Into the deep
- Juhani -
Master Karon smiled warmly at me and patted my shoulder. I managed a weak shadow of a smile in response. I felt somewhat drained in spirit after the last few hours. Talking and meditating with Karon had brought a glimmer of peace to my soul, but I could not look at her without thinking of another. There had been only two Zabrak Masters in the Jedi Order - and although I had met Karon only once prior, she reminded me sharply of a past I desired to forget.
She looks so similar to Quatra. Perhaps I was not good at distinguishing differing features of the Zabrak race, but other than Master Karon's startling eyes, they could have been sisters. They even talk the same. Both spoke with a soft intensity, as if every word had a deep meaning beyond the obvious. Both had a quiet charisma, that made others stop and listen. But there are differences. In all the years I spent with Quatra, I never heard her laugh.
Karon's chuckle was a bright chime, and at times I could see a sort of wry self-deprecation in her eyes. And flashes of pain whenever we speak of Revan.
Karon seemed to be a gentle sort of person, and I found myself wondering how I would have fared under her tutelage. The last few hours of meditation had forced me to analyze my own character in ways that left me feeling uncomfortable with myself. I latched on to Quatra so intensely because I had no one left, and my childhood had taught me that love was meant to difficult, perhaps even unreachable. Quatra had always been stand-offish and sparing with her praise, which made me desire it all the more.
Bastila had, of course, told me of Quatra's survival back on Tatooine, but with the revelation of Jen's true identity – amongst other things – I'd managed to push away the knowledge to a dark, quiet corner of my troubled mind. The fact that Quatra still lived made a bitter mockery of the time I'd spent, in rage and despair and grief. A tiny, twisted part of me wished that she actually was dead. How can I think that? She was my Master! I loved her! And yet, she had betrayed me most cruelly.
Only now was Quatra's image tarnished in my mind, although I recalled a time when someone else was none too impressed with my former master...
…
The dry, dusty fragrance of long grass tickled my senses, as the blades tickled my face. Dantooine's clear night sky stretched infinitely above me, and as I lay quietly on the solitary plains, I wondered how similar the panorama above me was to my homeworld's skies. I could no longer recall it: frantic, bitter memories of Tarisian streets and Tarisian nightmares had long since eroded any recollection of my early years. But I am fortunate, now. The Jedi have taken me in, and I can finally achieve my dream – if only I work harder.
Quatra's latest lecture still rang in my ears and I was intently determined to win her approval. I would make her smile at me; I would make her proud. My other dreams of her were foolish whisperings that I ruthlessly pushed away and refused to indulge, except when the longing became too strong.
"She is too hard on you," a voice spoke next to me, cracking through the night's serenity.
The corners of my mouth turned down. Belaya was my closest friend, my only friend since Dak had run, but she did not understand Quatra. "She is a Master, Belaya, she knows what she is doing. And I will be a better Jedi for it."
"Juhani, are you blind? She spends all day lecturing you, assigns you to trials and exercises that daunt most Knights, and then forces you to meditate upon your failures for days on end! No other master is so harsh!"
"You cannot seriously question a Master – we are only Padawans! We know nothing of the Order." I struggled to stay calm – I did not wish to offend my friend, but how could she understand a Master's methods? Particularly when Tefain – her Master - was such an affable, gentle character in comparison.
"That's- that's – that's kath dung!" she burst out.
I blinked in the darkness. I had never heard Belaya curse; her speech was consistently formal – almost to a fault.
Belaya sighed. "Juhani, your admiration for her is too intense, and Quatra is determined to quash that feeling with everything she puts you through! But no matter how arduous the trial, you just admire her all the more!"
"Too intense?" the words ripped angrily from my lungs, and I jumped to my feet. "You know nothing, Belaya!" I spat. "Quatra is my Master, of course I care for her! Do not – ever – imply such a thing again!"
Somehow Belaya had risen as well, and she reached out an imploring hand. I jerked away, furious, and she sighed heavily. "I am sorry. I did not mean to offend. I just- I care for you too, Juhani, and I- I am worried."
I turned my back, and faced the nearby Enclave. "Do not concern yourself on my behalf, Belaya. I have the utmost faith in Master Quatra, and she knows what she is doing," I said coldly as I started striding away.
Belaya's next words were soft and not meant for my ears, but the gentle Dantooine breeze taunted me with them. "I hope she does, Juhani. I hope she does."
…
"Are you ready, Juhani?" Karon's soft words cut through my reverie. I blinked, and nodded solemnly at her as she opened the door of the small meeting room we had occupied for the last four hours. Karon had declared it was time for a break from soul-searching, time to see Bastila and discuss our immediate plans. Both of us had been in a Force trance and sensed the young Jedi slowly come to consciousness.
But it's the other presences we felt that worry me. Karon dismissed my fears openly, but the way her mouth tightened belied her casual attitude. It felt like eight, or perhaps ten, dark souls. In a place as populated as Ahto City, the seething mass of life made it difficult to pick out any single mind in particular. But when a group of Force users – dark Force users – were assembled together, one would have to be Force-blind not to sense them.
Too many things were pressing down on me. Not the least was Revan's flight. My first feeling upon realizing that had been despair. She had once begged me to teach her – a request that had ballooned in importance with Calo Nord's startling revelation. Part of me was convinced that only by saving Revan from the darkness could I prove myself worthy of once more wearing the mantle of the Jedi. Somehow, deep down, I felt like my redemption had escaped along with her. No. Master Karon has faith in me; as does Bastila. If only I shared it.
