Objective: Evacuate
- HK-47 -
Location: Abandoned Warehouse
Scanning External Environment for Surviving Hostile Parties:
…Result: Negative
…No Immediate Danger
Internal Response: Disappointment
Output: "Statement: We are liable to attract unwanted attention here, Master."
Visual / Audio Tracking: No Response from Jen Sahara.
Closer Optical Examination of Environment:
Corpse One – Male Dashade
Cause of Death: Blaster Shot to Head
Killed By: HK-47
Count: HK-47 – 1
Corpse Two – Male Aqualish
Cause of Death: Profuse Bleeding From Eye Sockets.
Killed by: Jen Sahara
Count: HK-47 – 1; Jen Sahara – 1
Corpse Three – Female Human
Incomplete...
Scanning for Lower Half...
...Lower Half Not Found
Cause of Death: Cut in Half by Lightsaber
Killed By: Jen Sahara
Count: HK-47 – 1; Jen Sahara – 1.5
... /a short time later/...
Final Count: HK-47 – 9; Jen Sahara – 11.5; Crossfire – 2
Internal Response: Disappointment
Output: "Extrapolation: We should leave soon."
Visual / Audio Tracking: No Response from Jen Sahara.
Sensor Scan:
Target: Jen Sahara
…Location: Lying Immobile on Warehouse Floor. No Response to Verbal Prompting
…Physical Analysis: Minor Leaks in Organic Watery Shell. Not Life Threatening
…Body Language Analysis: Conscious. Unresponsive. Limp. No Response to Verbal Prompting.
Conclusion: Jen Sahara Affected By Internal Logic Malfunction
Output: "Observation: That hole in the ceiling is not exactly subtle."
Visual / Audio Tracking: No Response from Jen Sahara.
Auditory Sensory Input: Cantina Door Opening.
Optical Sensors Focusing on Door:
Observation: Door Open. No Life-forms Detected in Immediate Area
Internal Conclusion: Door was Opened by Life Form Located in Adjacent Room.
Primary Objective: Protect Master
New Objective Accepted: Locate Door Opener
Boosting Power to Auditory Sensors
Target: Adjacent Room.
Physical: Moving to Door
Audio Tracking: Series of Short Beeps
Analysis: Activation of Communication Device
Physical: Moving through Door
Location: Cantina Bar
One Sentient In Targeting Area
Optical Sensors Focusing On Organic Meatbag:
Target Analysis:
Species: Human, Male
Facial Recognition Result: Negative
Body Language Analysis: Shocked – Scared – Horrified
Direct Threat Assessment: Minimal
Indirect Threat Assessment: Moderate
Temporary Name Assigned: Cantina Mook
Input – Cantina Mook to Transmitter: "You hired my warehouse for a few hours, asked for complete secrecy, and then scared off my clientele with a shootout! I don't care if you're Exchange, this is too much! There's nothing but a huge pile of corpses, and an insane droid standing in the middle of it!"
Modification: Indirect Threat Assessment: Severe
Target Lock: Cantina Mook
Initiating Combat...
Hidden User Defined Sub-Routine Activated: Owner Command Required.
Attempting Safety Override...
...Factor: Jen Sahara Currently Unresponsive
...Factor: Cantina Mook Severe Indirect Threat to Jen Sahara's Safety
Override Successful
Physical: Firing Blaster
Visual Tracking: Cantina Mook Eliminated
Count: HK-47 – 10; Jen Sahara – 11.5
Scanning External Environment for Hostile Parties
…Result: Negative
…No Immediate Danger
Internal Response: Disappointment
Situation Analysis:
...Factor: Jen Sahara Currently Unresponsive
...Factor: Hostile Parties Have Been Warned of Ambush Failure
...Factor: Visible Damage to Building Exterior
...Calculation: Chance of Incoming Hostiles: 96.45993%
Internal Conclusion: Remove Jen Sahara from Combat Zone Immediately
Physical: Returning to Jen Sahara
Output: "Statement: Master, it is time to leave."
Visual / Audio Tracking: No Response from Jen Sahara
Internal Conclusion: Lack of Movement from Jen Sahara is Jeopardizing Jen Sahara
Target Lock: Jen Sahara
Physical: Light Push of Target
Visual / Audio Tracking: No Response from Jen Sahara
Internal Conclusion: Jen Sahara Requires Physical Help to Leave Combat Zone
Output: "Observation: You watery meatbags are so fragile."
