Chapter 7: Love and Redemption

To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.

- Friedrich Nietzsche


Laura's Diary 17th October 2016

After a few days coping with the painful break up with Tyler, I tried to find solace and contemplate how I can get Tyler back. I took the advice from my mother and my two friends, that I should give Tyler his space and slowly win his trust back. In the meantime, I need to focus on my studies and get the degree.

I looked on the bright side that I haven't lost everything, I still had my friends and I was making good progress with my studies. The thought of winning Tyler back and giving the relationship another shot did formulate in my mind, and I did often reflect about the relationship. Of course I was physically attracted to Tyler, and I loved how kind and supporting he was to me when we were together. Then there were the drawbacks to having Tyler as a boyfriend, he was always apprehensive whenever I socialized with other males, and was sort of controlling sometimes. Part of me was relieved that I can be in control and have more freedom in making decisions, which was something I needed when I hunched I was neglecting my homework, and devoting more time to him.

Marina, she gave me a new perspective how I interact with others, and my interest in psychology as a subject. Studying psychology would require me to work with people like Marina in the near future. This means I would have to examine the mysterious and the troubled like Marina, but it would be strictly professional.

I did reflect on how Marina and I bonded as friends, and how I tried to draw a line between us when she was being too clingy. She did scare me initially when I browsed through her profile with Liv and Isabel, and saw the disturbing imagery she posted on her profile. It was only after I apologised to Marina for hurting her feelings by not inviting her to my birthday party, did I decide to give her another chance, and build a friendship with her. She has proven to me that she does have a big heart, maybe the biggest heart from anyone I have ever encountered in my life. This prompted me to open up and become interested in helping her again.

There was no denying that I did have overwhelming sympathy for Marina, and I was guilty of denying her the help that I wanted to give her; only because I was overcome by the fear of her presence. Now that her and I have gotten to know each other better, I'm beginning to question my newfound feelings towards her.

Reflecting on the time Marina and I kissed, it was a shocking and an unexpected moment, which made me feel guilty about going through with it. Of course she was the one who forced her lips onto mine and I did move my lips, but I never would assume she's attracted to women, let alone want me as a girlfriend.

The story about when I kissed Liv was an embarrassing moment, and I was happy to share that story, but never was that kiss anything passionate or meaningful. The kiss Marina and I shared was different, she kissed with passion and delicacy, and I humored her by allowing her to kiss me.

I will admit that I have recently been looking at pictures of Marina on her profile, and I couldn't stop looking at them. When I said she was pretty, I really did mean it in all honesty, and I knew she has more beauty to show. Her eyes are so beautiful, so crystal blue and how they sparkle. Her lips are in perfect form with a beautiful cupid's bow, which begged to be colored in with lipstick. In regards to her choice of fashion, it does seem she has a lot to hide, especially the bald path on her head. It just seemed with all those shady and drab clothes I've seen her wear, she could really shine and attract people to her attention. Immediately the idea in my head begun to play a scenario where Marina and I were out in town clothes shopping, and then we went to the beauty saloon. I could only vaguely picture the results of Marina's makeover from a profession, but that thought was interrupted when I realised I was thinking about it too much.

What is it about Marina, and why am I warming up to her? Maybe it's because I want to help her and want her to be happy, and it makes me feel good about myself. The thought of it heats up my blood and it circulates all over my body, and my heart begins to pump, so much that I have to get up and pace up and down the room. These new feelings I have developed for Marina, propelled me to burrow my fingers into my temple and shake my head. All I think about is hugging her, the time she wrapped her lips around mine, and when she kissed me on the hand. It can't be, it can't be possible, I wanted to get rid of Marina after her forwardness; but now I just don't want to let her go, how ironic is that?


Marina's Diary 17th October 2016

The last couple of weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster for me, I thought I'd found the friend who I was destined for, but I got off on the wrong foot. When I thought I lost Laura for good as a friend, I only just won back her trust, and it seemed there was a future for us as friends; but was it always going to be friends? I have read stories about friends whose friendships are ruined by love, if there was to be a relationship which ends in a breakup, or the love was unrequited.

I couldn't deny how I truly felt about Laura, I didn't just want her as a friend, I clearly wanted more than that. It wasn't her hugs I missed, I missed kissing her lips, it was clear that I wished to be her lover.

I knew she had a boyfriend and was madly in love with him, and does long to get back together with him. How guilty I feel for being partly responsible for the breakup, all because of my basorexic urge to kiss her.

