Half-truths and part lies

- Bastila Shan -


I could not stop my pacing, despite the burn of new blisters and the dull ache of weariness in the soles of my feet.

Where is she?

Had the volatile woman reverted fully to Darth Revan? My insides clenched in nauseating terror at the thought. While I did not truly believe that to be the case – not with the contrary mix of emotions flaring from her – I did know one fact for certain: the persona of Jen Sahara had been swept away with the blowing Tatooine sands.

What do I do? What can I do, now?

Persuasion. Compulsion. Sedation. Anything to keep her compliant, until you find the masters, a little voice whispered. Anything to keep yourself – and everyone who travels with you – safe.

It was tempting. All the more tempting, for I had already trodden down that path, had I not? I simply needed to decide on the best mechanism to subdue Revan. Leash her, somehow, find the safest way to contain her...

The sick feeling in my belly grew.

Through the bond, our thrice-cursed bond, there was a brief surge of emotion. Something light, something that felt an awful lot like empathy. Compassion, undercutting the black rage that had returned to the core of her soul.

Perhaps part of Jen Sahara is still there? I found my feet stilling, as my eyes closed and my mind centred on that damnable woman. If the overlay of the dead scholar still held, even in part, then it would be within my capabilities to, to...

The masters would not blame me. Master Vrook- perhaps he did not agree with the Council's actions, but he always disliked Revan, he would understand she needs to be contained-

A flash of humour on the Force. I jumped like a scalded felinx, frightened that Revan had been stalking my own thoughts in turn. But no, no... she did not seem aware of me in this precise moment; her diversion was entirely due to her companions or environment.

She is not Jen Sahara. Jen Sahara would not find anything remotely amusing after almost losing her life. I swallowed past a lump in my throat. Jen Sahara would not bond so easily with a Tarisian orphan, a Fleet officer, a Wookiee, a blood-thirsty Mandalorian...

My thoughts trailed off as I resumed my automatic pacing. Around and around the Ebon Hawk, with my eyes closed and my Force out-stretched and my mind in chaos.

Perhaps... perhaps part of her never truly fell? That seemed like nothing more than a flight of fancy. She had been the Dark Lord of the Sith. Was redemption possible from the depths of such depravity?

But why else did I save her?

The thought rang through my mind, clear and pure and scything through the thick fear with a glow of righteousness. My feet stopped once more, toes digging into the hard dirt of the dockyard.

Why else did I save her but to give her a chance at redemption?

For I had not known of the Star Maps or our bond until later, much later. In the moment upon her flagship, all I had thought about was mercy.

The Force, Bastila. Stop blocking me, or I swear I'll...

I recoiled, feeling the Force snap back to me, pulling away from the woman who had upended my life. I could not cut through her connection to the Force. No point, not now, not when earlier my misguided interference had come close to endangering her life.

I did not understand she was in mortal peril. I did not realize she had left the freighter. I...

I had been blocking Revan from the Force, and now she completely discerned my hold over her.

If I did not plan to control Revan; but instead, somehow, extend her a second chance... the second chance that my retrieval of her fallen body had started all those months ago... then that meant I required her trust.

Trust. How would it even be possible to ignite the embers of trust between us? Between two individuals so entirely different, whose relationship was already fraught with irritation and dislike and, and... distrust.

And, frankly, how was one individual's redemption truly important, when we had the fate of the galaxy to consider?

Somehow, I had started pacing again.

Forget the absurd notion of turning Darth Revan back to the light. Whatever the Star Maps led to might be our only chance at toppling Darth Malak. That was what Master Galdea had argued, during all those Council meetings that a padawan like myself should not have been a part of, if it were not for the mind-link I had unwittingly created.

This is the Force at work. I could still recall Master Galdea's impassioned arguments. The Dantooine Council had taken a long time to decide upon action, and I heard the same debates cycle over and over. Padawan Bastila's vision shows us that the Sith Lord's mind, no matter how broken, may still yield the odd glimpse of information that can turn the tide of war.

Padawan Bastila's initial desire was mercy. A chance at redemption. Master Karon had always sounded so sad. A personality overlay is no redemption.

Her mind is too damaged for anything else. The only knight with an equal standing amongst the masters had her own opinions, and they often aligned with Master Galdea's. Vima Sunrider spoke with the confidence of an expert in the field. Regardless of what you decide, if we do not construct some artificial framework then there is no point allowing her to reach consciousness.

