I apologize so much for the delay guys, I had already explained the reasons for this small issue .Anyways , the third and final chapter of this tiny BarFi fanfiction is finally here. I am going to shut up now and let you read it haha. I can't wait to read your comments and honest opinion, favourite moments, etc . Everything you guys say is truly valuable to me . Enjoy lovelies .
" I have Always Been Yours – BizimHikaye – BarFi " Chapter 3( Final Chapter)
" Because I find serenity in your scent "
"Why are you truly here Filiz ? "
He repeats the question again, whispering this time, his forehead still resting against her hair. The hand that was holding her arm slowly went down until reaching her wrist and it stayed there, measuring her pulse. Elevated . His vanity gave him satisfaction in knowing that she was nervous around him , just the same way he was , because, at least it meant that she still cared for him somehow, and that's all he needs right now .
" Baris what are you doing ? "
" Answer me .. please "
" Baris let me go . "
" No . " says Baris, but it's not an angry "no" , or a forceful" no" " .. It sounded more like a DESPERATE plea .
" Baris , you shouldn't .. I want to leave "
" Do you ? do you really want to leave ?"
Filiz keeps quiet for a few seconds, but relunctantly lies again : " Yes, so can you move your hands please ?" Filiz says this and tries to open the door again but she is taken by surprise when Baris quickly closes it again, while his other hand is holding her tiny wrist. He presses on it ever so lightly then pulls her closer to him until she is completely stuck to him . Eyes closed , his head resting against hers, still , he whispers again :
" You said you wanted to make sure I was okay . I am not . Help me . "
His voice was trembling and Filiz was holding back her tears . He was so desperate, so needy, so fragile, and she wished she could turn around and take him in her arms . But it was no longer her place .
" Baris please stop . This is no longer my place . We no longer have the right to share such moments . You have a girlfriend and .."
Baris doesn't allow her to finish as he suddenly takes her by the arm and makes her turn around to face him . He was so frightened by the thought that Filiz would ever give him up to another person .
"Girlfriend ? I don't have a girlfriend !"
" Are you still lying to my face Baris ? Didn't you admit sleeping with her just a couple of days ago ? Why are you still doing this ? Just let me go now !"
" Filiz .."
" NO ! Enough ! The girl says that she might be expecting a child from you and you're still trying to play games on me ! "
" What ?! What are you talking about ! "
Filiz tries to take his hands off of her but he refuses to let her go, looking more worried than ever .
Baris still tries to process Filiz's words . As far as he knew, Filiz just assumed that he had slept with Hulya and she had unfortunately made a right guess . Then why is she talking as if something happened between her and Hulya; And that's when it hit him . Of course ! Hulya !
" Filiz … how did you know about what I .. did ? " Baris asks her suspiciously .
" Are you kidding ? or are you just trying to hurt me even more by reminding me of your treason ? Trust me , you already did more than enough !"
" No , I really need to know . Please tell me .. PLEASE "
Filiz sees how sincere he was in his request . Maybe he really didn't know that Hulya came to 'kick her when she was already down' .
" Hulya told me . "
Silence .
" Hulya told me Baris . Or else how would I know ? I would never suspect you 'd be able to do such a horrendous thing. Of course I learned about it from her "
Baris felt a wave of anger sweep through him like a tornado . He mentally thanked God Hulya wasn't standing in front of him at that moment or else he wouldn't be able to control himself and would've probably killed her ! He looks at his feet for a few moments , trying to gather the necessary courage to carry on :
" What did she tell you exactly ?" he asks , eyes still looking down, feeling too much of a coward to face Filiz in these moments , but still refusing to let go of her arms , out of fear she might escape .
" What are you trying to do ? I don't want to talk about her , about this . I don't even want to remember her words !"
" Filiz , please , I have got to know "
For the first time tonight, Filiz is angry, truly angry .She was already hardly coping with the truth, and she just couldn't but blame Baris for rubbing salt into her already painful wound . She hadn't even explicitely told Tulay about Hulya's exact words, they were too agonizing for her to share with anybody , really .But tonight,, she allows herself to speak about that horrible confrontation for the first time ever .
