Intersect
- Revan Freeflight -
The snubfighter rose sleek and proud in my Force-enhanced vision. It wasn't a large ship by any means, but its elongated lines and protracted curvature were distinctly different from any Republic craft I could recall.
The design of it was completely alien... and yet familiar enough to raise the hairs on my neck.
It's a ship from the Star Forge itself. The thought shone with certainty, and I hated the encroaching recognition that drove its blind fingers into my riddled mind.
Once, I flew in starships like this. Once, I commanded fleets of them. I'd accepted my past – as much as I could, anyway – and I understood there would always be spectres resurrected to haunt me.
I knew I'd always have to make the choice, again and again, whether to ignore them or listen.
Bastila? I called out a second time. She had to be in the starship. I took a cautious step forward, my gaze landing on the innocuous holo-stand, the one that'd been placed on the ground some metres before the snubfighter.
It wasn't connected to the console. It wasn't part of the temple's infrastructure – it'd come from the snubfighter, I thought, one of those moveable vid-comms that had an inbuilt battery for easy portability – and likely programmed to transmit on only one channel.
Which had to be directed at the Forge, didn't it?
The magnificence of kaiburr-enhanced Force clouded my senses, beating a steady thrum that overtook almost everything else... but almost was not everything. I frowned as my awareness snagged on a series of muted oscillations running directly to the holo-stand.
There's a wireless signal running to that... and from that... my head turned, tracing the source-
An electronic hiss permeated the air, followed by the sharp radiance of artificial light converging into my Force-enhanced vision. I jerked back to the holo-stand, my Force-sight dropping as I sucked in an involuntarily gasp.
"Bastila!" I breathed, as the projection atop the stand sharpened into high-res focus. The shaft of disappointment was both deep and gutting. "I thought- I thought you'd be here. In person."
::If only.:: Her voice was clear, if low, and reverberated with urgency. Her lustrous brown hair was caught back in intricate braids – even more ornamental than her norm – and they framed her pale, heart-shaped face.
I had a fleeting thought of triviality – some tech hasn't set the colour-adjustment quite right – as Bastila's skin-tone appeared an unnatural chalk-white, offset by sweeping midnight garments that encased her form. Her gaze glinted with ferocity and purpose.
::The ship, Revan,:: she urged, leaning forward. ::It is not impeded by the scrambler, as I am sure you have guessed. It is your passage to the Star Forge. To me.::
No time for small talk, I thought idly, as I scrutinized my erstwhile bond-sister. The holo-projection muted her environment into shades of fuzzy grey, so all I could really focus on was her.
Bastila. The Jedi Padawan who had saved me. The young woman who had shown a Sith Lord mercy.
So much had happened since I'd last seen her. It felt like a lifetime ago: back on Korriban, inside the safety of the Ebon Hawk, when psychic exhaustion from both Manaan and mouthy Mekel's resurrection had scored fault-lines into Bastila's mental guards and physical well-being.
Would Bastila have even been captured had she been at her best? As quick as that errant thought slithered through my mind, I dismissed it. Kylah Aramai had been watching us from spaceport control, then; biding her time. Kylah had been waiting for the opportune moment to strike.
Kylah was now dead, and I could not forget our visceral pleasure at her end.
Bastila and I had been through so much together since Korriban, all due to the intricacies of our connection. And yet, there was something different about seeing her face-to-face, over a holo-call. Something that clenched at my heart.
Our bond was quiet. Bastila was holding back in obvious retreat, and I found myself emulating her as I pulled the Force tightly inward. She had already warned me that our telepathy might rouse Malak- that he grew interested in psychic abilities- that he has his fingers deeply ensnared in her mind.
Wariness kept me silent. Bastila's gaze was sharp, sparking a tawny brown through the holo-projection- a lighter, more radiant colour than I recalled.
Karon's hilt was still clasped tight in my hand. Beneath my fingers, I could feel the faint echo of my old master's lightsaber crystal. The vibration of energy was indistinct – so weak and inconspicuous when contrasted with the blast of kaiburr behind me – and yet, despite that, a comfort in my grasp.
::I can see the suspicion on your face,:: Bastila said at last, breaking the loaded silence. ::So listen, for time is of the essence. Malak is expecting you to travel in that starship to the Star Forge. To face him alone.::
My gaze had shot back to the snubfighter. Bastila's earlier words rang through my head- it's not a trap!- and the uneasiness began to curl tight in my gut.
::But I play not by his timeline, and nor should you. He planned for me to contact you in four hours. He sleeps now, Revan. He is unaware that I am acting pre-emptively.::
"Wait a minute," I cut in, and heard the steel forming in my tone as I guessed her intentions. "You want me to walk into a snubfighter that Malak expects me to board?"
::Yes.:: Her words were resolute; unyielding in their purpose. Her brown eyes glowed. ::It shall take you no more than half a standard hour to reach me, Revan. Together, we shall overpower Malak. It is a destiny we have been travelling toward since I first pulled you from the Nexus. You must know this, as much as I do.::
The cockpit was small. Enough for one pilot. Possibly a second sent could squeeze in behind, but it was difficult to tell from outside. Bastila's intent was clear, though. She wants me to travel. Now. Without the others.
Without informing the others.
Jolee's scolding about running off by myself sprang to mind... and an instant later, I realized that was exactly what I had already done, right here, right now.
"Why?" I rapped out. I lowered my Force-shield, just a little, just the smallest amount to lay a metaphorical ear along the path of our bond. "Why alone, why without my... without our allies?"
::How, exactly, do you expect to bring them to the Star Forge?:: she shot back tartly. ::From what I understand of the scrambler, it encompasses the entire sector. You are lucky you crashed on Lehon rather than into the heart of an asteroid.::
I felt myself grimacing, recalling Carth's steady grip on the controls of the 'Hawk as I spat out half-coherent directions. Luck had nothing to do with it. Since when does Bastila Shan attribute anything to the fanciful notion of luck? "I can disable the scrambler right here, Bastila. I can face Malak on my own terms, not in one of the Forge's own snubfighters."
