A/N: Trigger Warning- Implied sexual assault
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Kate was so happy when she told her story about that girl. She even laughed when she said it was bad! She looked comfortable to say it all aloud and she talked about her so positively. She even still loved her to this day…
"Wha—K-Kate, what do you mean if you were hurt?" I leaned against the dining table, gripping it with my free hand.
"I just wanted to speak with her again and catch up. It started out fine, but then it started to escalate… She was talking fast, but she said she wanted me to know the truth. I didn't know what she was talking about, but she kept going on and on. Except for our first time, she pressured me or forced me to do it more. Then she said she begged and convinced me that it was a good thing."
I couldn't make any words. Everything I wanted to say turned into a heavy breath.
"I suddenly started to remember some of those times. But, I've believed this whole time that she loved me and would never hurt me… What if she was joking with me? It's not funny, but maybe it's some elaborate—"
"Kate, that's not something to joke about." I had to stop her. She was violated and then gaslighted into thinking it was okay.
I saw Chloe peek her head out the door, saying, "Hey, you alright?"
I shook my head and said to Kate, "Do you want to talk about what you remember? We could meet in person if you prefer."
She was quiet until she said, "Yes, let's… let's meet on Tuesday. I need time to put it all together."
She hung up first, before I could say bye. I hung my head back and huffed, overwhelmed by everything I just heard. Who could help in something like this? Her friend shouldn't have told her so suddenly, then again, it was probably eating away at her too. Did that "friend" really think of Kate as her friend? It sounded like she just used Kate for her own personal needs and forced her to care this weight she didn't know she was carrying.
"I couldn't sleep," Chloe was at the door again. "What's happening with your girl?" She went into the room as I walked back too. I fell stomach first on the bed with a groan. I felt her get into bed, bouncing me a little. "How bad is it?"
"Can I ask you a serious question?" I slid my hands under my pillow and rested my cheek on it, facing towards her.
"Shit, does she have a drinking problem too?" She raised her eyebrows.
I chuckled, "No, but… she has a violating problem. Maybe a memory problem, too."
"Holy fuck… What happened?"
I hated to admit anything Kate found personal to Chloe, but she was the only one I could talk to. Kate trusted her and I was sure Rachel would want to try and help. I had to. "Don't tell Kate you know this?" I held my pinky out.
She immediately hooked it around mine, "You got it."
"When Kate was a senior in high school, she lost her virginity to a girl she was friends with. She sounded so happy to talk about that girl and was laughing about the experience, but the rest of the story was short. She said they never officially dated or asked about it, it was a thing they were doing for the whole school year. They stopped when it was graduation."
"That doesn't sound like something Kate would do." Chloe shifted in position to lie towards me on her side. "I mean, don't get me wrong, there's people out there with friends with benefits, but I doubt Kate of all people would have one."
"I didn't want to question it." I shook my head. "Anyway, she decided to call her earlier today, who then admitted to forcing Kate to have sex and made her believe it was all okay. Like, it was normal, you know? Some of those memories came back to her as they are, but she can't convince herself that they're negative."
"Holy shit…" Chloe mumbled. "She was—"
"Yeah," I answered, interrupting. I couldn't say or hear that word. It made me sick to my stomach and left a horrible taste in my mouth. I never had any friends or knew anyone at all who went through that, but knowing Kate did made me want to vomit.
"We have to kill this bitch." Chloe sat up. "Where the fuck is she?!"
"Chloe." I sat up too, folding my legs, "We can't just hunt her down. Plus, you have work, I have school, and I have to be there for Kate. We can't just up and leave."
"Since when did you care about class? Especially these classes?" She sneered. "You said they fucking sucked."
I sighed. Kate won't be able to go and find it out for herself. She fell apart and I knew she was crying right at this moment. I wanted to hug her and make her smile again. Maybe my answer to her question the other night reminded her of some things, but strongly ignored them.
"I guess I could call some of my friends to tell me about the homework." I shrugged.
"Maybe not," she snapped her fingers, "We could follow what we did at Kate's. Leave on Friday and stay until Monday. I'll miss work, but you don't have to miss a single shitty class."
Chloe's phone started to ring. The familiar rock song that played as Rachel's call blared loudly. She grabbed it right away and answered, "Babe?"
"Oh, shit!" Rachel was surprised, but was laughing. "I didn't think you would answer. I thought I was going to leave another message."
Chloe changed it to speaker phone, "Max is here. She can hear you."
"Hey Max!" Rachel greeted. "How's school? Saw the video, you did hella good for your first."
"Thanks," I chuckled, "School's whatever. Boring classes this quarter."
"It's like that sometimes. I shouldn't be shocked you two are up. I'm up at three in the morning. I'm supposed to sleep for the schedule tomorrow."
