Conversations with the crew
- Bastila Shan -
I woke, awareness coming groggily as the sound of knocking slowly permeated through the haze of my mind. Normally I needed little sleep, and was alert within seconds of waking. But not since Manaan.
My senses felt eroded, like my entire being was immersed in water, and I struggled just to remain up to speed with what was occurring. Every morning I felt like I was still clamouring after pieces of my mind, scrabbling to put them back together in a coherent order.
"Uh, Bastila? Do you want some lunch?"
I sat up, leaning back against the stark, utilitarian wall of the Ebon Hawk's medbay. "Come in, Carth," I answered.
The door swished open, and Carth was holding a plate full of hot brayda rolls, a wry smile on his face. The yeasty aroma invaded my senses, and I realized that I was, in fact, ravenous.
"Look what I found at a stall just outside the docking bay," he said, offering me the tray. "Sure, they charged me an arm, but what do you expect from Czerka employees on a Sith-controlled planet."
"Thank you." I bit into one, my eyes fluttering closed as the hot dough melted in my mouth.
"Jen and Juhani left a few hours ago," Carth continued talking as I finished the roll. "Jen was pretty keen to talk to you Bastila, but – well, you're sleeping about eighteen hours a day at the moment."
My eyes snapped open at my bond-sister's name. Her presence was nestled in the back of my mind, sparks of irritation palpable now that I focussed on it.
Jen. I sent an inquiring probe to her. The communication was second nature now, and I found with little effort that I could feel her emotions, distinguishable from mine and yet somehow part of me. Force bonds were rare indeed, and it seemed that ours was notably strong. I'd heard stories of mind-links that, over time, allowed recipients to share Force power, an aptitude which, given the true identity of my bond-mate, alarmed me more than a little.
But since her return, my opinion of Revan had been slightly mitigated. Her recklessness and inane sense of humour were foreign to me, but her confidence and strength of spirit were admirable.
Bastila, she acknowledged, but her attention was distracted. I dearly wished I could see through her eyes, as she'd queried yesterday. She had through mine once, I recalled with a shiver. I had not realized that was possible.
But her thoughts and memories were infinitely more accessible than her eyesight. And yesterday she experienced some form of recollection, for I had a sudden vision of an older Mandalorian warrior facing me challengingly, a faded background of soldiers and smoke blurrily painting the scene behind him. My grasp on the memory slipped, and it vanished before I could make any sense of it bar the obvious: some fragment from the Mandalorian wars. Had my connection to the Force not been so irritatingly feeble, I would have had a better idea of what she had recollected.
I wished I knew what had happened on the Endar Spire to shake loose the identity of Jen, for before the Sith ambush there had not been a single inkling of Revan appearing.
"Are you talking to her right now?" Carth asked suspiciously. I nodded briefly in assent. "Where are they?"
I glanced up at the Republic soldier standing in the doorway, still holding a handful of delicious food. Carth's hair had the slightly static appearance of some time spent in the Ebon Hawk's sonic refresher – a place I was sorely tempted to visit myself. Oh, what I would give for an actual hot water shower! But they were rare indeed on freighters this size.
I was feeling better, and stronger, I realized. It's about time.
"Carth, can you give me a minute please? I will meet you in the common room." I glanced down at my rumpled clothes, loose fitting garments that I had worn for days. "Once I am properly attired."
He nodded and left, taking the food with him, and I drew in a deep breath, slowly collecting my thoughts. I still found it difficult to come to terms that we were, actually, on Korriban of all places – and that for the first time, our motley crew was working as a collective team to find a Star Map. I had not understood properly, until yesterday when Carth blocked me from sending a coded message to the Order, explaining in minute detail the need for radio blackout.
A stealth mission. And everyone who knows of us, Sith and Jedi alike, believe we are enroute to Kashyyyk. Oh, it made sense indeed, for if Darth Malak had any foresight he would soon be sending troops to reinforce Korriban. But I could not help but be apprehensive. Revan, on the dark planet of Korriban. So soon after blowing the Ebon Hawk out of the sky just so she could run.