::Revan.:: Bastila's voice had a sad tone that bordered on pity. Immediately, my spine stiffened in response, but all I could sense from her psychically was deep resolve. ::The console behind you may as well be an ornamental fixture. The scrambler is controlled by the Star Forge.::
The air caught sharply in my lungs, and I found myself turning on the spot, turning back to look at the console-
"No," I muttered in denial, shaking my head. "I came here last time-"
::Once, the signal was programmable from both the temple and the Star Forge. But you could not expect Malak to leave a system unguarded that could bring down his first line of defence. The console is not just deactivated, Revan. It has been erased of all functionality.::
That made a horrid sense. The realization tightened claws into my gut.
"That's why there's no guards," I muttered, blinking. "That's why there's nothing here to stop a Force-user- to stop me-"
Of course Malak wouldn't have left a functioning console accessible on Lehon – not if he could control the scrambler from the Forge.
But I had, once. I'd more or less left the pyramid alone after bringing down the scrambler the first time around. Yes, but by all accounts, I'd been an overconfident idiot. Or had I relished the thought of an unexpected challenge? Maybe I'd believed the Forge had additional defences? I didn't know. It was yet another small, insignificant detail that would likely never emerge from the holes of nightfall in my head.
::All that remains on Lehon is the kaiburr itself,:: Bastila continued. ::That, and it's mechanical enclosure that transmutes the Force into an EMP scrambler. So unless you plan on traipsing into the bowels of the pyramid and running your lightsaber through the kaiburr personally-::
I frowned. That wouldn't work- a crystal large enough to power all of this would undoubtedly hold up against the plasma of a lightsaber, but the idea of destruction itself-
::Revan,:: Bastila snapped, as if she knew my attention was wandering. ::That was said in jest. Stay away from the crystal. You do not- You could lose yourself. The allure... it is hard to resist, and harder to return from.::
"Yeah, I get that," I muttered, my gaze returning to her. "Having just hiked through this frelling pyramid myself." I clipped my 'saber away, before folding my arms and looking hard at her. Bastila stared back unflinchingly. "Why did you insist I come alone?"
::You cannot fit the crew in that starfighter, Revan! Even if the scrambler were not an issue, there is no way the Ebon Hawk could land on the Star Forge. Malak has a fleet of fighters. The Ebon Hawk will be immediately tracked and shot down.::
My breath caught. That was a detail we hadn't exactly thought through. How the frell could we safely get the 'Hawk through squads of attacking starships?
::What, truly, do you expect the crew to accomplish on the Star Forge anyway?:: It may have been a question, but it was obviously a rhetorical one. ::This is a place of great Force power. The non-sensitives would be no more than chaff, here. And Juhani... do you really suppose that a young, flawed padawan like her would be able to walk here unscathed?:: Bastila snorted. ::The Cathar couldn't ascend the temple you now stand upon without losing herself, let alone stay true on the Star Forge.::
My mouth opened... and then shut again. Bastila had always had a great deal of empathy for Juhani... but she hadn't seen how our Cathar friend had walked away from Korriban. Shaken, and yet stronger for it.
Bastila doesn't know about Juhani's knighthood. Stars, she doesn't know about Dustil, or Jolee, or even sodding Yudan.
The lure of the kaiburr here on Lehon was strong, but I believed in my companions... more than Bastila did. Juhani had the mental fortitude to resist. I had faith in her strength of will... and Jolee's. Yudan's. Not so sure about Dustil, though.
I grimaced. "What, exactly, is your plan, Bastila? You want me to fly to the Forge without the others, and then- what? Chase down Malak and gut him in his sleep?"
I couldn't help the scathing tone that entered my voice. How could Bastila trust my survival to a ship from the Star Forge? The sensors would probably zero in on it the moment I launched from Lehon, if it wasn't otherwise compromised.
I frowned, unfurling my awareness towards the snubfighter. It was powered down, and all I could really pick up were the muted pulses of a system on standby. If anything, the signal lines running to the holo-stand were more distinct than the electronics of the snubfighter itself.
::It is not as absurd as you may believe,:: Bastila retorted. There was a frown creasing her pale forehead, and through the open crack in our bond I could sense her irritation. Some part of her had expected me to capitulate with ease.
Bastila sighed, leaning back from the holo-cam. ::You have no chance with the Ebon Hawk. But with my ship you do. You could be here, with me, before Malak even wakes.::
"How do you know he's not already awake, Bastila?" I said quietly. "How do you know he isn't expecting exactly... this?"
::I can sense him. Every moment, be I conscious or asleep, I know what my- what Malak is doing. He rests deep in meditation now, Revan. He is not aware.::
The holo-projection was crisp and detailed, enough for me to see the faraway look in her eyes. She was feeling out with the Force, seeking out the state of Malak. How often has she done that? Had to reach out, in fear that he would be coming- doing stars-knows-what-
A shudder of guilt wracked through me. I couldn't- I didn't want to imagine what Bastila's life had been like, this last month, centred entirely around the whims of a Sith Lord I was responsible for creating.
I'll get her away from him. If it's the last thing I do.
Bastila swung back to face me. She was shining with conviction, but there was desperation lacing her thoughts, too. I couldn't deny her, my bond-sister, my rescuer... but I had to be smart about this, too.
"Why would Malak choose to bring me to the Star Forge?" I asked. That was the part bugging me. It just seemed too... neat. "When he believes me trapped here?"