"So, why are you up?"
"Well, I was listening to Chloe's voicemails and then felt like talking to you again. I'm not complaining, though." She laughed again. "I did listen to the new one too."
"Yeah, I'm happy to be talking to you." Chloe had an ear-to-ear smile on her face.
"Chloe, I am happy for you! You're taking care of yourself and, even without the drugs and alcohol, you're still Chloe fucking Price. I actually still have that shirt you decided to get us."
"What shirt?" I leaned to Chloe.
"Oh, my shirt says "I'm Chloe fucking Price" and hers says "I'm fucking Chloe Price.'"
"You got that for her?"
"One-year anniversary," she nodded, "Don't worry, she got ones with her name instead the next year."
"They're my favorite!" Rachel added. "I'll wear it when I go to my anger management classes."
"Uh, hey, could we maybe Skype or something? There's this hella insane thing happening to Kate and we might need a little help over here."
Rachel went quiet for a second then said, "Sure. My manager finally left me alone. Give me one second, yeah?"
She hung up and I grabbed my laptop from my desk. It was low battery, so I plugged it in and flipped the lid open, our eyes burned from the high brightness it was left on."
The Skype incoming call started to jingle and Rachel's picture popped up on the screen. It was a bet from a long time ago, but long story short, the picture was of them two making out (clearly with the visible tongue) and her name was Rachel "I'm Gay for Chloe" Price.
They're so fucking married.
Answering it, Rachel was still looking at her phone, hair up in a bun, wearing a black tank top while fanning herself with her other hand. It reminded me that I still wasn't wearing a shirt; I threw on the one I wore to sleep in.
The connection was strong, so I could see a visible scar on her left arm she kept hidden. It was from the "being attacked by crazy drug dealers" story they both shared.
"Hey!" She put her phone down and waved. "So, are the tattoos a surprise or can I see them?"
"You could see Max's," Chloe pulled her sweater sleeve down. "Mine is worth the wait."
"I'll keep that in mind. I'll leave both as a surprise then." Rachel nodded. "What's going on with Kate?"
"Do you promise not to tell Kate you know?" I held my pinky up to the camera.
"Promise." She did the same.
So, I repeated the same story all over again from beginning to end. Rachel's face changed from shock, concern, and disgust as I explained the situation. The more I had to say the story, the more believable it became. The stranger it really was and how "not Kate" her actions and choices turned out to be.
"Was her first time not consensual too?" Rachel asked.
"I think it was consented to. The other times I'm sure are not." I felt something in my stomach come back up again from saying that.
"Are you guys going to find her?"
"I want to!" Chloe interjected. "I'll beat her fucking ass!"
"Or," I placed my hand on her shoulder, "We could just have a talk about it."
Chloe scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Make it a plan B at least."
"And make plan A what? To shoot her?"
"… Maybe."
"Chloe, we have to be the bigger person here!"
"I'm always the bigger person!"
"Alright, you two!" Rachel yelled. "Fuck, so what are you going to do? Really."
I nodded to Chloe so she'll answer. "We're thinking about driving out there. We'll go while Max doesn't have class, so she won't miss anything, but I think she should just ditch anyway. We could find this mystery girl, punch her fu—I mean... talk to her, and then we'll be on our way."
Now I was the one rolling my eyes.
"I would hate for you guys to go just to see a shit person. As much as I love sudden road trips and fighting people, you guys should think about it."
"I think it would be hella worth it." Chloe nodded. "Max wanted to take care of her anyway."
"I wish I could talk to her. I'm sure she needs someone right now."
Chloe and I mumbled "yeah." I felt bad for leaving Kate alone. I doubted she told Victoria her issues; she probably doesn't know anything.
After that conversation, we let Rachel talk.
"God, being a model could be fun sometimes and now I'm starting to be an actress. I'm hella tired and I actually miss being at Starbucks for hours."
"Hey, I don't work there anymore!" Chloe pointed out. "So, when you get here, we'll hang out together more and do things we actually want to do."
"I would do anything to do that right now." Rachel groaned. "I wish you were here! My job would be more exciting!"
"Maybe I could, if your manager liked me."
"She does like you! Just, we were supposed to be a secret, you know? She was just looking out for us and now you have paparazzi everywhere because of me!"
"So hella annoying…" Chloe grumbled.
The conversation trickled down to things like what we were doing at Kate's place and how Chloe successfully terrorized Victoria. We also admitted to breaking into her room, which Rachel laughed and congratulated us. She was more impressed.
Rachel suddenly gasped, "My mom's actually flying over to see me! She wanted to see for my birthday and I can't fucking wait!"
"That's hella awesome!" Chloe matched her excitement.
"I'll try to call you or something when I can that day. It's next month, I'm hella losing my shit!"