She answers him angrily :
" Oh so you really want to know what your little doctor friend told me ? FINE ! She said that you two have ss …have slept together , and that she might be pregnant which meant that you had some responsibilities towards her . Sh..She asked me.. to leave you alone as I no longer was part of your life .. "
Filiz was panting by the time she was done . She didn't know that the simple fact of remembering it all would hurt her just as much as the actual truth .
Baris closes his eyes in frustration. His face is pale and he inhales sharply. How could Hulya do such a thing ? How could she lie in such a disgusting way ? How dare she even talk to Filiz in the first place? He made it clear that she meant nothing to him, and now that she hurt Filiz that way, he wanted to kill her !
Now it was his turn to have trembling hands . He was feeling as guilty as a criminal , feeling helpless, feeling like a disgusting jerk. He was slowly but finally realizing what he did to his Filiz, what he did to himself. He opens his eyes and looks at her , so very lovingly , so very apologetically .
" I am sorry Filiz, I am so sorry , I didn't know what you've been through , I "
" ENOUGH ! "
Filiz screams and pushes him away .
" I only answered you because you kept insisting ! I do not need your pity ! Do not feel sorry for me Baris do you understand ! "
Baris was astonished by her words, by the anger she was keeping inside . Of course he couldn't blame her, she had every right to . All he could do was curse himself for being such a selfish jerk who brought so much pain into her life .
Baris tried to reach out to her again, extending his arms, hoping she'd let him hold her , to comfort not only her , but also himself . But she pushes him away again, and completely loses her self-control :
" How could you do that to me ? How could you ?! "
Of course Baris understood that she was not talking about this moment , she was asking him about how he could be with another, even for one meaningless drunken night .
" Filiz, I … don't even remember what happened that night . I was too drunk I didn't even know what I was doing "
Filiz looks at him with utter disbelief :
" Too drunk to know what you were doing ? Are you seriously saying this ? Is that your excuse ? Being drunk is NOT an excuse ! YOU DID IT ! and now you're putting the blame on her ? You think I wouldn't defend her just because she hurt me ? Despite what she did to me, no woman deserves to be treated that way Baris ! I expected you to be better than this , but I see you are no different than other men ! "
" No of course not ! I would never humiliate any person like that ! I didn't mean it in a disrespectful way I promise, allow me to explain please "
Filiz looks at him with so much disappointment, but her keeping silent allows him to go on :
" I swear I am not looking for excuses , I made a big mistake and I feel like a complete repugnant and heartless idiot ! The way Hulya lied to both of us and the way she tried to manipulate both of us to separate us even further is another issue and I will make her pay for everything she did to you and to us . But it doesn't mean that I would disrespect her as a woman ! I am just stating facts ! You and I had a fight that day! You even praised Cemil in front of me ! Cemil himself and your sister Yeliz kept making all these hints stating that you and Cemil were living together at your house like a REAL married couple . I was stupid enough to fall into their trap I admit it . I was too blinded by anger and .. and jealousy! Yes ! I was jealous and in so much pain ! I needed to forget about it all ,to forget YOU , because I couldn't handle losing you . So during that damned night, I drunk my weight in alcohol. Maybe I was being vengeful, but I only hurt myself by hurting you… I swear I AM NOT looking for any excuses, I deserve to be in a such a miserable state for everything I did ! I am just explaining what happened that night. The last thing I remember is me drinking in the bar with a group of interns from the hospital , including Hulya. The next morning, I wake up to find her next to me . I have no recollection whatsoever of anything beyond that …"
Filiz was listening to him, unable to react . Baris proceeds :
" I … I never wanted anything in life as much as I wanted you Filiz . You were my salvation after my brother's death , and I fought back to get a life for you, for us , for the Minibols .. When I lost you I had nothing left to keep me going. Yes I went back to university but I was also back to the miserable person I was before, the uncaring selfish Savas Aktan. I became viscious BECAUSE you were gone and I failed to maintain my balance ! "
" Are you saying it's my fault ?! "
" No ! I just .. I once told you that I couldn't breathe without you . that your absence meant I was absent too. I did not lie , and I certainly was not exaggerating . When I realized I could no longer have you, I lost myself , truly lost myself , and I gave in to my pain, to my anger, to my despair. I allowed 'Savas' to take over, only to force myself to forget you. I was led to believe that you chose Cemil over me. I would imagine you going home to him everyday and every night , about him touching you and hugging you and kissing you ,about you having kids with him, and I would just wish I was dead rather than feeling that excruciating agony. You have no idea about the number of times I surrendered to my weakness and came to the neighbourhood at night to just beat him up to death and force you to get a divorce , to take you away and never let you go again , but never went through with it. Sometimes,I'd even run into Tufan and he'd be the one to hold me back before I did anything ..irrational ! So instead , I put on a fake mask of cruelty . I tried to hate you, but I couldn't . All I did was just hurt you and hurt myself as a result … "
Filiz was listening to him, unable to believe how much honesty he was displaying, shocked and happy and furious all at once . She was expecting such words to calm her down, but they have woken up dormant feelings and dreams inside her . The more she realized that everything between them was nothing but a big misunderstanding & that none of this would have happened if they had talked from the beginning,the more furious she felt . There were so many things she wanted to say too, but a huge lump was being accumulated in her throat and she felt the tears sliding down her cheeks.