::He wants your death, Revan!:: Bastila scoffed, as if it were the most obvious thing in the galaxy. Maybe it was. ::And what better place to stand against you, than in the heart of his own stronghold?::
There was truth, there. I'd be alone, and Malak would be surrounded by his own strength. No doubt he was getting sick of how I kept wriggling away from him and his forces. But... I frowned. Malak betrayed me from afar above Deralia. That had been a trap, a machination organized so he didn't have to face me directly. I couldn't remember the specifics, but the frontal assault had come from his followers... he had not risked himself against me.
Something must have slipped through our mind-link, for I saw Bastila's expression soften.
::He did not face you head-on in the past, Revan. For you were stronger than him, once.::
Once... No matter how I felt like the Jedi Knight of old, I wasn't the same person anymore. And neither was he.
"Once?" I said quietly. "And now?"
::Now, he is the master of the Star Forge. He believes merely bringing you here will be enough for him to defeat you.:: Bastila sighed. ::Malak thinks you damaged and broken... and perhaps you were, when we took our initial footsteps together back on Taris.:: Her lips pursed, and a fierceness tightened her sharp gaze. Bastila was steeling herself to face the inevitable- and yet there was a sense of anticipation emanating from her, too.
::Malak expects me to sit back in fear while he challenges you. Oh, he understands my loyalty to you but believes his hold over me counter balances that.:: She broke off with a hollow laugh. ::I do not deny he scares me... but Malak does not appreciate the depths of our bond. He does not realize how I can aid you... how strong we can be together. He saw Kylah's death through my mind, Revan.:: She paused, staring hard into the holo-cam. A spark of dark satisfaction slipped through the cleft in our bond.
It echoed within me, too.
::Malak believes I was no more than a bystander. He does not grasp that it was I who raised your lightsaber and drove it through Kylah's chest. He does not understand how our power can combine, or I highly doubt I would still be alive.::
Had it been Bastila, raising Karon's lightsaber, plunging it into the traitor's dying body? Somehow, I recalled it differently. A fusion of our combined will, both vengeful and predatory in nature. We had both been lost onboard the Leviathan, sinking into the depths of chaotic rage and seductive power. We had been one, for a short time- one with the dark.
::You were the strongest Force-sensitive in the galaxy once, Revan. Together, I know, we will be stronger still.::
A ghostly shiver danced down my spine. "I'm not sure... I don't think that's a good thing, Bastila."
::It is a necessary thing. I know you better than anyone alive, Revan.:: Her tone was implacable. And yet, how true were those words, really? I didn't even know myself, at times. ::You still possess the same power, the same drive- all you lack is your memory, and I can help you there.::
The words were issued boldly, hanging stark and crisp in the air. I had told myself, again and again, that I didn't want those memories- they weren't important, they held no power over me, and delving into my past was dangerous besides-
All valid arguments, but the burning desire to remember remained, regardless.
"Help me? How?" I countered sharply, needing Bastila to say the words out loud. "Are you talking about somehow restoring my memory?"
I wouldn't accept it. No matter how tempting- I was who I was, now. Letting the past back into my head could very well damn me to the same path as before.
::No!:: Bastila looked startled, and I realized I'd misunderstood. Sympathy eked through our mind-link, hot and poignant. Her gaze softened. ::No. You must understand the damage to your mind was extensive. We knew some fragments remained... the image of the Star Map, for instance, was startlingly clear.:: A distant look crossed her face as memories of my past crossed her mind. ::You and I have not had the chance to speak of this in depth, and we shall not until Malak is defeated. But Revan... I saw your medical scans, when you were imprisoned on Dantooine. Pathways in your pre-frontal cortex were completely burned away. Much of your long-term memory will never return. You must accept that.::
I found myself swallowing, my gaze moving away from her to rest back on the sleeping snubfighter she wished me to enter. My grief at her words sat in my throat like a shiv-blade, sharp and unyielding.
Yet, there was a bitter sort of relief there, as well. The decision about what to remember was out of my hands.
"I still get the odd flash, Bastila," I said, my voice calm and neutral as if we were speaking about Coruscant's three-day weather forecast. "Should I always expect that?"
::Possibly. It was those fragments, those whispers that drove the Council to do what they did.:: The corners of her mouth turned down, and a flash of scorn blazed through the bond. The mind-wipe... Oh, it was enough to fan my bitterness at the Order, but I was surprised to feel the same echo of repudiation from her. ::Galdea alleged you would never recall anything on a conscious level. Vima claimed you would only see the briefest of visions, wholly unconnected to anything else. But those glimpses would be enough to dovetail you into insanity.::
Bastila had told me Galdea had died with the Endar Spire. Karon's death still sat heavy in my mind. It was this Vima who still lived... the only one left who'd personally reconstructed my mind to the liking of the Jedi Order.
Dovetail into insanity... It was difficult to admit this unknown Jedi might have had a valid concern. The flashes of memory that returned to me stood on their own, with no indication of what occurred before or after. So often, they were a picture of people I didn't know or events I didn't understand... and yet the emotions were still there.
I had little conscious remembrance of my time as Dark Lord – and that was a good thing – but the feelings remained. The visceral pleasure of commanding power... the icy calculation that transcended everything... the ancient grief beneath it all...
And I felt more than just the darkest part of my history. Nisotsa was nothing but a whispered name in my head, and yet my grief at her death had been deeply personal. I remembered so little of Yudan, but he was important to me... as important as any member of my crew- and that wasn't logical, either, given how little I knew of him.
Malak... Malak was different. Once we'd been close. Objectively, I understood that once I'd loved him fiercely, as fiercely as the stars. That feeling simply wasn't there, within me, any longer. Maybe it was simply my lack of memory at work here... or some innate sense of survival responding to his betrayal.
Maybe the Dark Side had burned away every remnant of what we had once shared.
Or maybe it will come flooding back when I see him face to face. I shivered.