From the most unlikely of sources, can redemption arise. Master Vandar would add in his roundabout vernacular. Artificial or not, the journey will still be true.

This is dangerous. Master Vrook would grumble the same sentiment most days. His manner was gruff, but I knew his concern was for me. Dangerous and fool-hardy. We risk Bastila-

"Would you stop that infernal pacing?" Canderous growled.

I blinked, abruptly returning to myself as the faded memories of my home enclave whispered away into memory.

Canderous, garbed in a hideous purple suit of armour, was seated upon the Ebon Hawk's loading ramp as he rifled through a collection of what looked to be grenades.

My mouth tightened as I turned away from the simple mercenary. I certainly did not dispute the man's competence, but his unhealthy obsession with battle bordered on nothing more than blood-lust.

At the close of everything, I was not sure if I dared any further interference with Revan. I was no longer sure it was the right path.

Trust. Can I, somehow, implore the damaged shell of Revan to trust... to trust me?

She had saved Juhani, after all.

Only so she could trick Force lessons out of her!

The very idea petrified me to the bone. Revan, using the Force. Being taught by a fugitive padawan? I had not known Juhani well; she was a quiet, intense soul who largely kept to herself. I knew she had failed her knight trials and fled, after badly wounding her master.

And now, I did not know who was more dangerous: a runaway who had embraced the Dark Side, or the amnesiac Sith Lord who had defeated her.

I bit back a hysterical laugh. Whatever had happened with Juhani, I vowed to myself I would help the Cathar return to the Jedi fold. She had strayed, but surely if she was returning so readily then she had not been truly lost. The masters would be thankful for her return.

But to think that Revan played a part in it…

A flicker of movement caught my attention and derailed my internal monologue.

Carth, striding toward us from the other side of the vast open-air docking bay. The last dimming of daylight encased the area in a golden glow, as the second sun of Tatooine winked out beneath a line of haphazard buildings.

The day had been a success, at least. We had ventured out into the sands and survived our first altercation with the fierce natives that plagued this area. I would have travelled further, had I not sensed Revan's predicament and demanded we return to Anchorhead with all haste.

We are a step closer, I reminded myself. Our hired rontos were back at the merchant's stall, awaiting our return tomorrow. I had studied the maps of the Eastern Dune Sea, and located the caves Master Galdea believed Revan and Malak visited, approximately four years ago.

Tomorrow, we might actually find the Star Map.

If only I could placate an angry, amnesiac Sith Lord, first.

"Good news," Carth called out as he neared, throwing me a crooked smile. He had made a bee-line for the local mechanics the instant we returned to the docking bay. "The relay's a common part, and they've sourced one locally. It'll be fitted by the end of tomorrow." A slight frown appeared on Carth's face. "The mechanics aren't exactly the most professional, though. I'd be keen to have a look over their work before heading off."

I nodded, glad of some other matter to occupy my mind. "That is indeed good news, Carth."

The ship's repairs were reason for me to celebrate, at least. In one day, I might be able to contact Coruscant. Patch a message through to the Jedi High Council stationed in the Core, for after Dantooine-

My eyes closed briefly. I had to believe Dantooine had survived. But after such an assault they might not be in any position to assist, so I would-

But I do not even know if this mission is sanctioned by the High Council!

There had been too many vows of silence amongst the Dantooine Council. And now, Master Galdea was dead. Master Vrook- I had to have faith he survived, or my grief would overcome me, but he had been on Dantooine-

Master Karon? Knight Vima? They were known for their wandering ways. Neither had been on Dantooine when I left. Perhaps, if I could track down Master Karon or Knight Vima, it would save me any unpleasantness in requesting aid from a High Council that might, I suspected, be wholly ignorant of Darth Revan's survival.

I must find help somewhere.

For I was acting blind, trying to keep a brain-damaged Sith Lord on a leash, who was slowly breaking through the intangible barriers on her way to reinvention.

Revan and I shared what was colloquially referred to as a bond. But that term was misleading, as in essence it was a Force link. One created when Revan lay dying before me. As a Dark Jedi, her emotions had been irretrievably enmeshed with the Force. While her soul cried in anguish, starting to separate from her body, her pain had radiated strongly through the Force.

I had been unable to simply walk away and let her die in the face of the despairing grief that engulfed her so wholly.

A spark of life had remained; a broken, tormented spark, but it was there nonetheless. I had struggled to sustain it, to fan it back into existence; and as I did so her ripples of agonized Force energy had flooded my own mind. Our respective grasps upon the Force had mingled in the most intimate fashion, as had our minds and our very consciousness.

