A/N: Trigger warning- Implied self-harm


I carried coffee and cake pops, wanting her to feel better. However, I knew it wouldn't do much good. I saw her sitting on the curb, covering and hugging herself in a big sweater, looking off into space. I wasn't sure how to greet her, except to approach and let my shadow let her know I was there.

She smiled up at me, but it was fake. "Morning, Max."

"Hey Kate," I smiled back and sat next to her, "I brought breakfast. I mean, coffee and a dessert."

"Thank you." She took the coffee from me and sipped it, but rather than smile from its warmth, she just looked downwards.

I hate to bring it up. She might not want to talk about it anymore. But, it wouldn't hurt to ask.

"Are you ready to talk about it?" I scooted closer.

Her eyebrows furrowed and her jaw clenched together. "I remember…" Her voice was a low hush, like she was afraid of being heard. "I remember her hands always holding me, like on my arms or my mouth… sometimes my legs. I knew they hurt, but she told me it was okay. I couldn't see much, but it always happened at night. Sometimes, there were bright lights staring down at me. I could hear her voice, but it sounds so… distant."

Her voice was starting to break. She was confused and scared and she must feel the same loneliness and helplessness she was forced to forget. I could tell she felt disgusted, but was it with her or with herself? That, I wouldn't know. I was too afraid to touch her, to hug her.

"Max?" She gulped and looked at me: the darkness under her eyes were obvious and there was redness in her eyes.

"Yes?"

"After class, please come by to my apartment. It's… It's important."

"Of course, Kate." I lifted my arm on instinct, but stopped halfway. This time, she smiled, a weaker but genuine one, and scooted close for our bodies to touch and to rest her head on me. Her eyes closed, as if she wanted to melt onto me. I wrapped my arms around her, not caring for the food I brought.


"Thanks Steph, I really, really need those notes." I sighed in relief as I closed my notebook.

"No prob! What're seat buddies for, huh?" She chuckled at herself. Mikey wasn't in class today; he had something to do with his older brother. Steph and I continued our tiny games of tic-tac-toe, which I was luckier, and I won overall. She was really good at multitasking, while I was not paying attention at all, hence the notes.

"Uh, hey, Steph, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up?" She crossed her arms. The look on her face was worry.

"Let's say a friend went through something and it really… really hurt them. And another person was the cause of it, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah." She nodded.

"So, what would you do? Like, to help them or something?"

"I would honestly go after whoever did it." She shrugged her shoulders. "I'd want to help my friend, of course, but if something alive did it, dude, I would honestly kill."

"I didn't think you would say that." I widened my eyes at her. "Do you secretly talk to Chloe?"

She laughed, "Nope, but I wish. Not to get to Rachel or anything, but she seems really cool!"

"I trust you. Maybe I'll arrange that someday." I chuckled. "One more thing, could I get your number? I thought it was weird to ask the other times."

"It's fine, Max! And yeah, for sure."

After we exchanged numbers, "Thanks. Anyway, thanks for your opinion too. I need to go see Kate right now, but I'll see you next class. Or I'll text you."

"See you next class or text, Max."

I headed out and went on the short, yet longest walk to Kate's dorm. I dunno what she's gonna do or say… or show. Maybe she'll talk about Long Beach. I just want her to be honest with me. I wanna be someone she could always go to for help or anything at all. I don't even care if I see Victoria.

I knocked on her door and waited. It was a moment before it opened and it was Victoria. Except, her face was normal. She wasn't scowling or annoyed to see me, but she was almost happy to see me.

"Katie isn't here yet." She opened the door wider. "I want to talk to you, unbelievably."

Am I gonna die? Why does she need to talk to me? Is she gonna hurt me for what happened during the sleepover? I was confused, but I walked in anyway, sitting on the couch.

"I'm guessing you're here because she told you." She sat next to me. This was the closest we've ever been without the help of Kate.

"You know?"

"Max, I'm nicer than I act towards you two bi—" she cleared her throat, "you two." She's referring to Chloe, of course.

"We're roommates and we're a lot more honest with each other than you think." She crossed her legs, sighing, "Yes, I do know she's gay, and yes, I do know what she told you."

"I'm happy she reached out to others." I was relaxed with her, though my racing heart told me otherwise.

"Max, I don't hate you. I was annoyed by you, but not hate." She rolled her eyes, but she was telling the truth.

"Then, why did you act like you did?"