::They were blind, Revan:: Bastila continued, wrenching me back to the present. ::Vima and Galdea and every other member of the Council. Perhaps it was a subconscious blindness but, at times, it feels more contrived than that. They needed justification for brainwashing you, for turning you into a mindless puppet that danced at their whim, all the while telling themselves that they remained true to their code. What better argument than claiming you were broken regardless?:: She gave a bitter laugh. ::Truly, none of those hypocritical old fools ever considered giving you a chance. The real you.::
I was shocked into silence at her words. Bastila sounded like she had no faith in the Council. Bastila Shan. The battle meditation princess. The emerging Jedi hero of the war effort.
I was plenty pissed at the Order. Maybe screwing around with one sentient's mind paled in comparison to my own crimes, but the whole event was too personal for me to ever be objective about it.
I hadn't expected Bastila's reaction, now, to be so similar.
Is it the bond? Have some of my feelings... my emotions... been leaking through to her?
::Look at you now,:: Bastila murmured. She almost sounded gratified. ::Even with no memory you have returned to yourself. The Order, Malak... They still underestimate you, Revan. But I do not. And there are some memories I can restore, some that are crucial beyond-::
"Wait a minute," I snapped. My hand jerked up in a halting motion, my gut clenched. "What?" Restore memories- but she'd just said- she'd- "I thought the last thing you wanted was for me to recall anything of my past!"
::The Unknown Regions,:: Bastila cut in, her radiant eyes blazing. ::I have seen what Malak saw. I understand what set you on your path. I comprehend what the Jedi do not... what they would refuse to acknowledge even had they the chance. I know, a facet at least, of what you and Malak found.::
Shock shuddered through me like a glacial wind, chilling me to the bone.
"No," I mumbled through numb lips. The burning desire was there, again, but caution was stronger still. "Whatever Malak has shared with you... For frell's sake, you can't trust him- and even if there is some truth there- don't you see, whatever's in the Unknown Regions is the catalyst that tipped me over the edge last time-"
::Yes,:: she challenged, leaning forward so her entire face filled out the holo-image. ::Yes, you fell and you failed. The whole galaxy knows that. But the reason... surely, you must have suspected something great set you on that path. You! The saviour of the Republic! There was more than just a lust for conquest that drove you... and, at best, I can only call the Jedi misguided for blaming it on the horrors of war.:: She snorted in disgust. ::They thought nothing of entering battle when the enemy leader was a Dark Jedi, and yet they sat back when it was Mandalore.::
She paused, then, and her stare was as hard as ferracrystal. ::The hypocrisy, Revan... sometimes, I hope they choke on it.::
My breath froze in my throat. My lungs began to burn as I denied them oxygen. Everything she was saying... it all made sense, it seemed to echo with what I had once believed, and yet... and yet-
How can I begrudge her anger at the Jedi? I couldn't; I felt it myself. I understood it. And... whatever had driven me in the past... it must have been important. Critical. Something I believed more momentous than the fate of the Republic.
"I can't, Bastila," I said through clenched teeth. "I can't risk falling again-"
::You risked everything last time, Revan, because you knew you had to! Because you understood that sometimes the lightest path cannot prevail against the greatest darkness! And that sometimes-:: Bastila paused abruptly, lips pursing, faint spots of colour blooming on her porcelain cheeks.
Sometimes, what? Sometimes sacrifices have to be made? Sometimes the end justifies the means? Hadn't Bastila condemned me for taking that too far in the past?
::And that sometimes,:: Bastila repeated, her voice dropped to near-inaudibility, ::words are not enough.::
I had my mental shields mostly drawn up, closed deep around my psyche; all apart from that one small opening between us. I was completely unprepared for Bastila, in a sudden movement, to throw a blast of kaiburr-induced Force straight through our bond.
A memory, rich and dark and thrumming with power, slammed into my head, and I staggered backwards under the power of it.
A wave of death. The matrix of the Force itself, burning and shrivelling, each thread withering into nothingness as it was extinguished forever. The backdrop: an eerie purple world with the specks of five distant suns glaring a cold light from beyond-
I knew that scene. I knew that world-
My mind reeled with the sensation of a null life, where all senses were dulled, like a neural disruptor was permanently affixed around one's neck. But the psychic feeling jarred within me- that wasn't how I'd remembered it, that brief flash that'd scoured my mind back in the Shadowlands, the one with the same, alien world-
I gasped as Bastila retreated, leaving only her lingering need for me to understand.
::The death of the Force,:: Bastila murmured. Her voice broke, before firming once more with purpose. ::Whatever is out there, it poses an incalculable risk to us all. You knew, once, that you could not sit back from such a threat. I cannot either, Revan. I shall not.::
The death of the Force... but, no, no! The Force had been alive! I remember... it was seemingly sentient... and evil, in its intent. An evil awareness driving behind it all-
"Bastila..." I whispered again. Bastila said Malak had shared this with her, like a commander divulging intel to his subordinates- yet when the commander was a Sith Lord whispering images straight into the mind, how much credence could that intel be given?
But how could I trust my own instincts more, when all I recalled was the smallest snippet, sparking across the surface of my brain?
The truth could be both, or neither, or something in between.
::Malak said you thought to create an empire strong enough to invade the Unknown Regions. Strong enough to attack, before the galaxy itself was threatened.::
"I don't even understand what you're showing me, Bastila!" I said, feeling my jaw clench. "The idea of the Force dying-"
::I know,:: she murmured. ::I can still feel the Force turning to ash. Revan, I am not fool enough to naively believe all Malak shows me, but I sensed the truth of that image. He saw the Force die, in a way that it would never return. He saw the malaise spread. Revan... nothing like this has ever threatened the galaxy before.::
"But what... what is it?" I threw my hands up in the air. "You say my purpose behind the Sith Empire was to attack... attack what? Some Force sickness? How can a fleet of starships attack that?"
