Hiii everyone ! Sorry for the delay , but it's really not easy to come up with ideas and write these chapters , especially for someone as unexperienced as I am . Anyways , I'll let you discover the second chapter and live each and every moment with our gorgeous BarFi( the better way to fully enjoy them is to visualize every scene trust me ! ) . I myself was imagining the scenes as I was writing this and I melted hahahaha . Also, please do provide me with your criticism, comments, favourite scene(s) or lines from the chapter , or even things you would have done differently . Your suggestions, comments and support are much appreciated lovelies ! Kudos ! Oh, and for those who are just joining in, you can find the first chapter on this same site as well , or simply ask me for the link I'd gladly help .

" I Have Always Been Yours " – BizimHikaye

( Chapter 2 ) : " A Call to Arms "

Minutes later; Baris comes back into the room holding two cups of tea and hands her one . She smiles and takes it, then reluctantly takes a seat on the chair next to the door. He asks her to make herself comfortable and sit on the couch with him but she politely declines so he sits in the same spot on the couch alone, truly missing the warmth of her body that he have had the chance to feel again moments ago .

Unfortunately, not even chamomile tea was able to calm their nerves. They were both drinking it, not a single word was exchanged between them, as they were reluctantly trying to avoid each other's gaze ,and casually smiling whenever their eyes met .

A few moments went by, where they both had so much things they needed to say but neither one of them had the courage to start first.

" Why are you here ? " Baris asks without warning . " Why did you come to me Filiz?"

Baris 's face suddenly turns into a serious one as he asks this question so very suddenly that she almost chokes on her tea . She was taken by surprise , she felt cornered and she had nowhere to run . She was looking at her tea but she could feel Baris's intense gaze on her, piercing her .Indeed, Baris was scrutinizing her, searching for her eyes to meet his , to give him the answer he's always longed to hear .

Filiz takes one more sip of tea before finally answering :

" I told you , Rahmet said that he met you and that you didn't look good, so I just wanted to check up on you "

" Why ? " Baris was insisting so much, she could feel it in his gaze , in his voice, even in his hands that were anxiously holding his cup . Why is he asking such questions ? What kind of answer does he expect ? That she still loves him deeply and that's why she couldn't bear the thought of him not being okay ? Of course she could never tell him that, not in their current situation . They were separated for good and he had no right to await such a response from her. Filiz resorts to lying again as she takes a deep breath and gives him an answer they both know was not entirely true .

" I don't know , I guess it's a habit for me to act like everybody's mother.. "

Filiz was evading his question now . Baris knew it , they both knew it . She is obviously lying as he can always tell when she lies , which is very rare . She doesn't want to give him any answer that would satisfy his inflated " Savas" ego and he understands that. He doesn't want her to feel anymore distraught than she already is and he knows perfectly well she'd leave if he keeps pressuring her like that, so he bitterly lets it go and fakes a weak smile over her failing attempt at making a joke . He takes another sip of his tea, realizing that it won't help him calm down, not as long as she is there, not as long as she is sitting inches away from him but he still can't feel free to hug her and tell her how much he loved and missed her.

" So, how's Hikmet ? " He asks abruptly

Filiz looks at him sadly and it breaks his heart to see her like that .

" I don't know , he is quite all the time . I can't get through to him … "

" Is it True that .. you know, he has another father ?"

Filiz tightens her grip on her cup and she feels that her eyes were starting to get filled with tears but she tries to keep calm , she did not want Baris to see her like that .

" Yes , it is true . But it dosent matter . He is my little brother, my baby , and no truth is ever going to change that "

" Of course . I'm sorry if I asked a wrong question Filiz . I am just trying to rationalize & try to understand his behavior "

" What do you mean ? " she asks him curiously , as she was putting her cup back on the table next to her .

" I mean that Hikmet might need a psychologist . Falling in love with an older woman is a normal foolishness that can happen to anybody his age . He's a teenager Filiz , and not a regular one . He is struggling like all of you , he realized that the man who raised him as his father was actually not his father . Mrs Sukran 's abandonment has also had its effect on him, he can't be as strong as you are . Maybe he found in Esra the relief he was looking for .. Don't worry , he needs time but he'll get past this . It's just a phase of a troubled confused teenager"

" I know , you're right, but I just can't forgive myself for not noticing it earlier .. How could I let my brother go through all of this alone ? How did I not hold his hand instead of getting angry with him over Esraa . She was a good person too, she didn't try to take him away or anything but I was too mad to see it at the time . I feel so guilty ."