"For whatever it is worth , I am truly sorry for everything Filiz, so sorry…Forgive me…"
His heart-breaking apology was her undoing . How could she not forgive the man she was so deeply in love with after this , but at the same time , how could she forgive him ? That was her dilemma !The truths he so sincerely revealed still don't change the fact that he had touched another woman and she honestly didn't think he would forgive her if she did the same.
" Would you have forgiven me if I had slept with Cemil ? or any other man ?"
Baris remains silent enough for her to scoff in an ironic manner and turn around to leave .
" I would. " He suddenly responds .
Filiz stops . She laughs mockingly then turns back around to face him and starts slowly walking towards him as she continues :
" Oh really ? You left me & refused to talk to me because you thought I chose Cemil! And now you're telling me that you would have forgiven me if I had slept with another , hm?!"
Baris is silent still which gives her the opportunity to go on :
"Are you sure YOU would have forgiven me if you knew that I had been with another, that another man had kissed me and had touched me and ha.."
" Enough .. Please stop , please .." Baris pleads , interrupting her .He wasn't angry, he was rather .. SAD . The truth is that he respected Filiz a lot & he wasn't the kind of disgusting possessive man ,but he still couldn't hear her say these things . The mental image of her in the arms of another made him weak in the knees and caused unmeasurable pain to take over him.
Filiz was trying to hurt him . It was obvious . She wanted him to hear those words . She wanted them to affect him, the same way his treason had affected and is still affecting her.
" See ? I could be much more explicit about this but I know it's useless because I already got the reaction I expected . You can't even imagine me in the arms of another and you DARE talk to me about forgiveness ? What you felt by these simple words is nothing compared to the way I felt after I realized you ACTUALLY did it . I simply wanted you to taste a little bit of your own medicine "
She steps closer .
" Does it hurt ? Are you feeling the same way I am feeling ? Forgiveness ! Don't you dare ask such a thing from me ever again ! "
She is about to leave again when he finally speaks :
"I swear on my brother's grave I would have forgiven you if you had done it . I would have forgiven you for everything .. Everything ."
He was trying to convince her to believe his words . Filiz doesn't turn back but looks at him from the corner of her weary eyes .
Baris steps forward again but allows her to keep her distance .
" .… If you had also been involved in a physical relationship with another during our break up , of course I would have been devastated , utterly and completely broken . I would act the same way I did at first, I'd shut you out and be cruel . I'd be hateful and vicious . BUT I know I would still want to be with you . I mean it is YOU Filiz. I would need time, but I know at the end of the road, I'd ALWAYS come back running to you ! Since the day I've known you , I've realized that whatever path I would take , it would always lead to your arms .So yes, I swear on my honour I would have forgiven you, it would just be a matter of time. I can never truly give you up. Today I realize that. "
Silence .
Baris can't tell if it's a good or a bad sign, but she is still standing there , no longer aiming at the door, which gave him a bit of relief as well as hope .
They stood like that for several minutes, both contemplating each other, while Baris was anxiously waiting for her to deliver him from his torment and see HOW sincere and honest he's being . There isn't an ounce of lies in his utterances .