Unless there's something behind it? An alien empire? A single sentient more powerful than we can imagine? A disease of the Force itself?
::Whatever the truth is, Revan, we must claim the Star Forge to fight it.::
There was a sinking feeling in my gut. It was obvious where she was heading. "No-"
::Yes,:: she hissed. ::You knew before. You-::
"You're getting this from Malak, Bastila," I protested, but I wasn't wholly sure I believed my own words. It sounded more like this was Bastila's plan... Bastila's desire... "You're believing what he wants- doing what he wants-"
"Do not be preposterous,:: she snapped. ::What Malak desires is for me to bring you to him four hours from now, neatly gift-wrapped for him to dispatch while I cower in the shadows. The last thing he would wish is for you to once again claim mastery of the Star Forge!::
The words were out. Her plan was openly spoken between us.
Something... in my heart... cracked. A deep anguish... undercut by a familiar drive to do what was necessary. What I had to, no matter the cost.
::Revan.:: Bastila's voice was softer, now. Resolution pulled deeply at me from the other side of the bond. ::You cannot be blind to the fact that Malak – Jedi Knight Malak Devari – followed you once before. Most of the Jedi... half the Republic Fleet... they followed you. You convinced them this was the correct course of action.:: She blinked at me, eyes full of the same fire and purpose that resonated between us. ::You and I may not understand everything that you and Malak once found – but we know the threat is real. You had a higher purpose before. Your men followed you because your actions were necessary... they were just not enough.::
"Necessary?" I choked, blinking, feeling the sting of emotion at the back of my eyes. All those who'd followed me – most of whom now lay dead – how much had they really known? Would some fanciful tale about a Force threat beyond known space really turn half the Republic Fleet? Or had I simply used pretty words, manipulations and threats and promises, to get them on my side? Anything, to bend people to my will, because the end justified the frelling means?
::Yes, necessary!:: Bastila blazed. ::We're talking about the death of the Force here, Revan! Think what that would mean to us- to, to everyone!::
The death of the Force. It was a horrible idea to consider.
But it would mean no more fallen Jedi, a sepulchral voice creaked in my head. No more Darth Malak. No more Exar Kun. A shudder racked through me. No more Darth Revan.
Somehow, I didn't think this concept would have ever crossed the old Revan's mind.
"You think I decided the Dark Side – which the Star Forge is an instrument of – would be strong enough to combat this- whatever this is?" I whispered.
A thought sparked- shaking and quicksilver- a murmur from my past-
The Light isn't strong enough for what I must do. I don't know if this will work- it's time to roll the dice-
::I believe you thought yourself strong enough to master the Star Forge without losing yourself in the process,:: Bastila said, her voice gentling.
And she was right. Somehow, I knew it. Roll the dice... I knew there was a risk. I knew it was a gamble. But gambles had always paid off for me before-
::You were almost strong enough, Revan. Almost.:: Her pale face was set with righteousness, and I heard her next words before she even spoke them. ::Together, we are stronger still.::
But I recalled the Leviathan. Our powers merging, combining, surging to greater heights as we spiralled out of control-
::We were unprepared.:: There was a grimace on Bastila's face as she flawlessly picked up on my thoughts, but she didn't drop her gaze. ::I was unprepared. I allowed my baser desires to control me. But we are aware of the danger, now. We can rely upon our connection and empathy toward each other to direct our power. Revan... my bond-sister. My friend. I know you fear falling to the Dark Side once more, but you must think through both sides here. If you hold back, Malak will remain a blight upon the galaxy. Our only chance is to grasp this opportunity. To defeat him while we can, and remain true to ourselves. And we can do this, Revan, we can. I have faith in us both.::
I wasn't ready to make this choice- I felt like I was teetering on the edge, torn between my desire to aid Bastila and stay firm against the lure of the Dark Side- wanting to protect the galaxy but unsure which option would be best to do so-
::The threat remains, Revan,:: Bastila insisted. ::Perhaps it is merely biding its time, or perhaps it is already moving through known space. We do not know... but it is there. And someone needs to stand against it.::
Us. The word hissed through my mind like a sandsnake. Us.
::Us, Revan.:: Bastila repeated, louder this time, her voice ringing out over the courtyard. ::You and I are strong enough. And the Star Forge shall be our shield with which we defend the galaxy.::
Her tawny eyes widened, then; flashing sharp with outrage as her gaze drifted over my shoulder. It was the only warning I had before the incongruity of a raspy throat clearing echoed through the still night air.
"Can't say I think much of this place," came the dry voice of Jolee Bindo. "Even in my day we installed turbo lifts."
I told you to come alone!
Bastila's mental voice was both thwarted and annoyed, and the injustice of her accusation was enough to keep my attention firmly fixed on her. I didn't need to turn around. I knew who was behind me.
Jolee. Juhani. Yudan. At least they'd had the brains to leave Dustil behind.
"Their presence has nothing to do with me," I muttered. My thoughts were still on Bastila. She had turned away from her original objective. Bastila wanted us to harness the Star Forge. Us.
We would be powerful. More so than I had been last time. And Bastila was convinced the threat was still out there, still waiting, still an unfathomable danger-
She could be right. I believed it once before.
"Bastila," Juhani's voice, low and intense, spoke behind us. "I had hoped you would be here in person. It is good to see you again, even under these circumstances."
There was a tightening on my bond-sister's face, the briefest twitch of a forced smile, before her gaze pinned back on me. ::Revan. I can see you are not wholly convinced. We must speak more and this is a private conversation.:: Her gaze never wavered from mine, her eyes never blinked. Get rid of them.
I felt my eyebrows raise. What does she expect me to do, order them to leave? I turned around, slowly, deliberately, to face my crew-mates.
The illumination from the holo-projection was enough to bathe the darkened courtyard in dim light, enough to reveal my friends without the aid of Force-Sight.