Seeing Laura in tears was the most painful thing I ever had to witness, apart from feeling abandoned by her, which also tore me up. I knew that I had done something wrong, and took something away from her that made her so happy. I knew Tyler was the light in her soul and was the one who took good care of her, and I was selfish to ruin everything.

The best thing I could possibly do was to go to Tyler and tell him the truth, maybe he would consider taking Laura back. Laura needs her knight in shining armour, and I must accept the fact that she's Tyler's girl, not mine. If I could remain Laura's friend, but remain platonic with her, then that would be something I would be satisfied with. Having the courage to talk to anyone apart from Laura was going to be the hardest I've ever had to do, but recalling Laura's advice to try and communicate with other people, inspired me to take that step.


On a quiet evening where the sky was dark and the street lamps lit dimly, stood the block flats where both Tyler and Laura once lived together. Only Tyler lives there now, all alone in a lonesome lounge. He sits on the couch drinking red wine, looking very unkempt, with scruffy hair and letting his beard grow. He checks his Facebook profile on his phone, browsing through the photos of him and Laura, feeling sentimental and even sobbing at some of them. It was obvious that the mixture of wine, photos of his ex and his rashness towards Laura when he kicked her out, caused him to breakdown.

Tyler's nose started to run, his eyes started to turn red, and he begun to sob uncontrollably. He considered on numerous occasions to not only change his relationship status on his profile, but also unfriend Laura. He mustered the courage to change his relationship status from "in a relationship" to "single", but hesitated in the process of unfriending Laura. He goes onto Laura's profile and selects the options to unfriend her, and with the window with the final procedure to unfriend her appears, he stares at her profile picture. With his thumb over the button to finish unfriending her, he continues to sob with his hand trembling, unable to take control of his hand. Before he could control his hand from shaking, he heard a knock at the door and threw his phone to the side then walked to the door.

Tyler wiped his face with the sleeve of his dressing gown, and stood in front of the door. He was hoping that the person at the door would be Laura, as he eagerly opened the door without hesitation. When he opened the door, he saw unexpectedly another female, who was slightly shorter than Laura. She wore a hood and had eyebrows that were barely visible, and also looked very skittish as if she was about to flee.

"Hi," she greeted very jittery, bending her fingers to conquer her nerves and go through with it.

„I know you," said Tyler surprised, „You're Marina Mills, the one who Laura has been talking about."

Marina was really thrilled and flattered to know that Tyler recognized her, and that Laura does talk about her often.

„Yeah, that's me," confirmed Marina, „I wanted to come and have a talk about Laura."

Tyler was hesitant about wanting to talk to anyone else about Laura, but he thought that maybe he should talk to someone to help him recover from the heartbreak.

„Erm… yeah sure… please come in," insisted Tyler, stepping to the side and inviting Marina to come in.

„Thank you," said Marina, stepping inside with Tyler closing the door behind him, and allowing Marina to walk further into the apartment.

After Tyler closes the door, he turns to Marina, whose back was turned on him and admiring the warm homey but lonesome apartment.

„Would you like a drink? Do you drink wine?" asked Tyler.

Marina responded, „No thank you… I don't drink, do you have any coffee?"

Tyler hesitated and doubted on the idea that someone would drink coffee in the evening, but respected Marina's request.

„Erm yeah sure, how do you take it?" asked Tyler.

„Black with no sugar please," responded Marina.

„Sure, take a seat," insisted Tyler, going into the kitchen to make Marina's coffee. Marina sat on the sofa and remained silent, hearing the kettle boil and waiting for Tyler to return. She rehearsed her talk with Tyler in her head, and how he was going to take it when she tells him everything.

Tyler came back with a thick round mug of steaming coffee rising in the air, as he placed it on the table.

„Here you go," said Tyler emotionless.

„Thank you," whispered Marina.

Tyler pours himself another glass of wine and sits down with Marina and takes a deep breath and breathes out in a huff.

„Tyler, I must say that I'm sorry about you and Laura breaking up," condoled Marina, cautiously taking the mug with both hands and sipping the hot black coffee.

„Thank you," responded Tyler emotionally, looking up at the ceiling to try and stop himself from crying. Unable to stem his emotions, he quickly placed his wine on the table, buried his face in his hands and begun to sob.