Eventually, I had pulled back into myself, lulling Revan into a healing coma. But by then, our connections to the Force had become irrevocably intertwined. I had not realized it until months later, but each of us was in a state of continual vulnerability to the other.

And it was strong, oh yes. Stronger than even Knight Vima or Master Galdea had expected.

I sighed, closing my eyes in fatigue. Never again could one of us open ourselves to the Force without also opening a window to the other.

When she was Jen Sahara that had not been a problem. She had not been aware of the Force or the bond. Now, I only held one slim advantage over her.

Revan does not recall her training. Revan's mind had been brutally damaged and Knight Vima had not believed any form of recovery was possible, and that was before the personality transplant.

I wonder what Knight Vima would say now.

Revan did not, at least, yet know how to reach through that metaphorical window. And unlike me, she did not know how to draw the shutters, so to speak. Whenever she pulled upon the power surrounding her, I was able to simply reach through that window and erect a mental barrier between her and the energy she was attempting to draw.

And she cannot decipher my thoughts. Not yet. My strength had always lain in the ability to interpret and manipulate emotions and mental patterns. To that end, I could understand the outer, stronger thoughts passing through Revan's mind, provided I was concentrating on the bond at the time. I could also push out my own mental voice to her, making us essentially telepathic.

I grimaced. Telepathic with a Sith Lord. This is one gift I could readily forgo. I could only hope that Revan would not learn how to decipher my own thoughts in return, or the cover would surely be blown.

"You've got that funny look on your face again." Carth was frowning at me. "What's going on, Bastila? And why did you insist on returning so suddenly?"

A movement up ahead caught my attention, and providentially gave me an excuse for not answering Carth's rather pointed question.

But the trio of dark flares in the Force shocked me into silence.

Imbecile! I am so wrapped up in my own plagued thoughts that I completely failed to take account of my surroundings!

Three robed figures had sauntered into the docking bay, all holding a telling metal cylinder in one hand.

The last merchant still out selling his wares - despite the oncoming of dusk - squeaked and scuttled away. The black cloaks and ready walk of the strangers gave their identity away to all and sundry.

Dark Jedi. Dread stabbed sickeningly in my belly. Here, on Tatooine?

"Looks like we've got company," Canderous drawled from the ramp, swiftly getting to his feet as he unhitched his weapon with one hand and grasped a grenade with the other. I heard a muffled grunt from Carth as he pulled out a blaster.

The robed sentient in the lead stopped ten metres from me. A dark hood shadowed over his face. In my periphery, I could see the nearest Czerka official sidle away.

The remaining two black-clad figures stopped, flanking the first, and the sound of three lightsabers hissing to life echoed in the stillness of dusk.

"Bastila Shan," the leader chuckled. "Lord Malak was most displeased when he learned you had escaped Taris alive. He has promised a great reward to whoever destroys or captures you, and I'm not about to let that bounty hunter claim you first."

He raised his lightsaber, an ominous double-beam of red, and his side-kicks followed suit with their singles.

Three Dark Jedi, and me without a lightsaber.

I unsheathed my vibro-staff, and pulled deep on the Force. The fear over Revan, the grief over Dantooine, all my roiling emotions faded into steady resolve. The Force was with me, and I would be steadfast.

"You shall not take me, Dark Jedi," I said softly. A stalling mechanism, for the words allowed me precious seconds to envelop myself and my companions in a Force-activated shield. It would not stop any sort of melee damage, but at least the shield would absorb any dark Force assault. For as long as I could hold it. "You are no match for the light side of the Force."

"Aw, no lightsaber?" one of the side-kicks sneered as the leader took a step closer. All the while, I kept drawing the Force in deep. "This is the fabled Bastila Shan, wielding a stick?"

"Use your vibroblades," I muttered over my shoulder. Peace, but I had to hope neither Carth nor Canderous would be foolish enough to fire a blaster at a Force-user.

"Don't scoff at the easy victories," the first one drawled, taking another step. And another-

The Force unleashed from my fingertips, a mighty wave of concussion that slammed into the trio of Dark Jedi.

They stumbled back, and I was already sailing toward them, vibro-staff sweeping through the air to slice straight into the unguarded torso of the nearest.

He fell with a cut-off gurgle, but I was sweeping around, just as a buffet of something truly dark assailed my Force-shields, seeping into the nascent protection-

The world exploded.

"Block that, miro'sik!" someone yelled.