They were mere metres away, having cleared the kaiburr already. My gaze caught briefly on the empty air behind them. Force-enhanced vision depicted the beacon as a burning crimson; but without it, there was nothing to see. Only the sense of ultimate strength, once more humming a loud promise of power against my soul.
I jerked my attention back to the others. I should've sensed them earlier, I thought with mild irritation. The kaiburr still inundated my senses, and the conversation with Bastila was all-consuming, but... I should've sensed them earlier. Once, I would have.
Maybe Bastila is right, maybe I still have the same depth of power I once wielded – but I don't have the same finesse or training. In some ways, with years of tutelage and experience sitting firmly behind her, Bastila was a more complete Jedi than I.
Jolee Bindo came to a stop not far from me, his lined face genial and relaxed as ever. Juhani's expression was fixed, intent; her ears laid flat against the side of her head and her mouth pursed in thought. They were both keeping their gaze firmly on the holo-projection.
Yudan, in their shadow, betrayed no emotion at all – but he was staring at me.
"Get rid of them?" I muttered, the words meant for the woman behind me. "Yeah. Somehow, Bastila, I don't think they'll be listening if I tell them to sod off."
"Eh, what was that?" Jolee drawled, the casual nature of both his words and expression at odds with the tense lines of his body. He folded his arms. "I'm afraid my ears don't work so well these days. Old age. Heh, you know how it goes."
"Bastila," Juhani began once more. She took another step closer, leaning forward, ears twitching. "This-"
Revan! ::Revan,:: Bastila snapped, the words echoing strangely in my senses, loud enough that I found myself pivoting on the spot, back to face her once more. Her eyes glittered through the holo-projection. The last thing she desired, I could see, was this exchange out in the open. ::You insist on speaking of this in front of them? A runaway padawan who more feared the Dark Side than embraced it, some irreverent old man I do not even recognize, and...:: she paused, her expression tightening further as her gaze roved over the others. ::...one of your fallen generals, who appears almost as hard to kill as you yourself?::
"Bastila, we are a team," Juhani said. Her voice was gentle. "We are all in this together. We can all help you-"
::This is far beyond your scope of understanding, Juhani,:: Bastila interjected. I could see her taking in a deep breath, trying to control herself, trying to hold back her irritation. ::This has nothing to do with you, and you trespass upon a private conversation. You know nothing of what is at stake!::
"I know we are all tempted-"
::You think this is about the Dark Side?:: There was a definite lacing of scorn in Bastila's voice. Juhani meant well, but Bastila was correct: this went beyond the Dark Side.
But it has to do with the Dark Side as well, my mind whispered.
"The Dark Side is ever present," Juhani murmured. Pious words, even if there was a shining truth to them. Juhani, in contrast to my bond-sister, sounded completely unruffled. Serene. Calm. "We are sisters of the Order, Bastila. Tell us-"
::The Order? You clutch to your dreams of forgiveness, but what has the Order ever done for you? Karon imparted quiet platitudes in appeasement, but do you really believe your Quatra will allow you to amount to anything of note, now?:: Bastila scoffed. ::The Order will hold you back, Juhani. You will spend your years as a padawan mired in the depths of self-flagellation.::
Sometimes, I forgot just how much Bastila had missed out on-
"I stand in the light," Juhani replied. "The Order is my shield, my family; but I hold myself true to the will of the Force."
Tactful, I thought with respect. Juhani had always been a contradictory mix of humbleness and pride. Surely, some part of her was dying to slip the knowledge of her knighthood-
What? ::What?:: Bastila hissed in shock. Uneasy mortification jolted through me- Bastila was keeping a closer watch on our mind-link than I- ::Knighthood? You cannot be serious!::
I felt the vehement taste of her anger, then; her betrayal- After all I have done for the Order, all those years Vrook refused me- her righteousness surged through my mind- I am no more than a tool to them, to be used as required-
"Bastila," I snapped. "You said our telepathy might rouse Malak. Rein it in!"
I sensed her retreat, then; her eyes sparking a russet outrage through the holo-projection. ::This must have occurred on Kashyyyk. Vrook was there, wasn't he?:: she all but snarled. I couldn't help but notice the distinct lack of honorific. ::It all makes a bitter sort of sense, if you're a manipulative hypocrite. They completely failed to control you during the Mandalorian Wars, Revan. They weren't going to let me, their only tool against your Sith, acquire any sort of autonomy for myself. A padawan is much easier to control than a knight.::
I stared at her in silence, my lips thinning. I had no obvious retort. Certainly, I'd always thought it patently ridiculous that she'd spent years unleashing her battle meditation out in the field, while remaining held back as a padawan.
::It matters not,:: she bit out, but her words still simmered with unchecked resentment. ::The Order matters not. They would sit back while the galaxy crumbles, with their hands fixed firmly over their eyes. You knew this once, Revan. Force help me, you will understand this again.::
"She wants you to take over the Star Forge," a low voice intoned behind me. I stiffened. As always, Yudan's words came out detached and monotone, to the point where I had no idea what he was truly thinking. "She wants you to replace Malak."
::Do not be an imbecile. Malak is just as misguided as the Jedi!:: Bastila retorted. Her eyes flashed fire over my shoulder, before coming back to rest on mine. ::Revan, leading the Sith Empire and surrendering to the Dark Side was never your intention, for all that it may have happened. You needed an army, which is why you first fashioned yourself as Dark Lord. But the Sith, the Jedi – both are no more than extremes with little consideration of the middle ground. Both are too entrenched in dogma to see the whole picture and act accordingly. And part of you knows this, or you would not surround yourself with scions from opposite ends of the spectrum.::
"I am no scion, Bastila," Juhani said. She'd taken a step forward, almost flanking me now, as we both faced Bastila. "I am Revan's friend. Your friend. But I follow my own values."
