Brushes with Death

- Jen Sahara -


Jen!

I came to with a shuddering gasp, my limbs frozen and my eyesight blinded. My first fleeting thought was that, perhaps, I'd knocked back one too many fire-whiskeys, and no doubt I'd never see the end of Carth's disapproving gaze.

Then: memory rushed back in a torrent. The Sith Academy. Kel, filling us in on the delightful antics of his buddies. My mind… fracturing on something I'd seen in that room. Yuthura, pissed, sending us to the tombs. Dak, pissed, that Juhani would follow me into what he claimed was certain death.

And then…

It was our paranoia that tripped the trap - we were both so focused on reaching out with the Force to find whatever taint had corrupted the place, that we completely failed to spot the mechanically triggered poison gas. Could have done with a non-Force sensitive here. We're too reliant on the Force, and it blindsided us. I had the distinct feeling that I'd learned this lesson before, in one of my histories at least.

I'd lasted longer than the Cathar, despite her species' constitution, as instinct had me twisting the Force somehow to partially block the insidious gas that was deadening to our senses. I'd just had time to spot a partially opened exit, yank on the Force to propel me into a flying leap, and collapse into the room beyond as the door snicked shut. I thought I'd heard the thud of Juhani falling behind it, and fervently prayed that the gas was not lethal. It was the last thing I recalled.

Well, frelling kath crap. This day just keeps getting better.

Jen, you're back. What's going on? Bastila had that hysterical edge to her mental voice again.

I have no idea. I'm trapped, and can't see. I clenched my jaw and pushed outward with the Force, but something solid buffered against my reach on all sides.

"Awake already, are you?" an oily voice taunted. "Excellent! Two students in two days, and one waiting outside. This might be just what I need!"

Sithspit. Someone's got me, and I can't reach the Force.

I am never staying behind again, Bastila replied in a taut, prim voice, but I could taste the fear behind it. The bond reverberated as Bastila reached out to me, her very psyche brushing against mine. I wondered idly if we would ever be able to unravel the intricacies of our bond. I relinquished control to her, and felt as she stretched out, touching against the barrier that imprisoned me on all sides. This is new, I realized with faint surprise. She can reach… beyond me now.

"Not very talkative, are we?" the voice was lightly sneering, and put me in mind of Yuthura, albeit a raspy, older, male version. "You are not nearly as fun as Mekel, but eons stronger, I can sense that. Mekel is just about used up, but you, my dear. You will last me days."

Force stasis. Very strong. I am not sure we can break out of this, Jen. She was scared, and it was filtering through to me. I gritted my teeth, and clamped down on the fear. Not helping, princess, I shot back.

"How about you restore my sight, o disembodied voice, and I'll see just how amusing I can be," I said tightly. I could feel my eyes were open, but absolute blackness met them. And without the Force beyond a foot's radius, I was blind in all senses of the word.

A mocking laugh echoed to me, followed by the sound of dusty footsteps walking away. A click, and the faint light of a halogen lamp illuminated the room, causing me to wince briefly.

As my eyes adjusted, I canvassed the area I was imprisoned in. A massive cavern that rose high enough that no ceiling was visible; instead, all that could be seen was a mass of moving shadows that I bet was a nest of shyracks. A large sarcophagus dominated the centre of the room, suggesting that here was the source of the dark taint. The corpse of a half-butchered tuk'ata was draped on the ground next to it. Sith hounds, some part of me recognized with a shudder.

The room itself had signs of habitation; two benches littered with datapads and tools, a bedroll deeper in the cavern, and the prone form of Mekel slumped vertically in what I assumed was a similar prison to mine.

The creature itself that had us captured was old, humanoid, and clad in the disintegrating robe of a Dark Jedi. Gaping pits where his eyeballs had once been just added to the macabre visage of an insane Sith Lord. This is Tulak Hord's tomb, and Juhani said he messed about with draining life to gain immortality. Yeah, but she'd also mentioned he was alive millennia ago. I didn't care how powerful this Master of Hate was, surely he'd be nothing but decomposed dust by now.

"You are an intriguing specimen, I must say," the man was muttering as he circled me. Even sightless, he acted like he had physical vision, facing me as he wandered aimlessly about. He's using the Force to sense me.

There is always a weakness in any shield, Bastila mused, her fear pushed far away as she concentrated on the task at hand. Somewhere there will be an opening to exploit, if I can just locate it. I was content to let her control things; if I could distract this deranged zombie in the meantime, all the better.

Deep, deep within my core, the all too familiar fury had ignited. Being trapped and helpless was not a favourite position of either myself or Revan, but it was just the sort of situation where her strength overwhelmed and conquered my very soul.

No. I refuse to go down that path.

Even if it costs your life? Revan taunted.

It is strong everywhere, Bastila murmured, and I felt her probing touch on all sides. Keep searching, I replied, you'll find something. I tried to feel nothing but a reassuring confidence in her abilities.

"I have been so disappointed at the chaff Uthar's been sending my way recently," the man was muttering. "Ever since that trumped up wench forced me to open the Academy to any mook with an iota of Force-sense, it's been nothing but weeds and drek. Mekel was a delightful surprise, but you! There's something almost familiar about you my dear."

I froze. Bastila froze. My breath was trapped in my lungs.

"Could it be?" he murmured, and this time I felt the brush of his strength push through his force restraints, circling my very essence with a tight, malicious squeeze before retreating. He laughed in delighted surprise. "Well, well. I used to pride myself on never forgetting a face, before Uthar took my eyes. But I recognize your unique aura nonetheless. Don't you remember me, my dear? You were very eager to learn my secrets, all those years ago."

He may have been human, once, or something similar. Fleshy folds ridged down the back of a hairless scalp, but that could have been due to the corruption he was so strongly steeped in. Deep within the pits of his eye-sockets glowed the spark of true insanity.

I licked dry lips, and felt my heart thundering in my frozen chest. "I'm afraid you have the advantage of me," I whispered.

"How disappointing," he commented, striding behind me. "Although I imagine I look somewhat different. In other circumstances, my dear, I would not take your life. I did so enjoy our discussions; it is rare to meet someone as intrigued with Sith history as myself. But, I'm afraid, I do have a debt to pay to dear Uthar, and you will give me the strength I need."

I couldn't afford to stay frozen. I didn't dare lose control to Revan. And Bastila, oddly, had retreated in a flurry of anticipatory fear. My hands were clenched tightly against my sides; I could feel the hard press of my 'sabers against my belt, but had no room to grip them. Around me, within the stasis cage, was the smallest amount of Force available. With a mental wrench, I yanked on the Force and focused on the barrier between me and the rest of the world.

And all the while, my mind was racing like a stimmed-up junkie. He lost a battle to Uthar, and has been here for some time. He's draining life from Initiates. Uthar fears this place enough to avoid it, so he's likely an equal strength. And he knew me, unless it's Evil Bitch he's sensing.

"Jorak Uln," I said quietly, all the while lightly pushing out with gentle tendrils of energy. I started at the ground, feeling the jagged shape of tiny stones pressing up through the soles of my boots, and the curve of the insane Sith Lord's Force prison as it tucked under my feet. "And here Uthar's bragged to the world that he ended you."

"Ahh, so you do recognize me, my dear!" he crowed. "I had hoped I had made an impression on you, Ness Jonohl. Your glowering boyfriend was an annoyance, granted, although his strength made an admirable bodyguard, I do admit."