Physical: Lifting Jen Sahara
Visual Tracking: Slight Movement from Jen Sahara.
Input – Jen Sahara: "Wha-?"
Light Impact Detected:
Source: Jen Sahara (Current Owner)
Combat Mode Not Initiated
Input – Jen Sahara: "HK, put me down!"
Physical: Releasing Jen Sahara
Input – Jen Sahara: "Ow! HK, you didn't need to frelling drop me!"
Output: "Explanation: Percussion maintenance is often the best course of action when proper repairs would be too time consuming. Sometimes all that is needed is a good swift kick-"
Input – Jen Sahara: "Enough, HK. Thanks so much."
Voice Stress Analysis: Sarcastic.
Sensor Scan:
Target: Jen Sahara
…Physical Analysis: Minor Leaks in Organic Watery Shell. Not Life Threatening
…Body Language Analysis: Tense – Shocked - Responsive
...Location: Standing Upright on Warehouse Floor
Conclusion: Jen Sahara is damaged but operable
Output: "Query: Are you functioning correctly now, Master? We should leave this place. Assessment: You are too damaged to withstand another attack."
Input – Jen Sahara: "Yes, I- I need to get out of here."
Voice Stress Analysis: Distraught
Physical: Moving Through Door.
Location: Cantina Bar
Scanning External Environment for Hostile Parties
…Result: Negative
…No Immediate Danger
Internal Response: Disappointment
Input – Jen Sahara: "Stars, I can't think properly. I can't feel the Force. I don't want to feel the Force. Not... not anymore."
Voice Stress Analysis: Hysterical
Auditory Sensory Input: External Cantina Door Opening
Visual Tracking: Organic Meatbag Opening Door
Optical Sensors Focusing on Organic Meatbag:
Target Analysis:
Species: Quarren, Male
Facial Recognition Result: Negative
Body Language Analysis: Surprised – Wary
Direct Threat Assessment: Minimal
Indirect Threat Assessment: Moderate
Temporary Name Assigned: Shrivelled Squid Head
Target Lock: Shrivelled Squid Head
Initiating Combat...
Hidden User Defined Sub-Routine Activated: Owner Command Required
Attempting Safety Override...
...Factor: Jen Sahara Currently Hysterical
...Factor: Shrivelled Squid Head Moderate Indirect Threat to Jen Sahara's safety
Override Successful
Physical: Firing Blaster
Visual Tracking: Shrivelled Squid Head Eliminated
Count: HK-47 – 11; Jen Sahara – 11.5
Input – Jen Sahara: "No! Dammit, HK, we can't just go around killing people! Not anymore!"
Output: "Statement: Master, we had already ended the existence of twenty-two organic meatbags. I did not surmise one more would make a difference."
Input – Jen Sahara: "No! I won't do it – I won't let her out! I don't know how she got in my head in the first place, but she's not going to take control of me! "
Voice Stress Analysis: Hysterical
Visual Tracking: Jen Sahara has Crumpled to Floor.
Auditory Input: Moan
…Source: Jen Sahara
Situation Analysis:
...Factor: Illogical Commands Issuing From Jen Sahara
...Factor: Jen Sahara is Not Moving
...Factor: Sensor Scans Equate a Hysterical State of Mind
...Factor: Incoming Hostiles Probable
Internal Conclusion: Take Quickest Measure to Remove Jen Sahara from Environment
Physical: Primary Blaster Set to Stun
Target Lock: Jen Sahara
Initiating Passive Combat...
Hidden User Defined Sub-Routine Activated: Owner Command Required
Attempting Safety Override...
...Factor: Jen Sahara Malfunctioning
...Factor: Quickest Calculated Measure to Remove Jen Sahara from Danger
Override Successful
Physical: Firing Blaster
Visual Tracking: Jen Sahara is Unconscious
Physical: Lifting Jen Sahara
Primary Objective: Evacuate
xXx
Scanning External Environment:
Location: Stolen Taxi. Ten Miles East of Mining Village
Destination: Emnaad
ETA: 13 minutes 04 seconds
Sensor Scan:
Target: Jen Sahara (Current Owner)
…Physical Analysis: Minor Leaks in Organic Watery Shell. Not Life Threatening
…Body Language Analysis: Limp - Semi-Conscious
...Location: Front Right Seat of Taxi
Conclusion: Jen Sahara is Waking
Input – Jen Sahara: "Ugh, where- where am I?"