Filiz was a mess . She was confused and hurt and relieved and so angry all at once . The truth was finally out in the open, it was nothing but a stupid misunderstanding that took a very wrong turn. She thought she'd be somehow satisfied but his confessions only made it hard for her to leave him now. She hated the fact that she still loved him this much . Baris was attentively looking at her, trying to decipher her reaction, but he didn't have enough time to do so , as she suddenly moves to fully face him again and approaches him, with red cheeks, teary eyes and a look of utter disappointment he knew he'd never forget ,allowing herself to speak what's on her mind :
" All of this happened because you thought so in the first place anyways , isn't that right ? You really thought I chose to remain with Cemil , that we were living like a real married couple, isn't that right ?! "
Baris is too ashamed to speak. Filiz approaches him even more and proceeds :
" Answer me! Yeliz and that idiot Cemil lie to you and you immediately believe them ? Is that it ? Is this why you've been so cruel to me ? Is that why you allowed yourself to cheat on me ? Don't you know me at all ? How could you believe I would ever do that ? How could you believe I would ever betray you , betray US, in such a horrible way ? How ! Didn't you see how happy I was thinking I was finally getting a divorce , a LIFE with you?! "
" Filiz .."
" NO ! You listen to me ! There was NEVER anything going on between me and him and there never will be ! I never even held his hand ! You know why ? Not because I am a woman or anything, if I wanted it I would have done it I am free to do whatever I want ! But I simply did NOT want to because I only wanted YOU ! I've never loved anyone other than YOU , you moron ! I couldn't even look at anybody else because I have chosen you a long time ago ! And this will NEVER change ! "
Baris was speechless . The more she talked , the more he hated himself . How could he put her in such a state ? How could he devastate her like that ?
Filiz adds : " You don't know what I felt when I saw you willingly leaving me for the first time, saying that everything was over . I wanted to explain why I couldn't get a divorce then,but you wouldn't even give me the chance to. .."
Filiz wipes away the tears that were streaming down her face as she tries to keep going:
" We were happily planning our wedding& our life together . I thought I was finally going to taste happiness ;I had found out that my mother hadn't abandoned us all those years for lack of love, but it had all been because of her disease. She was getting her treatment, she was back with us .She got the custody of the kids back. I was no longer obliged to marry Cemil and nothing was keeping me from getting a divorce . Most importantly, I had you, and we were genuinely content, without lies , without secrets , without doubts nor obstacles. I couldn't wait to get out of the courthouse as a free woman, free to be with you ,body and soul ! But Kiraz calls me and tells me that mum was selfish again , that she ran away with some guy. My whole world crumbled in front of my eyes in a couple of seconds, and the judge was asking me if I wanted a divorce, and it just .. everything was so overwhelming to me and it all happened so fast I didn't know what to do, so I did the thing I have been doing my entire life : protecting my siblings & sacrificing myself yet again . If you think that I did it because I didn't trust you enough, you are wrong . Despite everything, I've always trusted you. I believed in you, in 'us' so much … I might have made a mistake yes, maybe if that phone call came a bit earlier, I would've had the time to tell you about it, to ask the lawyer, to find another alternative or even ask the judge to postpone the session until we find another at that specific moment, flashbacks of those people taking my brothers away from me, the sound of Kiraz's screaming and of Fiko's crying all went through my head and I couldn't , I just could never deal with that again . I would never let them go through that again, even if it cost me YOU!"
" But …"
" I know what you want to ask and the answer is No , even if I got the divorce and married you immediately, they would've never trusted me with the custody again and would have still taken the kids away . Mrs Reyhan had told me that herself . That's why , Baris, that's the ONLY reason why I did what I did and said what I said …There , you got your answer ."
Filiz remembers it all . How could she forget that traumatic episode she went through when she lost her siblings ! She is shuddering .She gasps for air . She clenches her hands even tighter , looks him further into the eyes , and carries on with difficulty :
"If you were present the time they came and took them by force , you would have understood, you'd be the first one to sacrifice our love for them ! If you had the chance to save your little brother and bring him back no matter what the price was, would you have hesitated ? We both know you wouldn't have ! You'd have sacrificed everything for him… Didn't you leave me to save Hikmet and Rahmet from jail in the first place ?You did it because you put them first . Well I did the same. I put them first as usual .I knew I had no right to ask you to stay after that, I had told you from the very beginning that you were free to leave whenever you felt that it was all too much to handle . All I wanted was to explain, to make it less painful for you,I knew it was over for you but I just didn't want you to hate me ,that's all . I didn't want you to hate me .."