Blistering shock ripped through me, and the Force fell from my grasp like a ferracrete brick. Ness Jonohl? It was me… it was Street Kid and her boyfriend, here on Korriban…

and he knew me as the fake name I gave Yuthura Ban?

What? Bastila radiated confusion. I did not catch that – what did he say? She paused, and in a quieter, questioning voice: Jen?

Ness Jonohl. Could it be… could it be the reason that fake name tumbled from my lips so readily was because it was my actual name?

"I always wondered why you left so suddenly, my dear Ness. You were so intrigued with the tombs that I hoped you would stay. I did warn you about the terentateks, my dear. I had you pegged for death, once I heard you and your boyfriend disappeared into the shyrack caves and never returned."

I'd just started to reach for the Force again when he dropped that grenade. The shyrack caves. The Star Map. Frelling Sithspit…

I told you Kressh liked his little artefacts, Revan mocked from the deep recesses of my mind.

"Did you find it?" Jorak's mad visage was close to me then, his brows raised in a grotesque expression of curiosity. "Ludo Kressh's tomb? Is it there, as the Archives say?"

"I don't know," I whispered. "We didn't make it past the terentateks." Was I lying or not? Had I found the map before, or merely deduced its location?

"Ahh, a pity," he murmured, taking a step back. "Still, you are lucky to have escaped. But those were the days, back then, weren't they my dear Ness? No weaklings traipsing through the tombs of the mighty past, with no understanding of the sheer glory they are walking amongst. Ahhh…" He trailed off, his sightless face pointing up in the throes of sweet recollection. "It will be like that again," he whispered, and his voice fairly thrummed with joyous anticipation.

He's completely deranged. And I don't have the frelling time to dwell on his revelations. I bit down hard on the side of my cheek, the sharp pain providing a coppery focus with which to draw in what Force I could manage. It snagged Bastila's attention, which turned at once, predictably, disapproving.

Pain is a focusing tool of the Dark Side, Jen! She was more appalled than anything.

Shush, I grumped, or come back, and sodding help!

"You may appreciate my experiments Ness Jonohl. Watch what I have learned from Tulak Hord!" With a loud exclamation and a gasp of pure ecstasy, Jorak was instantly bathed in an eerie black light that somehow sucked the pale illumination from the one lamp in the cavern. My attention was wrenched to him in horrified fascination; his hand raised, pointing at Mekel, as he mumbled words I couldn't decipher under his breath.

The black light enveloped Mekel, and then, somehow, appeared to be sucking something. His pallor was wan, and as the darkness pulsed around him, hollows under his closed eyes became visible. His chest sucked in grotesquely, and he hung in the cage like a limp cloth doll whose stuffing was slowly vanishing.

The stasis field around me shuddered and loosened against my limbs.

"Stop!" I screamed in horror. "You'll kill him!"

Jorak threw his head back and cackled as the black light snapped back into him, swelling around his physical body before vanishing. The pressure all around my limbs tightened once more as the stasis field increased in strength. "That is the idea, my dear Ness! This is the very key to immortality!"

Bastila! I shrieked through our bond. I need to get out of here! Find the weakness! She was riding with me again, stretching our collective Force-senses out with confidence, firmly investigating every curve of the enveloping restraint. She stilled, focusing on the edge under my footwear, and with a mental grunt thrust her strength against it.

Nothing happened.

"You shouldn't concern yourself with the likes of him, though," Jorak rambled on, oblivious to both my very horror and Bastila's next attempt to hammer along the boundary of the stasis. "He doesn't quite have the gumption of a true Sith. Do you know, I posed a moral question to him, and he gave a very Jedi-like answer. I was most appalled!"

I cannot find any weakness! Bastila cried helplessly. Keep trying! I shot back. I'll keep him talking!

"What- what was the question?" I gasped.

"Ooh, I always did like your inquisitive nature, so I shall oblige you, my dear Ness. And then, I'm afraid, it will be your time." He chucked, and sauntered out of sight behind me again. "I asked him thus: Your immediate superior amongst the Sith is an effective commander and a fine leader. He trusts you and you like him. You see an opportunity to kill him. What do you do?"

"Kill him, of course," I muttered. The shield is too perfect, Jen! I have never seen the like! Desperation was lacing her words like acid. If there is no weakness, then how else can we shatter it? I shot back. There must be a way, Bastila!

Sheer Force strength would do it. But- you are cut off, and I do not know if I have the reserves- it is too strong for me, Jen!

Can you lend me your strength?

"Of course!" Jorak laughed loudly, wandering back into view. "Did you know poor Mekel elected to do nothing as the commander was good for the Sith? What idiocy! He was a fool to let down his guard, and you would not make the same mistake!"

Yes, I-I think. The bond opened, further than it ever had before, like a flower blossoming under the gentle sun. Her strength, the very essence of Bastila poured through the bond like a thick, golden light. Like an extra well I could draw from to amplify my own strength. If I had the moment to think about it, I'd be swamped with wonderment.

I did not even budge the shield before with my strength. How can you believe you will do any better, directing the same Force?

I'm going to weaken the field. The very thought of how sickened me. Mekel. Hold on. I'll strike as fast as I can. It was a prayer, useless and fleeting.

Black eye-sockets stared insanely at me, the very stuff of nightmares. "I will finish things, now, and your strength will allow me to leave this place, and face Uthar at long last. I have been looking forward to this. Farewell, my dear Ness." He raised a hand.

"Wait!" I called desperately. "Mekel… he's still alive, isn't he? Can't this power be used to drain someone completely unto death?"

The hand stilled in front of me, and Jorak's dirt-smeared face tilted to the side. "Well… of course. Everyone who enters here is sucked dry."

"Then… why don't you finish him first?" I whispered. "It will give me one last demonstration… and I do so appreciate the art of such skill."

Jorak's head was thrown back in glee, and he cackled. "Ahhh I knew you would, my dear Ness! And do not despair, my dear, for you will live on through me! But, as a last request, I will present it once more." He turned, facing Mekel, a frown lining his creased and blackened face. "There is not much left in him, but enough for a demonstration. Watch in awe!"

The halo of dark light surrounded him and thrust out to Mekel, enveloping the Sithling in the pure taint of evil incarnate. Last time, the shield had shuddered and weakened, ever so briefly. I was on edge, waiting for that moment, and had to endure the sight of Mekel's slack form convulsing, the skin around his face pulling tautly inward as Jorak sucked his very life force dry. Mekel's exposed limbs turned grey, and the desperation within me crested-

-and just there, a faint trembling as my Force cage thinned and lost strength-

Now!

With the strongest mental thrust I could manage, I wrenched deep on Bastila's reserves and drove the Force into the shield with all my strength. Jorak turned in surprise, the stasis field imploded, and in a singular motion my 'saber snapped to my hand, activated, and was thrown directly at the insane Sith Master.

The lightsaber thudded back into my grasp.

Silence. Followed by the thud of his lifeless body collapsing to the ground.

His jaw, locked in a silent scream he hadn't had time to unleash.

Jen?

The only sounds I could hear were the harsh pants of my own breathing.

Jorak's dead. I'm free. I breathed in deep, willing my heart to calm and the tense fear to dissipate. I switched off the 'saber, turned, and spotted the prone form of Mekel. With a muttered oath, I rushed to his side, dropping to my knees.