Thrown backward, I landed in the dirt, vibro-staff dropping from my unfeeling hands.

Rolling frantically, scrabbling to my feet, ears ringing as I desperately called my weapon back to my hands-

Just in time to see Carth run one through with a vibroblade, while Canderous shot the other, fallen from the blast, straight through the head.

The explosion... the explosion had been a fragmentation grenade!

"You are lucky you are not dead!" I cried, even as my limbs sagged in relief at the sight of three still bodies. "A grenade... you foolhardy mercenary! The Dark Jedi could have simply thrown that back to you!"

"Settle down, sweet cheeks," Canderous panted, as he crouched over a warm corpse, industriously stripping the now-dead Dark Jedi. "I do what the situation calls for."

"What... what did you just call me?" I hissed.

Carth was frowning at the Mandalorian, but there almost seemed to be a measure of respect in the pilot's gaze. "That was a pretty short fuse, Ordo. Deliberate?"

Canderous grunted in assent, but did not pause from his corpse-robbing.

I fumed, unwilling to admit the Mandalorian may have had a measure of sense in his actions, may have caused the grenade to detonate prematurely- may have fought against Jedi in the past. His large hands grappled on the fallen Dark Jedi's lightsaber, and with an instinctive twist of power I abruptly pulled the cylinder into my waiting hands.

Canderous threw me an amused smirk, which I ignored as I strode forward to retrieve the other two lightsabers.

I pocketed the single blades, and reactivated the double-bladed lightsaber experimentally.

The blood-red hue was undeniably wrong, and I could feel the taint of the kaiburr housed within resonate discordantly on the Force. But the lightsaber was otherwise a well-designed weapon, nicely balanced and with a good weight. It would tide me over until I found myself a proper Jedi lightsaber.

Perhaps, if I locate another crystal, I might be able to reconstruct this weapon. It would be a shame to destroy a fine lightsaber such as this. It was light, sleek and smooth in its movements.

Carth stood in front of me, his frustration clearly visible through the whirling scarlet of the lightsaber. I snapped off the weapon, and raised an eyebrow in inquiry.

"Yes?"

"They were after you, Bastila. And, they mentioned a bounty hunter," Carth said, his tone serious. He even looked a little angry.

I blinked. Bounty hunter. That meant someone else on our tail, but a mere bounty hunter would not be as much danger as three Dark Jedi.

"I'm surprised they realized you escaped Taris, let alone that you made your way to Tatooine." Carth's voice was heated, now. "Tatooine, the original destination of the Endar Spire. Malak knows what you're doing. Stang, I don't, but the Dark Lord of the Sith does! When are you going to explain what you're really after?"

Indignation rose in me at Carth's insubordinate tone. I felt my lips pursing. "Carth, I believe I have already explained it to you. We are searching for a Force relic that will aid the Republic in the war against Malak."

"Well, what does this relic do?" he asked in exasperation. "And why did you get so panicky earlier and insist we go back to the Ebon Hawk? I hate being left out of the loop, Bastila!"

"You were born out of the loop, Onasi." A voice, sardonically amused, cut through the stagnant air and had us both spinning in surprise. Revan stood some distance away, a smirk apparent under a layer of grime and blood that belied her day's activities.

I had not seen her coming. Force, I'd been so intent on my current surroundings, I had not even sensed her arrival.

Much like the three Dark Jedi.

I could not afford to be caught by surprise again.

"Cute, sister, but I-" Carth stopped mid-retort as he fully registered Revan's state and that of her companions.

I stifled a gasp despite myself. Revan and the young Twi'lek were garbed in desert clothes they had not worn earlier, right down to the desert-cloths wound around their heads. But Revan's clothing was charred in several places, and a deep bruise was purpling on her cheekbone. Her expression was one of mingled exhaustion and amusement.

My dazed eyes slid over to the Cathar Juhani, who looked in even worse condition, standing awkwardly in Revan's shadow.

Canderous barked a laugh. "Well, well, Jen. Looks like you had more fun than us."

My attention remained on the Cathar, and I pushed out gently with the Force to sense her emotions. Confusion and guilt were the strongest. If there was still anger, there, it was buried deep.

Revan, in contrast, simmered with rage.

"(A fine battle. A shame you weren't there)." Revan shot a grin at Canderous. An incongruous contrast with the dark emotions I could feel from her.

"(Sick of the act then, I take it?)" Canderous responded. I narrowed my eyes. Revan hasn't spoken Mandalorian since the time I first met Canderous.