I breathed in again, buried my fear, and stretched out my senses towards her.
How are you going?
The answer back was quick. Not well. We figured we'd try searching for Yuthura's friend in the suites, but no joy so far. We're just pissing off traders and mercenaries alike. I'm about ready to pack it all in and go challenge that sadistic little Sithling at the Academy. In fact-
She cut herself off, and I couldn't help the concern at her tumultuous thoughts. Oh, I was aware that she considered me reserved, apprehensive even – but Revan's volatile thoughts and spontaneous actions certainly warranted caution at the very least. Although I did admit that we both wished for a rapid conclusion on Korriban, and a slow, thoughtful approach would not yield that. We are here for two more days at least, due to that primitive duel she agreed to.
Finding the Star Map in two days was highly improbable, but I wished we did not have the distraction of the Mandalorian's issues. Revan and Canderous seemed to hold a perverse respect for each other, and I did not know what to think about these brawls they had been engaging in during our hyperspace journey.
One day, Canderous will come clean to her. That is, if our long overdue conversation didn't show that she already knew. Whatever her reason for returning to us, it had been shattering enough to turn her full circle. Although Revan seemed… less dark and highly determined to remain so, since her return. Perhaps it was wishful thinking on my part, but although her anger, mistrust and fear were still there, it wasn't ruling her the way it sometimes had on Tatooine.
So then she couldn't know, surely? The horrible fear of her reclaiming her heritage would otherwise come to fruition. Anyone can be redeemed, I reminded myself. And her character now seemed to be that of Revan Freeflight the Jedi Knight and not the Sith Lord.
Well, it certainly isn't Jen Sahara.
What isn't me? She shot back, catching me unawares. Revan's surprising strength within the bond often caught me by surprise, and my lingering weakness did not help matters.
Never mind, I replied, hoping she would drop it. Mild distrust radiated between us, and I was aware, yet again, how desperately we needed to talk despite my misgivings. She desired it in person; I wanted the additional privacy of being physically elsewhere. I did not wish her to view my face, should I need to dissemble. But, I could avoid it no longer.
I sighed, stretching as I slowly stood. A pile of folded Jedi robes sat on a shelf next to a roll of bandages. Juhani's doing, no doubt. The Cathar was quietly thoughtful, her nature unassuming and easy to overlook.
I focussed my thoughts back to my erstwhile bond-sister. What is your plan from here?
Yuthura said I needed to impress her. So I've told her I'm off to open the door, or get someone else to do it for me. Hah! Let's see how Mekel responds to an ultimatum.
Be careful, Jen. This Yuthura is a recruiter for the Academy, and not one to cross.
But Sith appreciate a show of strength, she answered, amused for some reason I could not fathom. She's following us, all nonchalant and casual, but I can tell we've intrigued her.
If you can find a peaceful way to enter, then please choose that path. Jedi value life. Do not kill if you do not have to, Jen.
It won't come to that, I'm sure. Her mental voice was dry. He's no match for me. He'll back down. I wondered if she realized just how innate her confidence in her own abilities ran. I don't plan on doing anything… dark, Bastila. Just shame him enough in front of a Master that he either capitulates and opens the door, or I best him and convince Yuthura I'm Sith material.
This could go wrong, Jen.
Yes. So could any of Yuthura's tasks.
Revan, as always, rolling the dice. It seemed I had no choice but to trust her instincts. Master Zhar always claimed she held the Force's own luck. Master Vrook didn't believe in luck, Force-born or otherwise.
I pulled back from the mind-link, and took a moment to quickly dress, shrugging off a minor dizziness that still dogged me. The recovery to my stamina, both mental and physical, was frustratingly slow. But I had been lucky, for I did not believe I exhibited any long term damage. Psychic blows of the sort I encountered can shatter minds and destroy memories. Permanently. Revan, here, was the sterling example.