And then there's the mission Karon wants us to accomplish. A secret Republic base on the bottom of the Manaan Ocean – conveniently near where the Council believed the Star Map to be located – had abruptly cut contact with the Republic and Selkath authorities alike. What was more worrying was that no rescue team had yet returned – and two had already been sent.
The thought of descending into those watery depths turned my stomach, but I could not let Master Karon or Bastila see that. I had enough to prove – I had to live up to the honour of being a Jedi once more – without falling victim to my own weaknesses. But all that water... Oceans, in general, made most Cathar uneasy, but the phobia had always been more potent for me. Or perhaps it is because I am weak. Can I really expect to be strong enough to become a Jedi once more? After the last year?
I swallowed, and firmly pushed those doubts aside. I had to prove myself! If I could not do it by guiding Revan to the light, then I would by helping Bastila. Too long had I shirked my responsibilities, too long had I taken the easy way out.
"I don't think you fell to the Dark Side as much as used it as an excuse for your own failure."
Revan's words, taunting and yet far too perceptive from one as tormented as she. It was mere minutes after our duel on Tatooine, and already she had cut to the core of my weakness.
…
"I failed my Master!" I burst out, despair coursing through me. The anger had gone, swallowed up by the endless pit of misery this strange human was evoking. Why was she tormenting me so? Why had she not killed me yet? "I failed them all! What else could I do?"
The clay walls of Anchorhead were nearing, mulling with sentient life I did not wish to face. Yet I could not go back to my violent, meaningless existence... not anymore.
"Learn from your mistakes?" she snapped sarcastically, green eyes flashing. Despite the mocking nature of her tone, there was a grain of wisdom there I could not shy away from.
…
"Juhani?" Karon prompted again, frowning as she waited by the door. I gave myself a little shake, and followed her meekly down the corridor.
I felt bare, like my soul was ripped open for all to see. Merely compounding this was the empty space on my belt where my lightsaber previously hung. Karon had politely asked to hold onto mine for the time being, assuring me she would return it soon. While I trusted the Zabrak master and was not particularly attached to the Sith lightsaber Bastila had provided me with, I still felt oddly uncomfortable without it at the ready.
We reached Bastila's quarters just as she stepped out, pale and shaking. Karon immediately went to her, resting hands upon the young Jedi's shoulders.
"Bastila? What is it? The bond?"
"I-" Bastila stammered, before quickly regaining her composure. Her face, while still lacking in colour, firmed into a brief smile of greeting. For all that she had been put in many trying situations, Bastila was still able to quickly summon a composure I envied. "I had a rather disturbing dream."
"Yes?" Karon asked pointedly.
"I-I cannot really recall it, Master Karon," Bastila said haltingly. "It was – strange. All I could feel was anger. Anger and death."
"Jen?" Karon's voice was low.
"Yes," Bastila admitted reluctantly. "I do not know what has happened, but it is almost as if I cannot sense her anymore. I know she is there but-" She sighed. "My sense of her is numb. Like the stories of an amputee's ghost limb. She broke through my shields earlier. Perhaps she has found a way of distancing herself from me."
Karon pursed her lips. "And she is not answering you?"
"I do not believe she can hear me, Karon," Bastila responded, an apprehensive frown edging into her controlled countenance.
A tired look invaded the Zabrak's bright eyes. "We must have faith in the Force." It almost sounded as if Karon was talking to herself. "Leave it to me, Bastila. She is my responsibility." Karon's voice dropped on the last word.
The young Jedi nodded, and turned to look me over. Sympathy warmed her face, an emotion I did not particularly want nor deserve. "How are you, Juhani?" Her voice was kind, and I shrugged my discomfort off.
"I am good," I said softly. Bastila's eyes pinned me with the lie, and I sighed. "Well, I am better than I was."
She smiled, and I was surprised by the sadness of it. "I am glad to hear that." She looked over at Karon again, and straightened her shoulders. "I am ready to investigate the base now."
"Now?" Karon's voice was sharp with concern. "Bastila, for all that I said this mission was important, I do really think that-"
"There you are!" an annoyed, smarmy voice broke through our conversation, and I looked up to see Roland Wann stride down the corridor. He was scowling in frustration, his attention focused on the Zabrak master. The Republic commander had already impressed upon me his dislike of having Jedi stationed in the Embassy, even though it was he who had requested Karon's aid. The only person who seemed to irritate Roland more than one of us was the Mandalorian.
"Commander Wann," Karon acknowledged, tipping her head in deference. She did not have to be so polite; although Roland Wann was a Fleet officer, the Embassy itself was technically controlled by the Senate, which meant that Karon had as much authority as the human himself.
Roland's scowl deepened in response. He was middle-aged, for a human, with dark skin and thinning hair. His face was scarred in a few places, indicating that once upon a time, he had seen action of some sort. However his uniform fit him tightly, straining somewhat against his girth. Posted on the relatively peaceful planet of Manaan, I doubted Roland Wann was as fit as he had once been.
"Karon," he said flatly, omitting the customary title. I saw Bastila stiffen at his rudeness. "I thought you would have been on your way to Hrakert Station by now. You did promise aid." His voice edged on accusatory.
"We have just been discussing it, Commander Wann." Bastila interrupted, stressing his rank pointedly. Karon shot Bastila a small frown. I decided to stay quiet.
Roland Wann glanced at Bastila in annoyance, and then looked back to the Zabrak.
"Well?" he demanded.
Karon sighed audibly. "As Padawan Shan said," she began, and I wondered if she was silently reminding Bastila of her own station, "we are talking about it right now."
"What's to talk about? I need a rescue team down there! I have men trapped in the station, men I haven't heard from for days! And we haven't had a shipment for over a week!" Roland's face was flushed with anger.