" Oh Filiz … "
Baris is in shock . Her words shattered him completely and made him feel how much of a heartless bastard he was . She was shaking and breathing heavily, and he knew he had to let her have these moments , to let her get rid of her burden ,because anything he'd say now would only make it worse. So he just stood there, feeling contrite and distraught .
By the time she is done, Filiz feels like she wants to slap him, to hurt him , to hit him , and so she does . Hands clenched into fists , she attacks him and starts hitting him uncontrollably, not even caring about where her blows would land . She was crying, yet her chest felt free. It had been holding it in for so long that now that she had said it all, it felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her .Baris doesn't move, he doesn't resist , he allows her to let go of her anger, to take it out on him , he deserves it after all .
After a few moments, she slows down, until her blows became more and more futile, and then she stops . She is sobbing, crying so hard she is out of breath. Her breathing is heavy and uneven and her eyes are puffy and red . She was already standing right in front of him, so,without even looking at him, she slowly rests her hands and her face on his chest, letting her last tears trace wet circles on his shirt. Baris doesn't even seem surprised of the way she so tenderly lets herself fall into his arms .She was so hurt, so out of energy and breath, and now that she could let it all out, she felt somehow relieved ,and she found refuge in his welcoming embrace . He is dying to feel her closer to him . He closes his eyes and wraps his arms around her in such an affectionate and protective manner, holding her as tight as possible, trying to give her all the love and warmth his body could possibly ever offer. He places his chin on the top of her head ,eyes still closed, and unconsciously traces multiple kisses on it. This woman has always been his oxygen , and she'll remain so for eternity . He knew it, and for the first time since their horrible break up, this realization does not scare him at all . Filiz herself doesn't protest either . She allows herself this moment just as much as he does . Despite the fact that she still can't forgive him for Hulya, she decides to live the moment . She reluctantly drops her hands to his waist ,then puts her arms around him too, making the tiny space disappear between them .
They hold each other so very firmly , their breathing synchronized . They remain like that for several minutes, before Filiz finally comes back to her senses. She lets go of him and he opens his eyes instantly, missing her touch already, but he still doesn't let go of her . She doesn't look at him,but slowly pulls herself out of his arms and takes a few steps back .
" Anyways, what is done is done now and the rest is history . I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for Hulya, just as much as I know you will never accept my fake marriage to Cemil, but at the present moment, I have no other choice . "
" Filiz , wait .."
" I am exhausted . I am so tired Baris . so tired . I'm going home .Good night ."
She moves away from him, broken and overwhelmed. It was hard for her to concentrate with him looking at her like that so she chooses to look the other way and head towards the door as fast as her feet could take her . She was already feeling so weak in the knees she thought she might collapse right there .
Baris felt daggers being violently inserted into his whole body . Their break-up had been nothing but a big mistake , he could clearly see it now & he was sure she could too . However, he was losing her again despite the truth finally being revealed. Baris was losing her . She was turning away from him, taking steps towards the opposite direction .
" You can't leave, not after this .." He says. She stops in her tracks as if she had been waiting for the slightest signal from him to stop her from getting further away .
Baris approaches her with determination and holds her from behind, relishing the intimacy of the moment .Their faces are right next to each other, and Baris does not resist the temptation to smell her hair and let her scent penetrate his soul to wake up his senses and fill his entire being . They stand in that position for a while , stealing yet a few other heavenly moments from reality , until Filiz touches his hands that were holding her so tightly and slowly breaks free from his warm grasp, then she turns around while keeping her distance,because she knew very well that being physically close to him would truly be dangerous madness during this hour of pure vulnerability .She was practically sobbing .
" I wish it were that simple Baris . I am afraid there might be no turning back .We are finished"
She was facing him while uttering these words and it all seemed like a never-ending nightmare to him.
A sudden sense of urgency overcame him. He needed her . He needed her now more than ever . In a matter of a second , he was lunged forward by his internal demand and his hurried footsteps echoed in her ears as he came rushing towards her .
Filiz was still talking but she could see he began to move , walking slowly but urgently towards the love of his life; His eyelids were already heavy with love and lust and his extended hands made his intention clear. Without warning, he pulls her delicately but roughly takes her lips in his, interrupting her words , as he tangles his fingers in her gorgeous hair . Filiz immediately kisses him back, giving into the kiss and closing her eyes to savour every inch of him .He uses his thumbs to caress her cheeks, kissing her in every way possible, tasting those lips he's been deprived of, the lips he spent nights wishing he could taste and have again .