Marina horrified to see Tyler having a meltdown, immediately reflected on the forced kiss, and felt extremely guilty about it; she could cry too. She was even compelled to hug Tyler and cry with him, but was too shy or nervous to even touch him.

„Tyler please, don't… I think there is something you should know about Laura," soothed Marina, looking into the dark abyss of her coffee, almost tempted to give an alibi. Tyler stopped crying, and looked at Marina, waiting to hear what Marina had to confess. Marina begun to shake and stutter, when she tried to reveal the truth to Tyler, as she finally had the courage to say what she needed to say. „On that night, when you two broke up, you were right about what happened," confirmed Marina, taking a break before she continued with her confession, „It wasn't Kobe or any other man you might or not know." Tyler's heart begun to pump, worried about the truth that was to be revealed. Marina feared the same too about the consequence, once the truth was revealed. „The truth is…" said Marina, swallowing and confessed, „I'm the one who kissed her." Tyler looked shocked, as his jaw dropped and still gawking at Marina, which caused her to scrootch backwards. „Tyler I'm so sorry, it's just I… I think I better go," panicked Marina, as she got up.

„No Marina, please stay…" pleaded Tyler. Marina would sit back down after hesitating. „I'm not angry with you… I just… to be honest, I didn't approve how you kept bothering Laura, now it seems you have a crush on her."

„I do have feelings for her I'll admit, but all I wanted was her friendship," confessed Marina, tucking her bottom lip under her teeth.

Tyler tuts and gawks in the air at the light bulb that dimly illuminated the room, and explained to Marina about how Laura felt. „Marina, Laura did confess to me that she had a tremendous amount of sympathy for you, but was also uncomfortable by your advances, and how you constantly messaged her," divulged Tyler firmly and frankly.

„I didn't know I was upsetting Laura, I was worried that I did something wrong and she was ignoring me," explained Marina, „I just get so lonely."

„We all do Marina, I can understand that to you she was the only friend you had. You did not know how friendships work, and how to maintain them," discerned Tyler.

„What do I need to do to maintain a friendship?" asked Marina.

"Start by giving her the space she wants. When I was together with her, I gave her space, believe it or not I went a whole week without seeing her," answered Tyler.

Marina looked away from Tyler to let his statement sink in, and then questioned Tyler, „What did you do to get Laura's attention?"

Tyler looked at Marina earnestly, took a deep breath, exhaled through his nostrils and answered, „Well I let her come to me, I sent a message and I waited for her response."

„Guess I really did goad her with all the messages," realized Marina, shamefully looking down at the shady floor.

„Yeah you did, but you have to understand, she's human just like us; she has her own goals that she wants to achieve. I just want you to understand that you can't keep hassling anyone for their time, that's one way you lose friends," expounded Tyler, stressing every word.

„Not getting invited to her birthday dinner really did hurt me," confided Marina, which prompted Tyler to look at her.

„Well she barely knew you, she was only going to have a party with her closest friends," disclosed Tyler, „Besides, were you really going to wear a hoodie to a fancy restaurant?"

Marina giggled, looked down at her hoodie and answered, „I guess not."

„Besides, Laura did feel guilty that she lied to you," stated Tyler, looking into the reflection of his wine glass. Marina's eyes opened wide, and she had an epiphany how Laura felt and why she did what she did. She decided to change the subject to suit the reason of her visit.

„You really love Laura don't you?" asked Marina.

Tyler responded, „Yeah I do, and you love her too don't you?"

Marina hesitated and was reluctant to admit it, but nodded her head and admitted, „Yeah I do too, but I would be happy if you were her lover and I was her friend." Tyler didn't say anything back, he just cleared his throat in response. Marina tried to redeem herself by suggesting what she should do next. „I can ask Laura to take you back, I will tell her how you feel and…" offered Marina, but was cutoff in the middle of the sentence.

„No Marina, don't, Laura needs time to get over the altercation," objected Tyler firmly.

„But Laura misses you," said Marina, looking baffled, „And you love her don't you?"

„I do, I will try and approach Laura when I think the time is right, but I think her and I need a break; and time to decide where we want to go from here," proposed Tyler.

„Okay, I understand… I'll look after Laura and make sure she'll be alright," offered Marina.

Tyler looked at Marina feeling content and enlivened, he responded, „Thank you Marina, thank you for coming to talk to me, it really has brightened my mood."

„I'm glad I could help, it feels good that I have made someone happy," said Marina cheerfully.