Shipment? I wonder if he's more concerned over lost credits than men. I berated myself; I could not know Roland's motivation, and that sort of uncharitable thought was beneath me.
"Commander Wann," Karon said tightly, in a clipped voice. "Jedi's Bastila and Juhani will be travelling down there today. I will honour my word."
The Republic officer looked affronted and almost incredulous as he once more eyed Bastila, and then turned to appraise me dismissively. The corners of his mouth turned down further. "I thought you were heading down, Karon." He calmed his voice down, apparently trying to wrest back control of his temper.
"I promised aid; I did not say I would go myself. I have other responsibilities, Commander," Karon said tightly. Her face was a cold mask, and I was reminded sharply of Quatra at that very moment. Icy disapproval. I shivered.
"This mission seems to call for a Jedi master, not a bunch of apprentices!" he lashed back. Considering Bastila's reputation as a warhero, I did not understand why Roland was so angry. Perhaps he is looking for any reason to tear a strip off Karon.
Bastila interrupted once more, scowling. "I will do my duty," she said in a low voice. I looked at her in surprise. Perhaps I am not the only one with something to prove.
"Commander, could you inform us of Captain Onasi's whereabouts?" Karon enquired, cutting in before Roland could continue his tirade. "I believe his help would also be invaluable."
"Captain Onasi is otherwise occupied with Republic business," Roland shot back silkily, his voice almost... sanctimonious. Karon's bright eyes bored into his, and the human stiffened in righteous determination. Bastila looked ready to join in the battle of wills once more.
"Having fun?" a mocking voice drawled. The four of us started, turning to see the bulky form of Canderous Ordo saunter down the hallway like he owned it. I struggled to stop a frown pleating my forehead. The way the man walked - like a predator casually loping through his territory - set my hackles rising. And yet, I could not help a grudging respect for him, ever since our stand-off against Calo Nord. We fought well together; I could not deny that the ruthless Mandalorian was a talented warrior. I also had the uncanny feeling he was more intelligent than he let on.
"Canderous. You wanted something?" Bastila interjected, turning to face him squarely. A smirk played on his face as he lazily appraised us all. I did not doubt he could feel the tension swirling between the four of us.
"Simply to say farewell, princess," he said at last, his gaze coming to a rest on the young Jedi. "It's been... interesting."
"You're leaving?" Bastila echoed sharply.
"Why, yes," he drawled. "The party's breaking up, or haven't you noticed? First Jen and psycho-droid make an explosive getaway, and then the Twi'lek brat and her overgrown carpet sod off. No doubt you'll find those two in some seedy bar, lifting a few pockets. Figure I might as well head out now, find some work... actually get paid for risking my life," he added pointedly.
"You are looking for mercenary work, Canderous Ordo?" Karon cut in smoothly.
"Well," he replied in a sarcastic voice, "it's generally what mercenaries do."
Bastila's eyes flashed at his tone, and Roland Wann looked ready to throw him out. Karon, however, let out a tinkle of amused laughter. "In that case, I have a proposition for you."
Canderous' grey eyes sharpened on the Zabrak. "Not interested, Jedi. Not unless you pay me upfront."
Karon inclined her head. "That can be arranged."
"Karon, we can handle the situation," Bastila protested.
The Zabrak's expression softened as she looked at Bastila. "Yes you can, Bastila. However, I would prefer you had additional help. We do not know exactly what happened at Hrakert Station, and seeing as Captain Onasi is otherwise indisposed-" she threw a rueful look at Roland Wann, who scowled in return, "-then I will take help where I find it. Trust in the Force, Bastila."
"I don't like the idea of a Mandalorian mercenary interfering in Republic business," Roland cut in, crossing his arms in belligerence.
"I'm sure you don't," Canderous drawled, his voice mocking. Roland Wann drew himself up to retort, but once more Karon intervened. I wondered at her seemingly endless patience. Canderous, in his own way, was as hard to deal with as Roland.
"Roland, your last rescue teams was comprised entirely of mercenaries, so you should have no problem with Canderous accompanying the others. I will pay his fee, so it will cost you nothing," Karon interjected smoothly. "Canderous, if you would come with me, we can discuss the more material aspects of this mission. Juhani, Bastila, freshen up and meet us in the communications room. Commander Wann, I would be obliged if you could meet us there also."
Roland looked like he was being forced to swallow something extremely unpleasant. Canderous rolled his eyes, but willingly followed Karon down the corridor. I guess he's prepared to do anything for money.
I glanced at Bastila; she shot me a look of pure annoyance about the circumstances. I was merely glad I had stayed out of the bickering, but I wondered how well I would be taking things in an hour or so. Trapped with Bastila and Canderous sniping at each other, and surrounded by all that water...
xXx
"I do not know who is worse," Bastila muttered, exiting the refresher. I had been sitting on the small meditation mat, waiting for her to finish. "Roland Wann with his snide comments and dislike of Jedi, or Canderous' bloodthirsty nature and superiority complex. Force, what was Karon thinking? We do not need his help, and he is hardly trustworthy."
"An extra pair of hands cannot hurt," I said softly, glancing around her quarters once more. I was unused to such luxury, and I wondered if Bastila was also. Although the enclave on Dantooine was far superior to any habitat I'd lived in prior, it was still sparse and small. The decadence of the Republic rooms made me itch. "Perhaps Karon believes there is a reason Canderous appeared when he did."
Bastila threw me a sharp look, and then sighed. "You are correct, Juhani. Certainly, this continued quarrelling serves no one. I should have more patience."