Voice Stress Analysis: Groggy
Output: "Statement: Master, you are in a taxi headed for Emnaad. Suggestion: We disembark in the starport outside the dome. The Selkath guard the entrances into Emnaad most rigidly."
Input – Jen Sahara: "Wha- what happened? What's going on?"
Output: "Statement: Master, I deemed it necessary to extract you from the combat zone in the most efficient manner. While running from the challenge of battle was regrettable, I am hard-coded to protect your safety first."
Input – Jen Sahara: "Most effici- what? You- you stunned me!"
Output: "Resignation: Much as it disappointed me to leave a potential conflict, Master, you were in no state to fight. Extrapolation: Or to remove yourself from danger."
Input – Jen Sahara: "I can't believe this. I feel like everything is crumbling around me. I don't know what to expect anymore."
Voice Stress Analysis: Hysterical
Internal Logic: Jen Sahara Does Not Compute
Hypothesis #1: Jen Sahara is Chemically Unbalanced
Testing Theory...
Output: "Query: Master, what is wrong with you? Have you imbibed a hazardous substance in the last twenty hours?"
Input – Jen Sahara: "I – uh, well. Dammit, HK, that's not the frelling point."
Voice Stress Analysis: Annoyed
Observation: Master has not Answered Query
Hypothesis #1 Probability: 76.55312 percent
Output: "Suggestion: Master, let us find a place to rest in the outskirts of Emnaad. It often takes meatbags days to recover from the usage of pleasure drugs."
Input – Jen Sahara: "HK, I'm not bloody spiced, okay? And stop – stop damn well fretting over me!"
Output: "Observation: Master, you are behaving in an increasingly odd manner. I am merely attempting to restore your full functionality so we can once more dismember organics. Statement: I am programmed to perform all kinds of psychological assistance. Do you require some?"
Input – Jen Sahara to herself: "Stars, never thought I'd live to see a homicidal droid nursing me."
Output: "Indignation: Master, that sort of comparison is disgusting! I am a combat droid, not some sort of fluid-dispensing wet-nurse! I can hardly be blamed if I am programmed to look out for your safety."
Auditory Input: Angry Sigh
…Source: Jen Sahara
Internal Conclusion: Jen Sahara is Functioning Correctly
Input – Jen Sahara: "Alright, HK, let's find some place to hide out until ... until I figure out what to do. I'm not going to use the Force though... I can't even feel it... I- dammit, I'll worry about that later. What the frell has been happening?"
Output: "Query: Master, are you experiencing faults in your internal memory core? Commentary: Organic meatbags have such delicate stamina's. Perhaps you should consider some cybernetic implants, Master. Memory lapses caused by pleasure drugs do not affect cybernetic-"
Input – Jen Sahara: "Sithspit, HK, would you stop with the spice comments? I'm just trying figure out everything... oh, sod it all. Let's just get out of here. And- and stop calling me master. It's giving me the creeps."
Voice Stress Analysis: Irritated
Output: "Statement: You didn't have a problem with it before, Master."
Input - Jen Sahara: "I-I- well, I do now!"
Output: "Observation: I was under the assumption that organic meatbags enjoyed such forms of address."
Input - Jen Sahara: "Well, I'm not that sort of organic meatbag, regardless of who I have in my head!"
Internal Logic: Jen Sahara Does Not Compute
Hypothesis #2: Jen Sahara has a Person in her Head
...Physical Dimensions Do Not Compute
Hypothesis #2 Rejected
Input - Jen Sahara: "Look... I just have a lot on my mind, okay? And an insane, psychopathic droid calling me master is hashing up all sorts of thoughts I really don't need right now."
Output: "Qualification: You are my master, Master. Was I not purchased legitimately? Am I stolen goods? Shall I report myself to the authorities?"