" No we're not . Don't say that again , ever again , please . We can never be finished ."
His voice is calm and by saying those words loud and clear it seemed as if he was reassuring himself that what they had would never die. He kisses her forehead, then the top of her nose , before kissing her cheeks, slowly, erotically, zealously , one after the other , tasting her salty tears in the process and making sure to use his hands to fondly wipe them away . He then lowers his face to capture her lips in his again, only this time it's gentler .. worshipful even ... One more fervent kiss and he adds :
" Do not punish me with your absence .I can't handle your absence Filiz " He has the impression that he did mention her name with that last sentence but he's not sure, because even if he did , it got muffled by their lips finding each other again as soon as possible, for his mouth eagerly demanded hers .
It is only after those moments of pure magic that Filiz wakes up from her slumber and interrupts their kiss, using the little strength she had left to reluctantly & hesitantly push him away, looking shocked and regretful . She touches her own lips . He had kissed her . Baris had kissed her . . She thought she was going to slap him again for kissing her without her consent, but who was she kidding ? What consent ? She had given him her unconditional consent from the moment he walked so instantaneously towards her ,making her realize what he was about to do . The truth is that she didn't expect that his mind-blowing kisses and seeing him like that would be enough to break her resolve completely.
On the other hand , Baris was not surprised that she pushed him away even though she kissed him back and obviously shared his desire . However, it's only mere seconds before she does something Baris himself was not expecting at all . It all happens in the blink of an eye : She hurriedly walks back towards him and this time , she is the one who kisses him ! She pulls him from the hem of his shirt and takes his lips in hers , violently , lovingly, intensely, devotedly ! Her kiss was wet and demanding,& now it was her turn to tangle her little fingers into his unruly curls , tagging at them furiously & bringing his face and lips as close to hers as possible. She kissed him so very fervently as if her own life depended on it, gaining several moans of pleasure from Baris who did not waste a single second to put his arms around her waist , wanting to feel her as much as possible and reciprocate her passion with equal vigour.
" What are we doing … ?" she tries to ask between kisses but her voice is barely heard
" Loving each other . " he answers her with dedication and determination before resuming their kisses again .
Their mouths were moving in sync , like an excellent choreography. They shared a rejuvenating kiss that had not only resurrected the both of them , but had also taken them to the extremes of delirium . After several minutes of tasting each other, they reluctantly break their lips apart to get some air into their lungs .But as soon as they part , Baris quickly rests his head on her left shoulder & whispers in her ear " Forgive me . I acted like a heartless moron . I wish I could take everything back . I regret it all, so much .. so much Filiz , if you only knew. Forigve me "
He looks at her again , but it's much more than a look . It's apologetic, it's guilty, it's ashamed and remorseful . But most of all , it is Loving. Love . Pure love for her . And Filiz can clearly discern Baris now, HER Baris, no one else BUT THE Baris she had long ago fallen in love with. She'd recognize that loving look anywhere, even among the chaotic, shaking figure standing in front of her .
" So many things have happened, and we lost the battle .Please let me go." answers Filiz, swallowing hard , trying to feign strength, trying to resist her love for him, but failing miserably .She was feeling how breathless he was. She could feel his heartbeat , a heart that was beating for her, only for her.
As she pronounced those words, she was still holding onto him ,refusing to get an inch away from him . She might have asked him to let her go, but she doesn't move and doesn't even try to escape his arms that kept gently pulling her closer and closer . She feels herself growing calmer ,being so passionately held by him . Meanwhile, Baris was terrified of her words .They both simultaneously close their eyes and rest their foreheads on each other, savouring each second spent like that:
"Don't leave me Filiz , not tonight , please "
" Don't do this ..Please stop "
" I can't . and even if I could, I would never want to . Not after the truths I've learned "
" Nothing's changed "
" Perhaps . And I don't know how either of us would ever be able to move on after tonight, but , I only know that I want this night to be ours .You need time to forgive me for what I did , I understand , and Im not asking you to forget about it right away. I just wish we could steal tonight, just tonight , to go back to the way we were before. "
" It will only hurt us more Baris . It will make this break up more painful later"
" I know, but I still can't let you go tonight .. Can you ?"