I sighed, pushing the thoughts away as I quickly dressed. Carth was waiting in the central common room looking disapprovingly at Zaalbar. The plate was mostly empty.
"Throw rug here spotted the food," Carth muttered as I came forward to find a seat.
The big Wookiee hung his head. "(I left you two, Bastila. I hope that is enough. I was hungry.")
"Thank you, Zaalbar," I said, reaching for one and hoping Carth would be happy to procure more. "I am sure that will suffice."
"Have you, uh, made contact with Jen?" Carth asked, as I struggled not to demolish the baked good. I nodded at him, finishing the roll before answering.
"They are attempting to enter the Academy, this time by force I believe."
Carth grimaced, and Zaalbar looked worried, insofar as a Wookiee could.
"(I do not like being unable to help Jen,)" Zaalbar growled softly. "(My skills would be better put to use fighting her enemies than fixing cast-off armour suits.)"
"I do not like sitting here either, Zaalbar," I admitted. "But we may hinder rather than help, should we leave the privacy of the Ebon Hawk."
"I've got to learn Shyriiwook," Carth muttered, earning a grunt from the Wookiee.
"(It is a much more expressive language than your simplistic Basic,)" Zaalbar told an uncomprehending Carth. "(I will leave you both now, and attend to the ship's portable communicators. Mission had an interesting idea for a modification.)"
As the Wookiee left the room, I slowly finished the roll, leaning back on the bench and closing my eyes in weariness. When I opened them again, I saw Carth looking at me expectantly.
I sent him an inquiring look. "Can I help you?"
"Yes," he said quietly. "I want to talk to you about Jen."
Despite myself, my spine immediately tightened in nervousness. "What exactly do you wish to know, Carth?" I asked, the wary tone obvious even to my own ears. His brown eyes darkened in intensity as he stared hard at me.
"Bastila… I know you Jedi like your secrets, and maybe you have reasons for them – but it hasn't helped us any. It hasn't helped Jen any. You need to- to tell her who she really is."
I felt my eyes widen with stunned disbelief. There was no way Carth could know the truth, not if he was still standing there instead of storming after Jen with a warm blaster in a tightly clasped hand. If there was one person onboard the Ebon Hawk who would react in the worst imaginable way, it would be the once-betrayed Republic loyalist, Captain Carth Onasi. My stomach fluttered in nervousness. "Carth- what, what do you mean?" I stuttered.
He sighed. "Look, on Manaan I found out she was tortured when Darth Revan's forces took Deralia. Badly enough that she's damn lucky to still be breathing." His brows lowered. "The Sith don't go around torturing nobody scholars – not to that extent. I'm not stupid, Bastila. I know she has memory loss. And I know that unknown Force-sensitives aren't suddenly able to use the Force in battle, no matter how strong they are. She used to be a Jedi, didn't she?"
I was too bone-weary to dissemble, too exhausted to deceive. I closed my eyes and gave a very brief nod. He doesn't know everything. He doesn't know Revan, I realized in sudden relief. The galaxy made a little more sense again.
I heard him exhale. "She's older than her records say… I noticed that on Taris. Her data's been tampered with to erase those years, hasn't it? I've seen the effects of long-term torture, Bastila. It breaks some people, and others block out chunks of their life just so they can cope. Some of my men, once, were captured…" Carth trailed off, and I understood that he still believed Jen Sahara was real. She had been real, once. And she had been an unknown Force-sensitive.
"You must understand, Carth, that we never believed she would regain any of those memories," I whispered. Not after we implanted Jen Sahara, a traitorous voice reminded me. "She showed no signs of it, and the neural scans indicated that any sort of recovery wasn't within a plausible range of likelihood." Except for her dreams. Her subconscious crying out through the Force link. But that, too, the Force healers said was natural – and to our advantage. "Something happened onboard the Endar Spire that changed everything."
His eyes met mine. "She had a head injury, a severe one. Either from the fighting on the 'Spire, or the crash landing."