He's dead… or almost. The young man's face had drained of colour, his cheeks sinking into deep shadows. I ripped open the dark robe to see a smooth chest, rippled with the muscles of youth. It was cold as I pressed my cheek against it.

The faint, stuttering beat of a dying heart barely reached my ears.

He's fading. I manipulated Jorak into using up the last of his life so I could escape, and he's dying. Bastila!

Reach out to him, Jen. He is not lost, yet!

I breathed the Force in deeply, and enveloped Mekel with it, and could just sense the spark of life slowly dimming to nothing. It stuttered, winking out, like it had faded through the fabric of life to the other side. What now? I thought helplessly. Bastila, help!

She was with me, then; intermingled intimately with my very connection to the Force. I gave over to her will, and felt her touch as together we reached out with a desperate hand to pull the spark back through the veil. To, very gently, fan it once more into existence. It resisted at first, as if he was so very tired of it all, and wanted nothing more than to sink into oblivion. It felt intensely familiar, and my memory was, at once, swept away.

There was no sight here, no sensation of touch or smell or even the anger that had dogged me for so very long.

It had all been such an unmitigated failure, everything I had been determined to accomplish slowly corrupted and twisted until my primary intent had all but vanished.

I was standing on the precipice, and below was black. Not a furious swirl of darkness I was so familiar with, but a soothing black of oblivion that promised rest and release from it all. The temptation to fall was so strong, and it would be so easy to just let go. Leave the anger. Leave the betrayal. Leave the grief behind.

Behind me I sensed a warm light, a channel of life that hurt.

Mercy, I thought hopelessly. It is all lost. Mercy.

It is not all lost. Please, Force willing, come back. Have faith… it is never all lost.

The light engulfed me in a painful awakening that I wasn't sure I wanted. I didn't know what I desired anymore.

Please, it whispered again, and the very shape of the presence had a name. Bastila. Yes. Come back to us. You are not lost.

And my very connection intermingled with the presence until I didn't know where I ended and she began and what was anything anymore but this bright, painful, hopeful life she was offering.

Jen, focus!

That was… that was you, and I? Stunned, I reeled back psychically from Mekel, my focus turning inward to my bond-sister. The memory and the thoughts were already fading, but the desire to fall into oblivion remained. Our… bond?

Yes, but not now! You must focus on Mekel!

With a start, I ripped my consciousness back to the young man dying in front of me. I could do it now, I could taste the feeling of being on the other side, and together with Bastila's touch in my link to the Force we gently surrounded him in life and slowly coaxed the spark until it was a fragile flame. The essence of the boy filtered in through my psyche; angry, scared, and yet oddly loyal. Mekel, I whispered. Mekel, Bastila echoed, and for a short time we were three.

I felt what it was like to be trapped on Korriban; to be mad and suspicious of everyone, to desire someone who had eyes for my friend, to believe in that friend but have him lose faith with me, to wonder if this place was even worse than the streets and the lays I'd left behind. To feel like the only one I could trust to look out for me was my own dark Master.

There was no memory here, but his emotions were raw and painful.

Anger, fear, a yearning for freedom and bonds of loyalty to those I- he- cared about. The feelings sunk deep within me, interweaving into my own, and in that instant it felt impossible to disconnect us.

He gave a shuddering gasp, separated from us; and I felt his heart thump harder, pulsing through the Force. Heal him now, Bastila commanded. My confusion must had reverberated through the bond, for once more she grabbed the reins and sank our collective power deep into his physical body; flooding it with life, knitting together muscles, and healing skin and bone. Energy flushed through his very veins. In wonderment, I was carried along as Bastila deftly strengthened the young man back to health.

But I could feel her reserves draining dangerously close to empty. Stop, I murmured. It is enough, and you are spent.

Mekel coughed, a spot of colour rising on his young, handsome face, and dark blue eyes opened to stare at me in shock.

One last pulse of healing Force, and Bastila retreated, releasing the Force to me once more.

Was that how our bond was created? I thought in wonderment. I remembered Juhani, once, telling me of three ways a mind-link could occur. From years of working together or from the intimacy of lovers. She hadn't the time to tell me the third way. Was this it? I was… dying. You saved me.

I- yes.

Bastila had saved my life, some time in the past. I would have to think on that later. And she could reach through the bond and direct my Force, should I let her. I could draw on hers, should she let me. That, in itself, was pretty awe-inspiring.

But- I stared at the young man in front of me. Bastila! Does this mean I share a bond with him, now? The thought was, frankly, preposterous. And a bit appalling, actually, when I thought of my altercations with Mekel thus far. Do bonds come into existence when you save someone's life?

Do not be ridiculous. It is not just about saving a life. Very few Jedi can even reach a soul on the brink-

Bastila, that's not answering-

Force bonds are rare, Jen. Ours even more so. An intimate connection like that which connects us can only occur if one is about the join the Force, and your very essence mingles with theirs-

Like we just did with him?

There was a long pause. And Mekel was still staring at me in wide-eyed silence.

Force bonds do not usually manifest even if the conditions are ideal. I would consider it highly unlikely. She lapsed into another brief silence. Jen, this may be hard to believe, but you were worse off than Mekel. It took significantly more to bring you back.

Well, I certainly couldn't sense Mekel the way I could Bastila, but then, my bond with Bastila had grown stronger over time. A lot stronger, it seemed.

"Mekel," I said, breaking the silence. "Can you sit?"

He was still bemused, but pushed himself up on a hand, groaning as he did so. The young man looked behind me, his eyes resting on the still-warm corpse of Jorak Uln, before flicking back to me in undisguised surprise.

"That was… that was Force healing," he muttered. "Frakk. Force healing?"

"Something like that."

"And Jorak…"

"Dead."

Jen, are you out of danger now? I am exhausted.

We'll be on our way back to the 'Hawk very soon. Take a stim or something, Bastila, I must talk to you. To everyone. I know where the Star Map is.

His eyes tightened warily as he continued staring at me. "I think… I think that was more than just healing. I was about to bleeding kark it… wasn't I?"

At my brief nod, he grimaced and looked down. "Or I suppose you Jedi call it joining the Force."

Alright. This once, perhaps. I sensed a mild disapproval radiating through the bond, and wondered what my bond-sister had against the occasional use of stimulants. But she was still recovering, and today's events must have taken its toll on her. My muscles burned with taut stiffness, and I realized I wasn't feeling so hot myself. It'd been a crap day. The Star Map? That is... excellent news, if you are sure.

I raised an eyebrow at Mekel, although he was still looking away. "What, does healing automatically make one a member of the Order?" I said mildly.

Pretty sure, Bastila. I'll explain when I'm back onboard.

"I've never seen anyone on Korriban able to heal using the Force," he snapped. "Damage control, yes – Kel's pretty good at it, knitting together muscle to stop the bleeding. But you did more than frakking damage control."

I sat back, sighing as I rubbed my head. "Let's just say I had a bit of help."

"Your Cathar friend?"

"No- I, kath crap!" I scrambled to my feet, rushing over to the door. Juhani!

I depressed the door control with a frantic thud, and it opened. A distressed Cathar was on the other side, one hand raised as if to thump loudly against the durasteel. She fell forward, embracing me desperately before pulling back.

"What happened?" she gasped, frowning as her eyes landed on Mekel.

