Words: 4,862

Warning(s): Mentions of war, death, and some foul language


"Conscious" probably wasn't the correct term to apply to Sakura at this moment in time. Determined to make progress with the chidori, she had trained until the sun went down without pause. By now, Sakura had been on her feet for a grand total of 32 hours straight, and her body was beginning to feel the effects.

At least I made some progress! Sakura thought, using a hand to cover her wide yawn.

Eight hours in the forest had not gone unrewarded. By the time she walked out, Sakura was consistently forcing her chakra to flicker about her hand in the desired shape. What she lacked was the chakra nature to then force it into electricity.

Despite the bone-tired weariness that coursed through her body, Sakura felt slightly optimistic. In her hospital shift before her training, she hadn't lost any patients, and then she'd made actual leeway in her quest for the perfect chidori defibrillator.

A chidorilator, she mused tiredly, a giggle bubbling up her throat. Two nurses paused in their rounds to look at her skeptically, and she hurriedly staunched her laughter and ducked into a walkway between tents to avoid more judgmental stares. Once out of sight, she patted her cheeks firmly three times and shook her head to wake up before dispensing a soldier pill from its canister at her side. The pill fell just short of her mouth, however, when a frowning Sakura pulled it back.

Maybe I need to take a quick nap, Sakura reflected while rolling the soldier pill through her fingers contemplatively; she now doubted her decision to come straight to the hospital after training. It was hypocritical, warning shinobi against over-using the chakra stimulants while she downed them like water. A rueful smile graced her lips.

"Only for emergencies, right?" Sakura asked the air, repeating the words she delivered to every shinobi before they left on extended missions.

The tiny granules of chemical compounds composing her moral dilemma shifted in their red sugar coating. Yes, Sakura knew what was in the pills and how it worked; even better, Sakura knew what the pills did to a person in the long run: degradation of chakra pathways, decrease in chakra control, and organ failure were only a few of the effects.

So why was she even thinking about taking another one?

If she was honest, Sakura could admit that she was running herself into the ground. Sleep deprivation had its nasty share of side effects, and caffeine could only act as a supplement for so long. Combine that with her recent pill popping party, and even non-medics could spot her particular recipe for disaster.

Sighing, Sakura lifted her gaze from the pill to gaze upon the sea of tents surrounding her. She knew it was bad for her health to continue on as she was, truly, it was just...she didn't care.

How could she justify taking a break as hundreds of shinobi lay fighting for their lives? Was her sleep really worth the futures of the comrades she could be saving?

"Sakura-chan? Is that you over there?" a familiar voice called.

Without hesitating a second longer, Sakura raised the pill to her mouth and swallowed it dry.

"Coming, Shizune," she responded, rounding the corner to where the voice was coming from. Sure enough, out on the main pathway stood one of her oldest comrades, Tonton firmly in arms. As Tsunade's apprentices, they had been through a fair amount together-namely wrestling the sake away from their infamous mentor.

With Tsunade out of commision, she and Shizune had divided the duty of keeping the medical forces in check. Both looked a little worse for the wear, and Sakura saw the dark circles under her eyes reflected in Shizune's face.

"Sakura, we need to do something about…" her voice trailed off and all of the sudden her spine straightened. Shizune closed the remaining the distance between them in short steps and proceeded to ignore all rules of personal space as she critically examined Sakura's face. Her lips pursed in displeasure, "Sakura, you look like shit."

"You're not looking too hot yourself, Shizune," she shot back with little venom in her voice; she had too little energy to fight right now.

Shizune's posture slumped and her eyes softened. "I know. It's just, jeez, Konoha's always been understaffed with medics, and it turns out we're the most equipped nation!"

Tsunade's most infamous fight with the elders had been her quest to train more medics for Konoha. She had been determined that every squad have a medic-nin, but the elders and more blue-blooded members of the council disagreed. During the chaos that was the Second Shinobi World War, the Sandaime Hokage had maintained that Konoha had neither the time nor the resources to devote their time to such folly. When Dan was killed soon after, Tsunade had fled the village in turmoil, and even though the war ended, nothing was done to train more medic-nins.