" Don't blame yourself Filiz, you are doing more than enough for all of them . They are lucky to have you ."

" Lucky ? If they were lucky my brother would not have tried to kill himself while I was not paying attention .. When I saw him standing there , so hopeless, ready to jump off that building and commit suicide , I .. you have no idea about the way I felt Baris … "

And then, all of a sudden Filiz throws her face into her shaking hands and starts crying , trying to stop but not being able to . Baris doesn't waste a second . Filiz is broken in front of him and he feels someone is tearing his heart to pieces . He jumps from the couch and immediately drops to his knees in front of her, putting his hands on hers , trying to see her face .

" Shhhhh , Filiz don't cry please . It will be alright . I promise you I won't leave him alone . I'll find a good psychologist for him . We won't leave him alone , okay ? "

" I'm sorry , I didn't want you to see me like this , I just .. "

" It's fine, please don't do this to yourself . Come here "

Baris gets up and takes her by the hands, making her reluctantly stand up , and he simply puts his arm around her in the most intimate way ever , letting her breathe against his neck , while smoothly caressing her hair , telling her that it will be okay . He takes her to the bathroom and he assists her in washing her face and hands, before going back to the living room where he unconsciously makes her sit down on the couch right next to him , as she was still wiping her tears away .

" Are you feeling better ? Can I get you anything ? Do you want to lie down ? If so then the bed inside is more comfortable than the couch .."

He was speaking soo fast , asking these questions all at once , dying to console her in any way and in every way possible .

" Yes I'm better . Thank you Baris , I'm sorry I got you into this mess .."

"Oh come one ! It's nothing .. "

'It is nothing' . That is the way he had always expressed himself to her whenever she thanked him for something he did . They both look at each other momentarily, memories passing like flashbacks between them, then they share a shy smile before going back to silence .

Filiz sees the way Baris is being so considerate with her . She feels so safe with him, despite them being on a break . She looks at him as he is busy fumbling with a pen he found on the table . God he was such a cute child ! Whenever he felt shy or nervous he'd always find something , anything to play with , hoping it would take the stress away .

She looks at him attentively and still sees the everlasting sadness she's always perceived in his eyes . She might have lied to him earlier but she knows why she's here . She saw Servet coming to meet him the other day , and she was worried over Baris ever since . She thinks to herself ' should I ask him about it ? Should I just let it go and leave right now?'

She found the second option much easier and she was about to do it , but it's like her feet were rooted to the spot . Was that her body asking her not to leave him like that , without comforting him in return ? Was it her heart pleading to have a few more moments on intimicary and serenity with him ? Tonight was her "night of weakness" anyways .

" Why did your father visit you a couple of days ago ? " She finally asks , looking at him worriedly .

Baris drops the pen immediately as if he were struck by lightening . He turns his head to face her with a shocked expression on his face .

" What ? How did you know ?"

" I saw him , the night he came , I saw him getting out of a car and knocking on your door . I know the nature of your relationship with him, I know what he did to you , I know the way he makes you feel . I am just saying, if you want to talk about it , I am here for you . "

Baris looks at her with so much confusion . Is this why she's really here ? Is that what she meant earlier ?

He remembers that Hulya was with him that night. That annoying girl had witnessed his confrontation with his father and had kept insisting on him to tell her about it , but he didn't . He didn't want to share anything with her . He knew it wouldn't make him feel any better& he never considered her as more than a " work friend " He never really liked nor trusted her. Come to think of it, after his brother's death , he hadn't been able to talk to anyone about anything . He kept everything inside : pain, anger , helplessness , feeling misunderstood , everything ! He never felt the need nor the desire to share any part of himself with anybody else, not even with his mother Ayla . But Filiz was different . Oh So much different ! So special for him ! So precious to him ! He told Filiz everything because he wanted to .He wanted to let her know who he was, unveiling himself to her and trusting her with his darkest and deepest agony . She was not only the love of his life, but also his salvation, his best friend, his confidant. Filiz Elibol was his will to live again . So he surrenders himself to her entirely for the second time of the night. He doesn't hesitate, nor does he resist the urgency to tell her ,to pour his heart out to hear , to reach out to her , to let her heal him time and time again .