Filiz keeps silent ,but the way she's holding him is enough to answer his question. Baris takes a deep breath, smiles slightly against her lips, and says :
" Don't leave for the day, don't leave for the night .Don't leave at all . Stay . Trust me . Not Baris, nor Savas .Not the valet guy nor the car thief . Not even the doctor . Not any of those. Just trust me , ME , the man standing in front of you right here , right now . The man who loves you more than anything .Can you trust me ?"
Those were almost the same words he had said to her in the house by the sea when he had 'kidnapped'her during her wedding night ,those truthful , heartfelt words that had unveiled so much sincerity and vulnerability in him , and right now , in this very instance, as he was displaying the same truthfulness , opening himself up to her utterly and completely, he said the exact same words again. Only this time , they were more intense , much more intense, and she could do nothing but surrender to the warmth that was her Baris . Yes she was still disappointed . Yes she did not forgive him yet , yes she was still hurt, but she found herself at PEACE , finally after so long .
All her questions had cleared out , all the clouds of doubt and betrayal and cruelty had disappeared , all misunderstandings settled . The agony that had tormented her for what seemed like an eternity was evaporating like droplets of water into thin air , making space for the delicious sense of satisfaction for being 'entrapped' inside Baris's affectionate and warm embrace .
It was clear to her now that it would only be a matter of time before she'd forgive him too . She knew it . She was just confused and tired , so very tired ..
"Can you find it in your heart to forgive me , my love ? " He asks again, so very desperately.
Filiz opens her eyes at the sound of his voice and he immediately gets lost in the pools of gorgeous green that were her diamond-like eyes . She looks at him and is taken aback by what she sees .
Baris is in tears . He is crying, crying ! His beautiful eyelashes getting heavier with his tears .He is so fragile and he is longing for her , desperately missing her. That's when she knew she would no longer be able to fight back her feelings . She certainly had no clue about tomorrow , about an hour from now, neither did she care ,but right then, right there, she wanted nothing else in the world but to console and reassure him , to show him that she equally loved him , that she also missed him, and that she badly needed him too.
And so , without wasting anymore time, without hesitation nor remorse, she cups his face tenderly, allowing her little fingers to caress his cheeks , using her thumbs to wipe away his tears .He holds onto her as if his life depended on it . He holds onto her for dire life. He holds onto her , refusing to allow the tiniest space to be felt between them, just waiting for her to say something – anything . She uses the rest of her fingers to touch the wounds on his face, the wounds she so meticulously managed to clean some time ago, and Baris relishes the exquisite sensation .She was tracing lines on his face, on his injuries, until reaching and going along his jaw line ,leaving a trail of burning desire behind each touch. Baris was being assaulted by too many emotions all at once : angst, fear of losing her , lust and desire for her , guilt, regret , shame … and love, undeniable love for her. He found it so hard to focus as he was too lost in her . She sees his blatant excitement and smiles in a bittersweet manner, bringing her face as close to his as possible, so much so that their eyelashes formed a perfect continuous line. She looks at him with so much fondness , with so much motherly care, with so much dedication. Her lips are only a mere inch away from his as she whispers against his mouth.
" Yes, let's have tonight ." says Filiz, before closing her eyes briefly again while putting her forehead back on his .
Is he dreaming ? Did she really say that ? Is she really staying with him tonight ? He stares at her, smiling brightly like a child receiving their first bike on Christmas, his vision blurred by the remaining tears , but it doesn't stop him from admiring her every detail. He once realizes how incredibly beautiful she is.
She looks at him with so much care that breathing becomes even harder for him . His mind is blank. He does not think about anything .He was vaguely aware that his heart was pounding dangerously and that he had the most primitive instinct : to devour her , to worship her , to shower her with passion .His eyes darted back and forth nervously .His large calloused hands travelled up her neck, choosing to settle once again in their favourite spot.
" I love you Filiz . I love you so much .. "
And then, as if they had planned it beforehand, they both move forward at the exact same time, allowing their lips to find each other again. As soon as their breath mingled together and his lips brushed hers, a wave of passion radiated through his body . He hadn't realized he could ever be capable of so much desire for a person, let alone for the tiny gorgeous woman that was the source of it all. She was rocking his whole world right now and if this was a dream, he wished it would never end .