"Turns out the old, dead Headmaster wasn't quite so dead," I responded. "He is now."

"Jorak's been killing all the students who come here," Mekel added, slowly getting to his feet. "Leeching them dry." He took a few steps towards Jorak's corpse. "You lot don't have a clue what this means. Uthar didn't kill Jorak." He laughed nastily. "Oh, Yuthura's gonna love this!"

"Uthar will lose face," I said slowly.

"More than that," Mekel muttered. "This'll be enough to challenge the frakkwad. If you want to be Master, you gotta bleeding kill the top tuk'ata. Uthar bloody cheated."

"Will it be enough to steer the Adepts away from him, though?" I asked, and Mekel looked back to me in surprise. "Lashowe follows him. Dak follows him." I sent Juhani a sideways glance to see her lips tighten at the mention of her old friend's name. "And Dustil follows him, too."

An annoyed burst of air released itself from Mekel. "Dustil… we were friends once. We were both grabbed from Telos after the bombing, y'know, and in the early days we stuck together." He gave a shaky laugh. "I'm hoping he'll stay out of things."

From what Kel implied, I doubt it. And Mekel didn't strike me as the merciful sort… but then I recalled what I'd sensed earlier. Loyalty. It surprised me, to find that sort of empathy at his core. The Dark Side twists people until they're barely recognizable from what they once were. Bastila had said something like that to me yesterday. And Korriban is so very enmeshed in the Dark Side.

The blinding light of Mekel's 'saber activated, and bathed the cavern in blood-red. He pointed it at Jorak Uln's corpse.

"What are you doing?" Juhani gasped in horrified outrage as the 'saber bit deep into the dead man's neck.

"Proof," Mekel grunted, severing the head in a gruesome display. I grimaced in disgust and saw the Cathar turn away.

"That is abominable," she said tightly.

Mekel had found a knapsack amongst Jorak's belongings, and was busily stuffing the cauterized head into it.

"You do realize that could just about be anyone's head," I said mildly. In a macabre way, it was faintly amusing, a Sithling wandering about with the dead, eyeless head of an ex-headmaster. This place ain't for the faint-hearted.

"Most of the Adepts know Jorak," Mekel muttered. "The neurotic chivhole was leader when I first arrived." He looked up at me, dark eyes glinting against the light of the 'saber. "You gonna claim the kill?"

"No," I said shortly. "I have what I need. Take what you want – but stay away from the sarcophagus."

Mekel stilled, frowning at me. "Why?"

"I'm going to destroy it," I said coldly. "I'm not leaving Tulak Hord's secrets around for the next loony Sith Master to exploit."

I could see the hesitation in the man's face. He was a Sith student, after all, and Jorak had made himself mighty powerful.

"What are you doing next, Mekel?" Juhani asked quietly. "After this experience, are you certain Korriban is the place for you?"

Juhani, the one-Cathar redemption band. "Staria, his loyalty is to Yuthura," I said flatly, watching Mekel's eyes. Some causes, I could tell, were beyond us. "And hers is to Mekel. She sent us after you, y'know," I commented to him in a neutral tone. He blinked, eyes tightening. "She's not as self-serving as Uthar. Not yet."

"But in the end, the Dark Side will twist everything," Juhani whispered.

I could see his jaw clench as he stared between the two of us. "Thank you for my life," he bit out. "But I don't need a frakking sermon."

I felt my mouth quirk. "Fair enough. Well, good luck Mekel. I doubt you'll see us again."

A faint look of surprise crossed the man's face. "Really? You think you can just walk away?"

"Yep. I sense an insurrection looming," I said wryly. "I'll leave you Sithlings to pick over the corpses."

Mekel stood, slinging the bag over his shoulder. His robe was torn and charred, and streaks of dried blood painted creases over his handsome face. His black hair was matted to his scalp. I imagined I looked no better.

"Goodbye then, Ness Jonohl. And thanks." With a nod to the both of us, the angry young man left the tomb.

We waited in silence for some minutes, before Juhani walked closer.

"I do not know what to ask, first," she said quietly. "The gas knocked me out, and when I came to – I thought that Dak must be right, and this was your end."

"I'm like a loth-cat," I quipped. "I have nine lives."

"Perhaps," she murmured, her eyes gleaming under the faint halogen light. "What did you mean, you have what you need? The- the Map?"

My eyes closed, and I sighed. "The good news is we can leave the Academy, and never return. The bad news is – the Map's in the shyrack caves."

xXx

I had no explosives on me to destroy Hord's sarcophagus, so Juhani and I did the best we could with the Force, calling down rocks and dirt to cover the inner tomb until all that was left was the entrance. If I could ever come back and detonate this foul, corrupt place I would – but for now, we'd done the best we were able.

Dak had left by the time we exited the tomb, and Korriban's only sun, Horuset, hung low in the sky. Maybe Mekel's emergence had scared Dak away, or perhaps it was the rumblings of our combined Force collapsing in part of the cave, but by the drooping of Juhani's shoulders I could tell she was disappointed. I just had the overwhelming drive to leave this festering Academy and do what we needed to. We can't forsake Kel, though. We have to return for him. After the Map. And maybe Dak, too, although I really didn't get the same vibe from that one.

Juhani won't leave him behind. Not without one more redemption attempt. The Cathar was pensive as we picked our way through the now deserted valley, and I knew the idea of leaving her old friend behind on Korriban would not sit well with her.

Bastila was beyond exhausted, and had moved into the realm of debilitated. She'd held nothing back, particularly in the attempt to save Mekel of all people, and now her body was paying the price. The stim had left her mind with a restless edge that should hold long enough for us to return to the 'Hawk and talk, and then she could retreat into a recuperative slumber. We may not even need her for the shyrack caves tomorrow. My mind was already racing, trying to think of the best way to attack that.

Canderous. The duel is at dawn. Surely you have not forgotten?

Again, Bastila surprised me by picking out my uppermost thoughts.

Of course not! I lied hotly through the bond. I'd sworn to second him, and I wouldn't back down on that. But with everything that had happened, somehow the gravity of Canderous' personal business had slipped my mind.

Good. He is getting agitated. She pulled back, withdrawing from me into a light meditation, conserving whatever strength she had left.

The granite peak of the Academy loomed over us as we neared the top of the rocky path. I, too, was drained, and longed to be back on the 'Hawk - maybe a quick stint in the refresher followed by a long sleep. But there was so much to think on, now. Jorak's shattering revelation that I had pushed away, until the threat was gone and Mekel revived.

I knew my name. I knew my name. Ness Jonohl. I thought the name, I tasted it on my lips as Juhani and I walked silently through the Valley of the Sith Lords. Never had words sounded so sweet. These weeks of knowing who Evil Bitch was, these months of living as Jen Sahara – and now. I knew my name.

Jorak Uln had met me, once before, either visiting on Revan's orders or following Revan's trail much as we were doing now.

I could find out my history, I realized with startling wonder. Surely I'd find something on the HoloNet about Jedi Knight Ness Jonohl. And her boyfriend. I'd find out whether Bastila was telling the truth or not. Whether I really did fall.

But even if the worst should come to pass, and I had followed Revan and Malak into murder and evil and barbarous insanity, surely I'd tried to turn back. Why else was I involved with whatever went down on Deralia?