Since the begin of Tsunade's reign of hokage four years ago, the nation had made leaps and bounds of progress in terms of their medical-nin training, but they still fell very short of their goal. Right now, Konoha had about one fully trained medic-nin to every nine regular shinobi-far from the preferred 1:3 ratio.

It was discouraging to know that the other nations were even further behind.

"I know," Sakura acknowledged with a world-weary sigh, "Hopefully this number of casualties will at least be good for opening the other nations' eyes to the need for more medics."

At the mention of their growing casualty list, Shizune closed her eyes and moved one arm from Tonton to run her hand through her messy hair. Sakura could relate. The sheer volume of ailing patients had her at her wits end, and now they had this heart attack issue to deal with.

"Maybe," Shizune trailed off, stroking Tonton disheartenedly. It was hard to stay optimistic in the face of these odds, and the image of all the nations suddenly training medics was just so fucking perfect that both she and Shizune had accepted its unlikelihood.

"Anyway!" Shizune interrupted the pessimistic atmosphere that had descended with her loud outburst, "Let's go grab some tea and try to wake up a little. We both could use it."

"Caffeine would be good," Sakura admitted, fighting off both a yawn and a grin.

"Perfect!" Shizune declared, grabbing Sakura's arm and forcefully steering her towards their much needed caffeine, "I know exactly where to get some!"

Sakura smiled, content to be under Shizune's command. While it was true that Sakura had passed Shizune in skill level, the older woman's longer tutelage under Tsunade had granted her the experience she needed to face disasters without losing her head. Instead of making Sakura feel inferior, she had an older sister-mentality that put the younger woman at ease. Somehow, Shizune had taken away the sting she usually felt in relying on someone.

"Excuse me, coming through," a medic commanded, parting the people crowding the pathway.

Shizune and Sakura looked up from their conversation and took in their frantic surroundings. Two more medics followed the first, such a hurried pace could only mean there was another heart attack. Charcoal eyes met viridian: So much for tea.

"No, no guys, I got it!" Megumi called, stopping Tsunade's two apprentices in their tracks, "Seriously, take five on this."

The sand medic-nin rushed after the growing procession of medics, but no more followed after silver haired woman. What the other nations lacked in quantity could sometimes be made up for by the quality of their healers. Megumi was one of these. The emphatic sand-nin had proved her expertise and level-headedness on the field, binding edo-tensei puppets and wounds with equal levels of efficiency. Her reliability only improved as she aided the heart attack patients with the same cool head she utilized in the midst of battle.

"Works for me," Shizune shrugged, holding open the flap-door of the tent next to them.

Sakura hesitated, looking after the disappearing crowd of medics. Even though she knew logically it was taken care of, she itched to go help. Inactivity didn't sit well with her, not when there were comrades to be healed. Not when it meant others were working and she wasn't pulling her weight.

"Sakura," Shizune's voice came again. The older woman still held the door ajar, and she shook her head almost imperceptibly, as if she could see straight into Sakura's mind, "Come inside, just for ten minutes."

"Okay," she relented, only lingering a second longer, fists curled in repressed emotion She offered Shizune a placating smile as she passed her, but Shizune's eyebrows only narrowed further at the sight of it. She knew Sakura's fake smile when she saw it.

"After all, three's a crowd, right?" the pinkette's voice echoed from deeper within the tent.

Three was a crowd? Shizune paused in closing the tent flap behind her, head tilted slightly. There had definitely been more than three medics. Shizune was about to point this out to Sakura when she spotted the younger woman's posture. She sat despondently at one of the make-shift tables, her hands clasped loosely in front of her and eyes faraway.

Sakura wasn't talking about the medics.

Lips forming a tight line, Shizune shook her head slowly before moving to make tea. Sakura didn't look up from the spot on the table she was boring a hole in, lost in unpleasant memories. It wasn't until Shizune physically offered her a cup of steaming tea that Sakura's daze was broken.

