ZA: (laughing maniacally) Oh, this is going to be fun!

Crispy: I've been looking forward to it for months.

ZA: Let's have Zacharias Smith give the disclaimer. I mean, he doesn't really get to do much.

Crispy: I suppose he should make himself useful somehow.

Zacharias: I, the True Heir of Hufflepuff -

Crispy: I'm pretty sure you've been disowned by Helga Hufflepuff herself.

Zacharias: How dare you!

ZA: Just do the disclaimer and get lost.

Zacharias: Zsugami Alba does not own J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series, or Frank Miller's 300.

ZA: Shoutout to Karlo666, NagisaMisumi, Jostanos, and Psycho Karma for correctly guessing the inspiration for Leo's name. Great job!

Chapter 16: Midterms, Part Two

Auror Franklin turned to Auror Tonks with a frown. "When I signed up for the Auror Corps, I expected a lot more action. Danger, excitement...women. What do I get? Escort duty. We're just kicking some old man out of his comfy chair so Her Royal Toadyship can take over a school of children. Worst assignment ever."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Dumbledore isn't some old man. He's the most powerful wizard in Great Britain. Don't be so quick to dismiss this as an easy job. Hogwarts is full of surprises."

"What's he going to do?" scoffed Franklin. "Offer us a lemon sherbet and hope we choke on it?"

His remarks were loud enough to attract the attention of Auror Kingsley, the most senior of the ten aurors in attendance. "Quiet, you! We're approaching the gates." He glanced around suspiciously. "And something doesn't feel right."

"Ahem. Hem." Umbridge cleared her throat, calling their attention to the front. "Come along now. We have a headmaster to depose." She led the way through the gates, and the aurors followed her up the path towards the castle. "Remember, if you see that odious man masquerading as the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, take him into custody. I shall question him later."

"Hey, Tonks," Franklin whispered loudly, "How exactly did she get booted from the castle in the first place?"

Tonks shrugged. "I don't know. I'm pretty sure Dumbledore didn't do it, or she would've had him arrested sooner. Maybe this new DADA professor was involved."

"I've got a younger brother who was there when she was thrown out," said Auror Took. "He says the new professor, who claims to be Salazar Slytherin himself, insulted her, opened a window, and then swung his wand like a nine iron and sent her sailing through said window into the forbidden forest."

"Pfft!" Auror Butkus sneered. "As if that would happen. Your brother's obviously lying. There's no way some lunatic claiming to be an old, dead dude would be able to get the drop on Miss Umbridge."

"Hey, Buttkisser," said Tonks. "Aren't you a little too far from your favorite smooching partner? Umbridge's butt is already several meters ahead of you." Everyone snickered as Butkus squeaked and hurried to catch up, eager to protect the VIP.

Kingsley frowned as they approached the main entrance. "I don't like this. It's the middle of the day. Where are the students?"

Umbridge waved away his concerns. "In class, as they should be."

"What about Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures? Those classes are held outside," Kingsley pointed out.

Umbridge sniffed. "I'm sure it's nothing to be concerned about. It's not as if we're expected. Now see to the door."

Kingsley pushed open the doors, and the world immediately exploded into chaos.


Several students in Gryffindor robes cast a mix of tripping jinxes and stunners at the intruders before disappearing behind barriers built from random piles of chairs and desks. Three junior aurors went down. Spells were flying everywhere.

"What do we do?" shouted Franklin. "We're being attacked by children! Can we cast spells at them? Is that even legal?"

"Shut up and use stunners!" Took roared as he charged through the gauntlet of magic like a raging bull. He was promptly felled by a well-aimed inkwell and hit the ground with a thud and a splatter of red grading ink.

Kingsley took charge. "Use the safe passage formation! Butkus, protect the High Inquisitor!"

Aurors cast shield charms, forming a shimmering, blue corridor. The group rushed through and up the main staircase. Umbridge huddled close to Butkus and shouted for the aurors to "take those miscreants out!" Turning back to the students as she reached safety, she cried, "All of you are expelled!"

As the aurors climbed the stairs, heading for the headmaster's office, the main staircase suddenly split into three sections, separating the group and moving them in different directions. Umbridge shrieked in outrage. "Stop this staircase at once! I demand it!"

"Don't worry, Miss Umbridge!" shouted Butkus. "I shall protect you!" As their section of stairs settled at the fifth floor, a stunner hit him squarely in the buttocks. Butkus was down for the count.

Umbridge turned, wand drawn, and came face to face with five savage-looking warriors. Their faces were painted like badgers, and they wore various pieces of mismatched armor. "There's no need for violence," she calmly stated. "Can't you see Dumbledore is just using you to further his own personal agenda? Hufflepuff is the house of loyalty, is it not? All the ministry requires is your loyalty - your complete submission to the law."

The lead badger, garbed in what appeared to be an animal skin and sporting a viking helmet on his head, stepped forward. "Submission? Now that's a bit of a problem. Rumor has it that Gryffindor has already declared their opposition. And if those foolish blunderers have that kind of nerve...well, Hufflepuffs have their reputation to consider."