Trauma to the head. Enough to, in some part, undo what the Council did. That made sense, and explained just how she managed to accomplish so much on Taris. I shivered. The Endar Spire had been a desperate gamble by the Council, and it had failed.
"You need to tell her the truth," Carth continued, in the same quiet voice. "She ran… she ran because of all these damn Jedi secrets screwing with her head. How is she meant to resist the Dark Side without knowing her past? She has a right to know, Bastila."
Oh the complete irony in his words. She wouldn't resist the Dark Side if she truly knew the truth. I looked away, in part to stop Carth from seeing any glimmer of it in my eyes. But he was right, I didn't believe I had any choice left but to come clean. "I know, Carth. I've known since her return. But I have not exactly had much chance to speak with her, if you recall." My voice rose in indignation, and I turned back to shoot him a disgruntled look.
"Fair enough," he agreed mildly, but his voice still carried a thread of steel. "But you will talk to her. She's out here on Korriban doing the Council's bidding with no recollection of any train-"
"It wasn't meant to happen this way!" I interjected hotly. "We had Master Galdea on the Endar Spire, with a squad of Jedi Knights. I didn't choose to go to Tatooine and embark on this quest with a skeleton crew, Carth. I have been doing the best I can with what resources the Force has thrown my way!"
"I know, I know! And look, we've found two Maps, so you've been doing something right. It's just- it's Korriban and I'm worried about how Jen will cope in this environment. And- and Juhani, of course," he tacked on belatedly.
I stared at him in silence; he broke the gaze to look away, a slight colour on his cheeks. And Juhani, indeed. Revan, without even realizing it, had managed to tie Carth up in metaphorical knots since Taris.
A loud knock at the hatch interrupted our conversation; with a hurried nod to me, Carth rose to investigate. I sighed, rubbing my temples and drawing in the Force as a precaution. I felt bone weary once more, like I had spent the day in gruelling combat practice rather than a conducting a ten minute conversation.
Oh, but I would be glad to leave Korriban behind. If I had not been incapacitated, we would be on Kashyyyk instead. And I might still have a better handle on… on everything.
Revan is leading this mission now, for better or worse. Her luck was astonishing – it always had been throughout her infamous life - and now that she was actively involved in the hunt for the maps perhaps we would end with a speedy exit from this dark planet. And perhaps we will not need to find the Map on Kashyyyk, if Master Vrook is already there.
I would be very relieved to be back in his company, and under his tutelage. He was seen as a harsh taskmaster, and I knew many believed he had held me back – that a Jedi possessed of my gifts should surely be a Knight after so many years. In my weaker moments, I may have even thought the same. But I trust Vrook. He did not believe me ready for the trials, and I would dearly like to succeed upon my first attempt. It wasn't a black mark, to fail the trials – many Knights had, even some of the strongest. But I was a perfectionist, and detested the thought of my own failure.
With all that has happened upon this journey, I hope he will approve of my actions.
The clattering of boots caught my attention, and I looked up to see Canderous follow Carth into the room.
"Canderous, welcome back," I said in greeting.
"Princess," he drawled. Oh, but I abhorred that nickname. "Where's Jen?"
"Trying to get into the Academy." Of course he would be thinking about his duel in two days time. That was irresponsible of my bond-sister to allow herself to be pulled into his mess, but I did not believe she would turn back from it. And perhaps there was some merit in having the Mandalorian accompany us out of loyalty, should the duel go as Revan expected. Certainly, the extra brawn could come in useful when Force powers could not.
"I need to know when she's back," he stated in a low voice. His arms were full of new weaponry – surely we have enough assault weapons on board – and a sleek vibroblade rested on his hip.
"She's out there trying to find a Star Map, in case you'd forgotten," Carth cut in, sounding mildly annoyed.
"This is Mandalorian business," Canderous bit out. "Not yours."
