them do their own thing."
I couldn't think of where exactly they would go, let alone take us. I stayed lying down, pretending to still sleep as they continued conversing.
"I don't know if Max's heart could take it." Could take… what? There's only so much.
"She knows how to take care of herself. She has better control."
"You think so?"
It was semi-true. I appreciated Chloe for saying so. I wish I could say that about myself just like she did.
Rachel spoke again, "Let's wake her up then. We'll talk about it."
I closed my eyes again and waited for them to "wake" me up. I thought about things I could say or do, saying a pun or a joke. Something along the lines of "waking up is really an eye-opening experience." I declined against it, though.
"Maxmanian devil," Chloe grabbed my arm and shook me around, "We have shit to say."
I fluttered my eyes open and looked up at them, towering over me. I sat up and they sat down with me, sandwiching me in the middle.
"We made some plans during your week off," Rachel started, placing her hand on my knee, "And we just want to make sure that it'll be good for both you and Kate. You know, so you two can come along."
"And what plans are those?"
"I'm glad you asked! It's technically your spring break, so there are plenty of parties going off and since I want to go see Long Beach again, there are huge parties happening there. I've already rented a beach house."
Again, she said it so casually, I nearly fell out of my seat.
"I-I dunno…" Maybe Rachel's right… I really didn't know if I could take it.
"We just want to make sure that you'll be okay with going to places like that. I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable around so many people."
I had to think about it. It was going to be hard, but if I keep a positive mind and balance out my time being surrounded by people and being alone, nothing bad should happen.
"You guys don't have to worry about me." I said. They looked at each other, then back at me.
"Just ask if she wants to come along, okay?" Rachel patted my knee.
I nodded.
"You should get ready," Chloe reminded me, "You have an hour left."
I slapped Chloe's arm, "You could have woken me up sooner!"
I stood up and quickly headed to the bathroom, hearing "At least I didn't wake you up ten minutes beforehand."
When I closed the door behind me, there was already an outfit ready for me on top of our hamper. Pretty sure it was Rachel. I hurriedly showered and got into my outfit. It was simple, plain pink shirt and, surprisingly, my blue jeans. I felt like my old self again.
Chloe drove me, leaving Rachel at home, and it was back to loud rock music blasting from the radio. She was bobbing her head and tapping her hand on the wheel. I guess it was now to tell her about the tattoo. I turned the volume knob down. I wish I could mention what's happening between her and Rachel. It's been so long. I could somehow offend her.
"Yo, what the fuck."
"Hey, I just want to mention the tattoo thing again." I held my hands up defensively.
She smiled at me with interest.
I continued, "I need your opinion, that's all."
"Can't wait to hear this shit."
"I was thinking maybe on my shoulder blade? What do you think?"
"Hell. Yes. I'm all for it. What do you want?" She was beaming from ear-to-ear.
"That I needed an opinion on. I should totally just get a camera, huh?"
"How big can you handle? That's what he said!" She rushed to say the second part.
I chuckled and shook my head, "Well, if you were able to handle your first design, I feel like I could do anything."
Chloe smirked, "I'm hella excited for this!"
She punched my arm as she laughed and I couldn't help but laugh along with her. For the whole ride, she turned the music back up and the atmosphere was so lively. In front of Kate's apartment, we saw a few people from upstairs leave their houses with backpacks and large plastic bottles, probably going to study for finals.
"Have fun on your date," Chloe patted me on my shoulder, "Don't fuck up."
I huffed through my nose and left, saying thanks on the way out. I went up to the apartment door and gave it three knocks. I looked behind me and saw that she had already left. The door opened and Kate was on the other side, instantly smiling at me, "Hey Max, come in."
"Thanks," I smiled back at her, "You look nice today."
"Thank you, so do you."
The place was still cold and she was in another sweater. It was something I had to get used to, though I felt worried about her. I didn't know why I was, I just was. Maybe wearing normal t-shirts was rare. Thank dog Victoria was already gone.
"Isn't it a little hot?"