"Okay, what's going on?" Carth demanded, his face a gathering thundercloud. "Why are you lot covered in blood? Who is that?" He added, pointing to Juhani who had taken a hesitant step backwards. "And why did you all leave the Ebon Hawk after promising not to, or shouldn't I even bother?"

"That is a valid point," I interjected smoothly, levelling a disapproving look both at Revan and Mission. "You swore to stay within the safe confines of the ship."

"Hey, you ain't my mother!" Mission protested, glaring at me. "Just 'cause you're a high and mighty Jedi, don't mean you get to tell me what to do!"

The Wookiee huffed from beside the upset Twi'lek, and laid a restraining hand on her arm.

"Query: Permission to blast these whining meatbags, master? They appear to be threatening you."

A strange, metallic voice from behind Revan yielded yet another unwelcome surprise. A smug smirk played along Revan's lips as a burnished red and decidedly evil looking robot strode to her side.

"What in the Outer Rim is that?" Carth snapped, his brows lowering.

"My latest toy," Revan purred. "HK-47, these are the rest of our crew. Threaten them if you will, but do not physically harm them."

I could feel my annoyance burgeoning alongside Revan's damnable amusement. I wondered, idly, if this was how Master Karon had felt, all those years as the wretched woman's master.

I must calm down. I must appease her, I must garner her trust. Somehow.

There is no emotion; there is peace.

Everything did not revolve around Revan, and I would not give her the satisfaction of losing my temper. For I could not forget Juhani. The Cathar had retreated behind the large form of Zaalbar, and looked ready to bolt. I took a few steps towards her.

"Juhani. It is good to see you again, sister," I said, keeping my voice soft as I walked towards her. Juhani's slanted amber eyes were tormented as they met mine.

"Bastila," she whispered. "It has been some time."

It had, indeed. I had once shared a difficult training mission with Juhani and her stand-offish master. My own master was seen as harsh and forbidding, but Juhani's I found downright rude. Master Vrook had always treated me with the utmost respect, even while limiting my responsibilities and influence.

Our fieldtrip had been interesting, and my respect for the intense Cathar had grown, even though I barely spoke to her afterward. I had been saddened to hear of her disappearance.

I wonder if the masters know Juhani fell to the Dark Side. She didn't seem evil or that lost, now, only confused.

But Revan had fought her earlier. It had taken me some time to understand the danger Revan had been in, but it had been real enough. That it is Revan who brought her is astonishing. That Revan did not kill her outright-

A sign from the Force, perhaps, that anyone could be saved from the path of evil. Even Revan herself. There is good in her. I can sense it. And I am not sensing the remnants of Jen Sahara.

I had to continue what I had started, all those months ago on the command deck of the Nexus, Darth Revan's flagship that burned above the skies of Deralia.

"Juhani, Jen, perhaps we should go inside? I believe you would both enjoy some time in the refresher to clean up, and then we should talk."

Juhani nodded slowly, and seemed content enough to follow me into the Ebon Hawk. Revan's expression was inscrutable but she, too, walked behind me. As we reached the central hub of the freighter, Revan ordered that odd droid into standby mode, and I felt a flare of irritation.

I do not know where she obtained that droid from, or how, but I believe we would be better off without it. I'd only heard it speak once, but it was enough to convince me that all this HK-47 could do was encourage the darker aspects of Revan's nature to emerge.

I had planned to bring Juhani to the women's quarters and associated sonic refresher, but Revan had other ideas, striding off toward the pilot's quarters I had claimed as my own. I breathed in deeply, and motioned Juhani to follow. I did not think the Cathar was ready to be by herself yet.

"So, care to explain to me why I should trust you?" Revan asked as the hatch swished closed behind us. Her voice was cold, and the room cramped with three sentients squeezed inside.

"Jen, I-"

"Hey, explain to me why I should even be here. I mean, you've drugged me, lied to me and blocked me from the Force. And that's only what I've figured out. My memory's all screwed up, so I could be forgetting all sorts of sins you've committed against me."

I closed my eyes. "Please, do not be ridiculous." Deep in the back of my mind was a glimmer of relief. She had not noticed any of the compulsion. That would have turned her completely from me, I suspected. "If I wished to incapacitate you, I would have done so by now."

"Then why lie about Alderaan? Why the sedative?" she bit out. My eyes opened, to see Juhani backed up by the durasteel hatch, her ears laid flat against her head as her gaze darted between the two of us.