Bastila had a strike team when she fought Revan. My eyes widened. Whoa. Could I have been one of them? I didn't know how Revan's flagship fit in with the ground assault on Deralia and Jen's death, but the famous encounter between Bastila and Revan must have taken place in the skies above.

And if I had been involved… that would explain so much. Why there's a bond between me and Bastila and the echo of Darth Revan. And Jen Sahara? I couldn't make sense of that. But she'd been taken and tortured at the same place and likely the same time. Perhaps the pieces were starting to fit together now.

Bastila had saved my life. Was that at the same time? Did Revan kill Jen and almost kill me, before Bastila finally killed her? And didn't Darth Malak then choose the opportunity to try and blow Bastila into space dust from another ship?

I winced as pain stabbed into my temple, roughly where I'd knocked my head open on the 'Spire. Bastila had once told me my mind was destroyed. Back on Tatooine, when I'd been consumed with rage and confusion. Back when Revan kept trying to take over. Bastila was afraid she'd do more damage if she told me too much. The incident in the Archives earlier sprang to mind, and I wondered, ruefully, if there may have been some truth to her words.

I certainly hadn't credited them with any back on Tatooine.

"We need to avoid people," Juhani said quietly as we halted outside the Valley entrance to the Academy. "Yuthura, Uthar… Stretch out your senses, Jen."

"Ness," I corrected her. Ness. The name sounded a bit washed out, though. Jedi Knight Ness. Surely I should feel some sort of rightness about it?

The ferracrystal doors opened for us with an ominous creak, and once more we sidled into the Academy. I breathed the Force in deep; stretching out my senses, and in silence we chose a route that skirted along the edges of the school's domain. The hallways here appeared much the same as the warren of corridors in the living quarters; high ceiling, narrow width, foreign symbols etched deep in the wall that looked vaguely impressive. A cursory glance brought no recollection from Jen, other than it was a repeating pattern intricate enough that most would probably not notice, and believe it to be of some archaeological significance.

We couldn't avoid the large cavern that dominated the far side of the Academy but, bar a few Initiates, it was empty. I stared down a passing Zeltron that glanced our way curiously; hard enough until she looked elsewhere. The Force told me that there was no one left between us and the exit, but despite my firm grip on an outer confidence, I still held in a tense breath until we finally opened the impressive double doors and spilled out onto the ornate path that led to Dreshdae.

I'd never been so happy to exit a learning institute in my life.

xXx

It was an uneventful journey back to Dreshdae, with looming shadows of the nearby rocky peaks eclipsing our path as we hurried back. The light was fading and we remained silently intent on the darkening surroundings, keeping an eye out for any potential threat.

We spoke little, both lost in our own thoughts. Juhani, no doubt, thinking of Dak, and me… dwelling on everything.

The air-conditioned environment of Dreshdae allowed a loosening in my chest. I'd stopped noticing the harsh sulphuric taint at some stage, whether it was because of long exposure to it, or the simple reason I'd been holding deep onto the Force like Juhani had suggested. The air in Dreshdae was a relief, though.

The inhabitants of the colony gave us a wide berth; we still wore the dark robes of the Academy, even if Juhani's had a jagged slice down the front and mine was rumpled and dirty.

We both held our lightsabers at the ready.

I thought I recognized the figure of Shaardan - the other sentient who'd listened with enthusiasm to Uthar's exposition the previous day - catch sight of us as we crossed the retail plaza at the centre of Dreshdae. The enclosed colony was small, and it took us little time to, finally, arrive at the spaceport.

Juhani was one step ahead as we entered the docking bay, and she rapped loudly on the hatch, which opened a moment later as the familiar sight of Zaalbar greeted us. And all around me, the Force felt normal again, less like the twisted, dark energy that infiltrated every corner of the Academy.

Apart from one dead patch just around the outer hull of the ship.

"One second," I muttered to Juhani. "Go on in, I'll be right behind you."

The encounter with Jorak Uln still had the burn of adrenaline running through me. I was wide-eyed, ready to second guess everything, and this damn, puzzling behaviour of the Force wasn't helping my state of mind.

But maybe it was just that, even here, Korriban's corruption lingered. I wandered off the loading ramp, and around the starboard side of the 'Hawk. It was just next to the hyperdrive coupling, a section about a person's height, repelling the Force as if no life could exist within it.

From some distance away I stared intently, wondering how in the Outer Rim the Force could react like that, and felt Bastila stir at my confusion.

And then, part of it moved.

Startled, I realized that something or someone was there. My hand fell to my lightsaber.

I sensed a brief flicker of hostile intent, and it was just enough warning for me to dive to the side as an activated lightsaber came spinning out of nowhere to strike just where I had been standing.

Another attempt on my life!

My anger crested, and with it a torrent of Force inundated my senses, demanding an outlet. It slammed the malicious energy against the outer hull of the ship, and the sound of a body crunching against it made a dull echo throughout the empty docking bay.

The dead Force weaves dissipated, and a shocked young man dressed in plain clothes appeared a few metres in front of me, held taut against the Ebon Hawk by my frenzied will. I could taste the savagery of my rage as it rippled through the Force, and squeezed malevolently against the intruder, forcing him prone against the durasteel, tightening ominously against his neck.

Jen, control your anger! This is not the way… calm down!

"I am getting a little sick of people trying to kill me," I hissed through gritted teeth. The man – boy, really, he was young, younger even than Mekel or Shaardan – scrabbled desperately at his neck. Fury pounded a glorious beat within me. The power, Revan whispered in my head. Hatred and loathing and righteous anger… it is mine to embrace!

Jen! You must listen to me! Do not surrender to your rage! You are stronger than this!

I won't surrender, I echoed desperately, clutching at Bastila's words. Revan will not own me! Shallow breaths racked my body as I struggled to rein myself in. The desire to squeeze, to suffocate and choke and destroy, ebbed; and I was aware of the boy pleading under his breath, eyes tightly shut.

A minute passed, and still I stayed motionless, hand aloft while the Force swirled ominously around the intruder, imprisoning him against the Ebon Hawk but doing no more.

"Why are you here?" I demanded.

The boy's eyes opened, wide and frightful. His hands dropped to his sides, and as he realized the danger was passing a calculating look crossed his face. "Well- uh, everyone is curious about you, and, uh, I was hoping to find something to gain prestige."

"In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not doing so well at controlling my darker emotions," I said quietly, and took a step closer. The boy swallowed. "I suggest you start responding with the truth."

Jen? Bastila's voice was inquiring, and only a little bit panicky, now.

I'm okay now, I think. Thanks.

What happened?

A Sithkid tried to kill me. Getting tired of this.

Oh. Do not- do not answer with the same gratuitous violence. Please.

"I, um, I was tracking someone." A mulish look crossed the boy's face and he glanced down. "Look, if you're going to kill me, then just get it over with alright?" His voice was filled with the false bravado of youth.

"Okay," I kept mine flippant, pulled out my short red 'saber and activated it. Let's call his bluff. I wouldn't – couldn't – kill him, but he didn't know that.

Three steps, and I was within striking distance. I lunged forward.

"Stop!" he cried desperately, his face two inches from scarlet death. "Please, it was Kylah! Master Uthar sent me to find her, and she was interested in this ship! Please don't kill me!" His voice cracked, babbling with platitudes and pleads.

Kylah. Stars, Kylah is on Korriban. Dread circled deep within me. For if Kylah was here…

Kylah?