Carth rolled his eyes and looked about ready to fire a retort back, before seemingly thinking better of it. He looked back at Canderous again, frowning. "We're both military men, Canderous, even if we have fought on different sides. I'm sure we can get along for the sake of the mission."
"I can get along with whoever I need to, Republic," Canderous replied, shooting Carth a decidedly unimpressed look.
"Good," Carth said mildly. "Because the Mandalorian wars are well and truly over."
The reference to losing didn't seem to faze Canderous; he sat down opposite me, dumping his load of weaponry over the central table. It was becoming a familiar sight.
"We likely faced one another at some time in the past. What battles were you in, Carth?"
I sighed softly, leaning back again and closing my eyes. I had no time for the glorifying of war and the showing off of battle scars. I stretched out my senses and concentrated back on the bond between Revan and I; sometimes, it felt as tangible as my connection to the Force itself. Revan's being sharpened into focus, and I wondered if she was preparing herself for an imminent confrontation.
"I'm a star pilot Canderous, I was on the front lines for most of the war, and fought where I was sent. I don't keep a list of the battles I've been in like some sort of tally. The horrors of war are something I'd rather not relive."
What a snot-nosed show-off. Her thoughts rang in my connection to the Force, derogatory and yet amused. I did not believe she was directing them towards me. He'd back down if Yuthura wasn't here. I felt her draw in the Force with a practiced ease that disconcerted me, and hoped she would be careful.
Canderous snorted. "With that sort of attitude, no wonder my people made the Republic tremble. We focus on the glory of battle, the victory of triumphing against the odds-"
"What, like you did against us?" Carth cut in sarcastically. "Why did the Mandalorians attack anyway? It's something that's always bothered me. I mean, I know your people are pretty bloodthirsty, but the Mandalorians invaded on an unprecedented scale, and seemingly with no provocation."
My eyes snapped open, catching on the mercenary. I'd heard murmurs amongst the Jedi, bare wisps of rumours that there must have been some reason for the war – that something must have encouraged the leader of the Mandalorians to mount the invasion.
The irritation on Canderous' face faded to introspection; he removed his hands from the repeating blaster he was inspecting and stared absently across the room. "Mand'alor had a vision that he could unite the clans and sweep the galaxy by storm. But the clans were dispersed and weakened… he started recruiting outsiders into the Mando'ade way, and over time our numbers swelled." Canderous exhaled, his gaze snapping back to Carth's. "He was a bold leader, but could be patient when the times called for it. When he began our offensive it was on the Outer Rim, conquering worlds just outside your Republic. We did it quietly so the Republic wouldn't really know what was going on until too late. When we finally did hit the Republic worlds, your people had no idea we were coming. "
A vision, I thought in curiosity. I wonder if Canderous' Mandalore had any sort of Force sensitivity. I was swiftly distracted by a tug on the Force from Revan, followed by a victorious crow: Hah, pulled your legs out from under you! If I stayed immobile and focussed, I could almost interpret Revan's actions as she decided upon them.
"A vision? A vision of slaughtering anyone who gets in your way? What a charming guy," Carth muttered. "I've heard about some of the full-scale genocide you Mandalorians committed."
"I thought a fellow warrior would understand conquest," Canderous retorted. "Although I always did have you pegged as one of those cowardly peace types."
Hundreds of needles stabbed Revan's presence in my mind; I breathed in quickly and felt her pain and fury flare to life like an incendiary grenade. Detach yourself from the pain, I counselled, alarmed at the velocity of her emotions. Use the Force to hone your senses and reactions. Do not surrender to your emotions – rise above them.
Like quicksilver, Revan's focus swung on me, and her rage ebbed away. I felt a torrent of power rush in under her command; she was watchful now, wary but calm, as she actually seemed to absorb my advice, act upon it, and turn back to the situation at hand.
I felt gratified, and more than a little surprised at her sudden cooperation.
"I'm not a warrior, I'm a soldier," Carth said, quiet but intense. "Peace – yes, we defend peace and protect the innocent – usually from warriors."