I sighed heavily. I need Revan's trust. "I admit I used rather unconventional methods to coerce you toward Dantooine. You are a strong Force-sensitive, Jen, and I felt you needed to talk to a Jedi Master as soon as possible."

Her jaw set. "So you were trying to trap me?"

"No!" I protested, even though it was, in a sense, true. "I was trying to get you to help, Jen. I have been worried about you. I can sense a lot of anger from you, and this combined with your strong Force ability is enough to unnerve any seasoned Jedi. Dark emotions such as anger, hate and passion are a sure road to the Dark Side."

"Passion is a dark emotion?" Her voice, her emotions, changed abruptly from anger to amusement. It was as unnerving as the grin curving her lips.

"Yes, if uncontrolled. Jedi use peace of mind, a calming of all emotion – serenity, if you will – to harness the Force. If your emotions are unbalanced, then your ability with the Force becomes flawed and unpredictable."

She had narrowed her piercing green eyes. "But my strongest moments with the Force have been when I am at my angriest."

"Well, that- that is due to a lack of training," I stuttered. This is a conversation a master should be leading, not me! "Emotions can be used to fuel the Force, as it were, but this is merely the quickest way to power and not necessarily the strongest. It is a path fraught with danger, as the Dark Side works insidiously through irrational and illogical emotions, until it ends up controlling you. This is why we teach Force-users to clear their mind, to work through situations with no emotion and no bias."

"Okay." She paused, and then abruptly switched topics. "So why is my memory screwed up then? Don't fob me off, Bastila. Don't you dare."

I had been dreading this line of questioning for the last hour, and had spent the time attempting to think of believable answers she would accept. Half-truths and part-lies... but I needed her trust. More than anything else, however, I needed to make her aware of just how potentially dangerous and harmful the Dark Side could be. "You were once a Jedi, Jen. A young, powerful Jedi with a bright future ahead of you."

Surprisingly, her eyes softened. Juhani was staring at her in a new light, and I wondered exactly what the Cathar thought of her.

"So what happened?" Revan asked softly.

"Your mind was destroyed, Jen." I responded quickly, evasively. "I fear to tell you too much in case I do more damage. This is why you need to speak with-"

"Do more damage?" The soft look vanished, to be replaced by a shaft of anger that echoed through our bond. "I told you not to fob me off!" she growled.

"I am not! Listen to yourself!" I hissed. Did she scare me or annoy me? It was becoming hard to tell. "Your emotions take control of you all too easily! Your rage, your lust for battle, even your inconvenient humour! You are so open to the Force, with no recollection of your training, and yet you let your passions guide you!"

She had folded her arms stubbornly, glaring at me in fury. Juhani chose that moment to speak up in her accented voice. "That is the path of the Dark Side, is it not? Allowing your feelings to overcome your better judgment..." The Cathar trailed off, looking away. I thought perhaps I caught a glint of tears in her eyes, but my attention was once more taken with Revan.

"So, what will you deign to tell me about myself, then?" she said sarcastically.

I breathed in deeply, overlooking her childish tone. I need to impress upon her the folly of the Dark Side. And what was the best way to do that?

The hero of the Republic, Revan Freeflight, would have prided herself on her strength. I imagined the Sith Lord would have done the same.

I had to keep the cover story as correct as possible, so it would ring true; but if I could make her believe the Dark Side made her weak...

I wished again Juhani was not listening. She perhaps knew more of the Dark Side than I did, or ever would. "As I said, Jen, you were a strong young Jedi." I paused, bracing myself. "When Malak and his master left to fight in the Mandalorian wars, against the Council's orders, you followed them."

Revan blinked. "I did? I recalled something about the Mandalorian wars..." she trailed off, and glared at me in suspicion again.

I continued. "Along with many other Jedi, you fell to the Dark Side after the war was over."

Juhani gasped, and her gaze shot to Revan in surprise. Revan's face, however, had turned to granite. Implacable, expressionless granite. I ventured mentally into the bond, but I couldn't sense anything. It was as if she refused to allow herself to feel at all.

But I had to finish my explanation, and hope it would be enough. "You became a tool, Jen, a tool of the Sith Lord." I could not bring myself to name Revan as her master. "You had once been a strong, capable Jedi, until you fell. You turned into a slave to the Dark Side, a slave to the Dark Lord. You lost your own free will and strength of mind. Your power diminished over time, and you became weaker in the Force. Eventually you were involved in a confrontation with some of the Jedi."