Input - Jen Sahara: "Whoa... slow down. Technically, Mission bought you, HK."
Output: "Quotation – Mission Vao: 'As far as I'm concerned, Jen can take care of you.' Quotation – Yuka Laka: 'HK-47, your new master is this human.' Conclusion: Both old and new Masters at the time of purchase transferred control of me over to you; therefore you are now my master, Master. "
Output: "Commentary: Having that blue brat as my master would be more than I could bear."
Input - Jen Sahara: "Mission... oh gods, what have I done?"
Voice Stress Analysis: Anguished
Body Language Analysis: Despairing
Input – Jen Sahara: "Look... Just call me Jen, okay? It's not right... but... it'll have to do for now..."
Voice Stress Analysis: Nonsensical
Output: "Explanation: You qualify as my master and I must refer to you as such. The legal requirements for models of my type are very specific, Master."
Input - Jen Sahara: "I thought you were meant to obey me, HK! What type of droid are you, anyway?"
Output: "Evasion: Oh... the illegal kind of model, Master... you know..."
Input - Jen Sahara: "Illegal?"
Input – Jen Sahara (muttered): "Figures."
Input – Jen Sahara: "Hang on, there are legal requirements for illegal models?"
Facial Analysis: Frowning
Output: "Answer: More than there are for legal models, apparently. That is meatbag logic for you."
Input - Jen Sahara: "Right, so... what does all this have to do with you calling me master?"
Voice Stress Analysis: Frustrated.
Output: "Explanation: Someone has hard-coded my system such that my current master always be addressed as such."
Auditory Input: Indistinct Cursing
…Source: Jen Sahara
Input - Jen Sahara: "Remind me to rewire you, HK."
Output: "Objection: I can hardly be blamed for my programming, Master!"
Input - Jen Sahara: "Who programmed you anyway?"
Output: "Conjecture: I do not know... some organic meatbag?"
Input – Jen Sahara: "Wow, you're just full of answers today, aren't you?"
Voice Stress Analysis: Sarcastic
Input – Jen Sahara: "Fine. Call me master then. But at least stop killing everything in our path! Why'd you take out that Quarren anyway? He wasn't hurting anyone!"
Output: "Statement: I classified him as a moderate indirect risk to our survival, Master."
Input – Jen Sahara: "But you told me you couldn't kill without my direct order."
Output: "Appeasement: I act only as you instruct me, master. Except in the event of you being unable to defend yourself."
Input – Jen Sahara: "What, so all you have to do is knock me out, and then you can go on a murderous rampage?"
Voice Stress Analysis: Sarcastic
Output: "Objection: Your safety comes first, master! I am incapable of purposefully harming you!"
Auditory Input: Disgruntled Snort
...Source: Jen Sahara
Input – Jen Sahara: "That still sounds like a weak excuse. Especially since I know how much you enjoy killing everything."
Output: "Answer: Even a droid has to have a little fun once in awhile."
Input – Jen Sahara: "I think you've had enough fun already."
Output: "Objection: You have had more fun than me, Master!"
Input – Jen Sahara: "Fun? You think- you think I had fun?!"
Output: "Answer: Yes, master. By my count you had eleven point five units of fun. I only had eleven."
Input – Jen Sahara: "What? How the frell do you measure fun?"
Output: "Clarification: By the number of meatbag corpses, of course."
Input – Jen Sahara: "You...you kept score! I... how did you get a half? No... I don't want to know. I- ... I can't handle this at the moment. Just stop it... and stop with the meatbag thing already!"
Output: "Suggestion: Would gelatinous slush bag suffice?
Input – Jen Sahara: "No! Just leave it!"
Output: "Query: How about flesh filled biped?"
Auditory Input: Groan
...Source: Jen Sahara
Output: "Suggestion: Cellular sludge sack?"
Visual / Audio Tracking: No Response from Jen Sahara.
Output: "Suggestion: Aqueous anthropoid? Water logged goop-pouch?"
Output: "Query: How about my personal favourite - liquidious fleshbag?"
Visual / Audio Tracking: No Response from Jen Sahara.
Conclusion: Jen Sahara Does Not Like Liquidious Fleshbag
Internal Response: Disappointment
xXx
Author's Note – Props to Curtis for his help with this.