"I always dressed this way. Plus, it's more favorite sweater. Feel it, it's not that thick." She reached her arm out and her sleeves still covered her hands. I felt the blue sweater and, sure enough, it was so thin I could feel her body heat.
"Did you eat at all?" She asked me.
Damn it, I forgot to grab something on the way out. I could already see her being disappointed. I was ready to lie and said I had a full meal. I cleared my throat.
"I wasn't able to eat anything." I mumbled.
"Pardon me?"
"I didn't eat anything. I woke up late."
I expected to get a hit on the wrist or a shove, but Kate asked, "Would you like something? We have those mini boxes of cereal."
"I would love one. No fancy breakfast plates?"
"I bought them for myself," She walked to the kitchen and went into the cupboard, "This whole week, Victoria has been going out and eating with her friends."
The cupboard was full of the small cereal boxes, bags of chips, and other green boxes I assumed was green tea. She grabbed a blue one and handed it to me as she sat down.
"She doesn't even take you?"
"Oh no, I choose not to go with her. Her friends don't like me so much…"
I ripped the box open and ate one after the other. I haven't eaten Frosted Flakes in forever, but the sugary taste reminded me of why I stopped.
"How come?"
"I just overheard them once talking about me. Victoria defended me and that's nice, but I don't like seeing them. Not after that."
"That's fu—messed up."
Kate chuckled, "Nice save."
"Oh, Rachel and Chloe are planning a road trip to Long Beach. They wanted to know if you'd like to come along with us."
"What are you guys going to do?"
"Rachel said partying and whatever, but she rented a beach house just for us if you come along."
"You'll be a third wheel again, huh?"
"… Yeah, pretty much."
Kate giggled, "I won't be partying much, though."
"Same for me. I'll probably be in the room more than being with them at all."
I mean, I don't expect her to answer "yes" at all. Then, I would get to say no to them and then we could hang out alone. Or, if she did say yes, somehow, then it would be okay too! I don't even know what I want…
"…Why not, I'll come along with you."
I was shocked. I thought she would decline right away after mentioning anything about a party. But, I did remember that she said something about how she never actually goes anywhere during the breaks. I wanted to believe that was the reason: to go out during break for once.
"For real? I didn't think you would accept it."
"Well, there are beautiful places there I could draw and I wouldn't want you to be alone."
I did a little side smile. At least I wouldn't be alone.
We arrived to a brick chapel about another thirty minutes with lots of turns. I would have never known about it, because despite being such a large structure, it was stuck behind taller buildings. It was how I imagined churches: lots of stairs, pillars, and on the roof, the cross was perched right on the front. It was a really wide structure with plenty of doors to choose from to walk through.
I was winded from going up the flight of stairs; I hope Kate didn't notice. She guided me in and everything inside felt so… suffocating. The pews were brown and, from the sound of people sitting down, squeaky, pure white walls with rectangular windows, red carpet, and the altar with a single brown table and a giant cross behind it. I was feeling a little nervous being in inside.
She guided me to a middle row and sat on my right side. It was probably obvious that I was feeling very self-conscious. As my eyes darted around and my hands were fidgeting together, I felt Kate's hand sneak her way in and held mine tightly.
I gulped dryly and exhaled deeply, looking at her with a forced smile. She was observing me with a worried look and I felt her thumb rubbing back and forth. I was relaxing slowly, but as soon as a nuclear family (as in, a mom, a dad, and a single child) came to sit in our row, she had to let go. Her body language changed, holding her hands in her lap, crossing her ankles, and her face became expressionless.
I feel like I'm dying in here? Is that a rude thing to think? I dunno why I'm nervous… Maybe because I've never been here? It could be anything! There's a lot of people here. They're all staring at me. Wait, they're not… I don't think.
The mass was a lot of reading, singing, sitting down, standing up, and a long speech about how the readings could apply to real life. It was so long and drawn-out, talking about how we should do what makes us happy and love everyone in our lives, I could barely concentrate. I was overwhelmed (but, even that word was still an understatement).
