ZA: …
Crispy: Trying to think of something witty to say?
ZA: Yes.
Crispy: Maybe we'd better just skip to the disclaimer.
Pansy Parkinson: *sob* Blerrrrgh! *sob* Zsugami AlBlerrrgh!ba does not own Harry Potter. *sob* Or my snookiemuffin! Blerrrrrgh!
Crispy: Please do try to project the slugs into the proper receptacle. *Hands Pansy a trash bin*
PP: Thank Blerrrrgh! you.
ZA: Now I feel slightly sorry for her.
Crispy: Don't worry. The spell will wear off in a couple of minutes. Really, we should've waited a bit before bringing her in.
"Speech"
'Thoughts'
Parseltongue
Chapter 4: He what?
Professor McGonagall looked up from her stack of fifth year essays when she heard a timid knock on her door. "Come in," she called. Expecting one of her homesick first years, she was surprised to see a very nervous looking Draco Malfoy enter her office.
"Mr. Malfoy. What brings you to my office?"
"Well, um...Pro...Professor McGonagall, I was wondering if you could...help me?" Draco stammered.
"Help you with…?" McGonagall asked patiently.
"Well...see, I would like to add a class to my schedule, but I'm not quite sure how to go about it. It's a very last-minute decision."
"Ah. Well, normally a student would go to his or her own head of house for such a thing. May I ask why you did not approach Professor Snape?"
Draco stood up a little straighter and smiled winningly. "I thought you would be more reasonable. You see, the class I wish to take is a rather...unexpected choice for me."
Minerva sat next to Severus in the staff lounge. She had an unnerving smirk on her face, Severus thought. He braced himself for another round of "My quidditch team is better than yours...blahblahblah...Potter….blahblah..." and took another sip of his tea.
"You wouldn't believe who knocked on my office door today," Minerva continued. "I was expecting a first year, judging by the timidity of the knock, but it was none other than Draco Malfoy. He seemed very nervous."
Snape tried valiantly to control his coughing as his tea attempted to make a break for his lungs. "And why, pray tell, would Draco be coming to see you?"
Minerva's smirk widened into a full grin. "He wanted to add a class to his schedule."
Severus was confused. "Why would he come to you for that? I'm his head of house."
"He seemed to think I would be much more reasonable about his request," Minerva explained. "You see, the class he wanted to add was...well, I probably shouldn't betray a confidence."
"He is one of my Slytherins, and student schedules are not private," Severus argued impatiently.
"Perhaps you had better discuss it with Albus." Minerva rose from her seat and exited the staff room, leaving a very irritated Severus Snape behind her.
"Ah, Severus! What brings you to my office today?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly. "Would you care for a lemon sherbet?"
Severus ignored the offensive bowl of sweets and dove right into the topic at hand. "It has come to my attention that Draco Malfoy has applied for a change of schedule through Professor McGonagall."
"Ah, yes. A most unusual request for a Malfoy. I must say I was pleasantly surprised. Perhaps the apple falls a bit further from the tree than I'd feared."
Severus took a deep breath and counted to ten as Dumbledore's eyes twinkled, seemingly oblivious to the potion master's foul mood. "I would appreciate it if someone would please tell me what class Malfoy wishes to join. Professor McGonagall refused to say."
"Muggle Studies, Severus. Of course, it's too late to take it for credit, so he's agreed to audit the class." Ignoring the now slack jawed expression on Severus' face, Albus continued, "He will, of course, be allowed to take the OWL exam for it in the spring."
Severus' jaw audibly reunited with the rest of his skull. "This is Draco Malfoy we're discussing. He's the last person I'd expect to take an interest in muggles. Do you think he'll attempt to disrupt the class?"
"Oh no. He seemed very sincere in his desire to learn more of their culture. Admirable, really. I'm hoping he'll start a trend and other Slytherins will take interest as well."
"Sincere? This is Draco Malfoy we're discussing?"
"...So all in all, muggles are a proud, noble people with a rich, varied history and culture." Professor Burbage lectured to a room of students who displayed varying degrees of attentiveness - from Seamus Finnigan, who was adding some rather inappropriate doodles to the margins of his textbook, to Draco Malfoy, her surprise student who was currently sitting in the very center of the first row and feverishly taking notes on every word she spoke. It was quite refreshing to have such an eager student.
Suddenly, Draco's hand shot up so quickly that Professor Burbage jumped back a step, startled. "Yes, Draco?" she asked. "You have a question?"
"Well, I was looking at this photo of a group of muggles at a...concert? That's what the caption says anyway. And I was wondering what 'Pink Floyd' means." Draco stared up at Burbage with an earnest curiosity that she found rather endearing.
"Pink Floyd is a muggle musical group. Muggles use the term 'band'. They are quite talented and very popular. In fact, their album The Wall is one of the most famous musical achievements in rock history."
"They play rocks as instruments?" Draco was a bit confused by this.
"No, their music is categorized in the 'rock' genre, which is an offshoot of 'rock and roll'. Like...The Weird Sisters."
"Oh. So they're boring?" Draco never saw the appeal of The Weird Sisters. And that hippogriff song was beyond disturbing.
"Oh no no! They're not boring at all. Here, I'll play a little for you. I have one of their records here somewhere." Professor Burbage rummaged around in a large file cabinet before pulling out a black record cover showing a simplistic image of a prism refracting light. "I think...yes, track 5 will do nicely."
Moments after the needle made contact with the record, Draco was enthralled. The familiar sounds of financial transactions filled his ears as a male voice sang of money, power, and temporal gratification. Professor Charity Burbage later dubbed it the "Pancake Moment" and congratulated herself on a job well done. When class ended, Draco had eagerly borrowed her entire collection of Pink Floyd records and raced to the nearest phonograph to feast on their newly discovered musical delights.
"I've got a bike
You can ride it if you like
It's got a bell and a basket and lots of things to make it look good!
I'd give it to you if I could, *but I'm using it!"
Draco happily sang his new favorite song as he pedaled his bright red bicycle through the hallways of Hogwarts, occasionally ringing the little bell on his handlebars. The crowd of students parted before him and stared after him with a mix of curiosity, shock, and amusement.
"Ahem. Ahem. Mr. Malfoy, what do you think you are doing with that bicycle?" Professor Umbridge demanded in her deceptively polite tone.
"I'm riding it to Transfiguration. If you'll please excuse me, I don't want to be late," Draco replied with a smile.
"Students are not allowed to ride bicycles in the halls," Umbridge informed him.
"Actually, I looked it up in the school handbook, and there's no rule prohibiting the use of bicycles - indoor or out," said Draco. "Besides, you do remember who my father is, don't you? I doubt he'd be pleased to learn that his only son was prevented from arriving to class on time via his favorite mode of transportation."
"Ah, yes, of course," Umbridge stammered. "Well, carry on then, Mr. Malfoy, and do give my best regards to your father."
As Draco continued on to class, Fred and George Weasley turned to each other with identical grins on their faces. "Fred, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"I do believe I am, George, but where are we going to find propeller beanies at this time of year?"
*The original wording is "but I borrowed it"; however, Draco actually owns his bicycle and wishes everyone to know it.
The songs mentioned in this chapter are "Money" from Dark Side of the Moon and "Bike" from The Piper at the Gates of Dawn.