She smiled at me, patting me companionably on the arm. I wondered when Bastila had started to treat me like a friend. She was still concerned for me – I could see by the way she sometimes watched me worriedly when she thought I wasn't paying attention – but overall, she treated me like an equal. Like a fellow Jedi. Despite my own insecurities and worries, it felt nice.
"Let us find the others then," Bastila said on a cheery note that somehow rang false. I followed her silently through the glistening corridors of the Embassy, lost within my own thoughts. I would prove myself with this mission - I had to. It felt as if my whole future was riding on it. No. I believed the same about Revan. I thought that only by teaching her would I be able to redeem myself, and she has taken that choice out of my hands. I must confront my future one step at a time. Nothing important was ever easy.
Karon smiled as we entered the main communications room. A number of Republic technicians were busy working at terminals along the far wall, but the main console was abandoned except for Wann's presence. He gave us both a minuscule nod, saving his glare for Canderous who was slouching against a chrome wall behind Karon.
"Are you both sure you wish to start now?" Karon enquired. "You have time for a few more hours of rest."
Roland began to interrupt hotly, but subsided when Bastila waved a placating hand. "I am ready, Master Karon."
"As am I," I echoed softly, striving to sound confident.
"Let's just get on with it," Canderous muttered.
"I take it you have been paid, Canderous?" Bastila said icily.
"Even a mercenary has to eat, princess," he grated in response, folding his arms.
"Commander Wann," Karon cut in. "If you would be so kind as to brief us on the mission?"
I thought I heard the older man sigh. "As you know, the Republic is fighting for its very existence against the evil of the Sith Empire," Roland Wann began. Although I sympathized with the struggle, I could not help but feel the man sounded pompous. He flicked a suspicious glance at Canderous. "Hrakert Station is but one of our research bases across the galaxy. It is, however, of great importance."
"What sort of 'research'?" Canderous interrupted, dragging a cigarra to his lips.
"I'll thank you not to smoke in here," Roland said stiffly.
Canderous looked ready to object until Karon stared at him pointedly. He rolled his eyes, but pocketed the cigarra anyway.
Roland sniffed, and continued talking. "It's a biological research station. That's all you need to know."
"It's got something to do with this kolto you Republic love, isn't it?" Canderous interrupted once more. "It's gotta be the only thing here to get you so panicky."
A bland expression crossed Karon's face, and a muscle twitched under Roland's eye as he opened his mouth to rant. "That would be a violation of the Selkath non-interference agreement, Mandalorian! It is merely a research base – we are worried because we care for all the workers of the Republic! Unlike you bloodthirsty barbarians, happy enough to slaughter any innocent-"
"Calm!" Karon's voice resonated through the room, causing even the unflappable Mandalorian to blink. The silence the followed her command was filled with a peaceful, relaxing sensation, and I marvelled at Karon's ability to manipulate the Force so subtly. Both Roland and Canderous seemed to relax somewhat, their postures loosening.
"Now, Roland, perhaps you can tell us about the rescue parties you have already sent?" Karon's voice was deceptively mild.
Roland coughed. "As you know, we lost contact with the base six days ago. We were nearing completion of the southern section when the digging teams reported some sort of obstruction... could be that artefact you mentioned earlier, Karon. After that, transmissions from the base were cut off abruptly. We sent a rescue party almost immediately, but they did not report back. Our second team contacted us only once."
Roland leaned over the console, tapping a couple of keys. A few seconds later, and the static crackle of a voice filled the room.
"Republic HQ, this is Scarlett Five. We've just docked at Hrakert Station. The firaxan sharks were crazy on the way down! I'm glad for the sonics, otherwise we'd be a bloody mess on the bottom of the ocean. In fact, I'm surprised we aren't anyway." There was a slight pause in the message. "Commander, this place is a mess. There's no power to most of the base. I could see the southern side of the station was destroyed as we came in. There's a pile of corpses here, too... Selkath, Human, and what looks like the last rescue party. Dammit, I'm starting to get the feeling you ain't paying us enough, man. Will report once we've made some headway. Out."
Canderous broke the ominous silence with a harsh bark of laughter. "Ain't this gonna be a barrel of laughs."
Bastila pointedly ignored his comment, turning to look at Roland. "This was the only message you received?"
Roland sighed heavily. Somehow, he looked older than before. "The only one, yes."
"How many men in the rescue teams?" Canderous asked.
"Five in the first group. The last lot was four mercenaries, I guess I didn't really expect them to make it, but I had to try something!" Roland ended in frustration.
"At this stage, we have no idea what could have caused the problem," Karon intervened.
"Perhaps the Sith?" Bastila offered.
"Peace, I hope not," Roland muttered. "I don't think so. We would have heard from them – and the Selkath conservatives – if they had discovered-" Roland coughed abruptly, his dark skin flushing. "I think it has something to do with the unusual behaviour of the firaxan sharks. Our underwater sensors were going mad with aquatic activity, and that transmission you just listened to mentioned the same thing. I'm almost inclined to believe the damned sharks attacked the base, although that seems a little far-fetched."
"I wonder if their behaviour is merely a symptom of the problem," Karon said softly. "Firaxan sharks, in general, do not attack unless provoked."
"Well, we ain't gonna find out by yakking about it all day," Canderous interrupted gruffly. "Let's get our gear, and move out."
xXx
We made our way to the submersible, following Roland Wann deeper into the Embassy. He briskly showed us the departure point and then strode off, muttering about more important things to do. Ironic, really, considering he was the one who had insisted this was so urgent.