Before I knew it, Kate whispered to me, "Let's go."
Everyone was starting to stand up and get in line towards the altar. I think it was the part for bread and wine.
"Already? But, what about that line thing?"
"It's fine, unless you want to wait outside."
Nope, I need to leave before I lose my mind. I waved my hand for her to come with me and left. I felt people staring at us as we were walking out, but I ignored them to the best of my ability (I was failing). Outside, I let out the breath I was holding, hunched over with my hands on my knees.
"Are you okay?" She placed her hand on my back.
I stood up straight again, "I'm good."
"I'm guessing you didn't like it all that much. I told you that you wouldn't like it!"
"I still wanted to try!"
Kate smiled and then grabbed me, pulling me into an embrace, "You did fine."
I was frozen in place for a second. She had her arms around my neck and my hands hovered at her waist before I finally hugged her around her back.
When she let go, she said, "That was for earlier. You looked scared to death."
"Was it that obvious?" I knew it looked obvious.
"Only a little bit," she had a very compassionate smile, "We should go before everyone else start coming out."
"Good idea."
We left down the stairs and went deeper into the city. I was following her as we passed more businesses like flower shops, a music store, and a small pet shop with fluffy puppies at the window. Kate was acting like her holding hands with me in church never happened or how she acted after she had to let go.
Was holding hands with me weird? No, it couldn't be, it was an innocent thing to help me calm down. Hell, we're doing it right now! Was it weird because it was in a church?
"Where are we going now?" I asked.
"You said you wanted to see the filming of the short film, so we're going to the library we chose. I don't know how many of my friends will be there, though. It is cram time after all."
My pulse spiked up and there was a sudden pain in my stomach. What should I say when I meet them?
Hi, I'm Max.
Hey, my name is Max.
Hi, I'm gay for your friend.
"They all want to meet you," she looked at me with a grin, "They're all dorky and funny, so don't be too worried."
"Me? Worried? Never heard of it." I awkwardly chuckled.
She shook her head, "You'll be okay! They already like you and they haven't met you yet!"
I chuckled, forcing it out of my throat. The library was only ten minutes away, thankfully no stairs. I wouldn't have known it was library, because there was no sign outside. It reminded of school in a way, as it was also five floors from what I could tell. The building's design was like those black-and-white aesthetic backgrounds on Tumblr. Like, huge tiles.
It was really spacious on the inside, though more white walls and large windows. Standing at the doors, I had to take it all in first. The room we were in was just a large open room, with nothing in it. In front of us, there was a large hallway leading towards an elevator. From where I was standing, my head couldn't stop going from side-to-side to look at the large windows of each floor. What connected the two sides were bridges with glass barriers to protect people from falling.
"Holy shit…" I awed.
"Beautiful, right?" She asked me. "Don't use that word."
"Sorry, I just—I hate that I didn't know it existed." Another thing I forgot: my damn camera.
"I didn't either! My friend, Ledah, goes here to study and I was so mad that she waited until a couple weeks ago to finally tell us about this place. It doesn't look like a library on the outside, either."
"I know!"
She giggled, "Anyway, we have to go see them! Come on!"
She held my hand again and we went to the elevator. We stayed quiet as the elevator went to the fifth floor. Pulling me behind her, she guided me through the many bookcases until we ended up in a science fiction section where a group of four people were standing in.
"Kate!" One of them yelled loudly in the middle of a library.
"Hey, you guys," she greeted back, quietly, "It's just you two?"
"Cram session," the same person replied, "So, it'll be your faithful director who gives no fucks about grades and your dead inside camera director."
Kate hummed and then pushed me closer to them, "Max, Ledah and Erin. Ledah and Erin, Max."
"So, you're the one that's been taking Kate away from us," Ledah was the one with gray-dyed hair and matching-colored shirt, who grabbed Kate into a hug, "She's ours."
"You're so dramatic." She hugged back.
"I'm your mother now."
"Stop it." She pushed them off.