"And then what?" The words were hissed out, low and dangerous.

"Jedi do not kill, Jen. Your mind, however, was damaged beyond-"

"Jen Sahara," she spat, cutting into my explanation. "Who is Jen Sahara?"

I blinked, and felt my fingers clench. "Jen, you are Jen Sahara. What you know, what you remember, is your past before you found the Jedi and joined the Order. What happened to your mind... it destroyed your more recent memories, everything you once knew of the Force." It was a bald-faced lie, and I kept my face impassive as the words spewed forth. Guilt writhed like a sandsnake in my belly. Jedi do not lie. Would Revan even believe it?

But what was the alternative? I did not know her thoughts about Jen Sahara, but I dared not let her come to the conclusion that she was the victim of mind-altering Force powers. A personality transplant. Most Jedi would not believe it possible. Most would not consider it ethical. And even despite her gross transgressions, I was not sure I did. "You need the guidance and help of a master, and I am but a padawan. Although I am willing to help retrain both you and Juhani, if you will let me."

Her eyes were glacial as she stared into mine. I could still sense nothing, absolutely nothing from the bond. The thought that she might be learning to block me, consciously or not, scared me further.

Her eyes narrowed further. "Explain this mind-link we share."

I should have thought up a plausible story for the bond. But I had spent the time bracing myself for Revan's return, I could not conceive possible answers to all her queries in advance. More lies. I act less like a Jedi the longer I am around her.

I sucked in a breath. "It grew upon the Endar Spire, an unexpected event. You must understand that we did not believe you would recover from the brain damage you had sustained. We did not think you would ever reconnect with the Force." I took another, deeper, gulp of air. "You had studied in the past, and your area of research aligned with ours, so it made sense to have you onboard. We were there to look after you and ensure you were adjusting to a life without the Force. As for the bond… perhaps it was because I kept checking up on you from a distance. I do not know for sure. Perhaps a master can explain it better to you."

Revan folded her arms. Her face was belligerent, disbelieving. "Except that there is no master around, is there? And I have no wish to meet one."

You will. I shall ensure it. I merely had to contact one first. "Like it or not, we are linked. Our connection allows us glimpses into each other's mind. We can feel some of what the other feels." I paused, and laid a mental ear through the bond yet again. Revan's emotions had returned, now: frustration and anger and fear. "And what I feel within you troubles me. A Jedi must receive considerable training. They must learn to control their emotions and darker impulses. Often it takes years before utilizing the Force in the most basic of manners can be considered safe. The fact that you are so strong in the Force and have no recollection of any training-"

"Okay, I get it!" she said through gritted teeth. I breathed in again and recited the Jedi Code once more. Was any of what I said getting through to her? Did the fact that she had fallen to the Dark Side faze her at all? Patience. It will not be for much longer. Carth had said one more day until the communication system was back up; one more day in which we might be able to locate and examine the Star Map.

Then, provided the Force was with me, we could be on our way to Coruscant, or to rendezvous with Master Karon or Knight Vima.

Revan could become someone else's problem for a time.

If I could find the Star Map, and return Revan to a master, then surely- surely- I would show Master Vrook I was ready to become a Jedi Knight.

For he still lived. I would not believe otherwise.

"I think I'm going to get cleaned up," Revan muttered, wincing as she rolled her shoulders. She shot me one last frustrated glare, and then her emotions in the bond died down again to an imperceptible level. I wondered what effect my revelations had on her, if any. She was a frightening, unpredictable woman, and it was difficult to know how to gain her trust. Perhaps if I helped her?

"Wait," I commanded, and to my surprise she stopped mid-stride. "Let me help." I drew on the Force, and sank it deep into Revan's body. She was in better shape than I expected, with one large burn on her side, a lump on her cheek, and a few minor cuts and grazes. She gasped, stumbling backwards, shivering and flushing as the Force healing swamped her.

"Don't do that!" she snarled. "Not without asking!"

I blinked in surprise. "I am sorry," I said stiffly. "I was only trying to help."

"Ask first," she bit out, throwing me a furious glare before storming out. Juhani was standing motionless next to the door, an uncertain look on her face.

The familiar chagrin swept through me as I recalled Carth's hostile reaction to the same. I sighed, and motioned towards Juhani. "Would you like Force healing?"

She bowed her head. "It would make sense. Thank you, Bastila."