„Maybe you took the right course after all, you'll make a great psychologist," complimented Tyler, smiling at Marina, which made her smile too.

„Thank you, I guess you'll want to be alone now," assumed Marina, placing her hands on the sofa and twitching her knees, preparing to get on her feet.

„Yes Marina, I'm feeling kind of tired," said Tyler, clasping his hands together, watching Marina take a swig of her coffee and get on her feet. „Would you like me to call a taxi for you? I can give you fare," offered Tyler.

Marina humbly replied, „No thank you, I can make it back."

„Are you sure, it's no problem?" asked Tyler.

„I'm sure, but thanks anyway, it's very kind of you," thanked Marina, taking steps backwards to the door.

„Okay, I'll see you out," said Tyler, as he gets up and walks Marina to the door and opens it for her.

„Well goodnight, and have a safe journey home," said Tyler.

Marina zealously responded, „Goodnight and have a goodnight sleep."

„You too, bye," said Tyler.

Marina waved and chirped, „Bye."

The door closed and Marina turned her back, then begun to depart with a strut, and Tyler happily strides back to the couch. Once seated, he picks up his phone and switches it on, seeing Laura's profile with the unfriend popup window. Scrutinizing the option, reflecting on the talk he had with Marina, which cheered him up. He shook his head and cancelled the option.


Marina's Diary 18th of October 2016

Tonight has been an unusual and refreshing night, because I on my own accord have made the effort to interact with another person other than Laura. I did hope that I could help Laura and Tyler reconcile and get back together, but it doesn't seem that will happen anytime soon.

After all that effort, I do feel I accomplished something, like cheering Tyler up and leaving on a good note; but I pondered what I would do next. I would like to mend the broken relationship between Laura and Tyler, but I would be lying if I said I didn't want to win the race to Laura's heart. Immediately I sensed a strong inner-feeling of guilt that I was tempted to move in, right after I knew I was partly responsible for the break up. Ruminating Tyler's wish to allow Laura time to decide if she wants to give the relationship another try, made me feel less guilty and reluctant to make my move on Laura. Of course I'm going to respect Laura's decision and privacy, but I didn't want to let the opportunity pass me by.

I spent most of my private time devising a plan on how I could win Laura's heart, even though the chances are that she's straight, and isn't into girls sexually. It did seem I was back in Laura's good books, and I didn't want to risk jeopardizing the friendship again. Maybe the answer was not to flirt and profess my romantic feelings to Laura, but just to make her happy. Making that person happy is the job of both a friend and a lover, and requires a lot of attention and devotion. For a moment, I found it hard to differentiate between friend and lover, other than just being a friend is platonic when being a lover entitles you to sexual contact.

How was I going to win Laura's heart, maybe I would have to…

„More coffee?" asked a middle aged waitress with a friendly voice, holding black coffee in her hand.

„Yes please," responded Marina gratefully with a light smile, as the waitress poured coffee into her mug.

„You know, I don't think I've seen you around here," said the waitress.

„Well I go to this other coffee shop, which is closed now, well at this time of night it is," responded Marina.

The waitress nodded and hummed, but then looked at the photoshopped black and white image of Marina and Laura together. „Who's that, may I ask?" inquired the waitress, and Marina jumped with fright knowing she had to make a lie on the spot.

„Oh she's my friend," answered Marina.

The waitress frowned and baffled, „And you're all alone without her tonight?"

Marina thought that she should tell the truth in the hopes of receiving advice, and revealed her issue with the waitress, „The truth is, I did her wrong and I'm trying to make it up to her."

The waitress rolled her eyes in the air and suggested, „Well if you want to make it up to her, I would do something special, give her something that no one else can give her." When the waitress went her separate way, Marina speculated what she could give Laura that no one else could give her, she decided to look on Laura's profile. Scrolling down, seeing every post she has seen before and has memorized, she eventually comes across a post about a tribute to her deceased father; whose name was "Paul Woodson". Ogling the content of the post, which had Laura as an infant at the beach, with her father giving her a piggyback ride. The sentimental and happy moment made Marina smile, so touching, it made her shed a tear.

Then suddenly, Marina brainstormed the perfect idea, which would involve having to reveal her supernatural abilities; and even scare Laura a little, but that would have to be a risk worth taking. The more Marina thought about her plan, giving Laura the opportunity to interact with her father in the realm of the dead, truly excited her; and how she was going to execute it. She spontaneously typed a message to arrange another meeting with Laura.

To be continued...