The small submersible bobbed gently in the water. Sleek and black, I eyed it over dubiously as I wondered how the three of us would fit in there. We will be travelling down into the turbid depths. A coiling hand grasped my stomach. I will not let this get to me. I will be strong.
"Juhani?" Bastila enquired; I turned to see a concerned look on her pale face. She stood close to me, lowering her voice so the others could not hear. "Are you well? Perhaps you do not need to go with us; you could possibly help Karon up here."
She doesn't think I am up to it. A sense of shame shot through me. "I will be fine, Bastila," I said softly. "I will prove myself to you."
She blinked in surprise. "You do not need to prove yourself, Juhani! You have already done enough. That Dark Side calls to us all; you are not alone. I think you should stay."
Astonishment dawned into understanding. She believes it is the Dark Side that is troubling me. That was probably a good thing, I did not want anyone to know of my weakness. The sound of water lapping against the submersible grated in my ears.
I forced a smile. "Bastila, I will be fine. We all have our own challenges to face."
Bastila hesitated. "I- yes, you are correct. I confess that I am also troubled. As much as I disliked my bond with Jen, I do not know how to react now that I can no longer sense her. I- I wish I had some inkling of what she is doing- or her state of mind-" Bastila smiled at me weakly. "But now I am rambling. Master Karon told me that Jen is now her concern, not mine."
I smiled back at her, thoughtful. I had always thought of Bastila as strong in her Jedi serenity. Only now was I beginning to see that she had her own issues to deal with. Revan's departure affected us all in various ways. Carth had been unapproachable in his foul temper, and disappeared immediately after we reached the Embassy. Mission was staggered – I'd been able to smell the hurt radiating from her back on the Ebon Hawk. And now, both she and her Wookiee friend had gone.
As for Canderous... well, no one really knew what the Mandalorian was thinking. He had seemed grumpier then normal, but perhaps that was just Bastila's presence. I sighed.
"So this is the secret docking bay, huh? That little boat looks like it would sink with just one of us in there," Canderous' gravely voice cut through my inner musing. I turned to see him and Karon walk into the room.
"You know enough about vehicles, Canderous; I doubt you believe your own remarks," Karon responded mildly. "You will find the submersible is quite reliable and sound. It is also fitted with sonic rays that will keep the firaxans at bay."
The Mandalorian grunted as Karon turned to face us. She smiled briefly at Bastila and me, and indicated she had a gift for us both.
"Your lightsabers," the intense master said, tossing a cylindrical object to us both. I caught mine reflexively. "I hope you do not mind that I modified them somewhat."
I glanced at Karon in surprise, and activated it. The snap-hiss was music to my ears, but the bright blue colour drained the heat from my face.
Bastila was beaming, twirling a yellow double-bladed 'saber. "Thank you! I was not quite accustomed to that sickly red colour."
I had not held a blue lightsaber for years. The crystal I had found once, on Dantooine, had been blue. A peaceful, dark blue.
"I doubt it's as modified as your original lightsaber, Bastila, but it will have to do for the meantime," Karon said dryly. "What became of yours, anyway?"
Bastila flushed uncommonly. "It was – misplaced. A lot happened on Taris."
Canderous snorted in derision. "From what I recall, princess, you told Republic it rolled under your seat in the escape pod."
"Thank you kindly for the reminder, Canderous," Bastila responded in an icy voice. I could see Karon struggling to hold back a smile of amusement. "Perhaps we should get going?"
At that, I turned my lightsaber off. I could not help feeling somewhat shaken, however. Am I truly returned to the Jedi, then? Is that what Karon is telling me, by giving me this? The Zabrak Master was looking at me now, her turquoise eyes intent. She smiled, and took a step towards me.
"Have faith in yourself, Juhani," she said for my ears alone. "You will do well."
xXx
The voyage to the depths of the ocean was worse than I expected. Bastila spent the time trying to be painstakingly civil to Canderous, who merely baited her in return. I kept my eyes shut, desperately attempting to think of anything but the water enclosing me on all sides. It seemed to be pressing in on me. Even the air felt heavier, harder to breathe.
"I am glad of the sonics," Bastila remarked, leaning over to stare out the ferracrystal windows at the gloomy underworld of Manaan. She and Canderous were seated at the front of the cramped ship, while I stretched out behind. "It's keeping the firaxans at bay. What wild behaviour!"
I bit back a groan, resisting the impulse to look for myself. Even the motion of the submersible was making me ill. I do not get spacesick, therefore I should not feel so nauseous underwater. Common sense was hardly chasing away my unease.
"Yes, yes, aren't they pretty," Canderous grumbled in irritation.
Bastila sighed. "I thought you were insufferable before, Canderous, but ever since we landed on Manaan you have been intolerable! Can we not just try to act civil, for the sake of our mission?"
"I'm being paid to keep you alive, princess, not to sweet talk you," Canderous retorted.
"Force, Canderous, what is troubling you? Ever since-" she paused, and then sighed irritably. "Ever since Jen left. You have been in an all-consuming grouchy mood."
"Grouchy?" His voice was low and dangerous.
My spirits ebbed further, and I glanced outside to draw my attention away from the ensuing argument. Bad mistake. Dark water and murky depths greeted my eyes, interspersed with faint lights illuminating a coral-strewn ocean floor. Lights?
"Yes, grouchy!" Bastila snapped.
"The station!" I said quickly, before the argument could escalate further. "Look, in the distance!"
"The base," Bastila breathed, moving forward to unlock the retractable steering column. The submersible jerked under her hands as she switched it into manual drive. My stomach heaved. A dizzying fear clouded my mind. I will be strong. Think of the code! My lips formed the first line as I struggled to maintain control. Thus far, my companions had not noticed my distress. I could only hope that things would improve once we set foot inside the station.