He keeps staring at her for a few seconds, taking her all in, then looks at his hand, feeling too fragile to face her as he utters those words .

" He came to humiliate me as usual . There 's a .. a deal between us, and at the present moment I can't keep my part of it for financial reasons, and so he is finding the best opportunity to humiliate me , to prove his point, to make me feel worthless and even more helpless .. to remind me why I tried to chase Savas Aktan out of my life and became Baris "

Even in his hour of need, Baris is being vague about the deal he had made with Servet , because if he tells her the entire truth, she'll blame herself since he got that money to buy her house in the first place . He just loves her that much, unwilling to hurt her even now .

Filiz is speechless . She doesn't know what to do nor say . She doesn't have any solution for him , She wished she could but they both know she doesn't have it. The only thing she can do is listen to him , allow him to let it out, to shoulder the burden with him .

It happens in the split of a second , but Filiz gathers her courage and stands up , choosing to sit on the table , directly facing him . Baris's head is lowered. Of course he's hiding his teary eyes . Filiz gently rests her hands on his , and her touch awakens him since he immediately presses on her tiny fingers, as if he's looking for strength in them . She also presses firmly on them, but temporarily lifts one of her hands to touch his chin and lift his head up, allowing him to look straight into her warm , comforting , loving eyes , before bringing her hand back in his .

" Listen to me Baris . He will NEVER be able to break you again, do you understand me ? That's what he wants to do , this is exactly the effect he wants to have on you . To nourish his ego and prove a point by showing you that he is still able to control your life . He wants to leave you no other choice but to succumb to his desires ! But you won't ! You will finish your studies and become the best doctor there ever was and be happy ! "

Filiz was talking firmly but affectionately .

Baris was observing her like a little puppy. He might not believe in anything in life , but he believes in her . She is his faith and he could swear if she'd ask him to move mountains with her current attitude, he would . She always makes him feel so good ,and he curses the day he ever left her . He wants her . He craves her .He needs Filiz Elibol with all her power , her determination, her sexy fierceness and her readiness to triumph over any obstacle . He finds himself unable to talk much, so he just holds her hands even tighter, looking even more vividly into her eyes .

" You're right Filiz . Don't worry, I will be just fine . Thank you "

Filiz smiles kindly and says .

" You are a bit like my dad you know that ? "

They both laugh ironically, then Baris makes another joke :" Is this your way of asking me to stop coming to your house drunk every night ?"

Their laughter echoes in the warm living room , and Baris enjoys the sound of her voice as she laughs out loud . He can't tell her that , but he feels proud to have been able to make her laugh in such a spontaneous , wild way . She never fakes anything, she laughs freely and is always being true to herself, and her authenticity is the sexiest thing he could possibly ever see in his life .For a brief moment , he felt as if they were back together, her spending the night in the pink house with him , sharing secrets and problems and confessions, him being naughty as usual and her laughing freely at his flirty behavior . He swallows hard at the thought of losing it all .

" Stop it Baris I'm being serious haha ! "

" okay okay go on "

" Of course you're not like that . You remind me of him on a certain level . Well, sober or drunk, Fikri Eibol was always the funniest of all . Even when he was almost dying, he kept hiding his disease from us and he was always cheerful, he was lovely . Except when he thought NO one could see . "

Baris's lingering laugh slowly turned into a serious facial expression, a shocked one even, as he listened to her .

" Yes . Except when he thought no one could see . I saw him once . I truly saw who my father was when mum attempted to commit suicide . I saw him when he was looking at her body drenched in blood , with a pale face and a desperate look. He looked … sad ..

" Filiz .."

" YOU look sad .. when you think no one can see you. I guess what I am trying to say is .. Are you okay ?Are you REALLY going to be fine ? and please don't just say you will because I know how it feels like to be sad when you think no one can see you . "

" YOU can see me ."

" I no longer count . ", she responds with a weak smile .

What ? She no longer counts ? Who told her that ? How could she even think that ?! Baris was furious ! How could she believe such a nonsensical thing when she's actually the person who counts the MOST to him ?