A distracted smile appeared on her face as she reached out for the cup, "Thanks Shizune, I really needed-Ow!" Sakura yanked back the hand that had been shocked when their hands brushed accidentally. The back of her hand still prickled, and Sakura examined it curiously, the gears in her mind working furiously.

Static electricity, huh?

"Oh, shoot, sorry Sakura," Shizune gushed. When Sakura ignored her and continued to stare dazedly at her hand, Shizune's expression became worried, "Sakura, you alright?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine," the green-eyed kunoichi assured her, finally clasping her hand back around the mug. The tingling sensation had faded, but her train of thought had not. If I use this correctly, I may have found the solution to my chidori problem...

The smile the young woman wore was infectious, and Shizune found herself grinning as well.

-x-

No. No no no. This could not be happening. This was not how her day was supposed to end. Not when she had just figured it out-not when she was hours away from being able to save more lives.

A thick iron tang permeated the air. It was so unlike the hospital at home. If there was the smell of blood there, it had never been this poignant; at home it was the smell of antiseptics and cleaning supplies that reigned. This clogging scent of blood, this belonged on the battlefield. Not in a place of healing.

But it was a battlefield now.

Sakura ignored the dripping liquid on her cheek, desperately pumping chakra into the chunin's system. When she had been ushered to her last case for her shift, she had not expected this. She had gone in to check on the fluid filling the young mist-nin's lungs. The boy had been subject to some of the reanimated Chiyo's poison, and although he had escaped the worst of it, the pustules in his lungs continued to hamper his breathing with the viscous fluid.

Although his case had been serious, Sakura wasn't worried when she stepped inside his tent that night. The boy had been making a full recovery, and had even regained consciousness a few times as Sakura treated him. What had caused him to relapse so quickly?

The first thing she had noticed was his chest. Maneuvering her way through the occupied cots, she almost didn't see the way his chest shook as he struggled for air. Almost. She increased her pace. The moment she reached his side the boy erupted into a hacking cough the consumed his whole body, limbs twitching with the severity of his cough.

It was the thick yellow mucus that spilled from his mouth that prompted her to call for help.

Now they were here. The room was a flurry of activity beside her as medics ushered an empty basin towards her and full ones away from her. Others utilized water jutsus to cool the boy's raging fever. Still more secured the thrashing boy's limbs with their bodies when cloth ties weren't enough.

On this battleground, they each fought for this young man's life.

The mist nin succumbed to his hacking cough once more, blood mixing with the pus. No matter how much colored discharge she removed, which amounted to several bowls worth at this point, more managed to take its place in the boy's lungs.

"I need the herbal antidote with yarrow!" she shouted, sifting all the liquid out of the mist-nin's body with her chakra. Instead of sliding easily out, the congealed mess's adhesive properties made it extremely difficult to sift out-costing valuable time.

I have got to loosen this up! Sakura thought, teeth bared with the effort of clearing the mist-nin's lungs. Without turning from the task at hand, Sakura called out more orders, "Better add some plantain and chickweed to that antidote, the mucous is thickening fast!"

Despite the tube down his throat, the chunin seemed to have an even harder time breathing than normal, and his lips were turning a sickly shade of blue. What the, that tube should be doing most of the breathing for him, why does he still look so deoxygenated?

More mucous trickled from the edges of his mouth, and Sakura's eyes widened in horror before she lunged forward and latched onto the end of the tube. Pulling a couple inches of the piping from the boy's throat revealed Sakura's worst nightmare: the mucous had clogged the tube.

"Shit!" Sakura cursed, removing the tube as quickly and gently as possible. With the ordeal the young boy had been through, there was a high chance yanking the hose from his trachea would tear through the traumatized cell tissue. The tube's progress halted every couple of centimeters, and Sakura was fairly certain the mucous had begun to cement around it as well as inside of it.

"Ha-haruno-san! His lungs are ceasing to function," an unidentifiable medic called. He had taken Sakura's place in sifting the discharge from the boy's lungs as Sakura tackled the blockage in his throat.

The legendary medic's mind whirred before spotting some unused syringes. If she was right, the poison ward had some large gage needles-aha! "You there! give me that 34 gage syringe needle!"