The Cathar said nothing as I laid a hand on her, and concentrated the Force through her damaged body. The electricity burns I had expected, but my teeth still gritted in reaction as I came across them. Revan, transforming Force energy into lightening. That is bad, indeed. I could cut Revan off from the Force still, yes, but I was unwilling to push her anger too far. She broke through my shields twice when she was fighting Juhani. It was simply frightening that the one edge I had over Revan - my ability to manipulate our mind-link - could be waning.

"Thank you," the Cathar gasped as I finished. She gave a slight shiver at the hot-cold reactions to the healing. Her gaze was locked on the closed hatch that Revan had walked out of.

"So she is like me, then," Juhani whispered. "A fallen Jedi."

I drooped, sagging against the wall. I looked at the Cathar, and did not know if I was up to dealing with her issues as well. Here I am, attempting to guide two who have fallen to the Dark Side. One of them used to be a Sith Lord. A bubble of hysteria threatened to fall from my lips, but I swallowed it back. "Juhani, you are ready to come back to the Jedi? Are you willing?"

Her strange, feline eyes escaped mine, skittering away to focus in the shadows of the dimly lit room. She hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I do not know, Bastila. I think- I think there is much I have to make up for. Jen forced me to look at myself; at my actions, and at my weaknesses."

I could not quite stop the small noise of surprise that erupted from my throat. Revan? A voice of wisdom? Obviously she had said something to turn the Cathar away from the darkness.

Revan was always known for her charisma, a little voice chided in my head. Both before and after her fall.

Juhani twitched at my reaction. A glitter of determination, or something similar, flashed through her amber eyes. "Perhaps she makes sense to me because she understands the Dark Side. Although she has no memory of it?"

"Yes," I said shortly. I did not want to talk about Revan's history with Juhani, and disliked the implication that Revan was better at handling this sort of situation because she had once fallen herself. That notion is simply preposterous. It is her fall which makes her weak, dangerous.

I focused again on the bond linking me to Revan, but could sense no emotion from her whatsoever. It was like she had detached herself from the situation, for all I could feel was an empty numbness.

But then, right at that moment, the wall crumbled, and a powerful surge of fear and heartbreaking misery cascaded through the mind-link. I staggered with the force of it, dazed.

Juhani's head jerked upwards, her eyes alert. "I can feel something... someone's pain," she murmured. "Jen?"

The Cathar pressed against the hatch control, and ran from the room. That she had sensed Revan's distraught emotional state stunned me even further, and held me motionless for a moment.

"Wait!" I called out, following her speedily. I dashed down the empty grey corridor of the Ebon Hawk, but Juhani was already ahead of me.

Panting, I reached the port bunkroom. Rage and confusion were paramount now, seeping through the bond from Revan, and for the umpteenth time I wished I was not placed in this scenario.

But I am, and I will be strong and wise enough to deal with it.

It was not just about proving my worth. I could not quell the empathy that sparked within me at Revan's emotional turmoil. She scared me, she irritated me… and yet, and yet – I still bore a kernel of hope that within her was the great Jedi Knight of the past.

Revan was curled up on the small bed, her dark curls clutched in clenched fists, with Juhani kneeling in front of her.

"We both fight it, do we not?" Juhani murmured as I cleared the doorway. "The Dark Side, and all of its inviting power, and freedom from moral obligations."

"I don't even know who I am." Revan's voice was harsh, guttural. "Why should I even bother to fight it?"

"No!" I cried out, appalled, moving toward them in instinct. Both Juhani and Revan look up at my call, and the look on the latter's face was... twisted. Twisted with a vortex of dark emotions that echoed within our bond. "No," I said again, frightened, and knelt next to Juhani. Revan stared at me with startled green eyes, eyes that looked slightly darker than previously.

Was I imagining it? Were her eyes, her soul, already changing for the worse? Her gaze had been as black as space, once.

"Please, let me help you," I begged, reaching a hand out to her.

She blinked at me, and her pale face suddenly revealed a vulnerability I did not think I had seen before. I could sense her anger dimming, overshadowed by a growing uncertainty. I could almost convince myself that something like hope, too, was budding in her soul.

Almost.

Revan looked away, and then back to me, and her expression had composed itself. Her eyes deliberately trailed me up and down, as one eyebrow raised, and the bond flattened into emotional silence again.

"I guess it's time for our lessons then, huh?" she said flippantly, a forced smile pasted on her face. Juhani also glanced back to me, waiting. I nodded slowly, inwardly thinking their refresher stints could wait.

"Yes," I concurred. "Let us begin."

xXx