And she was scouting around the Ebon Hawk

Kylah Aramai? How- she died onboard the Endar Spire, Jen!

"What do you mean, interested?" I could feel the anger building again, buffeting against the fraying edges of my control. It twisted, reverberated darkly through the scarlet beam of the 'saber.

"I- she- she was looking up the transport logs, the manifest, the- the docking info- that sort of thing!"

The 'saber stayed taut against the adolescent's face, which was craned sharply away from the hot burn of its beam. "Was she here? In this docking bay?" I hissed.

"No- I, uh, I don't know!" he gasped. "I only came here for a look because she ran some queries on this freighter from spaceport control! I wasn't going to do anything!"

"Jen? What is going on?" Juhani's voice, quiet and peaceful, cut through the charged atmosphere. I heard the clank of boots coming down the landing ramp to my right.

"Don't- calm down Jen. We didn't come here to beat up the Sith kids," Carth's voice followed hers, calm and steady and so damned reasonable I wanted to throw something at him.

"I'm absolutely fine, guys," I forced out through gritted teeth. Their emergence did, however, press the rage back under check, and I took a deep, deep breath. "I'm calm, I'm not going to kill anyone despite this being the second idiot today who has tried to end me. Frankly, I think I'm doing sodding well on this damn rotten planet."

Did you send Juhani and Carth to check up on me? I demanded.

I- yes. As a precautionary measure only. You seem to be doing quite well.

Grudgingly, I pulled back from Bastila and focused again on the neophyte Dark Jedi. He'd gained composure of a sort, and was staring back at me emotionless. My 'saber was still illuminating his young face in shades of red. Reluctantly, I released the ropes of Force imprisoning him, and in doing so brushed against his very psyche.

He's strong, I realized, startled. And if he was chasing Kylah, on Uthar's orders… then this must be Uthar's pet Dustil. Not a neophyte, then, despite his youth. He was a teenage human, maybe Mission's age, with rich dark hair and a strong face smattered with freckles. Intelligent eyes stared at me, impassive, waiting for my move.

Why did you say Kylah's name, Jen?

Later, Bastila. I still have a situation here.

"Jen. You must let him go," Juhani said quietly as she drew closer.

"As soon as I figure out what to do with him," I replied dryly. "I'm not too keen on evading death by his hands again, and I don't think Uthar's pet can be easily negotiated with."

A slight gasp from the teenager was the only acknowledgement I received; but it was enough to convince me I was right about his identity. I felt my lips curve in a small smile.

"But anyone can be redeemed, Jen, you know this," Juhani murmured as she stepped to my side. Dustil glanced over at the Cathar briefly, before back to me and my 'saber. Even Uthar's protégé, Juhani? Sun and stars, you'd probably try to talk Darth Malak around.

What would reach this angry young man, anyway? My eyes narrowed.

"Your Master sent Mekel to his death, you know," I murmured. "Ordered him into Tulak Hord's tomb."

Dustil flinched, and for a moment raw emotion was visible in his dark eyes. "Why the frakk should I care," he said coldly.

"Because he was your friend… once." I said quietly.

"You're a bleeding slug-brained rotgrub if you're frakking dependent on friends," he spat, the curses sounding awkward on his tongue. He had the same accent as Mekel, but more refined, more educated. I bet he channels Mekel when he wants to look like he doesn't care. "And people die on Korriban. If Mekel wasn't strong enough… then he wasn't strong enough."

"Oh," I said lazily, but held my 'saber at the ready. "I never said Mekel died."

He blinked. "What- but you said Tulak Hord- if he went- did Mekel run?"

I couldn't help a smirk. I shouldn't enjoy this Sithling's discomfort, I knew, but a wicked part of me couldn't resist. "No. You should ask Mekel about it. It's quite the fun story."

Dustil's eyes narrowed with dislike but he didn't rise to the bait. "So what now? We appear to be at an impasse."

And so we were. I didn't have any concrete reason to detain Dustil longer, but the thought of letting him loose did not sit well with me. He'll go straight to Uthar, unless the humiliation of being bested is too strong. And Uthar's interested in Juhani…

"We could… pretend this never happened," Dustil suggested. "I can promise I won't mention your ship to anyone."

"Sith's honour?" I remarked sarcastically.

Dustil shrugged. "We both have reasons for forgetting this incident." He paused, and it was a loaded silence. "Jen," he added softly.

Just like that, the humour fled. Damn Carth and Juhani for their lack of finesse. "It's a nickname," I snapped. "It's short for Ness."

"Riiiight," he drawled in derision.

"There is no sense in restraining him any longer," Juhani said quietly from behind me. "He will find his own path."

"Letting Sith loose who know our ship and have already tried to kill you is neither strategic nor conducive to survival," Carth disagreed from the loading ramp.

Dustil's eyes were flicking between me and Juhani, and I could see the wheels in his head turning. Our cover as Sith hopefuls was surely blown. Carth and Juhani, I groaned inwardly. Stealth ops they are not.

"This boy has no reason to betray us, Carth," Juhani said mildly. "Surely he will respect that we have spared his life."

But the boy in question had paled, an odd expression crossing his face, like some wild, preposterous idea had formed. He mouthed something silently, before shaking his head in apparent dismissal of his own thoughts.

Carth. He was saying Carth, I realized in puzzlement. That was Juhani, again, not doing so well at the whole covert thing.

But the hairs on my arms began to stand on end.

It was funny, how in some moments a dozen different impressions could coalesce into one startling conclusion.

Mekel's voice, explaining their shared origins: "We were both grabbed from Telos after the bombing, y'know…"

Carth's voice, telling me of his loss: "A wife and son on Telos. I never... I never found my son."

Dustil had a long face, lean but with a strong jaw that he'd undoubtedly grow into. A wide mouth that might have a handsome smile if he could still remember how. A mop of hair that had the same rich chestnut colour and texture as our pilot.

Something akin to awe awoke within me, as a crazy conclusion peaked into sharp clarity. Add twenty years and Dustil would be the spitting image of Carth.

No. Way.

"Carth," I said loudly, and Dustil jerked. Sithspit, I thought in wonderment. Holy frelling sithspit.

"What?" the Republic pilot called back. Dustil started shaking his head, desperation spreading over his face.

"You said you lost a son on Telos. What was his name?"

"No no no," Dustil was begging in an urgent tone, quiet enough that Carth wouldn't hear from that distance. "Please send him away, I'll do anything you want, please!"

"Why would you ask that?" Carth replied tightly, not having budged from the ramp. Juhani, still next to me, drew her breath in audibly. Her thoughts must be racing, trying to connect the dots.

"Humour me. Please."

The boy darted to the left, away from my 'saber, and my hand shot out automatically to slam him back against the ship. He grunted, and Juhani shifted to cut him off.

"You can't do this," he spat in desperation. "Please, let me leave and I'll be yours!"

"Sorry kid," I murmured softly. "We all have to face our demons sometime. And as far as yours go… Well. I don't think it's that bad, really."

"His name was Dustil, not that it's any of your business," Carth was outraged now, an honest anger darkening his voice. Everything clicked into place, and I smiled ruefully at the boy. He was shaking underneath my hand.

"It's my business when he tries to kill me, Carth," I shot back. "I think you'd better get your ass over here and see for yourself."