Umbridge, recognized the boy, a friendly and easy going lad - eager to please. She adopted a sickly smile. "Choose your words carefully, Mr. Adamadis. They may be your last."

Leonidas pointed his wand at her menacingly.

"Foolish child!" Umbridge squawked. "No one threatens a Ministry official!"

Leonidas sneered. "You bring your Delaurors to these castle steps, insult our headmaster and our house. You threaten my people with slavery and death. Oh I've chosen my words carefully, High Inquisitor. Perhaps you should have done the same."

Umbridge's face contorted in fury. "This is treason! This is madness!"

Leonidas sheathed his wand and smirked. "Madness?" he whispered. "No," his voice rose, "THIS IS HOGWARTS!" He lifted his foot to her chest and shoved her over the railing into open space. Leo turned to his soldiers and grinned. "I've always wanted to do that!"

Umbridge screamed as she fell three stories before hitting a well placed trampoline charm and bouncing up one flight, landing in the Charms corridor. She'd barely regained her equilibrium when another team of badgers came running towards her, voices raised in a fierce battle cry. Umbridge fled further down the corridor and ducked into an alcove to catch her breath. "My...first act...as...Headmistress...will be to...disband Hufflepuff House...and expel that barbarian Adamadis."

"Disband Hufflepuff House, will you?" an ominous voice spoke from a point just above Umbridge's left ear. She turned to see a beautiful, enraged woman glaring at her from a gilt frame. "You'll find my badgers to be a most formidable enemy. I look forward to witnessing your demise." The portrait leaned toward the edge of her frame and yelled, "She's right here, Potter! Vanquish her like a dark lord! Do it with style!" Turning back to Umbridge, she grinned. "I'm so glad I sobered up for this."

Umbridge peeked out of the alcove and saw that infuriating brat, Potter, standing just a few meters away and wearing that ragged sorting hat on his head. He waggled his fingers at her. "Hello, Wicked Witch! I shall abide by the wishes of my fair lady and vanquish you without the use of my wand!" He drew an ornate sword from a scabbard at his hip and waved it above his head theatrically. "Come at me if you dare!"

Umbridge was so incensed that she ran at him, a nasty curse on the tip of her tongue. Potter turned and fled down a side passage, arms flailing as he shouted, "Run run run like a bullet from a gun! You can't catch me! I'm the Chosen One!" The hat spun around and blew a raspberry.

"Get back here, you demon spawn!" Umbridge shouted as she ran after him.


Aurors Dawlish and Pickett crept cautiously through the halls, wands at the ready. "Careful, Pickett," whispered Dawlish. "They could be anywhere."

Pickett nodded nervously. "Just as long as we don't run into any more of those Hufflepuffs. I thought they were supposed to be gentle."

Dawlish shot him an incredulous look. "Have you ever met a gentle badger?"

Pickett frowned. "I've never seen one in person. They look cute."

Dawlish rolled his eyes. "Badgers are fierce when their territory is threatened. They're like bears, only smaller."

Pickett looked doubtful. "Bears are cute, too. I have a teddy named Pickles."

"Pickles?"

"I like pickles."

"There is something seriously wrong with you," sighed Dawlish as he shook his head in disbelief. Suddenly he turned to his right. "Hang on a mo. Did you see something?"

Pickett peered down a narrow corridor. "See what? It's rather dim in there."

Dawlish frowned. "I could swear I saw something move. Lumos." The tip of his wand glowed bright, casting light into the darkness ahead. Several meters in, a white face appeared and stared at them with wide eyes. It was a girl. She wore black and white clothing, white gloves, and a beret. She appeared to be unarmed.

Slowly, the girl raised her hand and thrust it forward, only to stop abruptly. Her other hand came up. It, too, stopped abruptly next to the first. It was as if she were standing in front of an invisible wall. Her hands frantically moved up and down, seeking the edges of the wall and finding only a flat barrier.

"I think she's trapped behind some invisible wall," whispered Pickett.

The girl's hands continued to search, now moving in all directions around her and always finding resistance. Dawlish watched with growing alarm. "Not a wall - a box."

"We have to help her!" cried Pickett. "What if it's airtight? She could suffocate!"

"No, Pickett!" shouted Dawlish. But he was too late. Pickett had rushed ahead, startling Cho Chang from her hiding place behind a suit of armor. The young Ravenclaw grabbed the heaviest book, The Evolution of Ancient Runes, from her satchel and raised it above her head. "Hit the books, loser! It's time to review!" Pickett was felled in one blow.

The white-faced girl, apparently now free of her trap, brandished a green rubber item and a small hand pump and proceeded to inflate a long, narrow balloon. She smiled brightly as she tied off the end of the balloon and began twisting it into the shape of a giraffe. Dawlish observed all of this with growing horror. She was a mime! He quickly turned tail and fled the jarring squeak of manipulated latex.

Cho watched his retreat in shock. "How did you know that would work?" she asked.

Luna just smiled serenely and added another balloon to her giraffe, converting it into a hat which she then placed on the unconscious Pickett's head. "I believe the technical term is coulrophobia. You'd be surprised how many people suffer from it."


(To be continued in Part Three.)