I woke up, but for a brief moment. I could hear Chloe panicking and honking her car horn. Rachel was looking back and forth between me and the front. I was resting against Kate and her arm was around me.

"Move, bitches!"

The cold air was hitting my cheek let me know the windows were open. Red lights were surrounding me. Their voices seemed so muffled in my ears.

"Can these fucking cars move faster?!"

"Come on, assholes!" Chloe honked the horn again.

I mumbled for help, choked and forced, but no one heard me.

"It's okay, Max. We're getting you home." Kate comforted.

My muscles felt tense and constantly being pricked with needles. I felt something hot coming out of my nose. I passed out again before I could react to it.


Waking up again, my ears were still ringing and my vision was still blurry. Memories of the party were flashing before my eyes: all the people in my space, all the music, all the cheering, and me, frozen in place. I was back in the house again, the only thing lighting the room was the one in the hallway, resting on top of the plush and cloud-like bed. I was resting on something warm, holding me close. It was someone, someone wearing a black jacket and holding me against her chest. She was brushing her fingers through my hair and I could hear her sniffling and gasping. I held her back, wrapping my arms around her waist, and shut my eyes tight.

"Are you awake?" She asked.

I opened my eyes again, blinking a few times before replying. "Yeah… Kate, what happened?"

"You passed out at the party. How are you feeling?"

She pulled away and looked at me, touching my face and trying to find anything wrong. Everything in me broke from seeing the worry on her face. The whites of her eyes were red and the bags under them were puffy. Fuck, what did I do? What can I say to her to make her feel better? News flash, Max: there's nothing you could say.

"Y-yeah, I'm f-fine… A little lightheaded…"

"Okay, hold on, I'll get you some water." She got out of bed, leaving out into the hallway. I sat up slowly and grabbed my phone on the bedside table, checking if there were any messages or calls.

Nothing.

The time was past midnight. Two AM, to be exact. It has been five hours since then. I threw my phone back onto the table. I lied back down again, loudly and sinking into the pillow, shutting my eyes again and saying to myself over and over again, "Stupid…" I wanted to hit myself, over and over, just like at the library with the table.

I stopped when Kate came back again. She came back into the room, gently placing a water bottle on the table, and then crawled back into bed again to lie down on the other side. She stayed quiet, lying on her stomach, and playing with the corner of her pillow. I held my tears back and kept my breathing steady.

I knew she was waiting for me to speak first.

I fucked up. That's it. What could I say to make her feel better? Seeing her like this makes me feel so shitty. What was there to say? She probably doesn't want to be here anymore. Say something, anything.

I turned to her, making eye contact for a brief second. "I'm sorry…" I finally choked up.

"Don't be," she scooted closer and started to run her hand through my hair, "There's nothing to be sorry for…" Her voice was soothing, low and hoarse, it was close to a whisper. "I'm just… hurt. I wish you told me."

"That's something to be sorry for!"

"No, it's not, Max!" She snapped. Her voice cut through the air and echoed out.

My eyes widened as she glared at me. Her hazel eyes were welling up and she was breathing hard. Her face eventually softened, sniffling and blinking all her tears out.

Has she been crying the whole time? I made her worry so much she was crying about it… Fuck you, Max.

She sighed, continuing to comb her fingers, "I'm sorry. You've been out for such a long time, I couldn't help but lash out." She slowly breathed in, shut her eyes tightly, and looked at me again. Her breath was shaky and so were her hands.

I nodded. Seriously, fuck. You. Max Caulfield.

"I was so scared." She kept talking, sniffling after every sentence. "You started to act funny, then you passed out, and on the way home, you started to have a nose bleed."

"Did I bleed out on you? Damn it, I'm so sorry if I did—"

"No, luckily I was able to clean you on time. It happened two times. On the way and while you were sleeping here. I held you because you looked like you were having a bad dream." She retracted her hand, shifting her position on her side.

I could only imagine the faces I was making. Having bad dreams wasn't an often thing, but they were bad when they did happen. This has never happened before. I never let myself get to that point before and I wasn't sure what to do.

Great, I made Kate panic. Good job, Max. Good fucking job.

I reached over and took a few sips of water. I turned to her again, scooting closer to almost touch her forehead. She didn't seem to mind.

"I told them to go back to the party," she mentioned, "I wanted them to have fun and I'll text them if something happened."

"I hope they aren't too worried."

Stupid thing to say. Of course, they were very worried.

"I can't begin to describe the looks and words they were saying. They really are like your parents."

I didn't reply; I clenched my jaw. I crossed my arms and my eyes directed downwards to her lips and neck. Looking into her eyes was painful.

"Rachel and Chloe told me you have social anxiety disorder. That's all they said." She said dejectedly.

It would be better for her to hear it from me. "Yup," I pressed my lips together, "That's what I have."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I swallowed dryly. The talk with Rachel and Chloe was easy because there were two of them, although Chloe was angry about me not saying anything. But Kate and I were alone in this house. There were no noises or distractions.

It was just us.

I guess now was the time to tell my whole life story.

"Yes, we should talk about it."