::You are a follower,:: Bastila fired back. ::Revan, must you persist with their presence here?::
Did Bastila think I had some control over them? Once, when I was a different person, my allies were my followers. Once, I could have demanded their departure. Even had I that power now, I wasn't sure it would be the right course of action. I desired to speak with Bastila in private, and yet... how objective was I, about her?
How objective is she?
In that regard, having my allies- not my followers- nearby to weigh in with their opinion might not be a bad thing.
Bastila must have interpreted something in my expression- or, she was merely translating what she felt between us. All I could sense from her was, once more, a growing resolve. Steely and righteous. She believed in herself, I could tell.
::So be it,:: she accepted, even if the lines in her face belied her irritation. ::Revan, Malak must be stopped. We have a few hours while he remains unaware. The ship in front of you can take you straight to me. He expects you to dock at the primary landing bay on the Star Forge, but while he has been deep in meditation I have opened a smaller dock. An officer's private one, right next to the ventral wing I am occupying. There is no one here but me – I am not taking chances with your life that I do not have to.::
"No, you just want her to travel, alone, back to the evil artefact that corrupted her in the first place," Jolee grumbled. "I think there's a flaw in your plan, there."
Bastila ignored him. She was completely focused on me, now. ::Go. You will be earlier than he expects, and not in the location he expects. Malak doesn't understand the power we wield together.:: Her eyes narrowed. ::The threat remains, Revan. If you are still uncertain... well, we can decide what to do with the Star Forge afterward. But first we must master it to defeat Malak.::
I didn't want to grasp the mantle of the Star Forge again. But what if it's the only way? The only way to defeat Malak? The only way powerful enough to stand against whatever is out there?
Last time... I had failed. So badly, so horribly- how could I risk that again?
I have to stop Malak. I have to save Bastila. If there was no other way getting to her but this... and if I could arrive before Malak expected- with the element of surprise on our side-
"I can't let you do this, Revan." Jolee's voice was low and serious, all traces of his customary irreverence gone. I found myself turning, once more, to face the others. "You have the self-awareness to realize what will happen if you travel alone into the heart of darkness. Alone, to your bond-sister, who is conflicted herself-"
::Stay out of this, stranger!:: Bastila decried. ::You know nothing-::
"I didn't stand in your way in the Shadowlands," Jolee spoke, his words rolling over Bastila's. Jolee had stepped forward, close to me now. He looked grim. "When you went after the Star Map alone. Twice, as it turns out. But this is different, and you darn well know it. We go to the Forge together."
::Revan!:: Bastila commanded, snagging my attention once more. ::You stay behind and Malak can pick you off at his leisure! There is no way off Lehon other than in my starship!::
"There is another way off this planet," Jolee contradicted.
::You think Carth Onasi can fly through the scrambler?:: Bastila said with disbelief. ::Even if that is true, you fly in the Ebon Hawk and you will be immediately shot down. Malak wins. You stay behind on Lehon, and Malak wins. The only way forward, that has any chance of success, is getting into that snubfighter and leaving now.:: Her eyes flashed. ::I reviewed its schematics. It has advanced cloaking technology – you can hide yourself from even the sensors of the Star Forge itself. But the longer you delay, the more risk you bring to your life, to the lives of everyone- to the galaxy itself-::
Jolee snorted, and I could feel the weight of his scrutiny settling on me. "Greater risk is letting you run off alone again, young pup. And I think you know that."
I stumbled back a pace, closer to Bastila. My lips were dry. My thoughts spun like the vortex of a tornado. It was hard to rasp the words out- "I know it's better for our team to travel together, but Bastila has a point about the Ebon Hawk. And Malak. If I can get there before he expects-"
"Revan." Juhani's velvet voice held a deep thrum of intensity, enough that my gaze slipped to hers. "I agree with Jolee. You recall what Korriban was like, how we struggled against the influence of that dark planet... and how we had each other to lean on, there. Going to the Star Forge alone is unwise... more than unwise. It is perilous to your soul."
There was a heaviness seething inside me. A tingling on my skin, as if events were converging together, intersecting into an unavoidable nexus.
And, in my mind, the irritation from my bond-sister was mounting, transforming into hot anger at the continued interference of the others.
I cut in before Bastila could. "The 'Hawk's repairs are not finished, are they?" I asked, my voice low, holding Juhani's slanted gaze. The Cathar's slight grimace gave the answer away. "So Malak will likely wake before our ship is space-worthy, and rip our intentions from Bastila's mind. There's no way the 'Hawk alone can clear a fleet of Sith snubs."
Bastila's argument was beginning to coalesce into sense- that our only chance was right now, to take the charge to Malak, before he was awake, before he was aware-
"Lass." The moniker, spoken deep and low, had me turning back to Jolee. His expression was fixed. "I will not stand aside if you try to board that ship."
I felt the frown as it furrowed into my forehead. Puzzled, I stared at him, taking another step backwards, closer to the starship, further from Jolee- until both he and Juhani were in my field of vision.
"Wh-what?" I stuttered, not sure if I could believe my own ears. "Are you saying you'll- you'll try and stop me?"
Juhani, on Jolee's other side, looked as serious as the old man. My frown deepened as my attention darted between them both. "Seriously?" I almost choked on the word.
Jolee nodded. It was no more than an abrupt, jerk of the head. "I've seen the horrors the Sith under Kun's banner unleashed on the galaxy. Your time as Sith Lord was just as bad." There was something in his gaze that- that- I didn't think Jolee blamed me, exactly, for the past- but he was the sort to demand accountability. As he should. As everyone should. "Don't do this, lass. I don't want to, but I'll fight you if I have to."