I laughed, I felt awkward where I was, "This is a great location for your film." Maybe she was touchy with everyone she knew…
"You should've seen the other places," Erin was the one wearing all green and was wearing sunglasses indoors, "It's better here. Wendy's."
"Huh?" I raised an eyebrow.
"You never heard of that slogan? Yeesh."
I was ready to roast the fuck out of those stupid "deal with it" sunglasses. That was a dead meme. But, the tingle in my hands and feet stopped that from happening.
"You guys are too mean to her." Kate slapped both of them on their arms.
"Don't slap your mother like that." Erin gasped, placing their hand over their mouth.
"Oh, and these two are our actresses." Kate went up to the two girls talking to each other. I weakly waved my hand at them and they were smiled and waved back. One of them strangely looked like Kate, due to blonde hair and a nearly the same outfit as Kate wore on Saturday. And the other one looked like me; even she had freckles, a similar hairstyle, and we were the exact same height.
"For reals though, it's nice to finally meet you," Ledah reached her hand over, "She never shuts up about you."
I thought it was a handshake, but it was a hand slap and fist bump. I was about a second behind.
"Only because you guys never shut up about her." Kate asserted.
"Can you please stop talking to your mother like that?" Erin reiterated.
I sat at a different table as Erin worked the camera, Ledah was nodding her head, and Kate was simply observing. I vaguely remembered her saying that it was a silent film. The scene was currently the two other girls sitting at a desk and reading off the same book. I could feel how gay it was from where I was sitting.
Kate looked back at me from time to time, smiling and giving me a thumbs-up. I sent her a thumbs-up back to reassure her. It was nice to actually see times they burst out laughing from how awkward it became. They kept on forgetting what actions to do or if it was lasting too long and then had to start over.
She finally walked over to me and sat down next to me. "Enjoying yourself?" She asked.
"Yeah, but one question."
"Sure, what is it?"
"Am I the only one who thinks those two kinda look like us?"
Kate looked at the two actresses, even leaning over and squinting her eyes a little. She looked back at me with a confused look on her face, "I think it's just you."
"Really?"
"They don't look like us at all, Max."
"Could you ask your friends?"
Kate rolled her eyes, but called their names through whisper-yelling.
"What's up?" Ledah sat down across from me.
"Max thinks they look like us." Kate pointed back and forth at us and them.
Ledah and Erin looked behind them and then back at me. Erin lifted their sunglasses up, "Are your eyes okay?"
"Never mind," I shook my head, "I guess I'm crazy."
I balled my hands up into fists and accepted that I was just crazy. I hated the feeling. Like it was subconscious, my heart raced and my mouth became dry. I would never admit it aloud, but I was embarrassed about it.
The filming went on until the two girls were about to kiss and then the girl-that-looked-like-me pretended to get a text and had to leave. Kate stayed by my side, still watching the filming, and still letting me know that they looked nothing like us.
"That's Act Two, boy." Erin unironically dabbed.
"You guys are free to go and bring my daughter home by nine-thirty."
I forcefully chuckled. Kate waved and said goodbye and followed. That whole situation was stressful somehow. I'm glad it's over. I didn't expect it to make me feel so… gross.
"Any other places we're going?"
"Just one more actually," Kate grabbed my hand again, "We passed it on the way here."
I gasped, "The pet store."
"Nope, but it's pretty close. We could visit it."
We walked out again, leaving towards the same direction we came from. On the way there, Kate was periodically checking her phone. I saw that she was looking at text messages, but she didn't reply to them.
We arrived to the music shop, though the puppies caught my eye again. We walked in and we were greeted by guitars and pianos at the front. Violins, cellos, and other various woodwind instruments lined the walls while drums and amps took up the middle of the store. A heavily-tattooed man behind the glass table filled with picks and strings greeted us on the way in. I think there was a class going on in the back for piano players.
"You're going to make me play, aren't you?" I guessed.