Oh right! Her birthday was later in July. But, it was another birthday where Chloe and Rachel weren't physically together. I wanted to ask, but I was the awkward third wheel. Maybe later.
"We should fucking sleep." Chloe murmured. "I'm stressed the fuck out."
"Actually, there was one thing I wanted to do." Rachel halted us. "Can I talk to Chloe alone? It's nothing bad or anything! I just want to ask about some things and some plans I've made."
I nodded, "Sure, I'll just sleep on the couch if you're going to fall asleep together again."
"… Maybe." Rachel chuckled.
"Fine with me," I grabbed the blanket sitting lazily on my office chair. "Goodnight, you two."
There I was again. On our shitty couch with no cushion and resting more on the metal parts than the actual couch. Every time I felt like I was starting to get used to it, I hit the underlying metal and it reminded me that it wasn't that great.
No matter how many food-centric shows I watched, Kate stayed on my mind. Even while I could hear Chloe and Rachel laughing and the TV on—Kate was the only thing I could fully pay attention to. I never thought anyone could hurt her, use her, take advantage of her. Especially not someone she trusted so much. Something strange was going on.
I pulled my phone out. Right, Matthew 11:28, it seems important enough to write down. I looked at the results leading to a verse: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Interesting. Note to self: she likes this verse. I wanted to move, to search, go somewhere and find out what was happening rather than lying around. I had to stand up and pace, randomly opening drawers and the fridge, trying to find something to do or to play with for the time being. It wasn't exactly working, though, messing with everything was better than nothing. I didn't find anything too interesting, except for the one cabinet full of unopened bottles of liquor. It was pretty hard stuff like vodka and scotch, but it was obvious they were never touched.
I somehow ended up listening to Chloe and Rachel's conversation as I lied down on the couch again. Rude? Probably.
"No, it's pretty tough on my side too." That was Rachel.
"I hate that," Chloe replied. "I wish I knew what to do to make you feel better."
"You existing is enough to make me feel better. You feel that way too, right?"
"You're right. That does make me feel better."
"But, were you okay in the first voicemail? You sounded, I don't know, hella sad?"
"Oh, uh, yeah, Victoria just happened to have the magazine Max helped with. I couldn't help but say something. I'll put the photo right on my wall."
"So cute of you to do, both the message and the poster." Rachel laughed. "I always have mine too: the one Max took of you in Long Beach. Then again, I see you all the time, like on my phone background, all of my profile photos, my Skype, physical pictures… It kinda does feel like you're here."
"Don't tell me you put another picture of us on your Insta-whatever." Chloe groaned.
"I don't even remember," she laughed at herself again. "Can't be helped, baby."
I decided to check it for myself, searching for Rachel's account and saw she did post a picture of her and Chloe yesterday. It was an older picture, since Chloe's hair wasn't blue yet, and definitely the night of that Firewalk concert. Chloe said something about getting punched in the eye, but was "hella worth it" as she put it.
"But… how hella awesome does "Rachel Price" sound?" Chloe asked out of the blue. "Because of your Skype name."
"That you put." Rachel reminded. "You don't think Chloe Amber sounds nice?"
"Rachel AmberPrice?"
Rachel hummed, "I think I'll go for Rachel Price. I might even change it right now!"
"I dare you," Chloe challenged. "I double dare you!"
Fucking criminal to talk like this, but still claim they don't want to get married. I shook my head at this conversation escalating, somehow in a good way. It was nice to listen to, because over time, their relationship was becoming healthier.
"Maybe I will!"
"I love you!"
"I love you too!" She paused. "Bitch!"
"You're a bitch!"
Well, healthier, but they're still the same. My moms are so fucking weird.
May 5, 2015 12 AM
There's so much to say. I keep forgetting to write in this journal. I never see it anymore, so I forget. So, recently, Chloe, Rachel, and I have all figured out we needed help and we're now fixing ourselves to become better and healthier. It's not easy; it never is. Chloe was so drunk recently she threw a bottle at me and it was covered on the wall. Next thing I knew, she jumped at me and started to hit me against the floor, yelling and crying at me. Writing it down feels so surreal. Rachel and I are her driving force to sobriety. I'm relieved she knows now and I don't have to hold it in anymore. Now, Kate… she told me something recently. I hate the thought and just the word makes me fucking sick. I want to be with her all the time and help her through this. I wish I can.
"Oh, shit," Rachel said with shock and surprise, "My manager came back. Shit, I have to go! I love you, don't get fucked up, but if you do they gotta get got, and can't wait to see you soon!"
I ran back to my couch and acted like I was just watching a grown man trying to cook food in an Easy-Bake Oven and tiny tools.
I heard the door open and she just yelled, "Come back inside, that couch is garbage!"
