Continued from chapter 3, after Robin gets shot on the job. After his fight with Regina, Robin and Roland have a talk about whether or not he should return to work as a cop.
Robin stills remembers the day he'd signed up to be a cop. His hands had been sweating, his heart had been pounding but he'd never felt so sure of anything in his entire life. He'd spent 22 years dreaming of it, four years in college studying it and he was ready. Nothing was more important to him that getting that badge. And when he did, he'd never been prouder of himself.
He loved his job. And he was so sure there was nothing that could ever convince him to leave it.
Then he got married and had kids.
Regina, Henry, Roland and Lizzy. They're his life now. And he knew he'd left them petrified when he'd gotten shot. Now the love of his life was asking him to give up his career, the one thing he'd had to be proud of before her. And despite his insistence and firm words… he was actually considering it.
Sitting in the living room at 2am, letting their argument simmer in his head, he thought about what his future would look like if he did as she asked. Got a desk job, quit the force… He wanted to make her happy but he can't picture it, not in a way that made him comfortable, not in a way that made him feel fulfilled.
But in the back of his head, he heard a voice saying that his family was more important. That if a desk job was what it took to make them feel safe again then so be it.
He was torn.
The sound of the creaky step on the staircase caused him to lift his head. He saw his 13 year old son Roland freezing in place on the steps, eyes wide, clearly surprised to see his father up so late.
"Dad?" he whispered. "What are you doing up?"
Robin raised an eyebrow at him. "What are you doing up? It's 2am on a school night son."
Roland shrugged his shoulders. "I...I got hungry for a midnight snack."
"Hmm… and does that snack include turning on the tv and staying up for late night television?"
Roland moaned, caught. "The Goonies is gonna be on in ten minutes. I missed it earlier because of homework and I haven't seen it so long…"
Robin let out a soft chuckle. The Goonies had been Roland's favorite movie since he was five years old, and they'd shown it to his kindergarten class for Halloween. He'd been the only kid brave enough to smile at the sight of Sloth's face, instead of cowering in fear.
"It's late, Roland," he says. "You know that means you got to watch with the sound off."
A grin broke out on his son's face. "Wouldn't be the first time," he happily declared, plopping down next to his father.
It's always been hard for him to deny his children small joys. Regina calls him out on it constantly but he can't help but give in when they ask for that extra scoop of ice cream or small extension on their curfew. So of course, he knows he should send Roland back to sleep but, like the sap that he is, he just turns on the tv and watches as his son smiles up at his favorite movie.
It's in small moments like this that it hits him, over and over, that he'd almost been taken from them. The scar on his chest burns as he remembers that had he not been so lucky he wouldn't have been here to catch Roland sneaking downstairs, or to hear Lizzy practice her guitar that afternoon or to help Henry prep for his big debate the day before. He wouldn't be here to lie next to Regina at night, and feel her breathing in this arm. Had that bullet been an inch to the left or the ambulance one minute later… he could've missed everything that was coming next.
He must've grown far to quiet for his son's liking because by the time the gang finds the treasure map he hears Roland whisper, "Dad… are you okay?"
Looking over he sees concern in son's brown eyes. He's giving him that look, the same look his birth mother used to give him when they were kids, the one that says what's going on in your head, please let me know. It's a look that's not easily sent away.
Still, he tries. He pulls an unconvincing smile on his face and shakes his head. "I'm fine, Roland. Just tired."
It used to be so easy to wipe away Roland's fears. One small platitude and a kiss on the forehead and he'd go calm. But he'd grown up a lot in the past year, in the past month, actually. Turns out his youngest son isn't quite so easy to convince anymore.
"Is mom mad at you?" he asks. "Because you want to go back to work?"
Robin scrunches his eyebrows, caught off guard by his accuracy. "Why would you think that?"
"Because we have thin walls and mom can't whisper when she's mad," Roland pointed out.
He lets out a small puff of breath, reluctantly nodding his head. "Well that is true, her angry voice is not a quiet one," he wryly chuckles.