Bastila flicked on the transmissions as she guided the submersible ever closer to sanctuary. "Republic HQ, this is the Shadow Cat."
What an inappropriate name for a submersible. Cats don't belong in the water. Neither did Cathars.
"We are nearing Hrakert Station," Bastila continued speaking into the receiver. "The firaxans have been oddly aggressive along our approach, but our sonic emitters successfully kept them at bay. We are perhaps ten minutes from arrival. I will radio in once we have docked. This is the Shadow Cat, out."
Expectant silence settled over us as Bastila switched off the comm. I stared soulfully at the base lights – it would not be long until I had steady ground under my feet. It could not be soon enough.
The lights flickered; almost as if a shadow had passed in front of the distant base. I frowned.
"What was that?" Canderous asked gruffly.
Bastila leaned forward in her chair. "I saw it too," she said slowly. "Perhaps there is a power problem at the base?"
The lights flickered again, and this time I could distinguish several shapes blocking out the sight of salvation. The murky water seemed to swirl threateningly through the ferracrystal windows.
"That's not a power failure," Canderous said. "There's something out there."
"More sharks," I mumbled, my lips turning numb. The shadows lengthened into metres, and grew eyes and teeth. Ice clenched my spine. With a churning sense of horror, I realized there were hundreds of these things in the water. And we were headed straight for them.
"A school of sharks," Bastila concluded, her voice tense but controlled. "The sonics should scare them away."
"Scare off that many?" Canderous grated. "What has your precious Republic done, fed kolto to the fish?"
I spotted the first few sharks swerve abruptly to avoid us, the sonic emitters no doubt painful to their sensitive hearing. Some of them were at least half the length of the submersible. I heard one rebound off the hull, and the flimsy walls shuddered against the impact.
"This tin can better hold together," Canderous muttered.
"It's designed for deep sea travel!" Bastila snapped back. "You have no idea how much pressure it can withstand!"
Another thump resounded against the ship, and I bit back a moan. Never had the vehicle seemed so fragile.
"Give me the controls," Canderous demanded. "I've had more piloting experience than you."
To my surprise, Bastila released the steering column without argument. The submersible rocked wildly from side to side, and I realized in horror that the sharks were now deliberately smashing into it. Bastila turned to face me, reaching out a hand to place on my shoulder.
"I will attempt to calm them," she said softly. The faint light from the console showed the pallor of her face. "My battle meditation may help here. But I need your aid, Juhani."
"Mand'alor's balls," Canderous muttered, pulling hard to the left. The submersible swerved sharply, slamming into another group of sharks as it did so. As I landed against the side window, I felt a mind brush against mine.
"Open your mind to me," Bastila demanded in a quiet voice. "I can do this, but it's difficult with such a foreign species. I need your help."
Bastila was asking too much; a temporary melding of minds required an inner concentration I found hard to grasp even on normal days. Such a bond would allow her access to my own reservoir of Force power, as long as we shared both a physical and a mental link. Her fingers dug into my shoulder insistently.
"I cannot do this!" I gasped. Fear clawed in my belly, and for a second all I could see was the inky black water, drowning my body and my soul, pulling me down in its never-ending depths...
"Dammit!" Canderous cursed. The ship rocked heavily to one side, and then the other. I was suddenly glad I'd had nothing to eat for the last few hours. "If you're gonna do something fancy, princess, now is the time!"
"Juhani!" Bastila's voice was insistent, allowing no recourse for failure.
I closed my eyes, struggling to push back the terror. Her hand gripped me tightly, almost painfully, and I focused on that. Pain. Yes, pain can be used as a focus. That was something I'd learned, back on Tatooine. When my days had been filled with grief and misery and denial, with only rabid wraids around to focus on. Sometimes physical pain was the only way to avert sheer insanity.
I breathed, concentrating solely on the fingers that dug holes into my shoulder. Bastila's mind touched mine again, but I was not quite ready. I drew in a shuddering breath, clearing my thoughts of everything but those fingernails pricking into my skin. While not the ideal way to open myself to the Force, peace and serenity seemed out of the question. Revan would accuse me of taking the middle-ground.
I drew in the Force, and it responded. Hesitantly, I reached out to Bastila.
She reacted immediately, and I was swept away in the storm of her Force energy. I felt angry sparks of existence crowd around the submersible, writhing and attacking in a frenzy. I could even sense the simple life power of the coral that graced the ocean floor. Faint astonishment at Bastila's skill drove away my fear. I cannot sense anywhere near this clearly.
Bastila settled somehow on the swarm of sharks; soothing, calming, peaceful. The foreign feral rage that encompassed the animals – they seemed to react as one being – slowly dissolved. Some turned, and began to retreat. A palpable sense of confusion radiated from them, but the frenzied anger... the anger was disappearing.
My relief vanished a moment later. A presence - huge and vast and ancient - slammed into our joint awareness. It was focused directly on us. I felt the shock ripple from Bastila's psyche, as it must surely be emanating from mine. This mind, or soul, was immense. It far eclipsed anything I had ever sensed, and it was utterly foreign.
And very, very angry.
Suddenly, sharp painful fury came back to life threefold within the swarm. I jerked back to my body as the submersible was buffeted roughly from side to side. The sharks were renewing their attack with a vengeance.
Whatever that foreign presence was, it had made the firaxans a whole lot angrier.