"What?" Carth hissed. A pause, and then hurried steps as he clambered inelegantly over to us. Dustil cringed against the durasteel hull, shame and fear and anger darkening his eyes to an unfathomable black. My gaze slid to Carth; he was bewildered, disbelieving, and didn't seem to recognize Dustil at first.

And then, a dawning wonder lightened his face, and at once I was reminded of the female soldiers who stalked him around the Endar Spire.

My, he's not half-handsome when he smiles-

"Dustil," Carth breathed in incredulity. "Dustil?"

"Let me go!" Dustil yelled, and I released him, switching my 'saber off and taking a step back. I clenched in readiness for any escape attempt, but judging by the adolescent fury building in his eyes I was pretty sure he was going to yell rather than run.

"You're alive." Carth stepped forward, arms raised as if to embrace the boy but Dustil flinched and stepped to the side.

"Oh, great," Dustil sneered. It made him look younger. "It figures that you'd show up four years too late. Couldn't you have gotten yourself blown up on some ship and saved us the reunion?"

"Dustil... what?" Carth frowned, puzzled now as he gazed hungrily at his son. "What are you talking about? I... I thought you were dead!"

"Too bad you didn't still think that," Dustil shot back. "What, you thought I'd be happy to see you? Look, everyone!" Dustil gestured comically around the empty landing bay. "It's my father, come to rescue me! Sure, he may have left Mum and I to die, but let's not quibble over details!"

"No!" Carth cried out in protest, flinching backwards. "I didn't abandon you! The task force just arrived too late. Telos was in ruins, and your mother... I found her body... but I looked for you. I swear I looked everywhere –"

"Ah, save it," Dustil spat. "You abandoned us long before. We were alone all during the wars, and even when you came back, you still didn't stay." His voice held the echoes of long buried childhood resentment.

"I didn't have a choice! I was needed..."

"Yeah? Well you were needed at home, too. Every damn battle that was more important to you than your family." Dustil took another step away from us, glancing back at me cautiously. "You know what? It doesn't matter. Not anymore. The Sith are my family now, a family that cares about me. I don't need you."

I snorted at that, and had twin Onasi scowls turn my way. I raised my hands in surrender. "Sorry!" I muttered. "Just the words Sith and cares about me in the same sentence is a bit hard to take in."

"The Sith?" Carth turned back to his son, his son, his voice deepening to incredulous outrage. "You can't mean that! No! The Sith killed your mother! The Sith destroyed Telos!"

"So? You're the soldier, father," Dustil sneered, and his words were laced with the venom only an antagonistic teenager could manage. "How many mothers have you killed?"

"No," Carth rejected angrily. "You've been brainwashed. The son I knew would never –"

"You never knew me!" the boy yelled. "You weren't there to know me! You have no idea what I would or wouldn't do!"

Carth was shaking his head in denial. "I don't know what's been done to you, but you're coming with me. Now."

"Touch me, old man, and I'll kill you!" Dustil's voice rose, and with a raised hand his forgotten lightsaber whooshed past me and snapped back into his grip. The red illuminated his angry, resentful expression. "Leave. Get off Korriban! If I see you again, I'll end you!"

The Force rallied around him, a powerful, unstable tornado of energy. He's close to losing control. This could end badly.

"Carth," I said tightly, and he turned to look at me, a parent's lost bewilderment in his dark eyes. "Let him go."

Carth had frozen in shock, and Dustil slipped past us, a hateful glare on his face as he all but ran out of the docking bay. I could see that Carth had absolutely no idea what to do next.

"Inside. Now," I ordered, jerking a thumb towards the 'Hawk. Juhani was already at the door, and I motioned Carth in first before locking the hatch securely behind me.

He had barely taken a step into the ship before turning around again.

"Jen…" his voice was utterly lost.

"I know," I murmured, still reeling myself. First Dak, now Dustil. Next we'll find Bastila's long lost mother or something.

"No you don't!" he rejected hotly. "Dustil is… I thought… he's alive… but-"

I sighed. "But he's training to be a Dark Jedi."

"How?" he cried brokenly. "I- four years ago, Telos was bombed by the Sith. Morgana died because of them. I came too late- our condo was flattened- by the time we landed- All the Sith wanted was to murder civilians and spread panic," his voice echoed with deep bitterness. "Revan and Malak and Saul Karath… they're monsters, all of them."

I had no response for the utter misery etched on his face. He looked away from me, words spilling out like bitter droplets of pain. "I found my wife's body. Morgana. I don't think she suffered. But I wasn't there… I should have been there. I never found Dustil. I checked the survivor lists compulsively, and every day the hope I carried in me died a little more. There were so many missing, so many bodies they couldn't identify."

He sighed and it was a desperate sound. "Eventually I gave up, and accepted that he'd died, too. I went back to the Fleet and threw myself into work… and never really stopped. And now… now I find he's alive. And training to be a Sith."

He looked back at me, and now the fire of anger began to burn in his dark eyes. "Jen… I can't believe you let him go. I have to go after him. No matter if he hates me. I can't let him stay here, in this evil place." Carth abruptly tried to step past me; I moved to intercept him and he glared angrily.

"Don't you dare try to stop me, Jen Sahara. Blast it, you should never have let him go!"

"Carth, listen!" My hands dropped to his forearms and gripped tightly, commanding his attention. "Of course we're not going to leave Dustil here on Korriban. But would you rather we tie him up and chuck him in the hold, or convince him to come of his own volition?"

"I don't care!" Carth yelled, his face furious and inches from mine. I felt his muscles bunch under my hands.

"Well you should!" I snapped back. "He's both a resentful teenager, and a powerful Dark Jedi in the making." Carth snorted disbelievingly at this, and I scowled at him. "Carth, he's the protégé of Uthar Wynn. Y'know, the leader of the Sith Academy. Uthar kills the weak ones, Carth."

He was shaking his head. Absently, I noticed he'd lost that stars-awful flight jacket. "I just- I'm just struggling to get my head around this. Dustil, alive after all these years… and a powerful Force user?"

"Carth, I promise we won't leave Korriban without Dustil. But Kylah's back, sniffing around the Ebon Hawk… I need you here, guarding Bastila." I breathed in deep. "Give me a chance to persuade Dustil to come voluntarily."

His dark eyes, serious and intent, gazed into mine for moments before he nodded imperceptibly.

"Jen?" Bastila emerged from behind us, deeper in the corridor, her voice a question.

At once I realized how close we were standing, and how warm his arms were under my hands. I released him, taking a step backwards and feeling unfamiliarly flustered.

Bastila glanced at Carth and then back to me. "I believe you wished to talk, Jen. We have… much to discuss."

I nodded. "I'll talk to you later," I muttered to Carth, and followed Bastila deeper into the 'Hawk.

We headed back to the medbay, which had turned into her quarters since Manaan. The pilot's office – a small, separate living room near the cockpit which had been her domain prior - was currently empty, although I thought I'd caught Carth kipping in there a couple of times.

My mind was still whirling with the latest revelation of what had to be craziest day of my life. Carth's son. Alive, on Korriban, and the most powerful Adept here. I couldn't imagine Carth's turmoil.

Bastila closed the medbay door behind me, and sat down on the bed. I followed suit, looking at her in an awkward silence.

The Star Map. Kylah. Our bond. Ness Jonohl. Darth Revan…

In the lengthy list of mind-shattering issues, it was hard to know what to prioritize. Perhaps that was why her next baffling question caught me so completely off-guard.