::This is not about leading the Sith, you old fool!:: Bastila cried. There was an impassioned edge to her voice. She was thwarted, frustrated, angry... and I couldn't help but empathize with her. The emotions resonated between us. ::This is about stopping Malak!::
"Bastila desires you to retake the Star Forge," Juhani declared. "There is no coming back from that, no deciding to walk away afterward, no matter what Bastila claims. And I... I cannot look away if that is your intention, Revan."
They do not comprehend what is at stake, Revan! This is why you walked away from the Order once before... because they are blind and weakened by fear!
I couldn't- I couldn't deny Bastila, but there was no way I could cut down my friends to achieve my goals-
You do not need to cut them down, Revan! Just get to the snubfighter! Their misguided intentions cannot be allowed to stop us from doing what we must. Otherwise Malak has already won- and the Force has already begun its death.
The hiss of a lightsaber activating cut through the air, froze my thoughts, curled my fingers tight against my thighs-
A green blade that pierced a bright light, overwhelming the dim glow of the holo-projection.
It was wielded by Yudan.
He has Zhar's lightsaber, I thought dumbly. Yudan was between the others, but some metres further back, his gaze still pinned on mine. There was no perceivable emotion on his damned, detached face. He's made the first move. He's standing with them – against me – if I choose to follow Bastila.
I couldn't do this-
Then slowly, deliberately, Yudan moved his head to stare at Jolee. "Revan can make her own choices." His words rang out loud and clear. "I shall not allow anyone to take away her right to decide."
A cut-off gasp from Juhani, a puff of surprised air from the old man-
"You'll fight against me?" Jolee said, jerking back slightly, his voice higher-pitched than normal. My stunned gaze darted back to the old man; he was facing Yudan, now. "After everything, sonny, you would allow Revan to walk back into darkness?"
"Free will, old man," Yudan intoned. "That is something I have always believed in. You are not allowing Revan that."
My mind was stuck, a block of permacrete in my head, as I stared wildly between the three of them.
Surprise mingled with approval though my connection to the Force. To Bastila. He, of all people, actually has the right of it, she murmured. One of your old followers, who fell just as surely as you did.
Jolee's brows slammed down. "It is my choice to stop Revan making the same idiotic decision she did years ago. Just as she still has a choice- to back away, or cut me down on her way to this darn Star Forge." He swung back to face me. "Revan, you getting in that ship alone will end in only one place: darkness. You might as well strike me down now – you'll be killing a lot more down that path."
::You have a greater strength of will than this geriatric claims, Revan. It is not like before. This time you are aware of the dangers. This time you will be stronger – for you have me. And I am not Malak.:: Bastila's voice dropped. ::Together, we have the power to stop him... and to face what lurks in the Unknown Regions.::
"Bastila," Juhani's voice raised in challenge. "It does not matter how you justify this. You must know, deep inside your heart, where this will lead. I shall do all in my power to stop Revan from once more falling."
And the sheer of dark blue plasma dawned from the hilt in the Cathar's grasp.
We can master the Star Forge, Revan, and still remain true to ourselves. We must, for the sake of the galaxy. ::Stand down, Cathar!:: Bastila called out in frustration. ::You do not understand- this is beyond the Republic- this is the fate of the galaxy!::
"Stopping what you found in the Unknown Regions," Yudan announced. He was scrutinizing Bastila's image over my shoulder, but his eyes narrowed suddenly and snapped back to mine. "That was your purpose, once before, in claiming the Star Forge. I will never follow Darth Revan again." His gaze bored into me; the silence hung thick in the air for a short, pregnant moment. "But it was Revan Freeflight who first claimed the Star Forge... not Darth Revan."
My mind shook. Was it? Are you so sure about that, Yudan? The brief recollections of the temple ascent once more flooded my mind; it had been me, I hadn't fallen, not quite, not yet- but there'd been a colder, darker edge to my thoughts-
Maybe all that means is I have a better chance this time around- as Bastila believes-
"Whatever you found beyond known space convinced you this was necessary. Convinced all your followers. I pledged my allegiance to you, Revan. So make your decision." Yudan didn't blink. He didn't move either, still holding that green 'saber tight in a defensive guard. "I shall follow you either way."
Yudan Rosh was, by all accounts, unbendingly loyal to you once, Revan. One of your most gifted generals, one of the strongest Jedi Thirteen. If you believe you can still trust him-
"You have a chance to walk away, Jolee Bindo." Yudan's voice was flat. Cold. Remote. "You, too, Cathar. But I shall not stand aside if you lift your lightsabers against Revan. And you both know I will win." His hand lifted, his 'saber pointed directly at the old man from Kashyyyk.
"There is no death, Yudan Rosh," Juhani shot back. There was an undercurrent in her voice, the slightest hint of a feline snarl. "I am disappointed that you would choose this side. But I shall remain true to my values, no matter what price I must pay. I-" Her voice faltered, her slanted gaze slipped back to mine. "I stand in the light, Revan. Stay in the light with me."
::There shall be no light if there is no one strong enough to hold back the darkness!:: Bastila cried. I felt her will surge through the bond, her emotions buffet against mine. ::You know this to be the truth, Revan! Do not allow an old fool and a misguided Jedi to bring about the downfall of the galaxy! For that is what their interference threatens!::
Jolee sighed heavily as he faced me. I flinched when, at last, a bright green activated in his grasp. "Come back to us, lass. I ain't standing still if you take another step closer to that cursed snubfighter."
"And I will cut you down if you attempt to stop her," Yudan said coldly.
Juhani's profile turned, her nose upraised in the air, her fingers tightening on her 'saber hilt as her attention fixed on the Twi'lek.
The four of us, spread out like a diamond, three deadly beams of light. And me, whose hands were entirely empty.
For once in my cursed life, I had absolutely no idea what to do.
xXx
Author's Note:
Coming up next: Canderous wakes up to find half the crew gone. Without wrist-comms. Kriffing again.
Big thanks to kosiah for the beta and support. Much, much appreciated.
