*** I do not own Harry Potter! I'm Not J.K. Rowling! Please leave a Review at the end! I hope you enjoy this chapter! ***
Giving In
Chapter 18: Not Alone
Harry ran and ran. He didn't stop nor did he realize where he was going. He ran down different corridors and past screaming portraits that told him that he was running to his doom. No matter what he refused to stop.
He ran until he reached a dead end. There was a door at the end of the hall and he decided that hiding inside would have to do. He needed time to think. He didn't want anyone to find him till he knew what he needed to do.
He quickly walked in and shut the door behind him. It was a small bedroom that looked as if it hadn't been occupied for a long time. There was a four-poster bed and a desk. Everything had dust on it. Above the bed there was a portrait that was covered with a white sheet. He decided to uncover it. He walked over to the portrait and pulled back the sheet. It wasn't a magical portrait rather it was a simple painting of a very beautiful woman who seemed to radiate grace. He let her be. The more he looked around the room the more he noticed that it used to belong to a little boy. You could see the fading blue color on the walls and there was broken toys on the floor in the corner as well as books on the desk. He moved to sit in the corner with the broken toys. He sat with his back to the wall and just relaxed. He took deep breaths and tried to calm himself down. He decided it would be better to talk out loud to try and make sense of everything.
"Okay… so Voldemort is my… soul mate?" he said slowly.
"Well that's not so bad… I mean you are falling for him." He covered his face with his hands 'that's very different. Can I be someone's soul mate? That's forever. It eternal.'
"Maybe the prophecy is wrong," he said clearly in denial. 'It's not wrong. So far everything has been true.'
"Being in love with him has made us both stronger. Clearly we are going to be the downfall of Dumbledore. Am I ready for this type of commitment?" he said 'is anyone?' He asked himself.
He pulled up his legs and held his knees to his chest. " I can't do this… I just can't its too much too soon." He felt like crying… 'What have I gotten myself into?'
He started to panic. His heart was beating so fast. He tried to calm down but he couldn't.
"How did this happen? One second I'm his mortal enemy and the next I'm his… What?... lover? Soul mate? Plaything?" He let out a sigh.
"That man is like poison. He's toxic. The minute you get close to him everything about you dies." He spat the words like they burned his tongue 'You know that isn't true he truly cares about you.'
"How could he ever care about me? I'm nothing. I'm dirt. No one has ever been fully there for me and I hate how desperate I am for affection." He let the tears start to roll down his face.
"No one loves me. The Dursleys hate me, the Weasleys probably hate me and Dumbledore has just been pretending to love me so I could be his pawn. I'm all alone and no one cares." He cried and cried. He tried to stop but he couldn't.
No one cared… no one came to look for him… no one loved him… he was all alone…
Sometime during his crying fit he had lain down on the ground and was now curled up in a fetal position on the floor. He was rocking a little and crying so much that his eyes stung. His glasses were askew. That's how Severus found him a half an hour later.
Severus Snape had never been a very patient man. He was patient when it came to his duties but never when it came to children. He hated how they wined and misbehaved and that is only two of the many reasons why he never had children himself. That and Lily was the only women for him and having children without her would not be the same. She was his one real soul mate and he had missed that opportunity with her a long time ago. So now all Snape had left to live for was Lily Potters son, Harry.
After Harry had run out Lupin, McGonagall, Voldemort and Snape had formed a small search party. They each took a part of the house and went looking for Harry. Snape had gotten stuck with the East Wing, which basically was a maze. Riddle Manor seemed alive it changed corridors on you and switched rooms around. It was amazing that Voldemort himself had never gotten lost. As Snape began to search he began to open all the doors and give a sweep through of the rooms just to make sure that he didn't miss Harry. He was sure that Harry was hiding somewhere. He knew what it was like to be overwhelmed and confused he had done the same thing when Dumbledore had asked him to start spying on Voldemort. It took the entire staff of Hogwarts to find him. He hoped Harry wasn't lost or in danger. This house could be spooky when it wanted to be.
So after an hour of looking and hundreds of rooms later Snape found the boy who lived in an abandoned room at the end of a hallway. When he opened the door he distinctly heard crying and he knew he had finally found Harry.
"Harry?" Severus asked softly.
The Potions Master cautiously walked to Harry who was crying on the floor in the corner.
"Harry are you alright?" Severus asked again trying to get Harry to respond.
The boy refused to speak. He just continued to cry. Snape realized he was going to have to comfort the boy. He had never really comforted someone before… that was a lie. He had comforted Lily but this was different. This was her son who had hated him for five years of his life and justly so. He wasn't the right person for this but he had to try because watching Harry cry was breaking his heart.
Snape sat down next to the boy and crossed his legs. He slowly reached out his hand and laid it on the boys back. Harry flinched a little at the comforting contact. Snape ignored it and began to try and soothe the boy, which only made Harry cry harder.
"Please tell me what your feeling? I can't help if I don't know what's wrong." Snape said gently. Harry just shook his head.
So Snape decided to pull the boy into his lap and Harry allowed him to. Snape didn't know if this was the right thing to do but he did it anyway. He hugged the boy and started rubbing circles into his back. Harry relaxed a little. Snape figured if Harry wasn't going to share then he was going to have to.