"I've seen your work before the magazine. I hate admitting this to anyone, anyone, but I was jealous. Tell people this and I will truly hate you."

"I'm not that good—"

"You have a perfect eye! If it wasn't, why would a magazine, Vanity Fair of all magazines, put your photo on the front page? You're good at what you do and I wish I had that."

"T-thank you." It felt weird being complimented by her, but it turned out, she liked me after all. "I'm sure your work's great too! I mean, I haven't seen it but—"

"That's beside the point." She interrupted me. "I pulled you in here because Kate's going to show you something and… you have to prepare yourself."

"Why?"

"Just…" she gripped my shoulder. "Prepare yourself."

I nodded, unsure of what to do. Okay, I guess I'll prepare? But, for what?

"And," she reached into her pocket and groaned, rolling her eyes in the process, "here's my number. If you get anything on that girl, let me handle it."

"Are you gonna shoot her? Like Chloe would?" Wowser, two numbers in one day.

"I want to, but of course she's annoying enough to want that."

"Do you hate her?"

"… No." She shook her head.

The front door was unlocking and it opened, revealing Kate. She was surprised, it showed in her eyes, to see us together, sitting, talking. But, she smiled, "Are you guys getting along now?"

"No." Victoria stood up and left the room, shutting her door loudly.

It was silent, not awkward or tense, just… silent. Kate was hesitant, making me waver how prepared I was. I wouldn't want her to feel like she was forced to do this or I was eager. So, I waited. She deserved it on her own terms.

"Do you want to go in my room?" She asked. I nodded and I followed her in, another slow journey. "I apologize for it being a mess."

It wasn't messy, but it was dark. Her window was closed, there were a few clothes scattered around, but her mirror… she covered it with a shirt.

I dropped my backpack next to her bed. As she shut the door, the room became darker. She put her backpack down, her back still turned to me. Okay, she'll just lift her sleeves and it'll be over. It had to be her arms.

I was still close to the door, unsure of what to do. She approached me, still avoiding making eye contact with me. Her fingers were touching the end of her sweater.

"Kate?" I whispered. She looked into my eyes, but didn't say a word. "You don't have to do this."

She looked downwards again, her face contorted in anger. She lifted her sleeves up, revealing scars covering from her elbow to her wrists. She kept her eyes down at them, staring at them. Her lips quivered and, when she looked into my eyes again, they were watery, full of tears. Some of the scars looked healed, white and feathery looking, but most looked new and they were scabbing. There were a few still covered in bandages and tape. Of course. The old ones were covered in makeup. I'm a stupid idiot for not figuring that out.

I can't say anything. I don't think she wants to hear a word. I lifted my arms, she responded in a flinch, but she stopped, inching into my space, folding her arms in and hiding in my shoulder. I embraced her, not tightly, but enough to let her feel warm. Her shoulders shook and she was sniffling, still avoiding letting any cries out.

She pulled away, only to press her forehead onto mine. Her breath was shaky and waterfalls were falling out of her eyes. She needed this. She needed a real connection.

"I feel like such an idiot…" She kept her eyes tight. Her voice was hoarse.

"Don't," I matched her volume, "None of it is your fault."

"She never cared, Max." Her head dropped to my shoulder again. "The vision, the sounds, the feelings… they never stop showing up. I can't focus, I can't sleep… I'm—I'm in a nightmare and I can't wake up." She released a deep, shaking exhale. "I can't look at myself anymore. I feel like she's always around me."

"It's just me, Kate." I'm trying to be helpful. I hope she can tell. "Nothing here wants to hurt you. Everyone here: your friends, your sisters you told me about, me, Chloe, Rachel… even Victoria care about you. You're important to all of us."

She couldn't look at me anymore. She was crying more.

"'Come to me, for all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.'"

This opened the floodgates in her. She pressed harder into my shoulder, letting out the choked up groans and sobs she was holding in. "T-that's my favorite one…"

"You're worth it, Kate. I care about you a lot and I want you to be happy. I'd stay here for an eternity if it meant it made you feel better."

"Max…" She stammered as I felt her hand move. I let my hand down and she held onto mine, a firm grip around my fingers, "I'm sorry…" She sniffled once more and through a choked whisper, "I'm sorry."

"Why? You got me out of doing my homework." I wanted to joke around with her, hoping she would laugh. I semi-regretted it as soon as it left my mouth.

And she did.