To the medic's credit, she didn't panic or waste time, she seized the desired object and had it in Sakura's seconds after her request was finished. Still inching the tube from the mist-nins throat with one hand, she slammed the needle into his left lung with her other hand. The lack of the patient's reaction only served to increase her worry.

"Someone with wind nature, I need a gentle, steady flow of air in that needle, STAT. If we have more than one person who can use wind, let's get another needle. It's okay if he's a pin-cushion if he lives. Move!"

As it turned out, there were three wind users. Two of the Sand medic-nin's focused on channeling air into each lung while the third cleaned out the clogged needles and dispensed them as needed.

Sweat accumulated on Sakura's brow as she remained devoted to her task, even channeling chakra through the mucous to try and loosen it. Although the tent was full of medics, they worked in near silence.

"Haruno-san, I can't get air through to his lungs any longer, but this needle isn't clogged," the woman working on his right lung finally spoke, her voice grim.

"Dammit, it's his lungs!" the sand-nin assigned to the left lung cursed, "They've completely solidified."

"His heart is palpitating!" another cautioned. A pause, "No, it's-it's stopped completely, now."

"No!" Sakura removed the last length of piping from the chunin's throat with a final flick of her wrist, "Where's that antidote?"

"Here!" answered a medic-nin just entering the tent, his arms full of the needed vials. The green liquid sloshed in its clear container as the person holding it darted to Sakura's side.

Sakura seized the vial and uncorked it with her mouth, spitting out the stopper as she poured the liquid down the still boy's mouth. Not sanitary, not professional, but quick. When the vial was emptied, Sakura channeled the liquid through the mist-nin's abused throat and then forced it into his cemented lungs.

"I need someone on that heart! Don't let it sit there!" she roared, willing the sticky substance to liquify in the antidote's presence. So far the sludge refused to budge, and the antidote remained lodged at the opening of the bronchi.

"Ha-hai, Haruno-san," a medic stuttered, placing her gloved palm on the boy's chest and beginning the necessary chakra infusions.

Finally, the caked mucous began to give, and Sakura swirled the antidote through his lungs as quickly as possible, "How's his heart?"

"Still no reaction, Haruno-san."

"Damn, come on!" she cursed. She couldn't waste any more time, they needed to get his lungs and his heart working within the next thirty seconds.

"Everyone not in immediate contact with the patient, step back, I'm going to try and force this stuff out permanently," Sakura declared, moving into a position that gave her more leverage over his torso, "Okay, one, two, three." She pressed down hard, compressing his lungs to remove the lethal discharge.

A yellow-green liquid spilled from the previous incisions she and other medics had made in his torso and even from the puncture holes the syringe had left. More still bubbled up his worn trachea, spilling out his parted lips. The mucous brought with it a thick stench of decay, and several of the medics erupted into dry-heaves.

"Another vial," Sakura demanded, wrinkling her nose at the smell but not moving an inch away. Once again Sakura uncorked the vial and forced it into the patient's lungs. The path met much less resistance this time, and on her second compression, the expelled pus was much less viscous.

"Heart status," she asked, extending her palm outward for more antidotes. It was filled immediately.

"Still nothing."

"Okay, one more try! You've got this kid, let's go!" while her next compression expelled more pus, his chest did not begin to rise and fall on its own. A gentle hand clasped Sakura's shoulder.

"He's gone, Haruno-san. We're not doing him anymore good."

Sakura jerked her head up defiantly, the first rule of being a medic-nin sounding in her mind: No medic ninja shall ever stop medical treatment until the lives of their party members have come to an end. When the stilling grasp on her shoulder still did not move, Sakura deflated slightly, the spark of determination leaving her eyes. Her patient was gone, and she knew it.

She removed her hands from the chunin's chest, slowly, and let them fall limply to her side. Her eyes fell shut as she took a deep breath before she raised her head and addressed her team.

"Good work tonight everyone, I'm proud to have you all on my staff." The gazes that met her were dull, numb with their failure, and Sakura felt her throat tighten in response, "Sometimes, however, it's just not enough. And we have to pick up the pieces and move on." Her voice wavered minisculely, and she swallowed thickly while dropping her gaze momentarily.