"I kind of understand what you're going through. A long time ago I had a choice to make. One that would alter my life forever and I didn't know what to do. Now looking back I made the wrong choice but at the time it seemed like the right one but by making the wrong choice I got to protect you and look where we are now… by becoming Dumbledore's lap dog I got to see you go from being a kid to becoming a man. I wouldn't trade that for anything." Snape said as he continued to hold Harry.
He continued "Now I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would protect you but now it's turned into something else. Now I want to actually be there for you. I don't want to see you cry… I can't take it. It's breaking my heart. I know you said that you think of me as a brother but I think of you like a son. The son I never had… that I wish I had. I want to treat you the way I wish my father had treated me…" Snape let that sentence linger.
"I know how you must be feeling right now. Alone. Unloved. Confused. I've felt that way before. I felt like I didn't have anybody who loved me. All I had was myself and look how I turned out. I don't want you to turn into me. Please don't become like me. I am truly alone. I am vindictive and bitter. I want better for you. You feel alone but your not because no matter what you do I'll be by your side. I've told you before whatever you decide I'll stand with you. I may seem like I don't care and I can't love but I do because I love you, son." Snape didn't say anything else and he didn't expect Harry to say anything.
For the first time in his meager life he had spoken from the heart. He was scared of what Harry thought. He had finally let his mask down and fear was etched into his sallow face.
Harry slowly looked up and wiped the tears from his face with the back of his hand. He was sitting in Snapes lap but he didn't care. He looked the man in the eyes.
"Did you mean that?" Harry asked uncertainly.
"Of course I did you brat!" Snape said and Harry flinched "Sorry old habits die hard. I meant what I said." Snape said a little softer.
Harry smiled but shied away after a second. He lowered his head and said, "That's what they all say before they use me and throw me away."
Harry almost began to cry again but Snape stopped him. He lifted the boy's chin with one boney finger.
"I know you were mistreated at you relatives house but those who really care about you would never treat you horribly or throw you away. We all love you. You can trust us." Snape said.
Harry just nodded not really believing the Potions Master. He laid his head on Snapes shoulder and the man continued to rub the boys back.
"Do you think that Voldemort cares about me?" he asked in a small timid voice.
"Although I hate to admit this. Yes he does. I can see it in the way he looks at you. He loves you. I know you must be scared about this whole soul mate thing but you shouldn't be." Snape said and after a while he added, "From what I've heard today I can say that Voldemort has every intention of treating you right. That doesn't mean that we won't be watching you guys. The minute he steps out of line I'll kill him," Snape said defensively.
Harry laughed and sniffled wiping his nose on Snapes shoulder. Snape froze.
"Please refrain from using me as a tissue Mr. Potter." Snape said as he took out a handkerchief and gave it to Harry.
Harry smiled sheepishly as he grabbed the handkerchief. "Sorry." He said as he wiped his nose. He was about to hand it back to Snape when the man motioned for him to keep it. Harry looked down at the pattern on the cloth and it was a simple white lily. Harry smiled. Snape truly cared for his mother a lot. That had to mean that the man truly did care for him as well. Harry hugged Snape and the man hugged him back. They stayed in silence for a long time until Snape tried to shift and he felt his back crack, he groaned.
"Sounds like somebody is getting old." Harry laughed as he got off of Snape.
Snape just glared at him as he attempted to get up but fell down which made Harry laugh harder. He stayed on the floor still glaring at Harry as the boy got up off the floor and offered a hand to Snape who reluctantly took it and was able to get up off the floor. He stretched and pulled Harry to him giving him a deep hug.
"Thank you" Snape said.
"Why are you thanking me? It is I who should be thanking you" Harry asked, confused.
"Its like someone has dusted off my empty heart. I feel content again. You've shaped me back into the person I used to be and for that I Thank You." Snape said as he pulled away and gave Harry a genuine smile.
Harry admitted that the smile suited the man. It made him look younger and less intimidating. Harry smiled back.
"Are you feeling better?" Snape asked.
"Kind of I'm still confused. I know that I'm not alone and that I wont be alone if I choose wrong its just I'm scared…" harry said and then after a second he added, "My feelings for Voldemort scare me. I don't know what to think. I'm just 16 I don't think I'm ready to be anyone's… soul mate. " Harry admitted. Snape nodded his understanding.
"You don't have to choose right now. You can wait and continue on as normal. Talk to the Dark Lord I'm sure he will understand and if he doesn't then we'll just make him." Snape said with an evil glint in his eye.
Harry laughed "Thanks. You know I'm actually glad that you are on my side. I'd hate to get on your bad side." Snape just chuckled in response.
There was a few seconds of silence before Snape spoke "are you ready to face everyone? We can run away and never see them again if you want?" he suggested.
Harry smiled "I'm fine let's just get this over with. The faster I have this talk the better my life will be. Oh and by the way… I love you too and you are not alone. You have me." Harry said with a big grin. Snape simply smiled back at the boy.
He then went and opened the door and Harry followed him out. Before he walked out Harry took one more look around the room and sighed. This room had been a comfort to him when he needed it the most. He would have to come back here. It reminded him of his old life and how simple it all used to be…
*** That is it! I'll hopefully update later this week! Please REVIEW! Thank you for reading and until next time! Bye! *** -Castlerocks