At first , their kisses were slow, affectionate, tender, as if they were getting acquainted again. But as their passion began to rise, their kisses became more needy, more passionate, more violent at times . God how much he had missed that delicious mouth of sucked on her upper lip like a lollipop ,which caused her lips to get slightly red and swollen and he couldn't help but find them even sexier and more appealing. On the other hand, Filiz was just as passionate as he was. She let her hands travel from his face , to his jaw , to his neck , to his back, to finally go back up and reach his hair . She always loved tangling her fingers into his rebellious curls, it was one of her secret fantasies about Baris . Truth be told, she had a lot of fantasies involving her gorgeous man .
They were both drowning deeper and deeper in their everlasting kisses, refusing to break away even to take a they had to at some point, and that's when Baris puts his forehead on hers, lips red and swollen, breath hitching, before confessing :
" I have always been yours , Filiz "
" I have always always been yours "
They exchange these confessions and it feels as if nothing could hurt them from this point on. Baris kisses her forehead then lifts her chin up before lowering his face ever so slightly and going back to ravishing her lips again. It seemed as if they were both marking each other's territory , to make sure that they'd always belong ONLY to each other . Without stopping, Baris slowly steps forward, making Filiz systematically take a few steps back . Her already unbuttoned coat falls to the ground in the process, and Baris smoothly pushes her down on the sofa while he was still kissing her . Filiz reciprocates the gesture by surrendering to his touch, letting herself fall smoothly on the sofa while surrounding his neck completely with both of her arms to pull him on top of her as well . They kiss each other reverently, both revealing an amount of longing and fervor they never knew they were capable of . With laboured breathing, Baris began to go a little lower, tracing warm wet kisses on her neck, murmuring her name over and over again in a low voice like a prayer, while taking the few seconds separating every kiss to tell her just how much he had missed her , & how much he loves and needs her . Her scent invades him , disarms him , inundates his veins , beautifully overwhelming his mind and overpowering his bodily strength like a luscious drug .He was getting drunk on Filiz Elibol and nothing would sober him up, except for her tempting , lustful voice , uttering one word : " Baris ." Filiz was enjoying his actions far too much , arms tightly hanging around his neck , head tilted up, eyes firmly closed and lips slightly parted in an extremely erotic gesture , suggesting how much pleasure he was giving her. She wanted this just as much as he wanted it , but in their relationship, she had always been the ' responsible " one .She hadn't even completely forgiven him yet to allow herself a night of passion with him . So, despite her numb limbs and her body that was already and voluntarily being swept away by her lover's touches and his hands that were ravishing it in the most sensual of manners, she pronounces his name in whispers, and it is enough for him to realize what she had meant. They loved each other madly and wanted each other more than anything in the world. But at the moment, they needed some time to heal first. Yes they had cleared out all of the misunderstandings, but they still needed some time to move on , to start anew , to be able to go back to each other's arms again with forgotten erased wounds , zero doubts and nothing but love . He understands this and that's why he unenthusiastically opens up his eyes , lifting his head up slightly to look at her fully, before smiling sweetly at her ( she does the same) and plants a yearning kiss on her forehead, then moving his body to settle himself on the couch right next to her and take her in his arms . She immediately holds him and drowns her face in the crook of his neck , inhaling deeply, feeling serene and so in love . He takes a small blanket that was carelessly hanging on the sofa next to them and uses it to cover them up very quickly as he wanted his arms back on her as soon as possible . His tiny Filiz fit so unbelievably & perfectly well in his body and he found the whole scene unmeasurably heart-warming and delicious.
Right there , right then , the only thing they wanted was to be together . Friends ? friendly neighbours ? Lovers ? It didn't seem to matter at all . They simply sunk deeper and deeper into their delightful madness, leaving the burden of the " consequences" for later , much later .
And so , just like that , they mindlessly talked about trivial matters as they were in each other's arms , until they finally fell asleep , finding and taking heavenly refuge in each other .
THE END .
Yep , that's pretty much it folks , that's the end for this tiny fanfiction , but only the beginning for our gorgeous BarFi . Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoyed my silly imagination hahaha . Again, I'm eagerly waiting to read your comments and criticism . Also , I love my BarFi HazBur Fandom .