Her patient's glazed cinnamon eyes met her, and she paused to close his eyes with her fingers. Another medic pulled the sheet over his face.

"Everyone is to use the decontamination shower in this tent before leaving, and I want several samples of this-this pus ready to study. Dismissed."

Medics milled around her in their clean-up routine. Cloths, syringes, and every medical device used was thrown into the biohazard bin. The plastic sheets that had been thrown up as dividers between the rest of the patients and the currently deceased patient were removed. Scrubs were shrugged off. Masks and gloves soon followed.

Sakura was the first to step into the decontamination shower. The water that fell over her head was frigid, but Sakura's body didn't feel the cold. She scrubbed her clothes and hands and face until the water that dripped from her body ran clear. Once done, she stepped out from the shower and walked mechanically towards the door.

I failed, again. The thought ricocheted around her head until it was the only the she was aware of, the only thought she possessed. If she had trained harder, that young man would still have his whole life ahead of him. Brokenly, she sunk to her knees just outside the tent, only vaguely aware of the medics that exited soon after with a cloth covered body balanced on a stretcher.

She didn't even know his name.

That's when the tears started. It had been a long time since she'd cried for a patient, but she couldn't seem to stop now. They just came and came, flooding down her face without end. As she curled her hands protectively around her knees, Sakura mused that she wasn't even sure what she was crying for. Were the tears meant for the unnamed boy and his unlived years? Or were they hers, a result of her frustration with still being useless?

As selfish as it was, she was pretty sure it was the latter, and that caused the sobs to come faster. Self-loathing mixed with frustration and regret on her face. After all this time, was she still stuck here? Unable to make an impact, to saves lives? Still hiding in the shadows of her senseis and teammates?

-x-

Watching Sakura grieving, Sasuke felt more conflicted than he had in a long while. There was something so raw, so personal, about this moment that it felt wrong to intrude. Really, he should just retreat and pretend he saw nothing; he wasn't sure how he got here, anyway. He'd meant to go straight back to his sleeping quarters, which were on the opposite side of camp, after a long day of aimlessly wandering.

But how could he pretend when his heart was clenching like this?

Deep within himself, or perhaps not even so deep, Sasuke balked at the idea of seeing Sakura in pain-physical or emotional. It had always been that way: from their first genin mission to their last meeting as teammates, even as he knocked her unconscious. Sakura got to him, in a way he wanted to forget and never admit, but she did. No matter how much he itched to deny it, the way his feet refused to leave Sakura's crumpled form proved it.

Which was definitely part of the reason Sasuke had denied her request in the first place.

He exhaled softly, trying not to aggravate his sore rib cage that had been smarting since he and Sakura had last been in close proximity with one another. Only just resisting the urge to run his hand through his hair, Sasuke debated his next move now that retreating wasn't an option.

If they had been twelve, it would have been so easy to cheer her up. A word from him and Sakura would forget that she had ever been sad. A word from him directed at her and Sakura would be delighted, optimistic, naive again.

But they weren't twelve.

Now, at 17, Sakura and Sasuke had seen their fair share of destruction-had caused their fair share. Naive and Sasuke were never words meant to combine, even in his youth, and that was no different now. While it would be naive to pretend that he wasn't accustomed to the smell of burnt flesh as he used amaterasu to purge the world of betraying lives, it would be just as stupid to pretend that Sakura hadn't ended lives with her mountain-shattering punches.

Just as naive as it was to pretend that Sakura was still in love with him.

Her attitude towards me now alone proves that, Sasuke thought, darkly remembering the way that Sakura had fractured his ribs, how she had hatefully launched a physical attack against him. So was he really the best person to comfort her?

Why was he even considering this? As consumed as darkness as he was, he should not have any room left for sentimental emotions-should not have left any fragments of the bonds that once bound him to Konoha in his heart.

But somehow he did.

"Sakura," he called, not knowing when his feet had taken him the few steps forward from his hiding place in the darkness or what had possessed him to speak.