"I'll play for you too if you play for me." She smirked at me. She went up to the man, asking if we could use any of the guitars. He grabbed one near him, a classic brown which totally reminded me of the one I used to have, and checked if it was in tune. When he handed it over, Kate turned and handed it to me. I haven't played since I left Arcadia Bay; I'm gonna be absolute shit at this. I hope her expectations aren't too high.
I sat down at a nearby stool and Kate pulled one up close to me. She waited patiently.
I hesitated and I was starting to freeze up. Not now, not now! I cracked my knuckles to buy me some time. I started to strum out to a song I remembered and knew I couldn't mess up. It was a song I played once in a while back in Blackwell to pass time.
I could see Kate nodding her head and smiling as she listened to me. I wasn't sure how many minutes passed, but as soon as I messed up a note, I stopped immediately. She laughed and clapped for me.
"Bravo, bravo," she said, "That's Crosses, isn't it? By Jose Gonzalez?"
"I didn't you listened to him."
"I love to mix it up sometimes." She stood up and went to the counter again, this time asking for a violin.
She sat down again and started to practice some notes and scales. She was doing the scales so smoothly, I felt like an amateur on my instrument. I never heard anything so heavenly before and it was just the scales!
"Are we doing a jam session?"
"Do you mind giving it a shot?"
"Depends, will we be playing Crosses again?"
She shook her head, "Nope, I was thinking his other song. Do you know Heartbeats?"
I did know it, but roughly. I couldn't be sure it was going to be perfect. The last thing I wanted was to make her upset we couldn't get through the song.
"Kinda, but I can't guarantee it'll be good."
"That's fine. This isn't supposed to be serious. Like you called it, it's a jam session."
I nodded and took a deep breath. Strumming the beginning of the song, I tried my best to stay in the right tempo. I messed up about three times and said sorry after every one. The fourth time I was able to stay steady and Kate was able to start playing along. We actually sounded pretty good together and we stayed on-key for most of the song. We were about a minute in before I mess up again. We stopped abruptly.
"Are you cereal?"
"It's okay, Max. You're really good at playing." She stood up and I followed, handing the instruments back to the man.
"I haven't played in a year. I'm surprised at myself."
"You could have fooled me. Would you like to play the other instruments or look at the dogs next door?"
I grinned widely, "… Dogs."
Kate smiled back and nodded, "Okay, let's go."
For the next hour, I literally stayed with the really small and fluffy puppies at the window, petting all of them and carrying some of them around the store. Sure, there were fishes and birds, and they're cool too—I had a full conversation with a bird—but the dogs, though.
"You've been carrying that one for quite some time." Kate petted the dog in my arms. She was brown and smaller than the other ones and, looking closer, she was missing an eye.
"She's my favorite. Her name is Kate now."
"Why is she named after me?"
Without thinking, "Because she's cute." I felt a little weird about saying it. My dumb mind doesn't stop sometimes.
Kate snorted and shook her head, turning around, but I saw her blush. "You have to put her down sometime. You can't just take her."
I sighed, "I know. Sorry Kate, time to go back to your brothers and sisters."
The puppy actually started to whimper and cry as I tried to place her down again. I felt bad as I backed away and saw her trying to climb out of the pen.
"I'm sorry, Kate!" I waved goodbye and we left.
"Was that the last thing of the day?"
"Yup, I don't do a lot of exciting things. I'm sorry if it seems short."
"No, I loved today. Thanks for taking me out."
"My pleasure."
I spent a good fifteen minutes refusing to call Chloe to pick me up. Kate tried her best to get me to, so I could start cramming for next week like everyone else. I eventually did but started with a text about how Kate said she wanted to come along with us to Long Beach. Then, I said she had to pick me up at her apartment.
In front of Kate's apartment, we sat in the front because it was just about three PM. Kate had more classes than me and needed to study more, so I wasn't so mad about the time. When Chloe came into the parking space in front of her home, I really didn't want to go.
"Can I get one last hug?" I held my arms out.
"Of course," Kate wrapped her arms around my neck and I hugged her back, "See you on Tuesday, okay?"