She doesn't give him a chance to try to tell her that as she continues :

" Despite our separation, I just want you to know that I'm here , okay ? If there's anything you need, anything at all , you can have me "

She immedialy regrets having said that . Why did she say something like that . Baris's eyes widen and it seems as if his face lights up with an unprecedented sense of hope . She quickly tries to save herself .

" Euuh .. No I didn't mean it like that . I just mean .I mean .. I will be there to listen to you , to assist you .. "

She is out of breath . She can no longer finish her sentence . HOW could she when Baris does what he does next . Without warning , without hesitation, he lifts one of his hands and cups her cheek, caressing it ever so slightly , while keeping the other entangled with hers .

" You do count . You've always counted and I've always trusted you . You are the person who matters the most to me Filiz ."

He cups her other cheek with the remaining hand and Filiz feels as if her heart is beating in her throat . She doesn't know how long she can resist him .He carries on:

" You are right . I am not okay . "

" What do you need ?" Filiz urgently asks , willing to do anything to save the man she loves so very much .

" You . "

And just like that , he confesses his love to her with those simple 3 letters . He might not have been direct ,but they both know what he wanted to say .

Baris slowly moves forward, closing his eyes , obviously targeting her lips . He is about to kiss her . Baris is about to kiss her ! Filiz is shaking. She longs for his lips so much and so she leans into the kiss .

BUT , just before their lips finally touch,and out of nowhere , Hulya's voice and words resonate in her ears . " Savas and I slept together " and it's enough for Filiz to stop in her track , put her hands on his and whisper :

" Stop "

Baris abruptly opens his eyes and stops . Why did she ask him to stop ? Doesn't she miss him the way he misses her ? Doesn't she want him the way he wants her ? Doesn't she want his lips the way he NEEDS hers ?

" But Filiz "

" Baris please stop . Nothing has changed . I didn't come here for this to happen between us. I … I don't feel that way about you anymore ."

She lies . She lies so bitterly and it hurts her so much to do so but she has no other choice. He had cheated on her .He doesn't deserve to share a kiss with her, not anymore .

Baris freezes in his spot , still trying to understand what she just said . She seizes the opportunity and gently takes his hands off of her face and stands up , taking a few steps forward, getting away from his grip.

Baris doesn't move. He only follows her with his eyes and says:

" You're lying Filiz ."

" No I am not . Why would I lie ? I have nothing to hide "

" Then why are you here? why are you avoiding my questions ? Why are you being so tender to me ? Why did you touch me in such a loving manner? Why are you here , with me ? " He demands, desperately longing for her to say something different .

" Well I .. Listen Baris , you have been there for me and for my siblings on so many occasions. Lately, you even saved my father's life as well as Hikmet's .Maybe I would've lost both of them if it weren't for you. Our relationships is ….. over .. but I am not ungrateful. I will forever be thankful to you for everything you did to my family. When I heard that you might need help, I wanted to provide it as a " thank you", at least just this once .Just this one time .."

Filiz was explaining this while looking at her feet, because she had always been a bad liar and she didn't find it in her heart to lie while looking into his gorgeous deep eyes . She thought her words would satisfy him, but she could feel he got tense all of a sudden .

" Is that it ? " says Baris, with a sudden serious tone .He didn't like that answer, he was waiting for more, he NEEDED much more than simple " sympathy and gratitude" from her.

" I'm sorry ? " Filiz acts as if she doesn't see how stressed he got,and the way he touched his face in that cute way he does whenever he's angry or nervous .

" I said is that it ? IS THIS the ONLY reason ? IS THIS why you came to me ? "

" I..uh.. yeah .. what else could it be ? "

By now Filiz was swallowing hard and her hands felt sweaty . She suddenly grabs her coat and fumbles with it, trying to wear it as quickly as possible as she was announcing : " Well I guess you don't need my help anymore, it's almost morning, I should really go home now . Have a good night . "

She was already standing close to the entrance so it was easy for her to reach the door knob. Right then, right there, it all happened in the space of a second . She doesn't know how nor when, but Baris practically jumps from the couch in the blink of an eye and stands right behind her, one of his hands firmly pressed against the door ,not allowing her to open it and leave, his other hand gently holding her arm .The little breeze of cold air that had entered the room when she barely opened the door was smothered as he quickly but gently slammed it shut. Filiz stared at the crack in the door , her breathing hitching as her last chance at freedom disappeared from view .