Canderous was swearing in Mandalorian. Dazedly, I realized the submersible was going a lot faster than it had been. I slammed into the back of my chair as the ship collided sharply with the coral sea floor. A loud scraping resonated from the bottom of the hull, accompanied swiftly by the tearing sound of metal.
A high-pitched whistling of mist shot up from the floor, and my breath caught. We've got a leak! Painful shards of water splattered onto my face, and I jerked away from the centre of the ship. I couldn't inhale; my throat was closing in stark fear.
"I can't see where that gods-cursed base is!" Canderous was yelling, but his voice seemed somewhat distant. I thought I heard Bastila reply, but could not make it out. My vision darkened. I couldn't breathe in, couldn't think for the sheer terror gripping my mind. We're going to die! I could feel the water rising up around my legs, the water clogging through my lungs, just like those nightmares when I had been but a young kit.
Rational thought was impossible; my mind stopped altogether and then mercifully, everything faded into oblivion.
xXx
Something flowed like honey through a body I'd forgotten. With a slow, dawning self-awareness, I realized it was the Force melting through my limbs. Sluggishly, I dragged myself back to consciousness; the training inbred in me would allow no recourse.
I choked, twisting abruptly to my side to spit out the acrid liquid from my lungs. Cool ferracrete lay reassuringly underneath my cheek.
"Juhani?" a voice queried. It took me a moment to recognize it as Bastila's.
The Force departed from my body then, leaving a variety of aches I would rather not have known about. Belatedly, I realized Bastila had been probing me for injuries. I rolled over and opened my eyes.
"Bastila," I acknowledged, licking stinging lips. Embarrassment settled over me that I had abandoned dignity in front of her. "Where are we?"
"We are in Hrakert Station," she said softly.
"Damn, there's at least ten corpses in this room!" Canderous' gruff voice called from further back. "Wake the Cathar up, would you? We should secure the area."
Shame flooded me further and I jerked upright. I did not want the Mandalorian to see me surrounded by the contents of my stomach. I accepted Bastila's arm unsteadily and slowly rose to my feet.
We were in a large room that had almost no lighting. One lone fluorescent tube still glowed faintly on the far side of the room. The steady lapping of water grated my nerves even as I realized we were in the docking bay of the base. Nearby, the submersible bobbed gently in the water. I gaped at it.
"H-how? How is that possible?" I mumbled. "There was so much water inside!"
Bastila looked at me oddly. "There was no water in the submersible, Juhani. It is damaged and inoperable, but there was no leak." She paused, and I felt her intent gaze on me. "Still, we were very lucky. I do not know how long the submersible could have withstood the attacks. The high-speed scraping against the coral damaged more than just the hull."
There was no water? I'd felt it, wet fingers of death scrabbling up my body. I swallowed, and refused to look at Bastila. I did not want to deal with the fragilities of my own mind just yet.
I peered into the shadows where Canderous was crouched down. Slowly my eyes adjusted to the poor lighting, and I could make out several shapes. From what Canderous had already said, they were all corpses.
"What happened here?" I asked softly. My inner peace was shattered, but slowly I was rebuilding it. I had to retain control of myself. I have already failed. Too weak for the Dark Side, too fragile for the Light.
But Karon had faith in me. Somehow, I had to cling to that.
A weight was still pressing in on my temples - my very psyche itself - but it had become somewhat bearable. Perhaps because now I had both feet on a stable floor.
"I do not know yet," Bastila returned, her voice quiet and concerned.
Canderous grunted as he stood up, moving slowly towards us. He slung a pack over one shoulder and his monstrous blaster over the other.
"I got everything from the ship. There's not much on those bodies though. There's certainly been a bloodbath here, there's Selkath, Republic, mercenaries... even some dead guy in a lab coat," he said shortly. "We should get going and look for a way outta here."
I glanced at him, and then back at Bastila. "The submersible?" I queried at last.
"It's pretty beaten up," Canderous answered me. "There's no way that's gonna get us to the surface in one piece."
I licked suddenly dry lips. Trapped. "Per- perhaps we could radio for assistance?"
Bastila shook her head. "The collision shorted out the electronics. We were lucky we could steer the submersible to safety."
"The comm's totally kriffed," Canderous added. "I trans'd a help request when the ship first crashed into the reef, but I dunno if it got through."
Our conversation was interrupted by a high-pitched scream that reeked of anguish. My head shot upwards to stare at the only door; whoever that had come from was not far away.
As one, we moved towards the exit. Bastila and I both pulled out our 'sabers in readiness, but did not yet activate them. I had a healthy appreciation for both Bastila and Canderous as fighters, and did not feel alarmed for my own well-being. Anything is better than being enclosed by all that water. And yet, here at the bottom of the ocean, I was still trapped.
The next room was a foyer of sorts, lit only by an electronic short sparking against one corner. It threw up flickering, eerie shadows that danced alongside walls. I moved through first and noticed three exits - as well as a shaking male Twi'lek huddling in the centre, staring straight at us.
"How... how did you get in?" the Twi'lek mumbled, his words blurry and indistinct. I appraised him warily; his blood-splattered armour and vibroblade did not suggest he was a mere base worker. "They sent you, didn't they? You came with a ship?" Something like hope entered his voice.
"It is all right," Bastila said in a soothing voice. Canderous snorted behind me. "I am Jedi Shan, and we are with the Republic. Can you tell me your name?"
"Quick, we have to get out of here, we have to get away!" the Twi'lek demanded. The whites of his eyes were flashing wildly as he stared everywhere at once. I realized, then, that this man had a very tenuous grip on sanity. I shivered. What is going on?
"You are safe," Bastila placated, her voice calm and assuring. "What happened here?"