"I accept who and what I am." Canderous said, standing up. "It is our strength and our values as Mando'ade that very nearly won us the war, despite being heavily outnumbered and logistically hogtied. You keep your peace, Republic, and see how well you can defend it from the next conqueror." With that, he grabbed the larger gun from the table and stalked out.
Carth sighed, and I wrested my attention back to the conversation in the Ebon Hawk, shooting him a disappointed look. I had hoped those two could cease bickering, for even Canderous and I had moved onto a more civil relationship.
"I know, I know," he raised his hands in surrender. "Believe it or not, I was actually trying to be polite. But I'll never understand him… or respect his beliefs." Carth grimaced. "The Mandalorian Wars are such a defining point in our lives and we were on opposite sides… and, he is right… the Republic very nearly fell." Carth paused then, looking me over seriously. "Bastila, did you ever think about joining the Jedi who followed Revan and Malak to fight the Mandalorians?"
My breath caught, that line of questioning I hadn't expected. I felt a furious rush of colour flood my face, recalling those Knights who had left. "No," I said firmly. "Absolutely not. I had the wisdom to obey the will of the Council."
I'd been younger than most, and my gifts had not yet manifested, but even so- I couldn't comprehend the level of unmitigated gall shown by Revan in not only openly defying the Council, but also calling upon others to join her and the Republic's war effort. It wasn't merely her; Meetra, Yudan and Xasat had been fairly successful in recruiting further Jedi to defect. And of course I cannot forget Malak. For how far would Revan have gone, without Malak? But in the end, Revan had been the ringleader, the catalyst that had started the drain of Jedi Knights from the Order.
"Unlike Revan, I guess." Carth muttered in agreement. "Still, do you ever wonder if things could have been different? Would Revan and Malak still have surrendered to the Dark Side if the Council had supported them instead of dragging their feet?"
As his words sunk in, a flare of outrage sparked to life in my belly. I sat up straight and felt a fierce expression tighten my face as I stared at him. "That is the height of absurdity, to blame Revan's corruption on the Council! She was warned – she and Malak both – what the horrors of war can do to a Jedi, especially ones as emotive as those two! The Order-"
"The Order abandoned the Republic," Carth said quietly, but his words cut through mine like a lightsaber. "We needed Masters, to advise and counsel, alongside powerful Jedi Knights like Revan and Malak. Instead they were the only ones at first to offer aid, and were left to lead the best they knew how, despite their youth and inexperience-"
"The Council was not about the about to throw lives away foolishly," I interrupted, forcing my voice and emotions to dampen down. There is no emotion; there is peace. I reminded myself that Carth had witnessed firsthand the carnage of the Mandalorian Wars, and his bitterness was well justified.
I felt the weight of Revan's focus on me, curious and speculative; either she was distracted by my vexation or her situation had been adequately resolved. I did not, however, wish her to pick up on any of this conversation. "In time, we would have aided you against the Mandalorians. But the wisdom of the Masters saw beyond the immediate threat. Something urged the Mandalorians to war – something that likely devoured Revan and Malak also-"
Carth snorted in derision. "Mandalorians have desired conquest since the dawn of time. You heard Canderous and his account of that vision. That was nothing but a rallying cry to excuse a full-scale invasion. Damn it, Bastila, we needed the Jedi Order!"
Ouch, Yuthura's got quite the tongue on her. Heavy amusement slid through the bond. Mekel's going to have to do some crawling to get back in her good graces.
"The Order would have been there when the time was right, Carth. I do not doubt the wisdom of the Masters, and nor should you." I stared at him solemnly, and wished the Republic Captain shared my faith. "You asked me if I think things could have been different? I know they could have. If Revan had only listened to the Council, millions of innocent people would still be alive."
"Yeah, right," Carth muttered, standing up abruptly and scowling at me. "And every single one of them would be speaking Mandalorian." With that parting shot, he stalked out of the room.