"What is going on between you and Carth?" she asked seriously.

"What?" I choked, spluttering. "I'm sorry – what? Nothing!"

"Are you certain?" Her voice was soft, but not so quiet that I could comfortably ignore it. I had no idea what she was talking about. I mean, sure, Carth was a good looking guy, and we got along great when he wasn't being a paranoid idiot or I wasn't blowing ships up, but the idea of something romantic happening was... was, well, it was ridiculous.

"This is ridiculous," I muttered, wrenching my thoughts into some semblance of normality. "First flyboy thinks there's something going on between me and Canderous, and now you imply something between Carth and I… sun and stars, I never realized my love-life was so busy."

"You are dissembling," she replied, in an irritatingly neutral voice. "And blushing."

"I am not!" I shot back, my cheeks flaming.

"Perhaps I am mistaken," she conceded, but I thought I heard doubt in her voice. I scowled. "Certainly there are more pertinent subjects to discuss. But at least let me impart to you the dangers of emotional entanglements to Force users."

My embarrassment faded, overshadowed by amusement. "Please tell me I'm not about to have The Talk. From someone at least five years my junior."

Irritation flashed through her eyes. "Must you turn this into a joke? There are valid reasons…" she trailed off suddenly as a thought struck her. And I heard it with startling clarity.

At least five years your junior…

I stiffened. For after all, Jen Sahara at twenty-six galactic years was likely younger than Bastila Shan. We stared at each other, and I felt my jaw clenching. Bastila looked away.

"Perhaps this discussion is best left for another day. But please believe that I have your interests at heart, Jen."

I said nothing, using my silence to prod her into speech. She sighed, and turned to look at me again. Her eyes showed a considerable depth of exhaustion.

"I heard most of that conversation, Jen, regarding Carth's son. I am… not sure that getting involved is the right course of action."

Shock assailed me. "What, we should leave Carth's son to the mercy of the Sith?" I could hear my voice rise in disbelief.

Bastila closed her eyes, and sat further back on the medbay bed, leaning against the wall. There were shadowed hollows in her cheeks, and I wondered how much the experience in Tulak Hord's tomb had sapped her strength. I had no idea the bond could be so… powerful.

That is not quite what I meant. She surprised me by replying mentally. But he is here of his own volition, Jen. And we are here to find the Star Map… to stop Darth Malak. Every delay adds risk to our mission.

I swallowed back my instinctive snarl, and deliberately took the time to mull over her advice. Bastila had years of training and counsel from the Jedi, and I was making a concerted effort to listen to her. Not just because of Evil Bitch, but because the stakes of what we were doing were so damn high. And I'd never, till this planet, given her much of a chance.

But still, she was wrong.

Bastila. If we ignore every little thing we can do to help along the way, then where do we draw the line? I briefly recalled the Sith hopefuls I'd left standing under Mekel's influence. I could have done something there, but had decided the risk was too great. Juhani, on the other hand, tried to redeem all that we met. Somewhere we have to find a balance. We can't disregard every wrong we come across because we are doing something more important. In the end, what will that do to our humanity?

There was a long silence.

Perhaps, if I am truly honest with myself, I would say that I am scared of staying longer on Korriban than is necessary. Her emotions cascaded through the bond, waves of emanating shame. You are right, Jen.

I'm scared too, Bastila. But I can't ignore Carth, or Canderous.

And that is true bravery, is it not? Doing what is right or what is needed, despite one's fear. I would ask, as your companion and perhaps, one day, your friend, that you remember thus: It is your actions that showcase your true nature, no matter what may have been.

And here we were, dancing around the truth again.

We stared at each other in silence, her pale, beautiful face across from mine, a solemn expression in her dark eyes. It was time to find out the truth.

"Okay Bastila, let's have it out," I said, crossing my arms. She flinched.

"Ha-have it out?" she stammered. I felt her fear, and inwardly recoiled.

"I know, Bastila," I said flatly. "Don't bother hiding behind part lies and half-truths anymore."

Her eyes widened to black pools of shock. She swallowed convulsively. "You found out on Rii'shn," she said quietly.

"Yes," I bit out. "I had a flashback, of sorts. Bastila, why is Darth Revan in my head? What did the Jedi do?"

Her face turned white, and she blinked but did not answer.

"I know Karon was involved," I muttered, my words spilling out. "And I know she was my Master, before all of this. Mine, not Jen Sahara's, not Darth Revan's. Stars, did I agree to this mental minefield?"

If anything, she paled further and didn't answer my somewhat rhetorical question. I could feel an honest anger swelling up inside. "Dammit, Bastila, why do I have three personalities inside my head?"

A hysterical laugh burst out from her; it sounded utterly shocked. She clapped a hand over her mouth. Through the bond, I felt nothing but stunned disbelief. I guess she never planned on having this conversation with me. We were, after all, meant to be safely ensconced on Dantooine. I understood, then, how unfair a position she had been put in, due to our unlikely bond. It was highly doubtful that any of this mess had been initiated by her, a Jedi Padawan.

Apart from the bond. The whole saving-my-life thing.

"You- you think you have three personalities?" she spluttered.

"What? You mean to tell me I have more?" I hissed. "Did this become a new game at the Order? The masters so bored of reciting the Code, they decided to see how many personalities they could cram inside someone's head?"

"No," she answered in desperation, and her voice had quietened now, while her eyes searched my face frantically. "Please, Jen, give me a moment to decide how best to proceed."

"To proceed," I returned flatly. "No. You can't hide the truth from me anymore." I needed to hear it all, now, everything. But most importantly – even more important than the significance of Evil Bitch – was my own history. "Bastila, I know my name, now. Ness Jonohl. Jorak Uln confirmed it. I want- I need to know. Was I- was Ness a Dark Jedi?"

Her face was blank – I would have called it inscrutable, but it didn't seem to be hiding any emotion other than bewilderment. The same emotion swam strongly through our bond.

"Dammit, Bastila, answer me! Did Ness Jonohl fall to the Dark Side?"

"No!" she answered, her voice strong and sure. "But, you must understand, Ness doesn't ex-"

"Jen Sahara," an angry, gravelly voice cut in from behind the door. "We need to talk. Now."

A sinking feeling pulled at me. "Canderous, give me some time."

The door swished open. I felt Bastila's palpable relief through the bond, and my anger crested further.

"The duel is less than a full sleep away. We must prepare. Have you forsaken me, Jen Sahara?"

"What?" I stood abruptly, glaring at the furious Mandalorian. "No! I said I'll be your second and I will. But I need to sort this out-"

"Bastila will be here when you get back," Canderous bit out. "Whatever little Jedi spat you two have can wait. This can't."

"Go, Jen," Bastila said softly. "You cannot break your vow to Canderous. And I shall be here upon your return."

Canderous was radiating pent-up frustration from waiting idly for two days, and Bastila had the shadows of deep exhaustion etched in semi-permanent fashion on her face. Even through the bond, she felt faint, weaker, like she had on the hyperspace journey from Manaan.

Bastila was right. Dammit. I had to talk with Canderous about the duel before he wound himself up any further. My conversation with Bastila could wait – and at the least, I already knew one soul-defining fact.

Ness Jonohl did not fall.

"We will continue this as soon as I am back from tomorrow's duel," I said flatly and, with one last, long look at my bond-sister, I capitulated and followed Canderous out of the room.

xXx