The kunoichi in question jumped at the sound of his voice and looked at him wearily. Her face was a mess of tears and exhaustion, and for the second time today, Sasuke felt no desire to mock her emotional outburst, wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in his arms and make that forlorn expression go away. His fists clenched at the revelation.

"What do you want, Sasuke? I'm busy," she snapped, angrily brushing away her tear-tracks.

"Stop blaming yourself. You're stupid if you think his death was your fault."

So it was less than romantic and a far cry from comforting, but it was the truth. Sakura was no more at fault for the casualties of war than he was for the massacre of his clan. Sometimes, atrocious events occurred, and that was all there was to it. Sometimes there was a person that could be held responsible, that could be punished, but, as Sasuke was coming to realize, more often than not that was not the case. All of the Leaf, all of this generation of ninjas, could not possibly be held responsible for the betrayal of his clan.

No matter how much he wanted them to be.

"Yeah, well, I guess I'm stupid. I was his medic, Sasuke," she disagreed, getting to her feet and brushing the dirt from her clothes, "And unlike someone I know, I own up to my actions."

Sasuke's lip immediately rose in a sneer for the insult to his character, but his insult to Sakura's past weaknesses died on his lips as he fully took in her appearance. Dark purple circles drooped from her eyes well into her cheeks, and her usually bright viridian eyes had dulled to a pale fern color. Her hair and clothes were soaked, and he didn't think she noticed the slight shivers that wracked her body. The damp clothes clung to her small frame, but they hung loosely, as if there wasn't as much of Sakura as there used to be.

She looked like shit: exhausted, stressed, depressed, shit.

And despite how much he wanted to poke at her willingness to throw her life away for strangers, for recent enemies, he couldn't. The words never made it close to his lips. How could he demean such selflessness when he himself was so very, very selfish?

When that same selflessness had saved him once?

"You're exhausting yourself, Sakura. Go get some rest," his voice contained a protective edge that it hadn't for a long while, and Sakura caught it, her posture straightening and eyes widening in response. Sasuke's mouth narrowed in displeasure; he hadn't meant to give that much away. Then again, this was Sakura. She always had been able to read him better than anyone else-save maybe Naruto.

Eventually Sakura shook her head and turned from their intense stare, heading in a direction he knew was opposite of her tent. "I'll tell you what I told Kakashi-sensei," Sakura tossed over her shoulder, not bothering to look at him as she walked away, "I don't have time for rest. Goodnight Sasuke."

He growled. She always had been stubborn.

"If you change and rest, I'll train you," he offered her retreating back. It was his last move before he resorted to physically knocking her out and tying her in her bed. He would, if she continued to refuse him, but it would probably be best to refrain from physical violence as long as possible with their fragile relationship in the balance.

Sakura's retreating form paused, and she slowly spun to meet his gaze once again, eyes searching. Finally sensing his sincerity, Sakura crossed her arms, "You'll really train me if I go change?"

"And rest."

"And rest," she echoed, contemplating. Sasuke waited soundlessly for her response. Having reached her decision, Sakura' eyes lost their glazed look and she met his gaze determinedly, "Fine, I'll see you in the forest in two hours."

Meeting her determined gaze, Sasuke felt a shiver run through his spine. He wondered if she felt the same thing, if the prospect of being alone with him sent her body into overdrive.

Aiming for a nonchalant expression despite his haywire emotions, Sasuke nodded.

"Two hours.


Hey! On time and with a large update, too! It's like Christmas! Or a miracle of some kind.

Tomorrow I head off to surprise my boyfriend with a weekend getaway for his birthday, so that's why you're getting this today, and not tomorrow. Hope everyone likes it!

...

Karikiro (Sept 18): Thanks so much! I'm glad you like it!

2lazy2login (Sep 19): Isn't that the worst about "in-progress" fics? I have to admit, I usually browse completed ones because I can't handle the large waits. So glad you like it enough to stick around!

S (Sept 19): Hey, thanks! I always think Sasuke is pretty hard to write. Am I keeping him in character enough while still toying with his emotions like a puppet master?

...

*edited: 2018/01/21