I sighed angrily, my own irritation coming to the fore. This is the opinion of Republic soldiers who do not see the wider picture, I reminded myself, while an insidious voice pointed out that I, myself, did not fully comprehend the reasons for the Masters' inaction. But unlike Revan, I kept my faith with them. Master is not a rank one attains without a level of wisdom and understanding that surpasses that of ordinary mortals.
You doing alright there, Bastila?
I dragged my thoughts back to my bond sister. I may have had less than harmonious words with Carth, I admitted. How is your situation?
Mekel's run away with his tail between his legs. I'll have to watch out I haven't made an enemy. Her voice was wry, and too unconcerned for my comfort. I think he's one of Yuthura's underlings, actually. She's given him quite a tongue-lashing.
Are you inside?
Yes. It's… a bit awe-inspiring. The height of this structure is incredible. Surely this has been here for eons, despite the Academy being fairly new. But the Force… it feels twisted here. Can you sense it?
Awe-inspiring was not the terminology I would have used. I breathed in deep, released my earlier exasperation, and meditated on the connection between us. Weariness was creeping in on the edges of my focus, and I understood I was approaching my limit for the day.
The Force felt like pure life, strong and vibrant and limitless. I'd always had a powerful affinity for it, but I wondered – not for the first time – if our inconvenient link hadn't amplified that.
I do not notice any difference from here.
I exhaled and relaxed against the wall, closing my eyes. Revan was further distracted and pulled away from our communication. I had lost the strength to stay intent upon her circumstance. Exhaustion slowly gained prominence and I let myself drift away in a slumberous doze.
xXx
"Big Z, I'm sorry, alright?"
"(You could have been hurt!)"
"I know! I know, okay, and you're right – this planet is full of nothing but scummy rotten creeps!"
The sound of erupting tears dragged me back to consciousness, and with a start I realized I'd nodded off on one of those awful plimfoam benches in the common room. My eyes fluttered open.
"And this useless armour didn't do a damn thing to stop him!" There was a scuffle, followed by the metallic thump of something landing on the ground. Another broken sob in a young girl's voice. Mission.
My back ached as I fully woke now, seeing the young Twi'lek falling apart in the Wookiee's arms. They hadn't noticed me, tucked away in the corner bench, having fallen asleep unintentionally. A sharp pain shot through my back as I moved, and I let out a soft groan.
Mission yelped, jumping out of Zaalbar's arms and running from the room like a scalded loth-cat.
The Wookiee started, glancing at me in surprise before bending to pick up the discarded exoskeleton Mission had unceremoniously dropped to the ground.
"(We did not mean to wake you, Bastila. I'm afraid we didn't realize you were there,)" Zaalbar said apologetically before following the young girl in haste. I felt a moment of awkwardness, having unwittingly intruded on an apparent private conversation. I was aware that the impulsive Twi'lek did not think highly of me, and did not wish to further aggravate this.
I stood, stretching slowly and wincing. Another plate of rolls had magically appeared on the table; a wordless apology from Carth, perhaps. I took a couple in appreciation and walked slowly towards what now seemed to be my room: the makeshift medbay. My meagre possessions had even been moved there from the captain's quarters.
Jen? How are things going?
Everyone here is either insane or sadistic. Or both. Revan's mental voice sounded highly annoyed, an undercurrent of frustrated derision seeping through it. The headmaster is inordinately interested in Juhani for some unknown reason. We haven't been granted leave to enter the valley yet, and we can't go back to Dreshdae today. There's this one Sith – just a boy really – who's canvassing for advice on how to mistreat these bunch of student wannabes who aren't performing to his expectations. Her anger was rising with each thought. This is just – it's a waste, Bastila. These students are drunk on power. It's like someone's handing out blasters to a bunch of toddlers.
I breathed in deeply, and tried to visualize peace and serenity flowing out from me towards Revan.
Remember the Jedi Code, Jen. There is no emotion-
For frell's sake, Bastila, not that again.