Roland turns to him, still concerned. "Is that why you're down here so late? She sent you to the couch?"
"No," Robin immediately shakes his head. He pats Roland's knee. "Mom and I are fine, we're just having a little disagreement. And I needed some time to think about things. Don't worry about it, everything is gonna be fine."
He sees his son press his lips together, nervous before asking, "Are you going back to work Dad?"
Robin hesitates, fearful of the worry in his son's eyes, unsure of what to say next. He takes a deep breath. "Are you ready for me to go back to work, Roland?"
With a small shrug of his shoulders, Roland shakes his head, staying silent.
"You scared for me?" Robin asks.
"A little bit," Roland admits. "Seeing you in the hospital… was hard and scary."
"I know," Robin says, squeezing his shoulder comfortingly. "I know that was rough for all of you. But I promise that I am better now. The doctors took care of me and I am fine."
Roland nodded his head. "I know."
His words were soft and solemn, Robin could feel the hesitation in them. Simply wanting to comfort him he mumbled. "Well I don't have to do go back, if that's best. I could do other things."
"Other things like what?"
"I could work at my desk, you know, provide support to other officers in the field," he lamely suggests. "You know Uncle John said I could work at his security company, so I could do that too."
He tries to sound enthusiastic for Roland's sake but honestly, both those opportunities make him want to die inside. John had been throwing the idea of a security job at him for years, he'd always refused. The pay was better, the hours were easier, and there would certainly be less bullets flying at him but he'd never considered taking it before. He didn't want to protect buildings and merchandise, he wanted to protect people. That was all he'd ever wanted up until he took one in the chest and nearly lost his life. He didn't like the idea of working security but he couldn't deny it might be better for his family now.
"So… you won't be a police officer anymore?" Roland twists up his face at the idea of it. His father had been a cop for as long as he could remember and before. He couldn't really imagine him doing anything else.
"I don't have to be a police officer to do good," Robin says. "Besides with better hours I could spend more time with you and everyone else."
Roland took in his father's word, went silent for a moment, then suddenly declared, "I think you should go back to work, Dad."
Robin's head reared back, stunned at that confidence in his thirteen year-old son's voice. In the glow of the TV screen his face was calm and certain as he continued to speak.
"You know Henry took us, me and Lizzy, to the NICU when you were in the hospital," he says.
"He did?"
"Yeah, he thought having us see all the babies that were hooked would help Lizzy not be afraid when she saw you and all the wires," he explained. "He told us about how you found him when his birth parents died."
Robin sighed, remembering the day when he'd first seen his oldest son. He was in a car wreck, still strapped into his car seat while his parents lay dead in the front seat not two feet away from him. It'd been his scariest night on the job, he'd been so afraid that the baby he found wasn't going to make it.
"It made me think," said Roland. "You know when I was a kid and you used to show up to pick me up from school in your uniform, and it always made me feel like the coolest kid in school because my dad was a hero and nobody else could say that."
"And it is cool knowing that but hearing Henry talk about how you found him… it makes it more real," Roland mumbles. "It was scary knowing that you got hurt but you help a lot of people Dad, people who matter to other people like Henry matters to us, and I don't want you stop. I like having a hero for a dad, even it means I get scared once in awhile."
Robin's throat went tight as he listened to his son speak. He realizes then that Roland, his curly-haired, bright eyed young son has started to make the turn, from wide eyed innocent boy to maturing young man. He never expected to have that moment with the Goonies playing in the background.
He smiles, reaches out "You know… you are incredible kiddo."
"So I've been told," Roland replied, flashing his signature show stopping grin.
"Well, nothing's set in stone yet," sighed Robin. "You know there's a lot to talk about with your mother and everyone else."
"I know," said Roland, nodding his head. He was old enough to know that there would always be someone in the house unhappy with some decision that had made.
"But everything's going to be okay though, I promise you that," said Robin.
Roland smiled at his father, all the worry gone from his eyes, knowing that his dad made promises all the time but somehow he'd never broken one. Everything was going to be okay.
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