"The Selkath, they went crazy!" the Twi'lek blurted, his words rushing out in a flurry. "They started killing anything that moved. Someone must have triggered the defence systems too, 'cause all the droids activated as well!" The man had trouble breathing, inhaling in loud, staccato gulps. "We came down and secured the first couple rooms... there were bodies everywhere... and the Selkath came out... screaming and croaking their fishy little war-cries. They're dead! All dead! They swarmed out and over us. Everyone's dead!" His hands shook wildly on his vibroblade.
"Please, take a deep breath," Bastila went on in a peaceful tone. "You were one of the mercenaries sent by Roland Wann?"
"Yes, yes, but they're all dead! We have no time, we have to leave now!" His voice grew in pitch and frenzy, and his vibroblade rose into the air. I saw Canderous stiffen warily.
"We are here to investigate the base," Bastila told him calmly. "We will not let any harm come to you, you have my word."
"No! No! They'll come back! No! We must go now! I am leaving now!" His voice transformed into a screech, and something akin to uncontrolled aggression entered his eyes. His hand clenched around his blade, and it lifted.
"Calm yourself!" Bastila's tone turned authoritative.
"No!"
"Get out of my sight before I end your miserable existence," Canderous snarled viciously, raising his gun to point it menacingly at the Twi'lek. I gasped at about the same time as Bastila, reaching for my 'saber. I could not let Canderous kill so glibly.
The Twi'lek let out a squeak of pure terror, and fled.
"No, wait! We will not hurt you, I promise!" Bastila called out in vain, but there was no response bar the fading sound of frantic footsteps. She whirled on Canderous in a fury.
"How dare you?" she fumed, colour marring the porcelain tones of her face. "We have no idea what is out there - you may have just condemned that poor man to death! How can you be so callous?"
Canderous shrugged disdainfully. "He was a second away from attacking us, princess. That would have been his guaranteed death, let me assure you." He smirked. "In fact, scaring him off gave him a shot at living. That kook's survived down here for days. I wouldn't be surprised if we run into him again."
Despite myself, I had to admit Canderous made a twisted sort of sense. Bastila threw him a look of pure disgust, and looked ready to throw him another sharp retort.
Not again, I thought in despair. "Canderous, do you have any thoughts on what happened to the base?" I cut in, desperately trying to distract them from another petty argument, and myself from the oppressing environment.
Canderous grunted. "An attack, obviously. Haven't seen any Sith corpses yet, and I don't know who else would bother. There's not much of worth on water worlds like Manaan."
"Not much of worth?" Bastila questioned, her voice slightly incredulous. "Surely you are forgetting about the kolto supply?"
Canderous laughed, a short, sharp bark. "Kolto may be the single best healing substance in the galaxy, princess, but the Mandalore are not as fragile as your Republic. We do not need to indulge in such weak healing substances when we enter battle."
"I shall refrain from pointing out that, weak as we may be, your people lost the last war." Bastila responded archly. I wondered if she noticed the irony of her own words.
"Bah!" Canderous snorted. "We were outnumbered three to one, and still your warriors ran and hid behind civilians like frightened old woman. You had not one competent commander in your cowardly ranks, princess. Well, not until your Jedi Reva-" Canderous halted his tirade abruptly, mid-speech. Shock rippled through his lined face, followed swiftly by a blistering anger.
Silence settled over us for a tense minute.
"Revan," he said finally, his voice quiet and deadly.
My spine stiffened. He knows. He knows what Bastila did, back on Tatooine. My gaze fled to her face; it was ashen.
"Canderous, you must reali-"
"I warned you, Jedi," he cut her off, still in the same soft tone. "Back in that cave. I said I would kill you if you tried any hu'tuun trick on me again."
Bastila's face tightened; a glimpse of irritation slid between the shock. "You don't understand what is at stake here, Canderous. It isn't all about you- it is not even just about Revan-"
"Mando'ade keep their promises, Jedi," Canderous continued. The fact he no longer referred to Bastila as 'princess' hadn't escaped my notice. Fury and dented male pride rolled off him in waves; I could almost taste it. And I knew I had to do something before they both went too far.
"Stop it!" I screamed, loosing my tense nerves and building my fear into one long howl. A lifetime ago, I had once heard Cathar warriors howl in battle. It was a sound the galaxy would probably never hear again.
Canderous and Bastila started, both jerking around to look at me in surprise.
"Stop it," I reiterated, quietly this time. "Look at the mess we are in. We have no working submersible, we're surrounded by corpses and all- all that water... and- we should be working together!" the last few words stumbled out after one another. "This can wait until later!"
"Stay out of this, Cathar." Canderous' steely gaze had flicked back to Bastila, who was staring back at him determinedly, chin raised in pride. My hackles rose. I could not stop them if they were determined to fight, but Canderous could not believe he would best a Jedi, surely? Bastila's fingers twitched near her lightsaber. And Canderous is not stupid, Bastila!
"For the sake of the battles we shared on Taris and Tatooine," Canderous said at last, "I'll not kill you now. But don't think to cross my path again, Jedi. I'm going to find my own way out of this gods-cursed hellhole." The Mandalorian turned sharply, and strode towards the dark belly of the base.
"Not kill me?" Bastila muttered, quiet enough so that the disappearing warrior would not hear her. Affronted pride burned pink spots into her cheeks.
My gaze stayed pinned on Canderous' retreating form. In this ominous pit, I knew there was safety in numbers. But I would not beg a Mandalorian for help – even one I had begun to respect.
Canderous reached a turn. He vanished, and did not look back.
xXx
Author's Note: many thanks to Kosiah for the beta.