I sighed impatiently. I did not spend all that time after Tatooine for you to so carelessly disregard it.
Did you know the Sith have a code, too? It's just words, Bastila. It doesn't help me here!
Well it certainly should! I could feel myself frowning in frustration. It is not merely a motto, Jen. The words itself guide you to properly utilize the Force. If you embrace the Force with passion, with anger, it will tempt and twist you into actions you would otherwise not take. That is the very essence of why we preach caution! If you let your emotions guide your actions, then you are bereft of clear judgment.
You make it sound as if feeling anything is a crime. There is no emotion – bah!
No, I answered slowly, remembering my own training. That is not what I meant. Simply that one must remain clear-headed and not allow irrational feelings to dictate our actions. That is especially true when you wield the power of the Force. Do you think all of these students were so malicious toward others before they entered the Academy and were encouraged to embrace their emotions, negative or otherwise?
There was a long pause before she finally answered. There is some truth in what you say, Bastila. I'm not sure that's the whole of it though.
I felt an unwanted flare of irritation at her doubts of my counsel, until the absurdity of just whom I was advising hit me. I closed my eyes, sat down on the hard bed, and attempted to take my own advice.
How are you planning to access this valley?
I've intrigued Yuthura – I believe she's my best bet to get access, but I'll need some leverage. She's Uthar's first apprentice, so she has some clout around here.
So this Uthar is the headmaster?
Yes. Nasty piece of work. Turned on the old headmaster some years back with his first apprentice, and then backstabbed the one who'd helped him usurp the position. Typical Sith politics. Her words had a fake nonchalance that was obviously forced. I closed my eyes.
If he is the Master on Korriban, then he will be powerful indeed.
I don't underestimate him. She was serious now. He's permanently immersed in this… miasma of Force power. I'm… uneasy around him.
I stayed quiet, but my concern was burgeoning. Revan, too, stopped communicating, and our bond echoed the trepidation we both felt. I understood the reasoning for coming here instead of Kashyyyk, but I still wasn't sure I agreed. On Kashyyyk, at least, we would be safe.
But Malak would know. And he'd be a braindead murglak if he didn't guard the Korriban Star Map before we could get here. Our only realistic chance of success is speed, and stealth.
That she had caught my thoughts so effortlessly worried me. I had not meant for her to hear that. But my connection with the Force was still shaky, and Revan's grasp was growing stronger. One day, she would pluck the truth from my mind. If she didn't already know.
I breathed in deep, dampened my emotions with a serene calm, and pushed out to her once more. Why did you say you couldn't come back? Canderous is expecting you.
There was a pause. Tell Canderous I'll return tomorrow. That leaves us a day to prepare. I could almost hear her sigh before she continued. Uthar stressed that true students needed to cut their ties with anyone left behind. That we need to focus on the Force if we are to be "worthy". She sounded serious. I think it would look suspicious if the first thing we did was to head back to our ship. Not if we want access to the valley.
Very well. Watch out for each other, Jen.
We are. Juhani… she's a pillar of strength, Bastila.
Despite myself, a small thread of jealousy wormed itself treacherously in my belly, dispersing the serenity I was struggling to maintain. I was the one bonded to Revan, and yet from the moment the Cathar had joined our party, the respect and understanding between the two had far eclipsed ours.
Somehow, every word I had said, every action I took, had been the wrong one. I was meant to watch Revan from afar, safely guarded onboard the Endar Spire, slowly spending my nights rifling through her discordant dreams for clues. Instead, we'd been ambushed, and it had all gone downhill from there.
But she came back.
And now on Korriban, one of the most corrupted destinations in the universe, we were actually coming to an understanding. We were actually working together. And if she and Juhani were close, then I should be thankful for the strength they could draw from each other. I would be thankful for it.
With a deep breath of resolution, I sent her another thought. What happens now?
For me, dinner. With a bunch of Sithlings. Revan was a contrary mix of amusement and irritation. I wonder if I should start a foodfight.
xXx