She could feel his body standing right there, so close she could literally hear his heartbeat. His warm breath was tickling her left ear and she found the feeling extremely pleasant. Her eye pupils dilated, her blood pressure elevated , her hands practically shaking . They were standing right there , his hand still pressed against the door, hers still on the knob . They seemed to be frozen in time , just the two of them for eternity .

Baris's state was definitely not different from hers . He doesn't even recall when he jumped forward as he saw that she was leaving the house, leaving HIM again.. The thought itself caused pain to erupt through his heart & his entire being, let alone the sight of her turning the door knob .So he lets his feelings take control. He launches forward and stops her from getting away from him. Not tonight .He wouldn't lose her without a fight tonight .They might be separated but tonight, none of it seemed to matter . There was no more room for logic. The only thing he could understand was just how much he wanted her , how much he was in dire need to keep her with him. His chest and abdomen were pressed against her small back,and so he closes eyes,and just breathes her in.. He'd recognize her scent anywhere .Not her perfume, but rather her natural scent…. It was so … Filiz Elibol- like : strong, fierce, sexy , delicious, affectionate, extremely endearing with a hint of stubbornness, and so unbelievably irresistible. He doesn't stop there . Eyes still closed, he rests his forehead against the back of her head , relishing the intimacy of the moment, her quick breathing and her heartbeat sounding like music to his ears.

"Why are you truly here Filiz ? "

He repeats the question again, whispering this time, his forehead still resting against her hair. The hand that was holdig her arm slowly went down until reaching her wrist and it stayed there, measuring her pulse. Elevated . His vanity gave him satisfaction in knowing that she was nervous around him , just the same way he was , because, at least it meant that she still cared for him somehow, and that's all he needs right now .

" Baris what are you doing ? "

" Answer me .. please "

" Baris let me go . "

" No . " says Baris, but it's not an angry "no" , or a forceful" no" " .. It sounded more like a DESPERATE plea .

" Baris , you shouldn't .. I want to leave "

" Do you ? do you really want to leave ?"

Filiz keeps quiet for a few seconds, but relunctantly lies again : " Yes, so can you move your hands please ?" Filiz says this and tries to open the door again but she is taken by surprise when Baris quickly closes it again, while his other hand is holding her tiny wrist. He presses on it ever so lightly then pulls her closer to him until she is completely stuck to him . Eyes closed , his head resting against hers, still , he whispers again :

" You said you wanted to make sure I was okay . I am not . Help me . "

His voice was trembling and Filiz was holding back her tears . He was so desperate, so needy, so fragile, and she wished she could turn around and take him in her arms . But it was no longer her place .

" Baris please stop . This is no longer my place . We no longer have the right to share such moments . You have a girlfriend and .."

Baris doesn't allow her to finish as he suddenly takes her by the arm and makes her turn around to face him . He was so frightened by the thought that Filiz would ever give him up to another person .

"Girlfriend ? I don't have a girlfriend !"

" Are you still lying to my face Baris ? Didn't you admit sleeping with her just a couple of days ago ? Why are you still doing this to me ? Just let me go now !"

" Filiz .."

" NO ! Enough ! The girl says that she might be expecting a child from you and you're still trying to play games on me ! "

" What ?! What are you talking about ! "

Filiz tries to take his hands off of her but he refuses to let her go, looking more worried than ever .

Baris still tries to process Filiz's words . As far as he knew, Filiz just assumed that he had slept with Hulya and she had unfortunately made a right guess . Then why is she talking as if something happened between her and Hulya; And that's when it hit him . Of course ! Hulya !

" Filiz … how did you know about what I .. did ? " Baris asks her suspiciously .

" Are you kidding ? or are you just trying to hurt me even more by reminding me of your treason ? Trust me , you already did more than enough !"

" No , I really need to know . Please tell me .. PLEASE "

Filiz sees how sincere he was in his request . Maybe he really didn't know that Hulya came to 'kick her when she was already down' .

" Hulya told me . "

As usual , I hope you enjoyed my imagination hahaha . See you soon with the 3rd and last chapter of this fanfiction . Love you all